Every once in a while though, I start to feel the angst building up in my soul and I know that putting it down on computer is the only way I can self-therapatize. (it’s a word in my head, for my head.) I used to use a paper journal for these kind of thoughts, but I kept leaving it places and that lead to more embarrassment than I  care to deal with these days. When I’m feeling this way, I usually type out a few emo-induced paragraphs and then erase it later when my mind is clear.  I’m not quite sure where this is going so there is a good chance that could happen today.

I guess I’ve been doing a lot of thinking the last few days. Really it’s probably been more like months, but I only let myself really work through this stuff every so often. I should probably get a therapist or a hamster to talk to or something so it doesn’t even happen even  this often.

A lot has changed for me in the last year. I was  recently thinking of what I was doing last year at this time, the way I was feeling… and it nearly made my brain spontaneously combust.

From the outside, maybe not much has changed. I still have most of the same friends, hang out at most of the same places, and I still have the same job. I still wake up questioning my decisions and the paths that I’ve chosen to take at this point in my life. I still get angry that some aspects in my life aren’t going the way that I would like. And I still don’t know where I’m headed.

But the more I think about it, I know that the past year has been a year of growth for me.

I’ve overcome some internal battles and come to terms with major changes in my life. I am learning to live a healthy life and to work through things in healthy way. I’m learning to choose my battles and to let things go. I know that I’ll always be a people pleaser, but sometimes it’s hard enough just to please myself, and that’s ok.

I cried a lot, but I laughed a lot too. I pretty much wear my emotions as a “kick me” sign on my back, and last year I took quite a few blows.

My family dynamic has changed. Relationships have changed. Friendships have changed.

I have changed.

What really surprises me is how so many of these things have worked themselves out without me even realizing it. Things that, just six months ago I thought  would plague me forever, have not completely disappeared…but I have somehow come to be at peace with them.

I thought these were all things that I would have to really work at, and in some respect, I do… but  for the most part this peace has come without effort.

Whenever people say “you learn from you mistakes,” it has always sort of gone in one ear and out the other.

I think I finally get it, though I’m not sure there even are mistakes.

I have learned from every experience, both happy and painful.  Situations rarely turn out the way I  intend or envision, and I’m learning that that’s ok.

I’ve shed some skin and I’m ready to keep on keepin on.

Even though I may not always take the right road, I know that eventually I’ll get there. And when I finally do- I’ll be a little smarter, a little tougher, and a much much better person.

(All the while with John Cusack by my side)

Alllright, allllright, allllright….

That was supposed to be in Matthew Mcconaughey-hey’s “Dazed and Confused” voice, just in case you didn’t catch that.

It’s Tuesday, and once again I’m posting for the first time this week. I don’t know what has gotten into me and Sunday nights, but I just haven’t been able to get any Monday posts done in a while. Oh wait, yes I do know what has happened. Sunday Fundays were invented by some friends of mine as a way to extend our weekend, and let me tell you-we really do have fun.

So I apologize for being a slacker on both blogging and commenting the last few days… but don’t blame me, blame my friends. And me too a little, I guess.

Before I get started on the oh so fabulous post-its, I have to touch on a couple of  things.

#1. Who in the hell designed Central Market and how were they able to make a grocery store into a freaking Bermuda Triangle? They put this fabulous little “healthy” grocery store right next to my gym that is determined to bust both my gut and my wallet.

I stopped in today just to get a loaf of rice bread, and an hour later I exited carrying 4 giant paper bags full of wine, a variety of smelly cheese, blood oranges (I have been dying to try one ever since I saw one at the beginning of Dexter,) pita bread, 2 types of hummus, home-made corn tortillas, luna bars, and of course a $10.oo pre-made salad. I literally cannot just walk into that place without spending $70.00.

GRRRRRRR

#2.  I saw “Day Breakers” this weekend and I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed it. I walked in not knowing much about it except that it was about vampires and that it had Ethan Hawke in it, and I left feeling completely satisfied. It was quite scary, had a few laughs and a whole shit-ton of gore.

If you haven’t seen the trailer, you may do so now. I grant you permission.

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Some may argue that William Defoe’s character “Elvis” may have stolen the movie, and I do have to say he did an excellent job.

But more importantly, Day Breakers also stars Ethan Hawke. As a vampire. This man was simply made to play a vampire. I don’t think he’s the most attractive man in the world (that would be my **boyfriend, John Cusack,) but this man is just chock-full of sex appeal. He’s the perfect mix of grunge, baby face, and sexiness… and the way he talks? I dunno why it gets to me so much, but I guess if I really wanted to get down to the source, it would be Reality Bites.

I could probably write a thesis on my obsession with Reality Bites and the effect that I’ve let it have on my life, but alas… I won’t go there. Not today at least. But really people. I can’t be the only one who is totally obsessed with the fictional character of Troy Dyer. The older I get, I have started to see the flaws in Troy, but I can’t help but still love him. I’m pretty sure his character uttered the greatest line ever recorded in film history…

“This is all we need… a couple of smokes , a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation . You and me and five bucks.”

Every time I hear him say this (which is NOT at least once every two weeks) and Lainie DOESN’T kiss him back, I want to smack her in the face. Hard.

But at least  she makes up for it later on. Sighhhhhhhhhhhh.

OK please excuse me while I change my panties. Just kidding. Kinda.

And now for some post it’s! For MANNNNY more awesome post its check out the host of this lovely blog carnival, Supah Mommy.

I know that sounded like I am about to announce something huge.  Well I’m not. Unless you are interested in the fact that my forehead and my chin have simultaneously decided to rage war on my confidence in the form of pimples. Awesome. I look like I’m 11 and back in my awkward stage.

The reason this post is so difficult is because I literally drank enough this weekend to satisfy an entire army of thirsty pirates (there was probably a better way to put that) and I’m pretty sure I lost about a third of my brain cells. I’m really hoping those will grow back because I’m having a difficult time forming complete sentences.  I mean… I looked at a thingy for about ten minutes and I still don’t know what to call it. I did have a super fun weekend, full of lots of dancing and debauchery and laughs… and I’m sure I did more than I few things that I should be regretting, but luckily cannot remember them.

Anybooze, I am writing this on Monday night after completely avoiding all of you today. Seriously. This is the first weekday in about three months that I haven’t spent at least a few hours reading blogs. Me thinks I’ve got a lot of catching up to do.

Since I was completely brain dead this morning and finally decided not to write about how awkward it would be to be a fly on the wall in a room witnessing dry humping (a very strange conversation I got into this weekend), I decided not to post today (now yesterday.) Instead I chose to ignore the blog world entirely and to spend the day reading the other parts of the internet that I have been ignoring the last 3 months. This meant hours upon hours of catching up on youtube subscriptions, watching trailers on IMDB , and reading every article featured  on popurls. And since I’m still semi-stupid, I figure I will share with you some of the highlights…

Someone posted the following video on twitter, and although I cannot remember who it was- I want to give them a big giant hug right now. I seriously watched this at least 18 times today and I have almost completely memorized the dance. Umm… how awesome are those facial expressions?

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Another highlight is from one of my favorite internet sensations, Brental Floss who is someone I kind of actually know in person. Or… I at least met him once. He is best friends with one of my comedy friends ( Holla what MV!!!!) , and back when we were doing a radio show he came on and totally punked me on air. He is one of the funniest people ever, and is all kinds of musically talented. If you have even a tiny bit of love for video games, or music, or comedy… or even if you don’t- you definitely need to check him out. I had a lot of catching up to do, but my favorite (because Zelda holds a giant place in my heart) is part of his “With Lyrics” series, Zelda With Lyrics…

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Oh and here is another one about Toad being gay. I just showed my roommates and even they loved it.

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And while we’re on the subject, I cannot wait to see Jim Carrey and Ewan McGregor’s new gay movie- “I love you Phillip Morris.”

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And holy shit. Toby Maguire, Natalie Portman, and Jake Gyllenhall??? I starting bawling just watching this intense preview!

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I can’t believe that I somehow let a few Jon Lajoie videos go posted without my taking notice. And by the by, if you haven’t watched The League (that show that comes on after It’s Always Sunny In Philadelhia,) featuring Jon, then you definitely need to check it out!

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I had a few more links that I wanted to share, but it seems the ambien God’s have taken flight and this post could start to get really ridiculous. Plus I really need the sleep. I promise at some point this week I will get back to being completely blog devoted… Until then, thanks for putting up with my flakiness.

I will also admit that I really wanted to see Sandra Bullock’s latest, “All About Steve,” but seeing that it only received a .05% fresh on Rottentomatoes, I may have to wait until it comes out on DVD. As of late, I rarely deem these romantic “Mc-movies” worthy enough of a re-watch, and only a select few are enjoyable enough for me to actually purchase. However; every once in a while, I’ll see a romantic girly movie that really gets to me for some reason, and makes it on to my “watch and re-watch with my girlfriends, and every time it is on cable tv list.” Most of these are films that I loved in Junior High and High school, and they have somehow continued to be favorites of mine. I think it’s because when I watch them, I remember what it was like to watch romance movies before I was jaded and cynical about relationships. I kind of miss that. I figure I’ll take this time to share my favorites with you. Please note that I am not claiming any of these to be “good” films, just ones that I enjoy.

10. A Philadelphia Story- (Directed by George Cukor. Starring: Cary Grant, Katharine Hepburn, James Stewart.)This 1940 classic starring Jimmy Stewart, Cary Grant and Katharine Hepburn is one of the only classics that will be making my list, mostly because by the time I was old enough to start appreciating classic movies- I had already gotten out of my rom-com phase. Plus, I think this film really embodies what a rom-com needs to be. Handsome men, a lot of laughs, and of course- you have to have that realistic  plot (what woman can’t relate to an impossibly rich beautiful woman who has to choose between 3 handsome, charming men who all treat her as if she’s the bees knees?)

9. One Fine Day- (Directed by someone not worth the time for me to look up. Starring: George Clooney, Michelle Pfieffer, that little girl from Independence day who grew up to be Ann on Arrested development) I know, it’s really a terrible film. I  have no excuse for the fact that I’m able to recite this movie from start to finish without even having it on, especially since the dialogue is so poorly written. It may help that this movie came out right smack in the middle of my being in love with George Clooney stage, which coincidentally is finally coming to an end. That and the plot is of the boy meets girl, boy hates girl, boy and girl end being perfect for each other- variety.  And did I mention I love George Clooney?

8. Reality bites-(Directed by Ben Stiller. Starring: Winona Ryder, Ethan Hawke, Jeneane Garafalo)  I think this film  may be a little to angsty to be considered a “chick-flick,” but I don’t care. It would probably end up on my list of favorite action films, that’s how much I love this movie. Plus if you really think about it, there is that super hot scene where Lelaina and Troy Dyer (I just love that name) finally get it on – that could be considered “action.” This was Ben Stiller’s feature directorial debut, and as much as I love pretty much everything he has done, I wish he would make more movies like Reality Bites. This film has some of the best dialogue (“This is all we need. A couple of smokes, a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks,”) one of the best soundtracks ever (U2′s All I want is you, Squeeze’s Tempted by the Fruit of Another,) and of course, it stars Ethan Hawke. I realize at this point in my life that Troy Dyer is precisely the type of boy that I shouldn’t date, and I blame this movie for making me continuously fall for this type. I could go on for days about this film so I will just quit now.

7. Someone like you- (Directed by Tony Goldwyn. Starring: Ashley Judd, Hugh Jackman, Greg Kinnear) This is probably the worst movie on the list. I don’t even particularly love any of the characters, the plot is completely unoriginal, and I can’t even remember what it is even about. so I really can’t explain this film’s appeal. I think it could have something to do with the scene where Hugh Jackman is in his underwear, but it’s not only that… I give up. I don’t know. It’s just one of those movies that I watch when when I don’t want to have to think… and I’ve seen it about a thousand times now. Maybe I should take it off the list. Nope, I think I’ll leave it.

6. Say Anything-(Directed by Cameron Crowe. Starring: John Cusack, Ione Sky.) Every time I watch this movie, I can’t help but feel the way I felt the first time I “fell in love.” There is something so real about this movie, and the way the characters react to their first experience with romance that just gives me butterflies. This is the film that really put John Cusack on the map as the unlikely hero. Lloyd Dopler is so real, and there’s not really anything especially attractive about him- but jeez. I would do just about anything to have him show up under my window, Jukebox in hand, blasting “In Your Eyes” to let me know he loves me.

5. Serendipity-(Directed by Peter Chelsom. Starring: John Cusack, Kate Beckinsdale) Maybe you’re starting to notice I have a slight obsession with John Cusack. I really wanted to include High Fidelity on this list as well, but I just don’t think it really fits my standards as a chick-flick. Sooo, I digress. I love Serendipity. There is something to be said about the “fate” themed movies that really make a girl believe she has a chance at love in this world. This movie made me want to meet someone and fall in love, and then walk away from him just to see if it’s meant to be. It also makes me want to fly to NYC and have a delicious frozen hot chocolate at Serendipity…

4.Knotting Hill-(Directed by Roger Mitchell. Starring Julia Roberts, Hugh Grant.) I can’t believe this is the only Julia Roberts film on my list. I guess it’s because this movie fulfills that fantasy that every girl has about meeting your movie star idol and falling in love. Except in this movie, it’s the boy who meets his movie star idol… but since Hugh Grant is a little feminine (or maybe its just his English accent that makes him seem that way) we, the women, can relate. Plus, its really nice in a romantic comedy, to see a guy who is unabashedly chasing after the woman of his dreams.

3. Bridget Jone’s Diary-(Directed by Sharon McGuire. Starring: Collin Firth, Hugh Grant, Renee Zellweger.) Find me a girl who doesn’t include this movie in their top 10 favorite romance movies, and I will eat a booger. It had me in the first scene where she sat crying in her pjs, lip syncing to “All By Myself. ” I really have to give the credit to Helen Fielding, who’s novel of the same name started the chick-lit fad of novels about over weight girls, trying to find romance in an appearance obsessed world. But the movie really did do the novel justice. I do wish they wouldn’t have attempted a sequel.

2. When Harry Met Sally- (Directed by Rob Reiner. Starring: Meg Ryan, Billy Crystal.) I really consider this to be the King Queen of chick flicks. Any movie that can take a guy like Billy Crystal and make him into an attractive leading man, really does its job. It also set the standard for the theme of best friends falling in love in romantic comedies, only to be put to a test about 15 years later with My Best Friends Wedding. Until this movie’s release, I wonder if anyone had really pondered the idea that guys and girls really can never be “just friends.” Either way, it really did a number on me.

1. While You were sleeping- (Directed by Jon Turteltaub. Starring: Bill Pullman, Sandra Bullock.) This is probably my favorite go-to movie of all time. Don’t judge me. It’s another movie that I can recite from start to finish, and I’m a little proud of this fact. It may be far fetched that someone would go to such an extreme to gain the acceptance of the family of someone who they have only briefly met; but it works for me. I love the chemistry between Jack and Lucy, almost as much as I love Bill Pullman’s sexy voice. And what wouldn’t I do to have someone propose to me by dropping a ring through the train token window where I was working, when it was least expected.

There are at least 10 other films that I have been debating putting on the list, but I think I’ll eventually have to make a part deaux… I’ve already overdone myself in sappy thoughts for the day. I would love to hear your favorites, so feel free to comment!

Mike Judge also brought us Beevis and Butthead, in case you don’t remember…

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As far as books go, I haven’t read anything of real worth since Chelsea Handler’s “Are you there Vodka, It’s me Chelsea.” And if I’m real honest, I didn’t even read it per se, I just listened to it in audio book form. The last few books I read have been of the chic-lit variety. I came away from them feeling dumbed down and saying phrases like “I fancy him loads!” So now I’m ready to read, or listen to- something that  may not teach me anything, but will surely give me some laughs. I’m hoping to pick up a copy of David Cross’s debut  book “I drink for a Reason” this weekend. David Cross and I may not be on the same page politically, but his rants never fail to make me laugh. I have been a huge fan of his since Mr. Show aired on HBO, and an even huger fan of him since he played Tobias Bluth in Arrested Development, my third favorite show of all time.

Here’s a great Mr Show sketch.

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Another thing I’m excited for is the upcoming DVD release of Demetri Martin’s Comedy Central show, “Important things With Demetri Martin.” I don’t think it got a lot of attention from the viewing public, and I can’t understand why because this guys freaking hilarious. And he’s cute too. I would marry him and birth his children, even if I knew for sure they would come out with his honker of a nose.

But mostly I’m excited because tv shows are coming back! Finally! More than anything- I can’t wait to see my tv love Charlie Day on It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, my 2nd favorite show of all time. I can’t wait, I can’t wait! How has this show gotten overlooked by the Emmy’s for 4 seasons now? The only thing I can say to that- is if not getting nominated for an Emmy means it won’t suffer the same fate as Arrested Development, then I guess I’ll let it fly.

And of course, non-entertainment related, I’m super duper excited about this 3 day weekend. So excited that I used the phrase super-duper. In an effort to try to make the summer last just a little bit longer, I’m road tripping down to Houston and Galveston this weekend. I just wish this eternal day would end so I could hit the road.

What am I not excited about? Driving four hours in Labor day traffic when there is a 40% chance of rain and I have no windshield wipers. Some may call it stupid, I just call it living on the edge.

And a lot of faith in rain-ex.