In which I go Bah Humbug on your face.

I have always been one of those people that really bought into the “magic” that surrounds the holidays. I would get butterflies in my stomach the first time I heard a Christmas song every season. I would blare Christmas music and skip around the house as my family decorated. Long after I knew the truth about Santa Clause, I continued to wait up for a chance to see him, because I just didn’t want to give up hope.

I loved to wear big red bows in my hair and sparkly Holiday sweaters. As soon as Halloween was over I would start anticipating my grandparent’s Gingerbread house and the candy jars that sit on their counter every year. I loved driving around and looking at Christmas lights and taking our yearly pictures in front of my house with of the wooden angels my grandfather carved years ago.

Every year my parents and sister and I would wake up around seven in the morning and get our “Santa” presents that would be waiting for us on the couch. Yes, even at the ages of 22 and 26, my sister and I still went through the motions examining each gift, then hugging our parents and saying cheezy things like ” Santa sure was good to me this year,” or “How did Santa know I needed new underwear?” Then we would walk across the street to my grandparent’s house where my cousins would be waiting (not so patiently.) We would spend an hour or so opening up our stockings and drinking coffee. Then we would eat some breakfast and open our gifts to each other. My grandaddy always dresses up as Santa and comes in for a dramatic kiss with my grandma. It is really the most perfect Christmas you can imagine.

I can’t tell you how much I usually look forward to all of this.

I’m not trying to go Bah Humbug all over your faces, but somewhere in the last couple of years it seems I have had a dramatic change in my sentiment.

Don’t get me wrong, Thanksgiving with the family was nice. Albeit a little different from most years, but it was still enjoyable. My grandfather was still in the hospital on Thanksgiving day so my dad stayed with him and my grandmother in the hospital. It was a little weird not having any of them at our Thanksgiving dinner, which is now held at my aunt and uncle’s house.

In addition, my parents split up a few months ago after being together since they were fifteen, so my mom wasn’t at our dinner either.

For the last few months I have been anticipating that things would work themselves out by the time the holidays came around.I know that my parents are entitled make changes if they feel that they need to, and I ultimately just want everyone to be happy… but this kind of makes me want to get on the floor and throw a tantrum. I keep telling myself that I can handle it, that it’s no big deal that there are going to be some major changes in my life when it comes to my family. For the most part I can deal, but some things are going to be more difficult than others to face. Like losing family traditions…

Ok, I’m sure I’ll come back to this subject at some point, but for now I think I’ve talked about it all I care to. Needless to say, I’m a little more bitter than I usually am this time of year. I know I sound whiny and that things could be so much worse. I am so grateful for everyone in my life and that my grandad is doing so much better. But I still sometimes wish things could just go back to being the way they were when I was 10. Or at least I could go back to the blissful state of  ignorance that I had at that age.

But alas, life moves on… or so they say.

Christmas music is already starting to grate on my nerves. I haven’t bought one present. I have literally gained 7 lbs since last Wednesday. And after spending 3 hours yesterday scraping gravy off of my walls after the massive food fight that ensued at my house on Saturday night, I never want to eat mashed potatoes again. Which makes me sad because I love mashed potatoes.

I tried to watch an ABC Family Christmas movie yesterday, and that didn’t even cheer me up.

I hoping that in the next few weeks I’ll have an attitude adjustment for the better, because I really don’t enjoy being grumpy during the holidays.

I had quite an eventful weekend and hopefully by tomorrow I’ll be in the mood to write about some of the more cheerful happenings in my life. Until then, Bah Humbug.

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A little bit of this, in 1D

I haven’t been around much these last few days, and I’m gonna go ahead and offer up an upfront apology for the fact that I am not likely to be around as much as I would like until after the Thanksgiving holiday. Like a lot of you, I have a whirlwind of a week ahead of me, full of  family, parties and house guests…  and in my usual fashion I’m sure to have at least a few unseen adventures coming my way.

I’m afraid my attitude today is a little somber. I’ve had a really tough week, but I’m really trying to stay cheerful so bear with me if I’m not my usual chipper yet resentful self!

I’d like to start on a positive note though. Last Thursday night I went with my friend Moops to go see Pete Yorn which was a blast,  at least from what I can remember. I love Pete Yorn. I love his music, but mostly I really love his hair. I literally had to talk my self out of jumping on stage and running my fingers through it.


We started out at the Monk, where we drank quite a few cocktails as quickly as possible  to avoid the 15 dollar cocktails at the venue, which we ended up drinking anyway. Things got a little fuzzy about half way through the concert, and I remember even less after the show… so I’m going to go ahead and offer yet another “I’m sorry” (this post is chock-full of them) to anyone who was forced to witness my behavior… though I hear I was quite entertaining. I drink for a reason people… and it’s not to make myself laugh. Or maybe it is just a little.

The next morning I had to get up early and head to Waco to see my grandaddy in the ICU, which is probably my least favorite excuse I’ve ever had to truthfully use to get out of work. My grandad is my hero, and has more heart than anyone I have met in my lifetime. I could go on forever but I’ll save that for another post.

I was in a pretty shitty mood, as you can imagine… and I shouldn’t have been shocked when I woke to find out that it was pouring rain. There is nothing that I despise more than having to drive on the highway during the pouring rain. I don’t even like driving on the highway when it’s not raining. I went my first three years of college without ever getting onto a highway. I literally drove on access roads everywhere I went, which is reason #2146 that my friends refuse to get in the car with me.

As soon as I got on the road I noticed that something wasn’t right. Something other than the fact that my car dies anytime I’m in idle for more than 30 seconds. Even the most daft people are aware that roads “May Be Slippery When Wet,” but I’m telling you people, my car was out of control. I spent the first hour going 30 mph on I35, which is never a great idea. I had to keep both hands on the wheel and every time I hit the slightest bump on the road, my car started hydroplaning. I couldn’t decide whether I was just being paranoid that something was wrong with my tires, or if there actually was a problem for once, but I finally decided to pull over. Luckily, the first shop on the exit that I pulled off on was a tiny little tire shop. Of course no one there spoke English.  Luckily, I’ve taken about 10 years of Spanish and was able to eventually convey that I had a problem by using phrases such as “Mi coche es no bueno!! Mi muerte diez tiempos en la calle de la tires esta slippingo everywhereo!! AYUDARME!!!!!!!!!”

Turns out I had 3 completely bald tires, and was forced to purchase 3 new/used ones for twenty bucks a piece. I’m not sure of their quality, but they eventually got me home!

The rest of my trip was pretty uneventful and mostly consisted of sitting in an ICU waiting room, but since I’m already on a role here with a boring-ass post, I’ll share a little of the more exciting details.

*I spent about 30 minutes walking around the hospital looking for a water fountain. I’m really glad now that I didn’t find one. I realized after seeing about 20 people who were surely victims of the aporkalypse, that there are no water fountains in the hospital for a reason. Yeah I’m that bright.

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Satan on two sticks

*My mom got a cockatoo. I have decided that the cockatoo is spawn from the devil himself. I have never met such a needy animal. If you don’t stand in front of it and pet it’s stomach it makes a sound that can only be designed to make people shoot themselves in the face. The only thing I can compare that sound to is that of my roommate Jake when he is trying to “break” me. Unfortunately flashing my lady bits at the bird is not near as effective as a weapon on the bird as it is on my gay roommate. I debated whether to spend the entire duration at my house playing “shadow” with the bird (which consists of me saying “Hello,” the bird saying “Hello,” Me saying “hello,” The bird saying “hello,” ) or hiring an avian hit-man.

*I learned there are certain movies that you definitely shouldn’t watch with your father, no matter how cool they may be. Specifically, I learned that I will never again watch the movie “Bruno” with my father, as it is extremely uncomfortable to sit on the couch next to your father while watching a penis dance and then speak.

*Finally saw the “Where the Wild Things Are”… Not my favorite movie of all time, but ya gotta love Spike Jonez for the effort. It was entertaining and I loved the message. The score was amazing. I found myself smiling throughout the entire film, but I doubt I would have liked it much as a child. The “Wild Things” kind of reminded me of those creatures at Chucky Cheese, and those things really used to freak me out.

*My dog Princess Stella Rosita Devito Tootsie Bertha Brown Jr. has been staying with my dad out at the family farm. She has found a new favorite pastime of rolling around in Cow manure. Even after I gave her a bath she smelled like, well shit, but I cuddled on her anyway because she’s just so freaking cute.

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Stella is not very photogenic, but yes, she is in direct relation to Danny Devito.

*I also watched Food Inc. I guess I’m going to have to stop eating food now.

*I came home last night to find my roommates giving our house a Griswold family makeover. I’m a little nervous about the electricity bill, but I frickin love it. Why decorate your house if you’re not going to be obnoxious about it? Pictures to come.

*My grandad is doing much better and finally got out of the ICU. He’s still a little weak so please keep him in your thoughts!

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