I have told you before that technology hates me. Like, bad.  I pick up a phone, and it loses service. I sit in front of a computer, and it completely quits working. Since I’ve been at my current job, (for a year and a half) I’ve gone through 3 computers.

3 computers. One which was brand new.

I’m sure my bosses think I’m on porn sites all day contracting computer AIDS, purposely sabotaging my computers so I have an excuse not to work. In actuality, I have NO FREAKING IDEA how or why these computers keep breaking on me. I treat them well. I run anti-virus programs regularly, and I’m very careful about what sites I go to. The only reasonable explanation that I can think of, is that I have been possessed by a frequency demon. I’m not sure it is actually a frequency demon. It may be a computer demon or a technology demon, but I personally think frequency demon has a better ring to it.

But I digress.

I will state for the record now, I am in no way responsible for my current state of, yet again, being without a work computer.

I’ll start from the beginning. (Imagine the following told to you in a ghost story voice. It’s not the most exciting story ever… but I think that will help.)

Last Friday was a normal day at work. It was rainy, and I was planning on leaving early to head to Austin to see my little sister.

As usual, my bosses left (even earlier) to go either hunting, golfing, or fishing… I forget which- on this dark and foreboding day. As usual, I cleared my internet history and shut my lap top down before I headed out.

*Side note- I actually have two work computers. My desktop has Vista, and the marketing software I use, naturally does not work on Vista. Therefore, my bosses begrudgingly had to get me a second computer to use for marketing purposes. A computer which I need in order to get anything done.

Monday morning I came back into work. It was still raining, and I was in a particularly foul mood. The bosses were going to be out until Wednesday, but regardless, since I had left early on Friday, I had plenty of work to do. The early morning was business as usual. I updated the blog, checked my email, and caught up on my friend’s weekends via facebook. Around 10:00 am I turned around to start up my laptop and get started on some mailings.

DUN DUN DUN….

The laptop…. was gone.

At this point I actually didn’t think much of it, and I was a teensy bit excited that I DID have an excuse not to spend the rest of my day swamped with the monotonous task of sending out mailings. The bosses have taken the laptop with them on their hunting trips before, (as my screen saver slide-show of dead deer proved) and I figured that they had taken it again to showcase their killings. Plus, the case was gone- so I was confident that they had packed it up, because the case was nowhere near the actual computer. So I spent the next two days outwardly cursing my bosses for leaving me bored and with nothing to do, but inwardly thanking the heavens that I had extra time to do as I pleased. By late Tuesday though, I was as bored as I have ever been on a 13 hour road trip with my parents. I was racing to answer the phone. Giving insurance quotes never seemed so fun.

First thing Wednesday morning when the bosses returned I popped right in their office to ask for the laptop.

Boss: Distracted that I’d come in without knocking “Ummm… OK.. we’ll get it for you.”

I returned to my desk and about 5 minutes later I was called back into their office.

Boss: “Did you say something about the laptop?”

Me: “Umm yeah… I need it back, so I can… do some work.”

Boss: “Well where is it?”

Me: “Uh… umm… you… have it?”

Boss: “Noooooooo…..”

By this time, everyone in the office (all 6 of them) were up and in the bosses office, eager to know what we were discussing. I explained how I thought that they had taken the computer to put their pictures of bloody deer on, and they acted surprised at the prospect that I would think they would do such a thing. There was no sign of foul-play. No broken windows. Nothing else was missing. We looked in every drawer, under every desk, and in every corner of our tiny office. They asked me about five times if I was sure I didn’t accidentally take it.

Oh sure, I packed a laptop and carried it out without realizing it.

Did I? I seriously started questioning my sanity. I clearly remember leaving the office and driving straight to Ft. Worth to meet up with my friend LA, and we headed to Austin as soon as I got there. But what if I had a crazy drunk ambien moment and drove back to Dallas, stole the computer, and drove back to Austin without even remembering it?

Ok, even I am not that crazy.

The bosses called the cops and talked in length to the owner of the building. They all concluded that, besides the cleaning ladies who the building-owner fully trusts, there is no way that anyone could have gotten into our office without a key.

Its been nearly a week now and there are no new leads. Oh sure, there have been the daily jokes… “So Carissa, if you just bring the laptop back- no charges will be made.” Or the ever so clever, “So, hows that laptop treatin you? You sure were smart in stealing your own work computer to have an excuse not to work.”

I’m over this shit. Even if they decide to get me a new computer, it will take me at least a week to get everything set up again… that is if my software is even compatible.

So I’ve decided to take matters in my own hands. Seriously, I’m thinking of coming to work tomorrow donning a trenchcoat and very large pipe. I WILL get to the bottom of this.

In other words… To whoever is out there, typing away on my work laptop. I hope you are enjoying yourself right now. Because in the very near future (*shaking fist) “I’M GONNA GET YOU!!!!!

Despite the fact that it’s Monday and I have come down with what I can only assume is the  swine flu- I’m still smiling about the craziness that was my weekend.

My friend L.A. and I decided to road trip it down to Austin to celebrate my little sister’s 23rd Birthday. My sister is all kinds of awesome; but other than fabulous taste in music, our habit of chewing on small pieces of plastic and the way that we both eat our sandwiches upside down- we have very little in common. Even so, she’s my best friend in the world and I don’t think I would survive without her in my life. Like, literally.

Though she is 5 years younger, she has definitely learned to take on the big sister role in our relationship. I’m not going to go into details because like I said, we are complete opposites- and as much as I love being the center of attention- I can bet you that she is blushing just reading this.

But just so you get a better picture of how different we are, my little sister started off the weekend offering to be the designated driver. On her birthday weekend. I don’t think I have ever offered to drive whether drinking was part of the deal or not. Needless to say, we were not evil enough to take her up on this offer, though we still managed to double her on our alcohol intake.

Friday night we went to a little bar on 6th street. Since it was ACL weekend, everywhere was a little more crowded than usual and the clothing was about 20 times more interesting than usual. My favorite outfit of the night was a girl wearing a cape over a tank top and panties. Awesomeness. Definitely something you will never see in Dallas.

LA. and I spent most of the evening obsessing over the fact that we were damn near 6 years older than all of my sister’s friends. I think we both still look fairly young, and there is no question that my sister and her friends are at least 10 years older than us if your basing it on maturity, but I couldn’t help but feel a little cougar-rific. The highlight of my evening was when a someone said they thought I was the  younger sister, though they were clearly just humoring me. Or maybe they overheard L.A. and I playing the “Penis game”… you know, the game where you can be the most obnoxious by yelling Penis the loudest. I always win.

When we got back to my sister’s apartment on Friday, we were all pretty tipsy. But we were smart enough to buy liquor to drink after the bar, so we dove right into that and then proceeded to call every person in our phones who had lived in or maybe just visited Austin in their lives. After we pissed off several people’s wives and woke up several children, L.A. got a hold of a very drunk guy who said he was 90% sure he could get us into A.C.L. the next day. After our initial excitement wore off, L.A. and I got into a physical fight over whether we would go see Dave Matthews (her choice) or Ghostland Observatory(my much better choice) because they were playing at the same time. My sister had gone to bed at this point and was abruptly woken to the sound of my body slamming L.A. into the foot of her bed.

that's my "gonna kick yo ass" face.

It turns out the bruise on my right shoulder and scrapes on my left legs were gotten in vein, because the asshole who said he could get us tickets, definitely did not get us tickets.

We spent the greater portion of Saturday drinking water,  watching tivoed shows from last week, and eating copious amounts of Thai food. For about 5 minutes we thought we may just couch it for the evening and watch some Gossip Girl (shhhh) on DVD, but my sister mentioned that she had never had a martini. Twenty three years old and never had a martini? Deal breaker. We took turns dying our hair with boxed hair dye (L.A. could now be Carrot Top’s obnoxious twin sister,  I look like a witch, and my sister’s hair looks maybe 3/4 of a shade darker than it was,) showered, tried on about 30 outfits a piece, and left to go out wearing the first outfit we tried on approximately 3 hours later.

**Looking back, removing the hair dye from our hair really would have been a much smoother process, had we taken actual showers…

The night ended up being a ton of fun! And we did get our martinis, though not everyone was has happy about them as I was… The first pic is of us pre- first sip of dirty martini.

The following picture was taken immediately after our first sip (and my sister’s last.) My sister’s (far left)  face: Priceless.

The rest of the night was kind of a blur. I do know that L.A. and I, being the ever so proper house guests that we are, invited a bunch of people to come over to my sister’s apartment after the bar. We finished off that bottle of vodka, and  as usual, I acted inappropriately . You see, the dress that I was wearing was the sort of material that you can’t really wear underwear with unless you want the world to see rolls of flab in extremely unbecoming  areas. And I apparently should be banned from not wearing underwear with dresses for life, or should not be allowed to drink with people who I do not know very well.

I guess I owe an apology or two.

My dear sister,

I had a wonderful weekend and I am so happy i got to spend your birthday weekend with you. I love your friends, your roommate, and your apartment. Thank you for making sure L.A. and I didn’t leave the bar with any strange people. Thank you for telling your friends that I don’t usually act like this and that it was the drunkest I have ever been. I know you hate to lie, but this one doesn’t hurt anyone, and it helps your sister from coming across as a complete ass. I’m sorry that I fell of the chair into that plant on your back porch. But mostly, I’m sorry I flashed my panty-less hoo-ha at your friends. Even though most of my friends laugh when I do that, I realize now they may have a different sense of humor than my friends do, and I should have at least asked first. I hope that you won’t be too scared to ask me back!

I love you!

Your  favorite (and only) sister in the world,

Carissa

*Why am I in a glass cage of emotion? Aside from the cramps, and the fact that The Last House on the Left has scarred me for life,  I  hate it that some of the people closest to me are going through a rough time. I know everything will happen that is supposed to happen and all that cliched bullshit (which I actually do believe) but in the mean time,  I keep imagining myself walking through a storm, crying,  while Travis’s  “Why does it Always Rain on me” blares in the background.

*Travis Wall was my absolute favorite contestant on So You think You Can Dance and … well nothing… I just love him, that’s all.

*Tomorrow is  Tuesday, and that means  I get to watch So You think you can Dance. It comes on again on Wednesday.Therefore; I might be getting an a slightly better mood.

*On Friday, (in 4 days!) my friend and I are going to road trip to Austin to visit my little sister and celebrate her Birthday. I love my sister dearly and I really can’t believe she’s all grown up!! Plus, a road trip is always good for the soul, especially when you hold the key to a perfect road trip play list.

*Austin City Limits is this weekend in Austin.

*I didn’t get tickets because when they went on sale, I was too poor to afford them. I was hoping to save up a little money and try to find someone to buy them from.

*I”m still too poor to afford tickets. How does a paycheck go so fast? I  have to survive on a very little amount of money for the next two weeks.  Luckily, I can have been through this many times in the past, and I know how to live off of black beans and vodka.

*I actually do know how a paycheck goes so fast. A kickass weekend. My favorite moment of the past weekend has to be around 3:00am on Friday night. I was at a house party playing beer pong. Someone decided it would be a good idea to put on  Miley Cyrus’s “Party in the USA.” You haven’t lived life until an entire garage full of twenty-something-year-olds (half of them being of the straight male variety) burst into song and dance to a Miley Cyrus song. Priceless.

*It’s finally getting cool enough where hanging out in a garage is comfortable again. You can sit outside for over an hour without your legs getting stuck to the seat. You no longer have to religiously apply baby powder to every region of your body.

*Shit. The weather is changing. I don’t have a single pair of pants that fit me. Last year I wore clothes that were two sizes too big because I couldn’t afford new clothes. I need to go shopping or I’m going to spend the winter holding my pants up, walking around like a real life “Jared from Subway” poster. It seems a little funny now, but in a couple of weeks it’s not going to be so funny when I moon my entire office. I guess I could just forgo buying new pants and just get some full coverage underwear instead…

*Which brings me back to the money thing.

*But I don’t want to end this on a negative note.

*If I could afford it, The Gap is an option for jeans. Not my first choice option… but still. I heard on NPR this morning that Donald Fisher, the co-founder of The Gap, passed away. I always get a little sad whenever I hear that someone has  died. However, anytime anyone mentions The Gap, my first thought is- shame on my parents for letting my entire Jr. High wardrobe consist of  Gap denim tank tops, jean shorts (or jorts, if you will,) overalls, and(Non Gap) Umbros.  Then I remember my that second favorite Spike Jones commercial of all time, just so happens to be for The Gap.

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*I could end this by once again telling you all both how excited I am that  Spike Jones’s Where the Wild Things Are comes out next week.

**Or I could use this commercial as a transition to let you know I will be making some changes on the site in the next couple weeks. It’s still early in the process, but my friend has been working on a header and a theme which I am really excited about. I don’t like the way the page currently looks, and I am really ready for a new layout. I threw this one up when I started, basically just so I could get started. I’m still really new at this, so if anyone has any WordPress advice about what works best, or how to work this cluster-mother of a site, or any advice about keeping up a blog in general-I’m all ears!