Guns don’t always scare me. I’ve shot them from time to time, and I’ve actually enjoyed it. I am from Texas  after all.

I do however, have an extremely deep seated fear of being shot with one, despite the fact that  (Mom, Auntie Linda, and P.J.) please skip over the next sentence) I once played a game of indoor Human Duck Hunt- a game where my friends and I shot each other in the backs with a BB gun.

I can actually pin point the exact moment when my fear came along, and as jokey as I might be whilst telling this story, you have to realize that this was, quite literally, scariest moment of my life.

A few years ago on St. Patrick’s day, a few friends and I went to a bar in Ft Worth that was in walking distance from LA’s apartment. There was a patio out back, and we spent the night drinking green beer and having a blast. A few of our guy friends decided to take off a little early, but LA, Moops, Sally and I all decided to stay back and have one more drink.

By the time we left, we were all quite tipsy… or if I’m really honest, we were down right drunk. We stumbled out the door and proceeded to make our way across a dark parking lot towards the apartment complex. When we were about half way there, LA and I, in our usual fashion, started hitting each other with our purses. Every once in a while, when the moon is right, we are struck with the desire to wrestle, (don’t get happy boys) for entertainment purposes only. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw 2 people walking toward us, but I didn’t think much anything of it at the time.

By the time they approached us, we were so caught up in seeing who could de-foot the other first, that we didn’t get any weird vibes from the two. In any right state of mind, one of the four of us would have thought it strange that the two young people who were not wearing green were standing uncomfortably close to our circle. But no, we kept right on laughing and swinging our purses like drunken asshats.

When one of them tapped me on the shoulder, I assumed it was someone who Lauren knew. I laughed and casually slapped  their shoulder, thinking they were just enjoying the show. After a few more seconds I finally realized that Moops and Sally were laying on the ground, belly down, and one of strangers were standing above them.

I was about 2 sticks away from being this naive.

It wasn’t until saw the gun that I truly realized what was happening. From that point, everything started moving in slow motion. I saw then that they were both holding large, silver guns, and that they didn’t look happy. There was a boy and a girl, both in their twenties. The girl was wearing a large sweatshirt with the hoodie pulled over her face, and the boy was wearing a beanie low on his forehead. Just as I started taking it all in, the girl put a gun up to LA’s head and demanded that she hand over her purse. I watched dumbly as she quickly followed her directions without a protest.

I was then the only one left standing. I can’t remember who, but one of my friends grabbed at my ankle and angrily whispered to “get down.”

“Gimme your purse and get on the ground,” the guy demanded.

Even though I knew what I was supposed to do, I couldn’t make myself move. When I finally remembered how to make my arms work, I struggled with getting my new Beatle’s purse, which had been tightly wound around my wrist for the fight, loose.  When I got it free, I had the thought that I should retrieve my credit card before handing it over. Making what could have been the dumbest decision of my life, I slid my hand into the purse, grabbed the card with my cupped hand, and swiftly put the card in my pocket before thrusting the clutch in their direction.

The guy robber asked me angrily if I had taken something out, and I shook my head to say no before I got on the ground. Luckily they believed me. As we all lay on the ground, the robbers stood over us for what felt like an eternity. Even though my eyes were tightly closed and I couldn’t hear anything except for my own heavy breathing, I could feel the burning of the gun on my back. I was sure that every second would be my last.

After what felt like an eternity, LA shouted  “RUN!” and took off. She was halfway to the gate before the rest of us had even gotten off the ground, but we all followed quickly behind her. I was roughly 250 lbs at the time, but I ran faster than I had ever ran in my life.

Once we were in the apartment, we all got quite emotional. One of my friends who had left the bar early was quick to call one of our stolen phones. The mugger answered and some words (that I won’t repeat) were spoken. The police came and our cards and phones were cancelled.

Looking back, it was quite funny that in the short time it took us to cancel our phones, rap song ring tones had already been purchased and downloaded.

You can bet your sweet ass that none of us slept that night, or slept easy for many nights to come.

So you can probably understand why I got so freaked out when I heard a loud bang out my window the other night. Within seconds LA had rushed out of bed and met me at the office door.

“That was a gun shot, I’m sure of it,” she said.

I screamed something like “OHHOLYFUCKINGSHIT” and ran to the hallway where I slid butt first to the ground. “GET DOWN AND DUCK!!!!”

LA stood above me and calmly told me to get up. “It’s not a drive by, it was just a gun shot. I’m calling the cops.”

So I got up off the ground and dramatically tweeted that gun shots were being shot in my neighborhood. LA went back to bed and I sat up for hours fantasizing about the dramatic shit that went down just across the street. When I drove home for lunch the following day and a moving man and about 4 men mowing the lawn and moving stuff out, I’m pretty sure I was right in my conclusion.

I don’t know the details, but if my imagination serves me correctly, the scenario involved a midget, some drugs, the CIA, and an underground sex tape. I hope I’m wrong.

That show was made of awesomesauce.

OK so I have been so absent from the internets the last few weeks. I’ve been trying my best to read all of your blogs and I’ve done my best to keep up, but to be completely honest, it’s hard with a job where you actually have to work. Then add in the fact that I’m trying to have a social life (haha) and then I have the option of spending my night on the patio drinking beer and then to do amazing stuff like this!…

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

I’ll be back next week!!

I know… I’m so white I don’t even need a night light… (I don’t even know what that means)

I’m so white, I make Queen look like Queen Latifa…

I’m so white, I make Casper shit his pants…

Ok I’ll quit.

So here I am quickly approaching day two of my Stay-cation. Did I mention that I’m off this week? Cause, yeah- I most definitely am. Friday was my last day of work at my old job, and next Monday I start a new postition that is much, much closer to home.That being said, for the majority of this week my web-presence is most likely going to be non-existant. I’ll try my best to read as many blogs from my phone, but I probably won’t be able to comment much. I’ve got quite a few things to take care of, plus- I’m spending the majority of my time watching movies and writing up some reviews over at Red Carpet Crash. So check it people!

Lets dive right into these stickies, shall we? For more awesome sticky note greatness, make sure you check out Supah Mommy’s page!

While I’m so super pumped about my week off, one of these days I would truly like a week off, where I have absolutely no obligatgions. More than that, I cannot express to you just how great this Rocky Mountain jalapeno popcorn is. I wish I was famous and could get some sort of endorsement or like 8 years of free popcorn or something, but I’m not. But still.. it’s the shitsizzle.

A few weeks ago, my roommate LA discovered this stuff, and I can’t decide if it is my heaven or my hell. Either way, I’ve been eating an average of 300000000 kernels a day, and so far, I think it’s worth it.

Isn’t it weird how you won’t smell something for years, and then all of a sudden you get a whiff of something that brings a whole life-time of memories back to you? Usually this only happens when I get a whiff of cafeteria food, and I’m brought back to the days when we used to have competitions in my elementary school (and then later college) cafeterias, seeing how many foods we could mix together and then eat. The winner got the best item from someone’s lunch at the table. Today though, I found an old perfume oil at the bottom of one of my old purses. I put it on, and immediately was brought back to my life 3 years ago. It wasn’t the most happy time of my life, but I vividally recalled a few moments that I wouldn’t had otherwise. I’m not sure of what my point in sharing this was, other than- be careful what you smell.

I’ve gotten the opportunity of the lifetime the last few days at the Dallas International Film Festival. I’ve seen quite a few films, and none have managed to disapoint, which doesn’t make for the best fare when you’re out to write reviews. My favorite moment so far? Meeting Clint Howard. I know most of you probably think he’s an ugly sonofabitch… but you know, I’ve always had this weird unexplainable fascination with the dude. So meeting him was pretty much euphorical…

OH GAWD I LOVE ME SOME CHEST HAIR!

I can’t eve start to explain to you how excited I am to be a member of BRTWOA (Bike Riders to Work Of America). I just made it up, but really I’m pumped. How awesome not to have to waste precious money on asshole gas.  YAY!

I also can’t tell you how excited I am about my newest purchase. I have many projects on the way, some of which include my roommate LA, and others which have to do with my dare project. Speaking of, you should really submit a dare, even if you have already. I’m planning on getting many of these dare up and going in the near future, and I CAN”T WAIT. All you have to do is dare me, bitch. I dare you.

I know you probably thought my absence from the web had something to do with the ants eating at my brain, and if you did- you were partially right.YAY for you. But seriously, thanks for all your suggestions on how to do away with my pesky little problem, I’m on them all. Tonight, I try cucumbers. We’ll see how that goes. Keep your suggestions coming, because obviously my traps aren’t doing a damn thing…

I really do. All I want to do right now is have 1 million hours to read everyone’s posts. I feel so out of the loop. I heart you and I hope you remember me in my absense. And maybe I’ll get a chance to get around. Yeah, not like that…

Me??? Oh I’ve been good. Just you know, keepin busy… I got in a little trouble at work so that’s why I haven’t been able to talk with you as often. I’m still here, I just am gonna have to spread my love out a little more. HAHAHA Enough with the whore jokes, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I meant my blog love, but you knew that.

What else have I been up to? Well you know, the usual. This weekend was the St. Patties Day Festival in Dallas so I got all dressed up in green and and celebrated like a happy leprechaun. I say happy, because I was scarred by the movie Leprechaun as a child, and I have to keep reminding myself that most leprechauns aren’t evil. Most also don’t go around squealing “I’m a little Leprechaun” in a horrible Irish accent, which is something that I started doing in the 8th grade and still tend to do in moments of uncomfortable silence.

The Dares you ask? No I haven’t forgotten. I was going to try to do the Julie’s awesome go “out in public and drink in a fake preggers suit” dare but I was too busy acting like a jolly leprechaun that I forgot.

I’m still looking for a cookie monster suit to scare the children in, so let me know if you where I can get one of those. I’m also all about dancing to Nsync in a crowded parking lot, and I think that may be done at some point this week… But I WILL get eventually get around to all of them. Except, I’m not sure about putting mustard in milk. It’s not that I wouldn’t try it, I’m just a little “milk sensitive” and I prefer not poo-ing my pants. So if it’s cool with yall  I’ll stick with the vanilla soy milk that I love so much.  I am thinking about making a separate little tab so I can keep track of these better. So keep em comin’ fools!

I DARE YOU! And you have the easy part.

Oh why yes. There is something different about me, thanks for noticing. It took you long enough. Well… it’s not so much different it’s just that it’s been 6 months since these legs have seen the sun, that’s all. Oh… well yeah.. I’ve sort of let them go a little bit too. A caveman you say!??? Do they really look that bad!? Well fair enough… I wouldn’t say caveman. Can’t we just say they look like a man’s legs?

I agree that it’s time I do something about the hair on my legs, after all- they will never get tan through all this hair. In fact, I’m even thinking of going out on a limb here and actually springing to get them waxed, which I’ve never done before. Do yall know anything about this? How often do you have to get it done? And what do you do in between waxings, just let it grow? I have a lot to learn about being a woman apparently. LA basically had to give me a birds and the bees speech yesterday, but I won’t go into that on here.

And now for a few Post -It’s. Just. For. You. For more amazing and hilarious post-it’s check out Supah Mommy’s blog!

All righty then, that’s all I have for today. Keep those dares coming! HEART!

I am going to go ahead and skip right to the post-it’s, but before I do- I have to say -I MISS YOU GUYS!!!

I may be without the interwebs until Monday, so I will not be able to go around and read all of your wonderful, hilarious, thought provoking posts… and for that, I apologize! I also won’t be writing here as much as I’d like, and I may go Britney Spears crazy because of it. I hope yall will still love me if I come back next week with a shaved head and  2 kids on my hip. Please?

I also have the urge to eat something chocolaty right now, but that really has nothing to do with any of this except for my inability to stay on subject.

Thall shalt not hath to wait-eth any mor-eth. Here is thou mighty post-its.

(See. Crazy is already taking over-eth.)

For many more fantabulous post-it’s, make sure you check out Supah-Mommy’s page!

I may not have a magic hot tub, but I certainly have an incredibly disgusting bath tub. EEEKKKK

*** It is not usually like this. We have a drain problem which has kept me from taking hour long relaxing baths. Now I’m afraid to even stand in the shower because within seconds the water rises above my ankles… I wasn’t lying about being bald in a few weeks. That is ALL hair! (Not all mine)

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

Look how clean!

All that's left is a blow up mattress!!

Ok so there are a few of my things left... but mostly, all gone!

My work station at home. Still completely intact.

ahhhhh closet vomit!!!!

ummm a few stacks of things that are ready to be packed?

I'm trying to keep the clean clothes off the dirty floor without actually having to hang them up. It is semi-effective.

Soooo… yeah. I still have a million kazzillion bajillion things to do. I want to cry. All I want to do is go lie in bed and watch season 1 of Heroes that I just rented 5 days ago and haven’t been able to watch because of my television commitment issues. But that’s being saved for another post. I love you people and please stick with me though I will be taking a bit of a absentee ballot (it’s more like I never registered) for the next few days/weeks. Soon I will be back to wreak both havoc and  love into all of your lives. In the mean time, GCHAT ME BITCHES! I neeeeeeeed youuuu! (If you don’t have my google name, its carissajade, don’t tell)

Awwwww yeahhhhhh I’m goin to bed at a decent hour on a freakin air mattress.

Still don’t have a bed and this makes me teary eyed. I also have not yet been contacted by the J to the Cusack. I wander if he did some research and found out about my voting history. EEEEKKKK.

Suckas.

I’m a talker. Especially once I get a little booze flowing through my blood. My friend (and soon to be once-again roomie) LA is also a talker.

Talker + talker+being really good friends=ridiculous conversations that a third party often cannot comprehend.

So the other night I met up with my friends LA and AW, and AW got to witness once again how when we get started talking- hilarious, incomprehensible conversation can ensue.

I guess he was really lost on what we were discussing, but rather than interrupt, he decided to take notes on some of the random quotes and bits of conversation so that he could ask about them later.

Today I received an email with his “notes,” on our conversation. I’m not sure if this will be as amusing to you as it was to me, but I figured I’d share and try to justify these little notes of his.

- She uses big words like…insatiable.

That’s all LA. When I’m drinking, I’m lucky if I can even say insatiable. I’m not sure what this word was used to describe. Quite possibly it was my insatiable thirst for wine. Or my insatiable thirst for John Cusack. Or maybe it was LA’s insatiable thirst for using big words like insatiable. Either way, I’m curious… can other words besides “thirst” be used after the word insatiable? Because I’m pretty sure the only word I ever use after insatiable is “thirst.”

- LA and CM talk about a lot of different stuff.

Ummmm yes we do… great observation though…

- What is a doppelganger?

Somebody obviously hasn’t spent enough time on Facebook the last couple weeks!! OK, I’m not too sure either.  Apparently it means an actor/actress that you wish that you looked like. Or that you had a dream about. Or maybe someone that if you were gay, you would totally go for…. because I saw quite a few really pretty famous people as my friends profile pictures. I was going to put up Frida Kahlo as my doppelganger, because of the mustache and all…

- Who is Nora?

So speaking of “doppelgangers,” I know I’ve mentioned like 30 times the night LA and I  hung out with Joshua Radin‘s band and I made out with the drummer… Well, it turns out they had been on tour with a certain Grammy winner in the past whom they desperately wanted to name drop.

Drummer boy: Oh my gosh.. wow, you look just like my friend Nora.

Me: ummm ok?

Drummer boy: NO really!!! Hey “bassist!!” Doesn’t she look just like Nora.

Bassist boy: ummm… I guess so? A little?

Drummer boy: Yeah, you smile like her. **nudge nudge You know Nora right? My good friend Nora Jones??

Me: ummm right.. (but make out with me lovah boy)

- Why wouldn’t they up-play that shit and get with high up girls instead of downplay that shit and get with us?

I’m not sure which one of us genius’s muttered this intelligent comment, but I’d put a million thousand bucks on the fact that it was me. In fact I distinctly remember repeating it at least three times so AW could write it down.

It’s simple really, but I’ll put it into English for you

Why wouldn’t they use their semi-level of faux-fame to get into nice bars where they could meet girls who would buy their starving artist-asses drinks, rather than hang out with 2 girls who took them to the dive-iest (Adairs) bar in Dallas, and needed all of our drinks bought for us?

- Whoa whoa…so this is the night you bled on ____’s bed right???

I’m not sure why this particular story was brought up… maybe we were discussing something similar that happened to one of us more recently but I’m not sure if that even happened. It is actually a story that I have already shared with you…

-Carissa! I look at porn sites ALLLL the time! Are you kidding me?

I think this one is pretty self explanatory. I think AW just wanted to write this note to put in his spank bank for later.

-Let’s talk about love.

OK this one was all me. But before you write me off as some cheese-poof who likes to “talk about love” with her girlfriend’s on a Friday night over a bottle of wine- let me explain. I was trying to think of a story for this show I’m doing that has “love” theme. Since my experiences with “love” aren’t, for the most part, romantic… what we talked about next was all sorts of funny and also kind of sad.

-That’s what real rappers do, playa!!!

Have I told you yet of my dreams of being a world-renowned rap-star? Well, I have them. I know it will never happen, but I even have a rap-star alter ego named Kimbernisha. You’ll have to meet her one day. Anyway, I told you yesterday how I went to see Four Day Weekend’s comedy show. I loved it all… except for the part where they rapped. Don’t get me wrong, they did a great job improvising rap, but there moves were a little lacking. Ever since I saw Timbaland last week, I’ve been spending much of my down-time trying to imitate the rapper’s groove, which I demonstrated to my friends before I made this comment.

-Rap just got me off!

Yeah, I got really into that shiz!! I mean not literally, but I was really spent afterward.

___

In other news, I want give a shout out to one of my favorite blogs who is ending his project soon. If you haven’t checked out the 100 girls-100days project, I implore that you do so now. I’m really sad that it’s almost over. Start from the beginning and read your way through. That’s the way I do it. He may seem like kind of a dick at first, but overall, the dude seems really genuine and he’s extremely addicting.

Oh and tonight we have our Dallas happy hour!!! I’m so excited to meet some of my favorite bloggers in person!! WOOHOO!!

You know how when you’re down- people start talking your ear, and your ass, and your face off about how if you have a positive attitude good things will start happening?

It reminds me of this corporate job I used to have that was probably the most boring/yet fun/ at least I had health insurance – where they made us watch this “Fish training video”, that was supposed to teach us to choose your attitude. If you haven’t been forced to sit through “Fish Training” -it basically is about these dudes in Seattle who work with smelly, slimy fish all day and LOVE IT because they get to throw fish around to each other and entertain people even though they smell of 27 day old underwear.  I don’t remember the details, but I do remember that they said the phrase “choose your attitude” about fifty bajillion times. At the time, all it made me do was buy a big bag of yummy Swedish fish and try to hit my unsuspecting co-workers in the head with them. And that WAS fun. Kind of.

Sooooo…I spent the majority of last week moping around the house listening to the Grizzly Bear’s and Elliot Smith’s most depressing songs, and purposely slow-walking through the rain (ever notice John Cusack does that in pretty much every movie?) because sometimes it just feels good to wallow in depression. Or not good, but if you’re already there, you might as well make a movie in your head about it.

After I got tired of being wet and cold and mocking Kristen Stewart’s facial expressions-I finally was like, What in the name of Oprah are you doing? Dude. Life is good. Being all passive aggressive and fifteen-year old angsty about shiz that you probably don’t even really care about and won’t matter 2 weeks from now, is just… donkey shit. Life can be hard, families have problems, and work and boys can both suck… Get over it.

Except this face looks more like someone might be following her...

The truth is, when I get like this- more than anything, I find that I’m just bored with life and so I start creating drama in my brain to spend my time obsessing over. At least I can admit that I am an emotional cutter.

So, being the non-nonsensical person that I am, I totes decided that I’d bite the bullet and give this fish/choose your attitude/ positive thinking -a chance.

And by gee golly, paint me purple and sparkly and call my grandmother- I think it’s working.

Good things are happening people.

My shuffle function on the ipod is my friend again. Last week during my semi-mediocre depression it was just pumping out the sad tunes. At one point it even played Jann Arden’s “Hanging by a Thread.” I didn’t even know I had that song. I mean you could have just found out that you won the lottery, that you don’t have any cavities even though you haven’t been to the dentist in like 9 years, and that Zach Braff  has been the one calling from an unknown number and breathing into your ear the last few weeks, and you will still want to cry when you hear this song!!!!

Now my ipod is back to being all jokstery with me and playing Copa Cobana every time I get in my car, and that’s totally cool. I laugh and say “ohhh youuuuu…. you get me every time,” and I change the damn song.

And other good stuff has been happening too.

I got word from the awesomeness that is Candice that the magazine that she writes for wants to run my weight loss story, which made me nearly pee my pants from excitement. I won tickets to go see Timbaland, whom I normally wouldn’t have gone to see, but this whole “positive” thinking led me to believe that it might be fun even though I haven’t listened to “that” kind of music since I quit dancing. And you know what? It was a blast. We danced and met a ton of people that I have already added to my friends for life list. Or at the very least, to my facebook friends  for life list.  In addition, I’ve been really trying to balls up and go for new opportunities in things that I have been avoiding (like performin some funny,) and now it seems I even get some stage time next week. But more about that later…

I think that’s enough butterflies and sunshine for one post.

Except for one thing. I told you a couple days ago that my friends and I got a little noshed last week and made a few dance videos. Well, I finally got my hands on the first one we did.

The sound is a little off and you have to skip to about 1.40, but I promise it’s worth it. LA’s the first one to boogie- and I have been cracking up at the image of her first moves all week. I’m the third up to bat- and I swear- it’s like I literally tried to dance out of my pants, I was so excited.

Enjoy internets. I would only do this for you.

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

Pee Ess (what,what???? thanks “Julie”) (go read her she’s fantabulous with three scoops of ice cream a cherry on top) ( Julie -don’t leave yet, there’s one more down there for you)

Attention Dallas Peeps!!!

A few of us Dallas bloggers have decided to blatantly plagiarize off of the D.C.-ERS and have planned a night of kickassery and drinktivities next Wednesday!! This will be my first time to meet ANY bloggers in real life and I am so totally pumped I actually googled “Real life Time Travel Techniques,” with no avail. So even though I have to wait, I figure it gives a few of you DFW’ers time to jump on board!!! Since we are all kind of spread out (TWHW) (That’s what he wishes) we are meeting a bit later than happy hour, but I can guarantee you there will still be happy hours to be had.

When:  Wednesday, February 10, 2010 @ 7:30 pm

Where:  Sherlock’s @ Park and 75

Who’s Coming: Shine, Gofahne, Graygrrrl, Natalie, Mary, and Carissa (me)  (and hopefully you?)

Let us know if you’re interested!!! We would love to have you!!

email me at carissajade@gmail.com

And “Julie” if you want to make a four hour drive, you can totally couch it at my house or in between my gayboy roommates since I know you will love them so much!!

For me, it’s been so far so good. At least I haven’t suffered from any head injuries yet.

Thursday was an “ice” day for Dallas, which meant there was a “slight possibility” that there “might” be ice on the road… but “just in case” they decided to close the school district that I work in, which resulted in me getting to stay home from work. Seeing as how I haven’t been drinking this week, it was my first day off of work in a really long time where I hadn’t been hungover, or at the very least “for real” sick.

I just used a shit-ton of “italics” (that’s what I thought they (” “) were called for a very long time) and I have no idea why. I guess I’m just “bored.”

Edit: ** It was pointed out that I was using the word italics wrong, I thought it was clear that since the word was in quotations that it was on purpose, but probably not!! Just so we’re clear, I’m not a dumbass.. well I am, but not about this particular subject!

I was always jealous of the people I know who get to work from home, and to be frank- I always thought that the “stay at home” (there I go again) lifestyle would be kind of perfect for me. Turns out, notsomuch.

My roommates (yes I have 3 of em) all had to go in to work, so I was home alone, all by my lonesome, by myself,  for at least 9 hours. Sounds nice doesn’t it? Well you know what folks? I had no fucking clue what to do.

I woke up earlier than normal to watch for school closings, couldn’t go back to sleep (because I felt great) moseyed on into the kitchen where I made myself some oatmeal.

Then sat.

And then I ate a banana.

And then sat some more.

And then I ate a few string cheeses.

Basically that’s all I did all day. I read a few blogs, played around on Pandora, read the backs of books that I’ve had in my bookshelf for the last 4 years but have never felt like reading…. and then sat some more. I’m not used to being alone in my head for very long, and I’m telling yall… this was just pure torture. As much as I may complain about my job and having so many roommates… I realized today how much I dislike being alone.

I made a few other realizations today:

*If I were to spend too much time alone I would be as big as a house in no time because I would literally eat out of boredom All. Day. Long.

*It’s not near as much fun to make up dances in the living room without a purpose, or at least someone to laugh at you.

*Pandora is the shizdiggity. All this time I’ve been wasting on Amazon trying to discover new music when  I could have just turned on Pandora? I thought Pandora was just for snazzy iphoners.

*When I’m cold, maybe I should check to see if the heater is even on. I spent the entire day in 2 sweatshirts and 2 pairs of sweatpants.

*I am way too reliant on the roommates to do things like adjust the heater.

*Maybe I do need to spend a little more time alone to learn how to do such things.

Hmmm… well something to at least think about 3 months from now when I alone without a podcast broadcasting to my brain. (The ipod was in the car today and I was too cold to go outside.)

So wasn’t that “exciting.”

Moving on. I have asked for a little help from you guys with some suggestions for blog topics, questions you would like me to answer, and so on. Please keep em coming. I really do have a story for everything, and if by chance I don’t, for fucksakes, I’ll make one up.

I’m starting with an easy one.

Kirsten from Belly shirts wanted to know about the time I met my all-time favorite child-star crush, Jonathan Taylor Thomas, or “JTT,” just to keep with the italics.

My boy craziness started at an early age. Yall probably know by now about my obsession with John Cusack and my quest to become his girlfriend, well imagine that crush 10-fold. I had “posters” (tear out pictures from Big Bop and Tiger Beat) of this boy all over my room, even on the ceiling. I never missed an episode of Home Improvement, and you can bet your gluteos maximous dollar that I knew every line to the movie “Man of the House.”

My story of meeting him is actually quite boring, much like my day and this post. Basically, for some random reason or another, the Home Improvement people sent him to my little home town of Waco, Texas, to sign autographs at the local “Autorama.” (I don’t think those italics were necessary either.)

I stood in line for about 3 hours to stand next to him for about 3 minutes… but in my little eleven year old head it was TOTALLY WORTH IT. My poor dad, who had to watch hundreds of tweens wet their days of the week underwear in anticipation of meeting “JTT”, would probably disagree.

Afterwards, I spent my nights even more sleepless than before, dreaming up scenarios where we would meet again. Alas, we never did… but I do have a picture, just for you Kirsten!

Sighhhhh... A dream come true.

Please excuse all the pin holes. That picture hung on nearly every bulletin board I ever had. And excuse the black denim and the vest for that matter, por favor.

Eventually I will get around to telling you my *NSYNC story, which I assure you is much more exciting than this one. In the mean time, if you haven’t read the post about my “oh-so-delightful” meeting with Chad Kroeger, then you should probably do so now.

As usual, I just wanted to add a few more bits of randomness before I leave you for the weekend.

First off, My bud Nikki over at Que Sera Sera had a great post yesterday about her Resolution, which was ultimately to keep an open mind. She also brought up the typical “dance pose” that anyone who ever danced in their childhood did for many a photograph. I danced for 18 years, and I have many of these pics… but not very many with me here. I had scanned this one a while back though, mainly because it is one of the most awkward photos of myself that I have, and it made me laugh. This particular picture was before an Elementary school talent show performance to, I believe “Shake Your Love” by Amy Grant. I wish I had the videos. Enjoy.

And lastly, one of my long time best friends “Bella Broccoli,”  recently started a blog and you should really go check it out! She’s not as crass as me, but she was definitely involved in many of my crazy shenanigans that you’ve read about here! So check her out and introduce yourself, I know you’ll love her just like I do!!

What in the hell Ouiser?? (I just googled this and found that this is not actually a quote from Steel Magnolias. So I’ve been quoting a non-existent quote for like 15 years? My bad!)

Aren’t we supposed to have flying cars and pet robots by now? Or at least a freaking hover board. But that would probably be just one more thing for me to get hurt on. Although if one is invented before I die, even if I am 98 years old- I swear I will complete my life long goal of hover boarding whilst holding on to the back of a car, a la Marty McFly.

I know you’ve already been reading 5 days worth of people posting about the new year and what-not, so sue me- I’ve been a huge blog slacker. I’ve been crazy-busy the last few weeks, livin and lovin life- but I promise that I will try to be a more dedicated this new year! I’m trying to think of where to even begin summarizing the last few weeks, and I’m not sure I can. I think my brain is still on vacation, so it’s probably a really good thing that I’m starting back with a “lite” post.

I’ll try.

A really really quick update on my last two weeks. If you are a facebook friend you probably already know most of this. And if you aren’t, well then you should be!!

Went to Waco for Christmas. Christmas shopped on the day before Christmas Eve. Snuggled with my Stella bear puppy dog who still smells of cow manure. Stella has become a farm dog living out at the farm with my dad for the last few months, and she loves that cow poo! Tried to not rip my ears off after a few hours of listening to my mom’s frickin cockatoo. Bought myself things I thought I needed but wouldn’t get for Christmas (like 500 Days of Summer, it was a must!) Went on a long walk with my dad and danced nearly the whole way. I like to dance on my walks. It’s also a fun and easy way to embarrass family members. Ate about 4 lbs of my dad’s home-made spicy beef Jerky. It’s the shits! Quite literally, I’m afraid… but it’s deliciously worth it. I seriously used to sell this stuff in high school. Ate about 20 lbs of other food. And then another 10 more the next day. At least I worked out that one time. Went to see Nine. meh. Which was really disappointing because there is nothing I love nothing more than a good musical.  Played some Croquet with the fam. Drank  A LOT of wine. Got woken up at 8 am on  Christmas morning by all my aunts and uncles Christmas caroling at the bedroom door. Met up with an old friend and watched some good movies. Went back to work for like 2 days. Went to Ft. Worth for New Years Eve. I drank a little and wore high heels, but came out of the night without a major head injury! Got a cold and spent 3 hours in the waiting room at Primacare. Had to listen to an old guy talk about the 9 loves of his life, and how he used to look just like Tony Danza. Went to my college town for yet another Sunday Funday!

I know you’ve been dying to know what I’ve been up to, so there you have it.

In other news, I’ve gotten a few hits lately from people google searching “John Cusack‘s girlfriend. YAHHHHOOOOOOOOO. So you know what this means don’t you? There is a possibility that I can get the whole internet to believe that I actually am, in fact, John Cusack’s girlfriend, and maybe he will find out about it and figure since the whole world already thinks we are together, he’ll say “what the heck I guess it’s time to settle down, I’m not getting any younger,” and then we’ll live happily ever after.

At least that’s how I imagine it happening.

And now- I’ll bring on the post its hosted by SupahMommy. For many more great post-its check out her blog!!

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

And on a completely unrelated yet still I feel like posting it topic. I fucking love this song. I’ve had Ra Ra Riot’s album floating around on my ipod for a few months now, but usually just skip over them thinking they sound like Vampire Weekend wannabees. But after this song popped up a few days in a row, I figured I’d give then a proper chance… and yeah?! Ear candy! Like reeses peanut butter cups or something.

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]

I woke up today in the best mood that I can remember being in, in a really long time. I don’t know if it is because I actually got some sleep or maybe I’ve finally been hit with some Christmas cheer, but either way, I’m going to run with it! I had a great, relaxing weekend. I finally got my Christmas shopping DONE and I got to spend some quality time at the Cinema which really does wonders for my attitude. On Saturday night I went to a “Tacky Christmas Sweater” party which was also a blast. I really love any opportunity to dress up in tacky clothing.

Sunday morning I woke up and checked my purse for all of my belongings, just as I usually do as I am very prone to losing things, and I was extremely bummed to find that my camera was missing. I spent the majority of the morning playing Sherlock Holmes/the guys from the Hangover trying to figure out where it might be. Just as I had written it off as forever lost (like everything else I’ve ever owned,) my friend LA (who I had ridden with and then slept on her couch) called and said she found it… in her purse.

So now I’m pleased to announce a truly momentous land-mark in my life. This Thursday will mark the one year anniversary of my camera and I. The longest relationship that I have ever had with a piece of “technology.” This includes computers, phones, voice recorders, and ipods. I never thought we would last this long. Oh sure, there have been a few close calls. I’ve come close to losing camera more than a few times, and he’s had to endure a few hard drops… But alas, we have somehow made it through this long year together. I’d like to thank all of the people that we’ve shared memories with and who have helped to keep us together this year. I am blessed.

Now that I’ve gotten that out of the way, moving on.

Move over John Cusack, there's a new man in town.

I didn’t have time to put up any proper reviews today, mostly because after I saw Avatar in 3D last night, I spent about four hours looking up pictures of Sam Worthington and updating my Blockbuster queue with every movie he has ever made. Most of them don’t look like they will be very good, but I’m not biased where hotties are concerned.

Hopefully I will eventually get a chance to write a review, but for now I will just say that I was really surprised at how much I loved this movie. I had been really skeptical ever since the first trailer came out, and even wrote a post a while back about how I didn’t get the hype. I listen to a lot of film-related podcasts, (my favorites are The Movie Hour and Film Spotting) and this movie has been discussed for over 2 years now as one of the most anticipated movies to EVER be released. After watching the trailers, I had pretty much written Avatar off as nothing but a big-budget popcorn film that would be pleasing to the eye, but wouldn’t have an intriguing story. I was very wrong. I was hooked on the plot from the beginning- and the 2 hours and forty minutes really flew by.

I also saw “Everybody’s Fine” on Friday night. I’m not sure where I got the idea that this might be at least partially comedic (uh… maybe from the trailer) and I’ll let you form your own opinion, but I will tell you that for me, it was one of the most depressing films I have ever seen, right up there with “Rachel Getting Married.” If you read my post last Friday, you may remember that I was kind of an emotional wreck last week, and this movie really didn’t help the situation. I started tearing up about 10 minutes into the film, and straight up bawled the last 45 minutes. Maybe I needed a final round of therapeutic tears. I was exhausted by the time the movie was over and got a great night of sleep, so maybe I suppose it was worth it.

I’m going to go ahead and end this so that I don’t get depressed again thinking about that shitty-ass sob fest I had on Friday night, but before I do let me crawl out from under the rock I’ve been hiding under and ask you, how the hell am I just now seeing Vince’s Shlomi’s “Slap Chop” commercial? Last night my roommates and I were watching a CNBC special on “escorts” and high-end prostitution rings, ironically enough, when we were graced with the slap chop commercial- not one- but four times. This commercial in it’s pure form is entertaining enough. It boasts such lines as “This tuna looks boring. Stop having boring tuna. Stop having a boring life, “ and “You’re going to be in a great mood all day because you’re going to be slapping your troubles away with the Slap Chop.” And of course we cannot forget “ “You’re going to love my nuts.”

After a quick google search, I found out that DJ Steve Porter has taken this infomercial to a whole new level. I guess there is a chance I can owe my chipper mood to watching this about 6 times already.

I realize I’m about 5 months late on viewing this video, but if you’re like me and are oblivious to infomercials, enjoy.

[There is a video that cannot be displayed in this feed. Visit the blog entry to see the video.]