Anyway, it really got me to start thinking once again about my own blog, and whether or not I really feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with everyone that I know in “real life.”

Although there are some days that I really wish I had a private blog that I could spill all of my secrets to, I think that I am pretty happy being able to share my most of my secrets to anyone who cares to read.  In fact, it does feel pretty damn good to just put most of that shit out there. I’ve said it before, but sometimes it sucks that I have no idea who knows what about me, but for the most part… you’re eventually gonna find these things out, so I might as well tell you off the bat, right? I have a constant case of word-vom anyway, and within five minutes of being in my company I’m likely to share everything I write here anyways. I can sometimes be a freak, and if you’re gonna judge me- you might as well do it soon.

In fact, sometimes I wish that everyone I knew kept a blog.

It got me thinking about all the people that I have met, that I wished that I could have instantly known everything about them…

For example.

Nearly a year ago,  a friend and I were out for a night of karaoke when I spotted an attractive gentlemen at a booth across the way.

I sat talking to my friend about nonsense, all the while, making crazy eye contact and “bedroom eyes” with said gentleman as he held his own conversation with his own friends (a boy and a girl) at his own booth, that just happened to be in perfect view from my own.

After a while, the “gentleman” (lets call him Corey, because that was his name) came over to my booth and asked if he could sit down.

“Of course,” I said.

We got to talking, and I immediately started really liking this fellow. He was extremely personable and we had a lot in common. (meaning that he too, knew all the words to Meatloaf’s Paradise by the Dashboard Light.)

Eventually, the girl from his booth came over and introduced herself as Jenny. Corey explained that they had been best friends since high school. She seemed nice enough, though a little on the edge- and said that they were about to leave but that my friend and I should accompany them to another karaoke bar nearby. My friend and I didn’t really have anything better to do, (and I practically got on my knees and begged her) so we agreed to go.

We do, and the night starts to turn into a damn romantic comedy. Corey and I sing several songs together, and share  a few kisses at our table not caring that his friends are watching. Eventually, the bar is closing and we reluctantly said our goodbyes.

After we left, Corey and I continue a heated text conversation, and I was down right smitten.

The next morning I woke my friend up and made her listen to all of the details of my late night conversation with Corey, prompting my questions…

“Do you think he’ll call??” “What do you think he meant when he said he doesn’t always know when his free time will come about.” “Did you think that girl was a bit creepy?”

I swear, if I had known his last name, I would have googled that shit.

Corey did call. We talked for a few days, and I thought he seemed like a genuinely nice guy.

Eventually, the conversation came around to my living situation…

Me: “Yeah, I basically live with a bunch of people. Some of them are gay… It’s like a constant party…”

Corey: “Well… my living situation is way more unique than yours…”

Really? Ohholyshitthisisfuckingsarcasticallyawesome.

I prepared myself for him to tell me that he lived with his parents, both sets of grandparents and his 12 cats.

Nope.

Corey: “Yeah… I live with my wife and our child…”

OPEN MOUTH GUFFAW

Corey: “Soooo… I probably should have told you earlier… you actually met my wife. She was the girl…. at the bar with me… I guess we’re in what you would call…  an open relationship .. BUT I reallllly like you. And she did to… and I wanna hang out!!!”

Me:  “You’re wife… being the girl who pulled you away from me as we were leaving the bar???”

Fucking swingers.

If that’s you’re style, more power to you…  I’m not one to judge. But I quickly came to the conclusion that I don’t want to date a guy whose wife witnessed our first kiss.

I never saw him again, but I totally talked to the dude a few more times. Not because I still wanted something to happen, but because I had a million questions about their life style and how it worked. I’m curious! What can I say? (I eventually told this story on the radio while he was listening which swiftly ended our interview-like relationship.)

If he would have had an open blog, I’m sure I could have found out all the answers by myself without wasting several weeks of his (and my own) time, and could have simply read about all the details on my own.

And this is why I have come to the conclusion that keeping an open blog is a good thing, and everyone else should too.

So if you have a freak-flag, wear it proudly… some people may be into that shiz.

And also, if you are a swinger/have more than 1 spouse/have 18 children/are a midget/have decided to change you skin color (I’m talking to you Sammy Sosa)/have appeared on the reality show “Obsessed” or in one of the more interesting episodes of “Intervention”/are in a cult/ have 2 sets of genitals/have an addiction to something outlandish… you should definitely start a blog and send me the link, pronto. I want to read all about your sordid lives.

I don’t know whether it’s driven by insecurities, the need to fit in, or just habit- but I have realized that I apologize for everything, even when there is absolutely no reason to apologize.

Scenario 1: Yesterday I’m at the grocery store. An obnoxious lady with big blue hair and 2 loud little boys comes up behind me in the freezer section. I’m making a grab for a ham and cheese lean pocket when she reaches around me to grab a handful of frozen quiches. I withdrew my arm, backed out of her way, said “oh, I’m sorry,” and patiently waited until she was finished.

What I should have said: Excuse me bitch. But my arm was in this freezer before your turkey goblin arm reached around me. You can wait. And shut your kids up.  And do something about that mustache.

Scenario 2: Also at the grocery store a while back. I’m waiting for the guy at the deli counter to finish up with his current customer so I can order some roast beef. I notice another girl standing about the same distance back from the counter as I am. She is on her phone very engaged in her conversation and doesn’t particularly look like she is waiting. When the deli guy is finished we make eye contact and I approach the counter. Just as I’m apologizing for not immediately knowing which variety of Roast beef I will be having, I hear “excuuusee me miss, but I was waiting here first,” from the loud phone gabber, who incidentally is still on the phone. She rolled her eyes at me as she took my place at the counter.

I nervously reply, “Oh I’m sorry… I didn’t realize… Here go ahead. I’m sorry”

What I should have said: Uh Uh bitch. You take your need- to- be- washed and completely out- of- date cut off shorts to the restroom, which is the only place you should be having such a dirty conversation.  And maybe you should go to the fish section and buy some crabs so you can eat what you have.

Scenario 3: In the restroom just a few minutes ago.  I’m doing my thing. Number one mind you. Either way I’m taking just a moment to enjoy a few minutes away from the office. I thought that I had locked the door… well, because why wouldn’t I? Lo and behold, what happened next was the moment every public restroom go-er most fears- the walk in. The stall door opens and hits me in the knees. I look up and grab for toilet paper to cover myself and I say, “Oh my gosh I’m sorry!!”  I said it! All I hear from the outside of the already shut again stall, is “Oops my bad.”

What in the hell? I said sorry to the impossibly rude woman who barged in on me taking a leak!

What I should have said: Nothing. She should have said “Oh I’m so sorry..” Then maybe I could have responded with a  blushing “ohh it’s ok, im just peeing…” Or even if she hadn’t apologized I should have said nothing, wiped, waited until she started peeing, and bust open her stall.

I can’t be the only one with this problem, but even if I am- I’m putting an end to it, today. Never again will I move out of the way for person walking towards me while typing on their blackberry, and apologize when their shoulder hits mine. No longer will I step into a crowded elevator and apologize for making the area just a little more crowded. Never again will I apologize for bursting into song while running on the treadmill. ( Ok maybe that one deserves an apology…)

I’m gonna work on this and see how it goes. I’ll let you know.

Sorry for the rant.