Most offices have a lot of talk around a water cooler. My office just spends a lot of time talking about a water cooler. More specifically, we spend a lot of time whining about not having one. My office (not my, the) is about the size of my garage, so it’s not as if we need a meeting area to chat. I can actually hear my co-workers food digesting as we speak. And I’m not even going to go into the scent of his tuna-eating habits.

Alas, I can get over that… I’ve learned by now to hold my breath for extended periods of time. It’s the thirst that comes after drinking an entire bottle of red wine on a Thursday evening that I can’t handle. I cannot fathom why it has been deemed a better idea to buy 2 cases of bottled water 3 times a week, rather than purchase a cooler. It would probably be more practical to install a sink at the rate we go through it. I think everyone knows they are wasting a lot of money, but no one is willing to do the research it would take to get it done.

Not that it matters anymore. On Monday a vending machine was installed in the building. To some, this may seem like good news. Hells no. This is the solution that they have been waiting for. Not only am I going to have to resist the urge to snack on a snickers bar every afternoon, but I now have the luxury of paying a $1.25 every time I want a bottle of water.  I’ve lost the only benefit my job provided….free water. I wonder if I continually fill my mouth up with spit I can trick my body to think it is digesting new water.

Now if only they would get a little more creative with their vending machines I may not mind so much. Like maybe a machine stocked full of beef jerky, ranch sunflower seeds, and cheese. Or maybe something even odder, like these…. Although sushi from a vending machine seems like an even a worse idea than a gas station sandwich.