Take my best friend for an example.  One would think that I would know everything about her after being best friends for nearly 10 years.  She is more like a sister than anything. We finish each others sentences, know when each other are lying (which isn’t rocket-science with me), and I’m pretty sure we can read each others minds, though we haven’t really tested it in a controlled environment just yet. But the other day over some beers and salsa we were playing a game of “would you rather,” and I asked her if she’d rather date Batman, Superman, or Spiderman.

I totally pegged her as a Superman type o’ gal, because she totally digs those pretty boy types, but she threw me for quite a whirl and said she’d pick Batman. What? I know. I think Batman seems like kind of a bore. He’s all holed up in that mansion with nobody except for some old dude to keep him company. And he doesn’t even have any real powers. I’m a Spiderman girl myself. I’ve only seen one and a half of the movies, but he seems kinda nerdy…  I can dig that.

But that’s not what I wanted to talk about.

I spend all this time trying to figure people out. I create scenarios in my head, imagining how people would react in certain situations. When I’m in a room with a group of people, I sometimes like to pretend  that the zombie apocalypse has just started. Who will die first? Who will totally kick zombie ass? Who will be the sucker that makes out with her boyfriend who has become a zombie, only to get her brains eaten out through her ear. (And no, that wouldn’t be me… I know better!!)

But that’s also not what I want to talk about. Well yeah… I actually do… just not today.

Yesterday I was reading someone’s post, (I can’t for the life of me remember who’s it was) where she talked about the way people come across to others. She mentioned that there are some people that she knows in real life that come across completely different on their blogs. It got me thinking about how I never have really put the magnifying glass that I use so often on others, on myself.

How do other people see me? Do I act different when I’m around different types of people? Am I predictable? Do I come across different on my blog than I am in real life?

It’s a pretty hard game to play even when your player is yourself…. But after much thought, I’m pretty sure I come across mostly the same to all my friends and family.

Anyone who knows me well would likely tell you the following: I like to be the center of attention. I’m a little random, but in predictable ways. I’m confident yet have insecurities that I don’t keep hidden, though I may try. I am loud, and become even a thousand times more so when I’m drinking. I like to drink.  I don’t like other people to be uncomfortable. Whenever I’m in an uncomfortable situation, I usually just start telling awkward stories until everyone just feels uncomfortable for me, and not themselves. I cry at the drop of a hat and I laugh at the most inappropriate times. I obsess and analyze every situation to whoever might be around to listen. I’m a nervous wreck about 3/4 of my life… and as much as I try to act “breezy,” I don’t do a very good job at hiding it.

I’d like to think  I come across as the same person my readers that don’t know me in real life as I do to my friends… But I dunno, you tell me?

There is, however; one place in my life where I know I act completely different.

Work.

I never really thought about it until now, but I really don’t act like myself  in my office. It’s weird. I open up to nearly everyone I meet, but I have never been able to really do so there. I started thinking about what my co-workers might deduce about me by my actions….

*I never put on make up or fix my hair for work. (Unless I have somewhere to go after work, and even then I usually do my hair/makeup in the bathroom after work.)

*Even worse, my clothes are usually stained, backwards, inside out,  wrinkled or unzipped.. and I often have pen marks on my face.

*I have busted at least 2 pens in my mouth in the last 6 months, because I can’t go 2 minutes without chewing on plastic.

*I got caught the other day holding my arm straight up in the air. I tried to explain that I like the way it feels when it falls asleep, but that didn’t go over so well.

*I usually keep my ipod buds hidden behind my hair, so every once in a while I bust out in spontaneous song.

*I spend a lot of my time standing up working on mailing machines, (still with the ear buds in my ear) so I sometimes break out in spontaneous dance as well.

*No one there knows that I like to do comedy or that I blog, so when they find little scraps of paper with random thoughts on them like “How do work people see me?” or “I might be a crazy snail lady” they get a little confused. I try to play it off with “I was writing a song” which just makes me sound weirder….

*A co-worker once found a file folder with a wine bottle drawn on it. Yeah I drew it. You know what was on my mind.

*Sometimes I’ll watch myself talk in the little mirror I keep on my desk. And make very dramatic expressions.

*I also sometimes talk to customers in accents.

*When I get nervous I smell my hair. This means that whenever my bosses call me into their office to talk about something, I usually have my hair wrapped around my face so that it looks like I have a moustache.

*I write all of my posts at home, but while I’m babysitting the machines I often read blog posts on a shrunk down tiny little screen. This usually causes me to get really close to my computer screen. I have been told several times that I probably need stronger glasses.

*I have had to use a co-worker’s AAA card 4 times since I’ve worked there. All 4 times were because I locked my keys in my car.

So yeahhhhhh… Now that I really think about it, my coworkers probably think that I am a messy, dirty, forgetful, alcoholic, random, awkward, dramatic, loud weirdo.

Which is pretty much how I am in every other aspect of my life.

Agreed?

Maybe my “work me” isn’t so different afterall.

How do you think people perceive you???

I have either gone out of town or had really big plans the last few weekends- and I’m not sure my body can take any more. I haven’t been able to afford the time or money to get a vaccination to void off the aporkalypse  and I’m a little afraid I’m getting ill, but even more afraid that this lack of sleep is sending me on the fast track to my own personal zombie apocalypse.

I don’t even think that made sense.

But dude, if I really was in the zombie apocalypse, I would frickin love to mow down some zombies! Ever since I saw Zombieland I have imagined that every person on the side of the road is a zombie, and it is my personal duty to smash them into jelly!

I wonder if it is really true that cows and llamas can mate and make hybrid “cammas” that are so stupid that they have to be put out of their misery…

Ooooh! I should see if my roommates want to make a fort in the  living room tonight and eat cheese and crackers for dinner.

Yes…  this is what my brain has been doing to me all week. I’m just going to quit thinking now. But I won’t leave you with just a mumble jumble of a post, because if you are here and still reading, then you deserve to see something of worth… so I’ll do my best.

In light of my new tradition of FML Fridays,  I now present to you with a few images of the hurricane that is my life, that I feel that you should see if we are going to be friends.

If you don’t want to waste your time seeing boring ass pictures that depict how disgusting I am, I suggest you skip to the bottom of this post, where I will truly mortify myself with a video or two.

First, I introduce you to the way that I live… my room.

I mmeannn… the way it just happens to look right now.

My room has been hit. By hurricane me. Sooo sad.

I swear it’s not usually this bad, and honestly it is driving me crazy. I’m going to have to spend a good amount of lovin with my room this weekend.

It doesn’t stop there, welcome to my closet.

My closet also has the swine and is throwing up all over the place!

But wait, at least I make really awesome art! (sarcasm, my friend.)

My wall o' "attempt at creativity"

What’s that you say? You want a close up? I’m not very good at taking pictures either, but I’ll do my best!

And by art, I mean a collage tree.

More, you ask?

Yeah, those were just postcards that I cut and pasted (and then painted a coat of glitter over, of course.)

And yet more “art…”

Yeah. I made a collage of butterflies. What of it?

Oh and don’t worry, I have been destroying furniture since 1996.

Oh yeah, you know you want one!

And now,  I introduce you to my car.

If you can spot my glasses you win a prize. Really, I need them and they're missing.

It’s not always like this (yes it is) but I basically live out of my car and I haven’t had the time nor the energy to clean it out in these hard times. To make matters worse, there is a dead animal of sorts rotting beneath all this nastiness, and it smells of the high heavens. It has rained for the last two days, and I’m fairly sure the moisture in the air has increased the stench ten-fold. I’m also pretty sure that if I got pulled over, I would be arrested for murder. My “there must be rotten food in my trunk” excuse would quickly be dismissed.

But before you completely go off judging my car, and myself for that matter,  I feel  I should re-introduce you to this:

Dashboard Jesus!!

Dashboard Jesus puts a smile on my face every day. However, my car has recently taken on the act of bouncing violently whenever I’m in idle, and it makes Jesus do inappropriate things that make me feel a little bit uncomfortable.

I should also probably tell you that I come from a long line of nerds.

I look like I wasn't happy about posing for this, but that was just a pose.

Have I told you that when I was young, my mother loved to wake me up by blaring the Star Trek theme song, and that I actually kind of liked it? Her most recent act of nerd-dom, is her new found love of Second Life. (Don’t kill me mom!)  I didn’t know much about it until recently, but you can apparently make an avatar that is anything from human to Giant mummy squid. Your options are unlimited. My mother has chosen to make her avatar be an elf, which I actually think is really cool. Well, that may seem irrelevant, but she has recently taken an obsession to all things elven. As I was walking out to leave my parent’s house a few weeks ago, my mom stopped and asked me to put on elf ears for a few pictures. I feigned annoyance for about 5 minutes before I agreed. I(I was really excited inside to get to wear these ears.)

And then she took the liberty to photo-shop me into a piece that she calls, “The Whispering Elf”

(I liked it so much it' is my current facebook profile pic)

Have you met my mom’s tattoo?

NOT as big in person. (pleasssse don't kill me mom!)

I don’t know if you’ve realized it, but I have a very close relationship with vodka…

That is enough to bring on depression.

And in case you haven’t seen enough, I really cannot sing, which is sad- because I realllly love to do so.

I promised you, way back  during my first month of blogging- that I would post these.

Just for a little background…. This was a weekend back in July, when I was going through a break up and not feeling very good about myself, hence probably why I started this blog. On that particular Saturday night, I went to my roommate Jake’s  mother’s birthday party. They rented out a bar and even went so far as to hire a singer to perform. It was awesome! At some point in the night, someone had the bright idea that if they could get me up on stage, it would cheer me up. Well boy did it ever.

This first video is when I first went up and sang with the hired singer, Archie, who had (I am guessing) never sang “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart.” By the sounds of it, I haven’t either.

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

And if you haven’t had enough, eventually after exhausting the hired singer, I started inviting other people to come and sing with me. Here is one of my roommate Jake and my rendition of  Queen’s “Bohemian Rhapsody.” It’s bad, but if you can stick around to the head banging, it’s kind of funny. (at least to me)

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

Just for shiz, if you’re still interested and insane, (I literally took over the microphone for the remainder of the evening) here is a final video of my roommate Denny and I singing “You’ve Lost that Lovin Feeling.

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

That is all folks. Now excuse me while I go hide in a closet and cry.