MERRY CHRISTMAS!!! Full of Bliss.

I can’t believe its already Christmas Eve!

Seriously. Time flies when you’re busy as hell.

I guess that means we survived the end of the world. I also survived the  live holiday show at work, a bacterial infection, a giant gash on the bottom of my foot from a rusty nail…. and I didn’t even get tetanus!

But seriously. This time of year, particularly Christmas Eve, always provides me with a shmorgishborg of emotions that I can’t really put my finger on.

On the one hand, I’m excited to get to spend a few hours with my family. I love that we have so much tradition and that I have so many happy memories associated with this holiday.

On the other hand, it goes by so quickly. In a mere 40 hours, I will be back at home in my apartment, sad and alone, with a whole year before I’m guaranteed that I will see most of my loved ones in a single room.

I know this all sounds corny. But you should also know by now that the holidays are no joking matter for me. It’s like -360 days a year my family could probably be a contender for a reality show. Not one of those really trashy ones, but I’m pretty sure- put under the right circumstances- we could make a few bucks for TLC.

Then, around the holidays- we make this magical transformation into this Hallmark movie family.

Everyone is smiling and laughing… some people (me) even sing. We take turns reading Christmas stories. We do a jigsaw puzzle. Even in our mild Texas weather, there is always a fire in the fireplace. We drink hot apple cider and bake cookies. There is no other way I can describe it, except for pure bliss.

Or maybe it’s just my perception.

Either way… I hope I can always look at my family Christmas through one of those fuzzy lenses usually reserved for romantic scenes in horrible tv movies.

Oh, and here’s a little diddy that my mom animated. I promise it will be the creepiest thing you’ll see all day. Also, I’m sorry.



I know I haven’t been around much lately on the internet, but thank you to everyone who has been a part of my life this year. It really has been, hands-down, the best year of my entire life. I’ve gotten to know so many new people, and have gotten the  support of so many people that I haven’t even met. You all make my day, every day. 

I hope anyone who comes across this is smiling, and has a wonderfully beautiful holiday. 

I love your face.






In which I go Bah Humbug on your face.

I have always been one of those people that really bought into the “magic” that surrounds the holidays. I would get butterflies in my stomach the first time I heard a Christmas song every season. I would blare Christmas music and skip around the house as my family decorated. Long after I knew the truth about Santa Clause, I continued to wait up for a chance to see him, because I just didn’t want to give up hope.

I loved to wear big red bows in my hair and sparkly Holiday sweaters. As soon as Halloween was over I would start anticipating my grandparent’s Gingerbread house and the candy jars that sit on their counter every year. I loved driving around and looking at Christmas lights and taking our yearly pictures in front of my house with of the wooden angels my grandfather carved years ago.

Every year my parents and sister and I would wake up around seven in the morning and get our “Santa” presents that would be waiting for us on the couch. Yes, even at the ages of 22 and 26, my sister and I still went through the motions examining each gift, then hugging our parents and saying cheezy things like ” Santa sure was good to me this year,” or “How did Santa know I needed new underwear?” Then we would walk across the street to my grandparent’s house where my cousins would be waiting (not so patiently.) We would spend an hour or so opening up our stockings and drinking coffee. Then we would eat some breakfast and open our gifts to each other. My grandaddy always dresses up as Santa and comes in for a dramatic kiss with my grandma. It is really the most perfect Christmas you can imagine.

I can’t tell you how much I usually look forward to all of this.

I’m not trying to go Bah Humbug all over your faces, but somewhere in the last couple of years it seems I have had a dramatic change in my sentiment.

Don’t get me wrong, Thanksgiving with the family was nice. Albeit a little different from most years, but it was still enjoyable. My grandfather was still in the hospital on Thanksgiving day so my dad stayed with him and my grandmother in the hospital. It was a little weird not having any of them at our Thanksgiving dinner, which is now held at my aunt and uncle’s house.

In addition, my parents split up a few months ago after being together since they were fifteen, so my mom wasn’t at our dinner either.

For the last few months I have been anticipating that things would work themselves out by the time the holidays came around.I know that my parents are entitled make changes if they feel that they need to, and I ultimately just want everyone to be happy… but this kind of makes me want to get on the floor and throw a tantrum. I keep telling myself that I can handle it, that it’s no big deal that there are going to be some major changes in my life when it comes to my family. For the most part I can deal, but some things are going to be more difficult than others to face. Like losing family traditions…

Ok, I’m sure I’ll come back to this subject at some point, but for now I think I’ve talked about it all I care to. Needless to say, I’m a little more bitter than I usually am this time of year. I know I sound whiny and that things could be so much worse. I am so grateful for everyone in my life and that my grandad is doing so much better. But I still sometimes wish things could just go back to being the way they were when I was 10. Or at least I could go back to the blissful state of  ignorance that I had at that age.

But alas, life moves on… or so they say.

Christmas music is already starting to grate on my nerves. I haven’t bought one present. I have literally gained 7 lbs since last Wednesday. And after spending 3 hours yesterday scraping gravy off of my walls after the massive food fight that ensued at my house on Saturday night, I never want to eat mashed potatoes again. Which makes me sad because I love mashed potatoes.

I tried to watch an ABC Family Christmas movie yesterday, and that didn’t even cheer me up.

I hoping that in the next few weeks I’ll have an attitude adjustment for the better, because I really don’t enjoy being grumpy during the holidays.

I had quite an eventful weekend and hopefully by tomorrow I’ll be in the mood to write about some of the more cheerful happenings in my life. Until then, Bah Humbug.

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I’m…. so… scared….

And not excited in the least bit. Today I am about to risk the unthinkable. I am about to truly put my trust in all of the Greek Goddesses to the test.

You see a few days ago something awful happened. My computer quit working. I don’t know what was wrong with it, all I know is that every time I pushed the button to turn it on- it would go through the motions and then just freeze about half-way through the blue Windows start up screen where that little line that moves across the bottom.

Please forgive my lack of computer lingo. I don’t care to learn it because technology has been my arch-nemesis for a long time now. Don’t get me wrong, I can usually fix a computer better than any of my girlfriends. But that’s only because I’ve spent so many hours on the phone with IT people in India, that I’d have to be a very special person not to have learned something. I’m also the quickest-at setting-up-computers- person I know. But that ‘s only because I’ve somehow managed to permanently break so many over the years. I’m very lucky though, because I happen to have an OCD grandfather who only uses a computer for a few months and then passes them on to my family.

But I digress, back to my current piece of a computer. So after a few hours of letting out grunts and no geeksquad member magically appearing at my door,  I did the only thing I really know how to do in this situation. I wiped my entire computer clean. What in the seven layers of Hades was I thinking. Not only did I lose a bunch of stuff that I’ve written, but all of my pictures, and more importantly- my entire i tunes library. I tried to reassure myself with the fact that I have all of my purchased music safe on my  ipod… but that doesn’t help me in the fact that it’s one of my friend’s birthdays tomorrow, and I really want to show off my awesome music taste with a few mixed cds.

So here I sit with my ipod connector in hand, debating whether or not I should take the huge risk of attempting to update my i tunes by transferring purchases to my computer. I’ve been in this position before, and the outcome wasn’t pretty. The last time I tried this I ended up with an empty i tunes, and an empty ipod to boot. (is that how you use that?) At least the last time I had my laptop with all the songs as backup. That laptop has since gone to a better place, the trash.

OK people. I’m about to do this. OHHHHH SHIT.