Annnnd now you have a Backstreet Boys song in your head. Win for me.

The last week has been so crazy I don’t know my ass from my mouth. No wait. That’s a little weird. But it’s true. I may have lost my mind a little. You might say it’s somewhere up my ass.

It’s not like I’m literally shoving cinnamon toast up my butt or scratching my mouth or anything, but I honestly haven’t had a second to get a grip on what’s going on in my life. My phone was dead for three days straight and I have spent as much time on twitter and facebook as I have watching trashy reality shows on MTV, which is not at all.

It all really started going high speed last Thursday night. I had to work on Friday night, so Thursday evening I turned on my reserve used only in emergencies energy mode. The movers (my parents) were supposed to arrive at my house at 8am on Saturday so I had to have everything ready and packed.

In the past, I’ve always treated a move like a getaway. I usually spend about an hour running around stuffing things into black trash bags with absolutely no organization tactics. Sheets and shoes and roller clips and the random dirty pair of underwear would be smooshed together with a package of incense and a game of monopoly. Which, really isn’t a bad way to go as long as you never have to unpack.

This time though, I really wanted to do things differently. I’m tired of living a life of clutter. I’m sick of never knowing where anything is. I hate that I only wear 10 out of my 200 t-shirts.

And so I did.

It wasn’t easy, and it wasn’t fun- but it’s something that I’ve been needing to do for the last 8 years.

I literally cleaned out my life.

And it feeelllllllsssss good.

I went through every item of clothing, every shoe, every ratty pair of underwear- and I threw everything out that was old or didn’t fit, or that I hadn’t worn in ages. I threw out the 3 year old box of chocolates from a Valentines Day past. I tossed the napkins that my ex-deaf boyfriend and I had used to communicate on on our first date many years ago. I let go of the scratched mixed- cds that I kept hoping science would come up with a cure for. I gave up my old vintage purses that I haven’t used in years. I found notes and cards that were stashed away in the bottom of my drawers and in between the pages of my favorite books- I gave them one last read- and I tossed them (most of them).

I realized I had been holding on to so much that I didn’t need. I’ve always been bad at letting go; but it was time. Most of the stuff I threw out was trash, but a lot of it were things that I was holding onto for sentimental reasons. It’s not that I want so many THINGS in my life, but I think I’m just an emotional hoarder.  I don’t ever like things to really be over. I hate saying goodbye. Even when something is finito- I don’t want to lose the proof that it happened.

But you know what I’ve realized the last few days? Every time I picked up an item that I’ve kept to remind me of something- I either already clearly remembered the moment, or it was something that I would have rather not remembered. Things come and go for a reason. The important memories stick with us even if we don’t have a t-shirt to commemorate the event. I don’t need to keep a ticket stub to every movie I’ve ever gone to. I’ll remember the good ones, and I’ll push the bad ones from my mind without even meaning to. I don’t need a letter to remind me of a relationship that I don’t even want to remember. I don’t need to save every shirt I’ve ever loved. I got to say a happy and healthy goodbye to all the things in my life that once were so important, and now I feel better.

And even more, for the first time in ten years I can shut my dresser without having to put my entire body weight into it. I can open a drawer without having to sit in it first to push it’s contents down. I can open a box without seeing every broken relationship staring me in the face. I finally feel that I can truly take the next step in my life.

As usual, I broke into an audible cry as I drove away from my old house. Even though we were only there for 8 months, we had a lot of good times there. But as I unpacked, I started feeling better and better about the things that are to come. I’m excited about starting my new, clean life. I’m ready to start collecting new memories. I’m happy.

Life- I hope your wearing a sturdy cup- cause I’m ready to grab you by the balls.

Yesterday though, I woke up, took a shower and even took the time to fix my hair and put on make up before leaving the house. For some reason I really felt confident with everything going on in my life and my appearance, which rarely happens.

After work I decided to take my bad self out for a little treat and headed over to the Shops of Legacy in Plano where I used to live. If you aren’t from Dallas, this is a very posh little area that is just amazing around Christmas time. There are lights everywhere and a huge Christmas tree, and I really miss living there. Also, my favorite little store  is located there, and I hadn’t been in a while.

This little shop is one of those little “worldly” boutiques where they sell all sorts of jewelry and “evil eyes “and weird little trinkets. I always leave smelling of incense and patchouli, which I absolutely love. In addition, I have had this huge gigantic crush on one of the Turkish brothers who owns the shop. He is just plain charming. He has an amazing accent and deep mysterious eyes, and has the ability to make me spend hundreds of dollars on useless things that are made to look at.

We’ve had several conversations in the past, but it’s been a while… and since I have lost over a hundred lbs in the last 2 years he definitley did not recognize me when I went in there last night. He was still his charming self, and sent me into a fit of nervous giggles with his first sentence to me.

At one point he grabbed my hand and took a deep breath. After a few awkward second of holding my hand, “Deed you know, that djou haz the abiltitee to make me druznk weez your hand. Djou must bze a healer or zumding.”

Sighhhhhhhh

Yes I realize it is cheesy as hell, and I would usually run at a comment like this… but I’m telling you I’ve been smitten on this guy for years. He then proceeded to ask for my number and told me I am the first girl he has ever gotten a number from while at work. And then he asked me to hug him.

I know… creepy right? And he was clearly lying, I’m sure he has gotten millions of girls numbers whilst working.  But you haven’t heard his ACCENT!!! Or seen those eyes that perform magic on my soul!!!! What has happened to me, oh cynical me… come back!!!

So yeah… I gave up my digits.

After I sold my soul to the devil, I went to see “Up in the Air” at the Angelika, which I really enjoyed. Until the end. There probably aren’t a lot of people out there who have seen this since it is still in limited theaters, but it’s basically about this dude (George Clooney) who lives his life out of a suitcase traveling the country to fire people for other companies. He lives by the philosophy that you don’t need anyone or anything, everyone dies alone anyway. I won’t spoil the movie, but I will say that there were a few twists, and by the end I was starting to feel a little lonely sitting there by myself.

As I left the theater, I noticed that there wasn’t anyone else who was solo at this showing, which normally wouldn’t bother me, but due to the message of the movie- it did just a tad. As I walked out into the winter wonderland, everywhere I looked there were couples holding hands and laughing.

It didn’t really change my current positive attitude, but it did shake me a little. I’ve become so accustomed to my current state of cynicism that it takes a lot to shake me, but I started to question whether or not I’m really happy.  I’m not going to go into that right now though, or I’ll be writing for days.

After the movie I exchanged a few texts with Turkish hottie, and we tentatively made plans for this evening… but I’m not holding my breath. I’m not sure I even want to go… I don’t know if I want to ruin the fantasy, you know?

Which brings me to the Post Its, hosted by the fabulous SupahMommy! Check out her site for many more post its!