You know how when you’re down- people start talking your ear, and your ass, and your face off about how if you have a positive attitude good things will start happening?

It reminds me of this corporate job I used to have that was probably the most boring/yet fun/ at least I had health insurance – where they made us watch this “Fish training video”, that was supposed to teach us to choose your attitude. If you haven’t been forced to sit through “Fish Training” -it basically is about these dudes in Seattle who work with smelly, slimy fish all day and LOVE IT because they get to throw fish around to each other and entertain people even though they smell of 27 day old underwear.  I don’t remember the details, but I do remember that they said the phrase “choose your attitude” about fifty bajillion times. At the time, all it made me do was buy a big bag of yummy Swedish fish and try to hit my unsuspecting co-workers in the head with them. And that WAS fun. Kind of.

Sooooo…I spent the majority of last week moping around the house listening to the Grizzly Bear’s and Elliot Smith’s most depressing songs, and purposely slow-walking through the rain (ever notice John Cusack does that in pretty much every movie?) because sometimes it just feels good to wallow in depression. Or not good, but if you’re already there, you might as well make a movie in your head about it.

After I got tired of being wet and cold and mocking Kristen Stewart’s facial expressions-I finally was like, What in the name of Oprah are you doing? Dude. Life is good. Being all passive aggressive and fifteen-year old angsty about shiz that you probably don’t even really care about and won’t matter 2 weeks from now, is just… donkey shit. Life can be hard, families have problems, and work and boys can both suck… Get over it.

Except this face looks more like someone might be following her...

The truth is, when I get like this- more than anything, I find that I’m just bored with life and so I start creating drama in my brain to spend my time obsessing over. At least I can admit that I am an emotional cutter.

So, being the non-nonsensical person that I am, I totes decided that I’d bite the bullet and give this fish/choose your attitude/ positive thinking -a chance.

And by gee golly, paint me purple and sparkly and call my grandmother- I think it’s working.

Good things are happening people.

My shuffle function on the ipod is my friend again. Last week during my semi-mediocre depression it was just pumping out the sad tunes. At one point it even played Jann Arden’s “Hanging by a Thread.” I didn’t even know I had that song. I mean you could have just found out that you won the lottery, that you don’t have any cavities even though you haven’t been to the dentist in like 9 years, and that Zach Braff  has been the one calling from an unknown number and breathing into your ear the last few weeks, and you will still want to cry when you hear this song!!!!

Now my ipod is back to being all jokstery with me and playing Copa Cobana every time I get in my car, and that’s totally cool. I laugh and say “ohhh youuuuu…. you get me every time,” and I change the damn song.

And other good stuff has been happening too.

I got word from the awesomeness that is Candice that the magazine that she writes for wants to run my weight loss story, which made me nearly pee my pants from excitement. I won tickets to go see Timbaland, whom I normally wouldn’t have gone to see, but this whole “positive” thinking led me to believe that it might be fun even though I haven’t listened to “that” kind of music since I quit dancing. And you know what? It was a blast. We danced and met a ton of people that I have already added to my friends for life list. Or at the very least, to my facebook friends  for life list.  In addition, I’ve been really trying to balls up and go for new opportunities in things that I have been avoiding (like performin some funny,) and now it seems I even get some stage time next week. But more about that later…

I think that’s enough butterflies and sunshine for one post.

Except for one thing. I told you a couple days ago that my friends and I got a little noshed last week and made a few dance videos. Well, I finally got my hands on the first one we did.

The sound is a little off and you have to skip to about 1.40, but I promise it’s worth it. LA’s the first one to boogie- and I have been cracking up at the image of her first moves all week. I’m the third up to bat- and I swear- it’s like I literally tried to dance out of my pants, I was so excited.

Enjoy internets. I would only do this for you.

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

Pee Ess (what,what???? thanks “Julie”) (go read her she’s fantabulous with three scoops of ice cream a cherry on top) ( Julie -don’t leave yet, there’s one more down there for you)

Attention Dallas Peeps!!!

A few of us Dallas bloggers have decided to blatantly plagiarize off of the D.C.-ERS and have planned a night of kickassery and drinktivities next Wednesday!! This will be my first time to meet ANY bloggers in real life and I am so totally pumped I actually googled “Real life Time Travel Techniques,” with no avail. So even though I have to wait, I figure it gives a few of you DFW’ers time to jump on board!!! Since we are all kind of spread out (TWHW) (That’s what he wishes) we are meeting a bit later than happy hour, but I can guarantee you there will still be happy hours to be had.

When:  Wednesday, February 10, 2010 @ 7:30 pm

Where:  Sherlock’s @ Park and 75

Who’s Coming: Shine, Gofahne, Graygrrrl, Natalie, Mary, and Carissa (me)  (and hopefully you?)

Let us know if you’re interested!!! We would love to have you!!

email me at carissajade@gmail.com

And “Julie” if you want to make a four hour drive, you can totally couch it at my house or in between my gayboy roommates since I know you will love them so much!!

I loved to wear big red bows in my hair and sparkly Holiday sweaters. As soon as Halloween was over I would start anticipating my grandparent’s Gingerbread house and the candy jars that sit on their counter every year. I loved driving around and looking at Christmas lights and taking our yearly pictures in front of my house with of the wooden angels my grandfather carved years ago.

Every year my parents and sister and I would wake up around seven in the morning and get our “Santa” presents that would be waiting for us on the couch. Yes, even at the ages of 22 and 26, my sister and I still went through the motions examining each gift, then hugging our parents and saying cheezy things like ” Santa sure was good to me this year,” or “How did Santa know I needed new underwear?” Then we would walk across the street to my grandparent’s house where my cousins would be waiting (not so patiently.) We would spend an hour or so opening up our stockings and drinking coffee. Then we would eat some breakfast and open our gifts to each other. My grandaddy always dresses up as Santa and comes in for a dramatic kiss with my grandma. It is really the most perfect Christmas you can imagine.

I can’t tell you how much I usually look forward to all of this.

I’m not trying to go Bah Humbug all over your faces, but somewhere in the last couple of years it seems I have had a dramatic change in my sentiment.

Don’t get me wrong, Thanksgiving with the family was nice. Albeit a little different from most years, but it was still enjoyable. My grandfather was still in the hospital on Thanksgiving day so my dad stayed with him and my grandmother in the hospital. It was a little weird not having any of them at our Thanksgiving dinner, which is now held at my aunt and uncle’s house.

In addition, my parents split up a few months ago after being together since they were fifteen, so my mom wasn’t at our dinner either.

For the last few months I have been anticipating that things would work themselves out by the time the holidays came around.I know that my parents are entitled make changes if they feel that they need to, and I ultimately just want everyone to be happy… but this kind of makes me want to get on the floor and throw a tantrum. I keep telling myself that I can handle it, that it’s no big deal that there are going to be some major changes in my life when it comes to my family. For the most part I can deal, but some things are going to be more difficult than others to face. Like losing family traditions…

Ok, I’m sure I’ll come back to this subject at some point, but for now I think I’ve talked about it all I care to. Needless to say, I’m a little more bitter than I usually am this time of year. I know I sound whiny and that things could be so much worse. I am so grateful for everyone in my life and that my grandad is doing so much better. But I still sometimes wish things could just go back to being the way they were when I was 10. Or at least I could go back to the blissful state of  ignorance that I had at that age.

But alas, life moves on… or so they say.

Christmas music is already starting to grate on my nerves. I haven’t bought one present. I have literally gained 7 lbs since last Wednesday. And after spending 3 hours yesterday scraping gravy off of my walls after the massive food fight that ensued at my house on Saturday night, I never want to eat mashed potatoes again. Which makes me sad because I love mashed potatoes.

I tried to watch an ABC Family Christmas movie yesterday, and that didn’t even cheer me up.

I hoping that in the next few weeks I’ll have an attitude adjustment for the better, because I really don’t enjoy being grumpy during the holidays.

I had quite an eventful weekend and hopefully by tomorrow I’ll be in the mood to write about some of the more cheerful happenings in my life. Until then, Bah Humbug.