I think not, my friend. But I’m not here to complain. All is good in the life of me. Really great actually. I cannot stop smiling.

WHAT? No complaints about my roommates? No bitching about having nothing to wear? No rants about how I wore my thong the wrong way for 8 hours???

I know? I must be sippin on some sizzurp crazy juice.

Not only is it pay-day Friday and I have a really fun weekend ahead of me, but Goshdarnit! I just found out some people like me!!

I got two awards this week and I’m so frickin excited!

The first is the Kreativ Blogger award from Amber over at  Musings of Amber Murphy! Thank you friend! If you don’t currently frequent her blog, you must check it! She’s funny, extremely genuine, writes way better poetry than I ever could, (she writes way better than I do, period) and most importantly…she once wrote a letter to Tiffany Amber-Theissen.

Candice from That’s Tangly passed this to me a few weeks ago so I’m gonna skip the meme part of it and just pass it on! If you’re up to it, pass it on to 3 other blogs and reveal 7 things about yourself that you haven’t yet shared with the world.

I”d like to pass this on to:

Andhari from Insomniac Lolita… This girl is an uber talented musician, leads a very interesting life, and posts really awesome pictures of hotties with no shirts!

HillbillyDuhn from Hillbilly Duhn’s Times and Tribulations… Because this girl never fails to crack my shit up. Oh, and also she was brave enough to post the best TMI I have ever read. Ever.

Ryan from 365 Days of People… For being the most hilarious hater on the internet. Seriously, there is rarely a time when he posts something that I don’t agree with. I just hope this award doesn’t prompt a “people who give out gay-ass blog awards” post. Or do it. I’ll laugh.

The second award is the Honest Scrap Award bestowed to me from That Kind of Girl from Not that Kind of Girl. Oh my gosh people. I cannot express in words how much I love this girl and am honored that she reads! She is frickin hilarious, inspiring, (my friends and I now play a NTKOG game where we dare ourselves to do things we normally wouldn’t) and has huge fricking pair of boobs. And by boobs, I mean girl balls. I also blame her for infiltrating “dude” back into my daily vocabulary.

For this award, I’m supposed to tell you 10 super personal things that no one else knows. NTKOG decided to put her own spin on it and reveal 10 things that she has learned about herself in the last 10 days. I’m going to attempt a mix of the 2.

Five things you don’t know about me (unless your a stalker):

1. I’m a huge freak. Meaning? I have a dimple thingy at the top of my butt crack. It’s not as weird as it sounds…  It’s like a little hole that doesn’t go anywhere… I’ve met one other person that has one. Let me know if you do too. We can start a club or something.

2. I had an eating disorder in my early twenties. I am really happy that I have been able to lose weight the right way this time, but sometimes it scares me when I get a little obsessive about it. I know I wouldn’t ever go down that path again, and it feels really good to get this out there- but still… I think about that place that I once was in, and it is terrifying.

3. I am horrible with anything that has to do with numbers. I still have to look on facebook to find out my best friend’s birthdays. The only phone number I have memorized is my parent’s. I use my fingers to do multiplication.

4. My bellybutton hole smells, at least to me. I clean it, but I think it still has a funk.

5. I may or may not have just spent the last 45 minutes trying to give myself a Brazilian wax. I may or may not have learned that this is something that you should not attempt at home. (this probably should have gone in the next list.)

Five things I learned in the last 10 days:

1. I really really really hate the time change. Mostly because I forgot how difficult of a time I have driving at night.

2. I am kind of a loser. There are some days when I have the opportunity to go out and be around people, but I would rather sit at home and watch t.v.

3. I need to learn to stop hiding behind my weight. I got so used to using my weight as my excuse not to do things… not to put myself out there dating wise, not to try new things, not to have confidence. I  I still find myself making these excuses.

4. I still have no idea what I want to do with my life. I have had several discussions with my friends about this lately, and it just fucks with my head even more. I have been consciously putting it out of my mind for the last 4 years, and it’s time to deal.

5. I shouldn’t do things (like go stair surfing) when I don’t have health insurance.

Alllllrighty then. If that wasn’t personal, I don’t know what is. Now I get to pass this on to 10 honest bloggers that I love! Check em out if you haven’t already!

1. Alicia from It Aint easy being Cheesy… I recently started following her and she is hill-arious! Plus she posts amazing pictures and we share a common bond of having obsessions with NSYNC.

2. Phronk …  A fellow film lover who also doesn’t  fart. And I don’t love farts so I kind of love him. Plus he has this other badass site Putting Weird Things in Coffee, where he does just that. I may have read the whole thing.

3. M from Only one Way Down… She’s funny, honest, and when she gets on a rant – I kind of just want to raise my fist and yell “oh hells yeah!” Plus she’s a fellow Dallasite, and it’s good to know there are other good people from the area.

4. Candice from That’s Tangly… I have mad love for this girl! Seriously, if I don’t get to party with her before I die, it will be a major loss on my behalf. Plus she is doing great things with her life right now.. CHECK IT OUT!

5. Kathryn from From The Inside… Out… I didn’t know mom’s could be this funny.  Or that I could relate to one so much. Funny. ass. shiz.

6. Matt from A Crown of Thistles… By far the smartest/funniest/best storyteller/knows freaking latin-est person that I have met on the internets. I literally leave his site with my mouth hung open in awe. And not in the dirty way.

7. F.B. From The Change I Wish to See… I recently started following this guy, and I have gone back to read his entire history. And I laughed a lot. Plus he is an amazing writer, and did I mention he loves It’s Always Sunny??

8. One Step to Recovery… Love this girl! I can almost always relate, and she tells it like it is. She just had surgery yesterday and girl, I hope you are feeling better soon!

9. Kirsten from Belly Shirts…. I laugh my ass off at her daily, and because she single handedly started the swine flu epidemic.

10. Lilu at Liveitluvit… I couldn’t leave her out! I probably wouldn’t have found any of you good people if it weren’t for her site, and I FUCKING love the TMIs.

I have seriously come across so many blogs that I love in the last couple months. I love you all!

Moving on to the Fuck my Life portion. This is why I haven’t been able to walk this entire week… (NEVER STAIR SURF UNLESS YOU WANT TO FEEL MAJOR PAIN!!!)

I am that blur of brown hair, BTW.

F.M.L.

I’m still trying to figure out blogging, more specifically WordPress, and I finally started my site’s makeover last night. Tell me what you think! It still needs a few adjustments, but I have to give a huge thanks you to my friend L.A. for the header, and my roommate D.  for helping me with the technical side of things. As soon as I figure out how, I will put up one of those blog roll thingies with all of your sites on it. I’m also apparently in dire need of a RSS feed button, so if anyone has any input on how to do so, please let me know! I’m completely in the dark about all this technological bull crap!

OK. I’m done with my moment of sap.

Now for what I really want to talk about today.

Women do not go to sleep nor wake up looking like they are about to go to freaking prom!!!

Movies have always had a way of misrepresenting women. I can overlook most of these stereotypes, but this one in particular is really starting to get on my frickin nerves!!!

Women in film always go to sleep in pretty gowns. They swoop their hair up and pin it into place, where it stays put all night long. Their just applied makeup never smears to make them look like a zombie raccoon. And they never have to put zit cream on their face or retainers on their teeth.

I feel it is my duty to disclose to any of you men who might be reading this, who have constantly been disappointed with the way your partners look when they go to sleep, or even more so, when they wake up. If you’re searching for a lady that looks like a “lady” 24 hours a day. You are shit out of luck.

I’m sure there are some exceptions out there. There are probably some women who brush their hair  fifty strokes before they go to sleep. There are probably some women who go to sleep in their makeup and somehow manage to wake up without looking like Johnny Depp in Edward Scissorhands. And I am positive that there are some women who go out and purchase nice teddies and silk gowns to sleep in, especially in the beginning of a relationship.

As for me-most of my sleep clothes are stained, bleached, and belong in the trashcan.

My favorite sleep attire is actually a mustard yellow sweatshirt that goes down to my knees, and I have been wearing it since I was in the 3rd grade. The 3rd freakin grade. Back then it was a pretty yellow sweat dress that went down to my ankles. These days, I have chewed holes for my thumbs to go through, and there are spots on it that I do not want to identify. It has been washed so many times that it’s practically paper thin. It’s almost to the point where I’m afraid to sleep in it for fear that it will tear if I make a sudden movement.

Other choice nighties include a pair of my sister’s old shorts paired with my “I love Dinosaurs” t-shirt (L.A. said she had the same shorts in fifth grade,) my NSYNC concert tee with a pair of thin paint-covered cut- off pants (my mother has thrown these away at least 7 times but I refuse to give them up,) and an old black ankle length gown that must have been one of my mother’s maternity gowns- because it is a size XXL.

I have taken to showering before I go to sleep so that I don’t have to hassle with blow drying my hair. For this reason, I usually wake up looking like something that has recently been electrocuted.

I really try to be consistent about washing my face and taking off my makeup, but I will admit that I sometimes leave this task for the morning. This sometimes causes me to wake up and literally scare myself.

I have to admit though, that every once in a while… probably about once a month, I let those damn movie stereotypes get the best of me. I feel a little stir in my stomach and I want to feel like Claudette Colbert in “It Happened one Night,” or Audrey Hepburn in every movie she ever made. Even though I’m single and don’t have anyone I’m trying to impress, I sometimes want to pull out the silk nighty that is stuffed at the bottom of my underwear drawer. I blow dry my hair and will even go to the trouble of straightening it, while looking at myself in the mirror and singing Bye Bye Birdie’s “How lovely to Be a Woman.” I prance to my perfectly made bed and fluff  up the pillow before I put my night shades over my pristine face.

But only every once in a while.

Last year for Halloween, I went as Regan MacNeil from the Exorcist.

Which is pretty much what I look like most days upon waking up.