Lilu is out of town for a while, but she has provided us with a series of very special TMI Thursday post secret posts. Make sure to check them out…. And for more TMI than you could ever imagine, check out her TMI archives!

I’m doing TMI a little different this week. I have a friend “Moops” who has asked several times for me to talk about him on my blog.

Well sir, I’ll do better than that. You have officially been email roasted. TMI Thursday style.

The following are emails that I copied straight from an email  conversation that happened yesterday afternoon.

I wrote the first email to a group of my friends when I realized I was having a difficult time coming up with a post for today. Moops spent the better part of the afternoon traveling all over the country for work, so didn’t get to check his email until the damage had been done.

Luckily, he’s a good sport. (I hope.)

Hey friends,

Moops has been wanting me to talk about him in my blog for a while… As I am completely brain dead today,I was thinking that you guys could help me out with thinking of a good story.

I know there must be many stories out there that I could tell that would be considered TMI about our friend in question.

The first one that first comes to mind…

Remember when we were calmly talking in the living room, and out of nowhere Moops reached down his pants, into his butt hole and then proceeded to stick his fingers in my mouth???! Just because ” he had an urge!!!”

I almost had to kill myself by ingesting bleach.

I got him back on the river trip though. heeeheehehee

You got anything better?

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RE: TMI

FROM: SCUBA

This happened,

Outside the Coventry Apts. Justin met our across the hall neighbors in his tighty whitees.  He then helped the girl carry groceries from her car up flight of stairs in his undees.  He then slipped on the very top concrete stair and all of the groceries went flying out of the sack.  He was bleeding and scrounging for groceries in front of our new girl neighbor in his undees.  Her boyfriend then shows up as this is going on.

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RE:TMI

FROM: CARISSA JADE

Orrrr……….Maybe I should switch gears and tell about the time Scuba pooed his pants. I was such a nice friend and told him I would do his laundry for him. I almost died when I saw the skid lake underwear in the laundry basket.

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RE: TMI

FROM: LA

How about the time Moops puked on my couch then had to be taken to bed? Fast forward three hours and he comes storming down the stairs yelling at me me. Upon his return back up the stairs he proceeds to trip and stumble back down to the bottom. To top it off, he jumps up, glares and points his finger at me and says, “Yoooooooouuuuuuu”!

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RE: TMI

FROM: KT

I have a quick couple…

How about the time Moops decided to tell us about his love for couches. He loves them so much that he use to have sex with them, sad but true. Moops use to masturbate by inserting his junk between couch cushions and go to town!

Or how bout the time we went to we walked into an apt. party of people we didn’t even know and Moops drank too much and as usual stripped down to his tightee whitees and the people were so put off they asked us to leave. We do and Moops begins to laugh. Of course we ask “what are you laughing at?” He then pulls out the tube of toothpaste he was so proud to have stolen. His grand revenge for getting kicked out was stealing toothpaste…

Then there is the time that Moops really impressed me. I had just moved in below him and had spoken with him a few times. My roommates were out so I went to go say hi. Moops opens the door and is unquestionably shit faced. We are watching T.V. and I’m telling him a story when he stops me and says “hold on.” He then leans over and pukes the smelliest blach puke onto his carpet, nearly getting it on his boy dog “Jager.” When done he looks at me and says “ok, go on.” Without blinking an eye! Bless his heart!

And then of course there is the time that he asked my somewhat crazy ex-bff to trim his pubes. She then convinces him that he should be blind folded for the event. She did this so pictures could be taken without him knowing. Blindfolded, naked, and holding a beer, Moops let this crazy woman near his manhood with a pair of scissors in her hand! Don’t worry she didn’t hurt him, she just trimmed, but it did make for interesting pics….

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RE:TMI

FROM: CARISSA JADE

HAHAHA I forgot about some of these! Speaking of the puking (not that there aren’t already enough puking stories) I just remembered about the time that I woke up to find a pile of puke at the foot of my bed. That fool woke up in the middle of the night, stuck his head over the foot of the bed, and then straight up went back to sleep.

The funny thing about that night that he stole the toothpaste, is that I’m pretty sure that was the same night we may or may not have dipped someone’s toothbrush and razors into the toilet. Oops.

Oh. And my favorite… (which really needs it’s own post) The night he peed my bed, thank goodness I was on the futon that night (poor shae) That wasn’t really even the bad part. He took the down comforter home and promised to wash it. Three weeks later I go to his loft and that thing was was in his closet with all the other “clean” blankets… and sure nufff …it had never been washed.

And KT. When you get a chance, you must send me those pube cutting pics. I have no idea what happened to my copy. I know it was in my glove compartment for a while- though I have absolutely no idea as to why…

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RE:TMI

FROM: MOOPS

Wow, all of this makes me sound like a really great guy!  I’ll get abnoxiously drunk, puke, piss your bed, might fuck your couch and I might ask you to get some of those hard to reach pubes.  I want to hang out with me!!

Scuba,  speaking of fucking things this one is for you…

I believe this story epitomizes TMI.  This came out of one of those story telling sessions where everyone was boozed up enough to share stories from their sexual past, the story didn’t necessarily have to involve another person, solo acts were admissible.  I’m on a plane and I don’t want the guy next to me to see what I’m writing so I have to make it quick.

So it begins, Scuba, the horny young thing that he was went about the house looking for objects he could have intercourse with, nothing too disturbing or out of the ordinary yet, right?  On his quest for pleasure a furry young thing catches his eye, why of course, what better sexual companion than your favorite over stuffed teddy bear (it might have been a panda).  But hmmm, how to make this lustful encounter logistically possible?  Cut a hole in it!  With near surgical precision (I’m sure) Scuba proceeds to cut a hole ample enough to receive his penis.  Then,  he fucked the teddy bear.

The funniest part is that his mom found the stuffing from the procedure; he told her that a kid down the street went into a rage and stabbed his bear.  So to this day if that neighbor kid is ever mentioned his mom says something to the effect of “ oh that so and so , he’s the one who stabbed your poor teddy.”

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RE: TMI

FROM: KT

It was a cow and he shared that story the same night you shared you love for couch cushions

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RE: TMI

FROM: CARISSA JADE

hahaha ok, thanks guys. I’m gonna have to use all of this…

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Oh yes, in case you were wondering… my friends definitely put the ass in class. Have a wonderful day!

My friends and I are heading down to the river this weekend to celebrate my Birthday. I am super pumped about the whole weekend, but probably more excited about the five hour drive than I should be.

For my best friend and I, road trips allow us the opportunity to practice a slew of traditions and luxuries that we don’t usually allow ourselves during our everyday lives. Additional people who happen to be in the car with us either thoroughly enjoy themselves, or they have the tendency to want to jump out after the first 30 minutes.

Many of our traditions just happen to include food. I have a personal philosophy that if you have to get up before 10am to go anywhere that is not work or the gym, you earn yourself a sausage biscuit from McDonalds. Road trips are no exceptions.

After scarfing down a sausage biscuit and/or a taquito, we usually go ahead and stop at a gas station to get snacks for the rest of the ride, because the ride goes so much more quickly when if you’ve got something in your mouth. (I realize now how entirely inappropriate that sounds.) We usually get an array of snack foods, and are not the type to skip out on something just because it may be messy or smell bad. The staples usually include spicy hot Cheeto fries (she gets Funyons,) beef jerky, Gatorade  sunflower seeds, about 3 bags of candy, a movie theater style pickle, and some form of chex mix.

After picking out our snacks, you can bet that we’re going to select a brand new pair of aviators for our drive. We do not discuss the fact that we already have at least two pairs of perfectly good sunglasses in the glove compartment.

Over the years we have invented several games to help pass the time, some of which have been specifically designed to freak out other drivers. . .  For example, if she’s the one driving which is usually the case,) she will put her seat back and pretend to be asleep, while I take the lower part of the wheel and try to keep a straight face. Even if no one notices, we are still entertained, which is all that really matters.

There are a few rules that we always follow on our road trips. One is that we will never have a set schedule. This tends to piss off people who we are supposed to be following and those who have plans with us in our destination city, but so be it.  We never hesitate to pull over when we feel compelled, even if it is the second store we’ve stopped at promising the world’s best beef jerky. And we always, always include certain songs in our road trip play list….

All time best Road Trip Songs… (Note that these are totally different than my all time favorite songs. Some of these would not even be acceptable on a normal car ride.)

10). Queen- Bohemiam Rhapsody- This song works best on a road trip if you have someone in the backseat so that you can re-act the scene from Wayne’s World.

9). Meatloaf- Paradise on a Dashboard Light- As I have stated before this is one of my all time favorite songs which I have now vowed not to sing, except for on road trips… I’m all alone on this one.

8).Bonnie Tyler-Total Eclipse of the Heart- This is also my “go-to” karaoke song. Must be sung Old School style, “ I efffinnn need you more tonighhhttt”

7). Mr Big- Be With You- The background “woooohooooaaaaa”s are more important than the actual lyrics.

6). Nate Dog and Warren G- Regulators- Because every once in a while it feels nice to pretend to know a rap song.

5). Billy Joel- We didn’t Start the Fire- Since we’ve never been able to successfully memorize the lyrics (though not for lack of trying,) we substitute the real lyrics with everything we are currently passing. It usually goes something like- “tree street Chevrolet sign gas station blue ca-ar bird lady drivin car motel 6 mccydees. We didn’t start the fire…”

4). Deep Blue Something -Breakfast at Tiffany’s- You try not to sing along…

3) Anything by Tom Petty- Sung in the style of Bob Dylan, of course.

2).  Disney’s Aladdin – A Whole New World and The Little Mermaid- ( a tie) “Part of that world”- I think I sound really pretty when I sing these. Don’t judge.

1).  Celine Dion- It’s All Coming Back-  This is hands down the all time best road trip song in the world. It must be sung at the top of your lungs. After this song is said and done, any frustrations you may have about being in the car for multiple hours will be released.