If you have been here more than once, there is a good chance you already feel that you know too much about me. Regardless, I’m not really feeling the creative juices a-flowing this morning, so I figure I’ll fall back on a meme… Plus I haven’t done one yet, and I really like to talk about myself.

1. Jade is actually my middle name. But Jaded is actually  an emotion that I often feel.

2. My dog Stella is half dachshund and half pit bull, with a little shar pei thrown in. I have no idea how she was made.

3. I got to book 3 of the Twilight series and book 4 of Harry Potter. I guess I’m a quitter. But I’ve read every Ann Rice and Stephen King book ever written.

4. Holy shit, I’m on number for of this list, and it is way harder to come with stuff than I thought it would be.

5. My favorite food in the world is mandarin oranges and cheese. I also really like blue applesauce.

6. It has been a few months since my last show, but I have been doing improv for over 5 years.

7. I once owned a pet sugar glider, but it was never very nice so I gave it away.

8. I once owned over 30 mice at once, but they smelled so bad my dad eventually let them out at my parents ranch.

9. I recently owned a pet rat named Bogart, but my dad let that one go too.

10.  I wrecked my first car into my house before I even got my license.

11. My second car was an 89 Cutlass Supreme Oldsmobile. It had no speedometer, no antenna, and no air conditioning.

12. My car’s name was Cuddy.

13. I have seen While You were Sleeping over 50 times.

14. I’ve lost 100 lbs in the last 2 years.

15. My first major in college was dance.

16. I was also RTVF and Public Relations before I finally decided to get my degree in Creative Writing.

17. Once I drink a little bit, I think I can rap and sing.

18.  My go-to karaoke song is Total Eclipse of the Heart, Old School style.

19.  I grew up only taking baths. I didn’t have a shower in my bathroom, and I still prefer to take a bath when possible.

20. I have a bad habit of leaving empty shampoo bottles in the shower. I know that drives my roommate crazy, but I still leave them there thinking I can squeeze a little more out.

21. I also open squeeze my toothpaste from the middle.

22. I live with one girl and a gay guy couple. I have no pets here but between them they have 3 dogs and 2 cats.

23. I have lived in 8 houses in the last 10 years.

24. I was almost a contestant on The Biggest Loser. I went all the way to the sequestering level in LA.

24. They wanted me to cry more on camera. I refused.

25. I put ketchup on everything…

26. And I keep a bottle of Tabasco sauce in my purse.

27. If you have an accent and I’m talking to you, chances are I’ll accidentally start trying to do your accent, horribly.

28. I have kept a diary in some form since I was about 7.

29.I grew up across the street from my grandparents,  and I am very blessed to have them in my lives.

30. I still don’t like my arms or legs to fall over the side of the bed, for fear of whatever might be under my bed.

31. I have a fear of boogers. I will literally throw up if someone wipes one on me or I see one hanging out of someone’s nose.

32. I have an addiction to iced  tea. I like un-sweet tea with lemon the best.

33. Unless I’m at my grandparent’s house. In that case, I use sugar, mint and lemon… and always out of a turquoise glass.

34. My favorite toys when I was growing up included crayons (not to color with, but to make them talk to each other.)

35. Although I got my degree in English, I am sometimes  pretty careless with my grammar.

36. If I could meet anyone dead or alive, it would probably be Gene Kelly.

37. I hate hate hate Nickelback.

38. Chad Kroeger, the lead singer of Nickelback once told me “fuck you” because I didn’t recognize him and asked him to take a picture of my friend and I. He thought I wanted him in the picture with us. He was way wrong.

39. I’m pretty outgoing in real life, but I am a horrible public speaker. I hate mc-ing shows, and can only do it if I create a character to speak in.

40. I have one chin hair that keeps coming back. That’s a lie. There are two.

41. I know the lyrics to every Beatles song ever written.

42. I also know the lyrics to every NSYNC song ever written.

43. I met Joey from NSYNC 4 times in my life. The first time he asked to see my boobies. I considered doing it, until he said he was kidding.

44. I’m the type of girl who cries at Hallmark commercials.

45. I have also seen every single Lifetime Christmas movie.

46. The Jerk is one of my favorite movies in the world and I can probably recite the whole movie.

47. I still like to build forts in my living room.

48. I’m deathly afraid of dying in a car accident and I really freak out when I’m next to an 18 wheeler on the highway. This may stem from the fact that I didn’t drive on a highway until I was 21.

49. I still have no idea how to use WordPress, or how to add apps or widgets to my site.

50. I don’t really like smooshy food consistencies.

51. I am a one stripe leg shaver. Basically, I’m 3 phases away from ape-dom.

52. I have always really wanted to own a pet monkey. I got my sugar glider because I needed to satisfy my pet urge and owning monkeys are illegal.

53. When I paint my own nails, I say that a kid that I was babysitting did it. I’m that bad.

54. I once talked my sister into eating snails and dog food.

55. Until about 3 years ago, my diet consisted solely of cheese and crackers and sausage biscuits.

56. I really wish I was talented at art. I have attempted everything artsy. The only thing that I have any talent at is decoupaging.

57. My friend and I went to New York for my 23rd birthday on the day of the infamous blackout. Everyone I know is convinced my black cloud is the sole reason for the blackout.

58. I have been tasered. For recreation.

59. My friends and I sometimes play a game called indoor varmint hunting. This consists of acting like we are the birds in duck hunt, then getting shot in the back with a bb gun.

60. I have drunkenly written fan letters to Seth Green and Keith Coogan. Keith responded and I’m quite embarrassed about the whole situation.

61. I have fallen down so many flights of stairs in my life. I literally wake up everyday and thank God that I don’t have brain damage.

62. I WILL go on one of those tornado chasing tours, as soon as I can afford it.

63. I think my voice sounds really pretty when I sing “The Best Part of Waking up, is Folgers in your cup.”

64. It has been confirmed by dozens of others, that it actually does not.

65. I always give cab drivers a back massage in hopes of getting a discount on the ride.

66. Roto-scope animation (Charles Schwab commercials ) gives me the heebie jeebies.

67. When I was a kid I thought my dolls came alive and moved around the room.

68. I would kiss each of them before I went to sleep so they wouldn’t murder me.

69. I found out later it was my cousin who moved them. It scarred me for life.

70. When I’m in my car listening to music, I always sometimes like to pretend I’m in a movie, and whatever song is on determines what kind of scene I’m in.

71. I spend 90% of my work day with a pen cap in my mouth.

72. I never sit with my feet on the floor. At my desk, at a restaurant, it doesn’t matter. I’m always either indian style, or something like it.

73. I love love love the colors purple and turquoise.

74. At the age of 11, my life-long dream of meeting Jonathon Taylor Thomas was fulfilled.

75. My choice alcoholic beverages are wheat beer, red wine, and vodka and grapefruit.

76. I can kick your ass at touch-screen trivia.

77. I can also kick your ass at a game of bones.

78. When I get upset, I find myself re-categorizing my DVDs. Sometimes I organize them by Genre… sometimes alphabetical.

79. I most recently organized them by director.

80. I just got my first haircut since January! That’s really bad…

81. One time I discovered all the little white hairs all over my face and thought there was something wrong with me. I naired my whole face which resulted in a severe burn.

82. I have had pink eye more times than I would ever like to admit.

83. I had to wear an eye patch as a child to correct a lazy eye.

84. I think my eye still looks lazy in photographs but nobody else can see it.

85. If I could go back to school and get a different major, I would probably get it in meteorology or Disaster Preparedness. I am fascinated by natural disasters!

86. My biggest celebrity crushes are on John Cusack, Bill Pullman, Jack White, Jim Carrey and Ben Gibbard.

87. I’ve never played any sports growing up, unless you count dance or Cheerleading.

88. I can’t roll my rs.

89. I pretty much go to the movies every Sunday. And usually by myself. I love going to movies by myself.

90. I cry at Hallmark commercials. I cried watching the NFL draft. I pretty much cry at everything.

91. For the last 3 years, I have watched every movie nominated for an Academy Award, prior to the awards.

92. The night of the Academy Awards is my favorite night of the year. I almost always dress up and drink champagne in my living room when I watch it.

93. If I ever get married, I want my wedding to be Academy Award themed. When I walk down the aisle, I want it to be down a red carpet.

94. I got obsessed with listening to Conservative talk radio before last years election. Now I pretty much only listen to NPR.

95. My motto when it comes to politics, (and life) is “I may vote conservative, but I bleed patchouli. ”

96. I broke an arm last year. To be more precise, I broke my roommates arm last year. I won a games of darts and high kicked in celebration. The heel of my boot hit his arm and broke it in several places.

97. I still haven’t watched the last episode of Party Of Five because I’m too sad.

98. I read my horoscope every day and carry tarot cards with me at all times. I don’t really believe in that stuff… but I can’t give it up.

99. I do believe in ghosts.

100. This was a lot more difficult than I thought it would be.

Keeping the FML Friday theme, I’ll share some of the things that I totally suck at doing (and should be really awesome at by now.) Feel free to add your own and make me feel a little bit better about my life…

*Lighting a match- Why in God’s name is striking a stick against, what is essentially a piece of cardboard , so difficult? I usually go through at least a row of matches before I get one lit, and another row before I get one to stay lit long enough to light whatever it is that I’m trying to light.  Throw in the acrylic- nail -catching -on- fire- factor- and I’m in for what could potentially be a humongo disaster.

*Spelling common words such as Piece, Wednesday,Calendar, and License… etc.- Without spell check, the previous statement would have undoubtedly read: Spelling common words such as Peice, Wendesday, Calender, and liscense…ect. And yes, I did get my degree in English.

*Braiding  my hair without having to start over 3 times- Yeah yeah yeah. Even my hair dresser told me never to wear my hair in braids again because it makes me look 12. I don’t give 2 flying pieces of poop. I’m lazy, and sometimes I like to look like a Native American. I suppose it’s in my blood somewhere.

*Pulling the right string on the overhead light- Every morning it is the same routine. I wake up, stumble out of bed to turn on the light. I pull the string. The fan switches to full speed, but the light stays off.  I go over to the wall and flip the switch. The fan slows down but the light stays off. I go over and pull the other string. The light turns on but the fan also starts up again and I’m freezing. These things seriously need to come with directions. I have a very similar experience with the two strings on the window blinds.

*Typing the right nonsensical word in those fucking Captcha things- I’m not claiming to be the brightest bulb of the bunch, but I know should be able to conquer a captcha. I can see alright. I’m a functional enough typist. I’ve done exceptional on typing tests, so I know that I have the ability to look at words and then type the same exact words on my keyboard. What makes me even more mad, is when it says something snarky like “Are You Human?” above it. That’s like saying “Oh no fair!! This one is SOOO easy!!!! Seriously,  you’re an idiot if you don’t get this right” right before you ask someone a trivia question. I’m apparently an idiot human.

*Opening the right drawer for eating utensils and cups- I have lived in this house for seven months now. It’s not that I don’t know where they are. I guess when I’m looking for a cup I just automatically start opening up random cabinets. I inevitably open the wrong one first. I have know idea why. It’s like my brain just wants to fuck with me and make me think I’m going crazy. Or maybe I just am.

*Making a turn at the first long break in traffic- I have my blinker on, and I need to turn into a parking lot across the way. I’ve already been sitting there for five minutes, just waiting for a break in traffic. I’m concentrating as hard as I’ve ever concentrated on anything in my life, gauging the speed and the distance between the cars in the opposite lane. I calculate how quickly I will be able to accelerate. I think  “Oh that’s a cute little hybrid… I wonder if my credit is good enough to buy a new car…. Har har har that guy is picking his nose….”

There was a break… but I missed it.

*Getting the straw in my mouth without the use hands in the midst of a deep conversation- Please note that I am specifying that I cannot complete this simple action during deep conversation. I can usually do it just fine when I’m looking at the straw. But without that pertinent eye contact with the straw? Forget about it!! You would think the odds would allow me to get the straw in my mouth at least one out of every ten times, but it never seems to happen. I either end up doing that ever so attractive lip/tongue search for the straw thing, or the straw ends up poking me in the chin, cheek, or worst of all- up my nose (I have literally gotten a bloody nose twice from attempting this maneuver.) The thing that makes me the most frustrated about this particular act, is that girls in the movies sipping coke floats, sick people in hospitals,  and old people in nursing homes successfully put the straw in their mouth without losing an eye, ALL THE TIME!!

*Cooking popcorn in the microwave- I’ve tried punching in the time that the bag tells me to. I’ve tried pushing the button on the microwave that says “POPCORN.” It doesn’t matter. Every first attempt I make at popping popcorn in the microwave either ends up being too full of uncooked kernels, or ends up a big smelly lump of coal like substance.

*Playing a DVD in my DVD player- This used to be a task I could handle, but that was before every TV in my house needed 4 remote controls just to work. It’s never just as simple as putting the DVD in and pushing a button. Now, just to watch a movie, I have to figure out which button turns the TV on; what channel or setting the TV needs to be on to play a DVD; how to make the DVD play; and then wait… there’s still no fricking sound!!

So basically, I just suck at life…

But that’s ok because it’s Friday!

Happy weekend  everyone!