It’s so good to hear from you and I truly hope you don’t mind that I’m sharing my response to your email with the world. And by world, of course,  I mean the few people who are still reading after my recent blog- hiatus. You mentioned you enjoyed the blog, and though I know you may have just been being nice, I figured I would use this opportunity to update anyone who wants to hear a summary happening the last 10 years of my life. I really enjoyed your email and I’m  glad to hear you’re doing well. I hope you don’t think it’s rude that I’m not responding much to your own life adventures, but I’ll do that in another correspondence.

TEN YEARS. It’s crazy that it’s been that long, by the way. Let’s see, when we last talked I was deep in the throws of sorority life in college. Although I remained active in my sorority most of my college years, I would definitely say that, for the most part- I wasn’t very “active.” I enjoyed making friends who were very different from myself, and I feel that the people I met in college have allowed me to grow and change in ways that I never imagined.  I was still a dance/theater major back when we last spoke, and that didn’t last very long either-which is one of my major regrets in life thus far. At the time though, it was right to quit. I switched to journalism, then advertising, then Radio/TV/Film, all along picking up a ridiculous amount of English electives, mostly because the professors were the cutest. There was one named Dr. Cox who taught several creative writing classes who I was especially smitten with. I blame my eventual English Composition major on him.

I probably look quite similar to the way I looked in high school, but what you may or may not know is that the majority of the time that we have not spoken I’ve gone through many physical changes. For one, I went through a stage where I was constantly dying my hair. The worst was a Ozzie-Osbourne-esgue bright red tip stage, which I still have an odd affection for. Mostly though, after I quit dancing, I continued on with a diet of primarily cheese, Taco Bueno, Keystone Light and stuffed Tortellini which eventually caused me to gain a few pounds. And by a few pounds, I mean I eventually tipped the scale at 240 lbs. After a few years of being completely content with my status as “the funny girl” and becoming very close to being a contestant on “The Biggest Loser,” I eventually decided it was time to change my ways. I’m not sure I’ll ever be comfortable with my body, but I’m damn sure intent on trying to be as happy with myself as possible.

Along with an ever changing interest in school subjects and a variety body sizes, I gained quite an array of passions and went through many stages over the years. Some have been  fleeting and some have managed to remain (sometimes begrudgingly) as a staple in my life even now. Just to name a few, over the years I’ve been able to describe myself as: A Crossword junkie; an NSYNC fan-gal; A reader of every horror novel ever written; an adderol addict; a raging drunk; a wino; a girl who decopauges every wooden surface in site; a film junkie; a really bad poet; an obsessive journal writer, a scrapbooker; a collector of quotes; a host small comedy radio show; an insomniac; a 6 month obsessionator of writing a tv pilot only to lose the zip drive that it was saved on; a rat owner; a person who will complete any dare;  a person who quickly lost interest in writing a tv pilot once all her hard work was lost; a person who got high and made up ridiculous games; web site developer in the least technical sense possible; a music lover; a person obsessed with watching every comedy show ever made; a dance teacher; a loan officer; an insurance broker; a dreamer; a comedian;  John Cusack’s girlfriend (unbeknownst to him); and of course, a blogger. I could go on forever, but it seems I’ve already accomplished half of that so I’ll stop now.

There are, of course some things that haven’t changed. I still seem to find a way to get myself into the most ridiculous situations, which is an affliction that I have a love/hate relationship with. I’m still loud,yet shy. I still love to be the center of attention yet am extremely private about certain aspects of my life. I still love to meet new people and am a constant student of socialogy. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, and I’m ok with that.

More than anything, like you- I still have an incredible passion for performance and writing. After I quit dancing and theater, I took up improv comedy, partially because my heroes in life have always been Steve Martin and Robin Williams, and partially because I missed performing and comedy seemed to be the most practical venue for a girl of a bigger size. Although I recently haven’t been overly active in performing, it’s something that I think that I’ll always do in some venue or another. I’m very interested in eventually getting back into theater, giving stand-up a go, and attempting writing for every venue possible. Really I want to try anything once, and you my friend – are a great inspiration in that respect, so thank you for that!

When it comes to romance and all that jazz, I think we’re on the same page, or at least the same chapter. I’ve never really given settling down much of a thought -mostly because I am an incredibly selfish person and want to do so many things in my life, none which (at least at this point of time) remotely involve children, staying in one place for long, or require a ”career” that holds any sort of financial stability. That, and  I hold a tragic combination of romantic ideals. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, but over the years I’ve gained just enough realism watched enough movies to fear that if I ever find that perfect romance, it will somehow end in tragedy. But I guess that’s the cynic in me talking… Or maybe just my imagination. Either way, I’ve found myself in a long pattern of falling for boys whom I have absolutely no connection with, but who I find are “interesting,” in one way or another. But now though? Who knows.  I guess I’m still hopeful. Maybe they aren’t all douchengoyles afterall.

Which brings me back here to this little neglected place on the interwebs, where for nearly a year now I have been sharing with the world intimate details of my uninteresting life. I’ve recently been taking a much needed blog-break and have been spending a little time living life, catching up with old friends,  and taking chances. I won’t be giving the blog up anytime soon, or ever probably, because more than anything else over the last ten years, this blog has given me a venue to write openly, meet new people, reflect upon my life, and learn more about myself.

I’m really sorry that we lost touch and that my evil roommate never gave me the message about housesitting, but lets (NONE OF YOU) be strangers now!

Thanks for sticking with me through this incredibly long-winded update, and I’ll be talking with all of you soon!

Carissa (slightly less than when I started this blog) Jaded

I know you’ve missed me. Or not.. but I’ve missed you. I can’t believe my week of stay-cating and watching movies has come to an end. But I guess as they say, all good things must come to an end.

Really though? Why? Why must good things end? The world would be a thousand times better if we simply kept the good things going.

Do you know what that would mean? Since good= John Cusack, we could watch John Cusack movies all the live long day. Since good= sunflower seeds, I could eat them for every meal. Since good=It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, they wouldn’t take really long breaks in between seasons causing me to watch stupid shows instead. Since good = ketchup, people wouldn’t look at me so weird when I use 27 packets with my lunch.

“You can never have too much of a good thing.”

I like that one better…

Anyway, so yes. My good week of not having to go into an office has ended, but I’m actually quite excited to have something to occupy my brain, which has had quite a lot to deal with the past week.

I’ve had some family drama going on, which I’m not going to go into now… because quite frankly I’m tired of thinking about it.

I’ve had to get over seeing approximately 84 peni, which I’m guessing is the plural for “penis,” this week on chat roulette, which I guess is sort of my own fault. Actually though, LA and I found the perfect solution for these weirdos that think that everyone wants to watch them slap their salami. We go through the whole introduction and act like we’re into it… then I stand so that the camera focuses on my crotch, slowly unzip, and pull out a banana. It’s quite entertaining to get their reaction, but then again my entertainment level equates that of a 13 year old boy.

Oh and then last night I got broken up with via text message. By a guy I’m not even sure I was dating in the first place.

I usually don’t like to blog-bash people I know in real life who don’t have a blog that they can use to defend themselves… but I can’t let this one go by without saying anything. I mean a text message!? Really? You don’t even have the courtesy to tell me to my face? To give me just a little explanation?

Truth is, this one is probably my fault too. A few months ago we tried out this whole hanging out thing, and he blew me off without an explanation, so I really kind of expected this.. but still… A text message?

We had been hanging out again recently, and truth be told- I wasn’t really feeling it and it’s not like I thought we were going to get married or anything, but it was fun.. ya know? So I figured what the hell. Then I hadn’t heard from him in a few days and I’m sick of bullshit games so last night (after a full day of pub crawling and drinking) I decided to text and ask what was up.

I have since deleted him from my phone so I can’t say for sure what was said, but I’m thinking it was something along the lines of “Soooo I’m guesssingr itss ovverrr?

His reply? Something to the likes of “I didn’t really see it going anywhere, I’d like to still be friends .”

I think after that I sent him a string of drunken texts but I have no idea what I said so I think I’d like to get that response out there now, for closure and what not.

Dear  Douchecanoe,

Well, I guess I already knew the answer before I drunkenly texted you, so I can’t be too angry with you. At least you were honest. However, I did think that you need to know that telling someone via text that you’re not interested is unacceptable. Sure, it’s better than on a post-it note, or a billboard or something… but not by much. Were we even dating in the first place?  I don’t really think sitting over at your place getting drunk and watching music videos before hooking up counts as a date.

Also, I know that by me writing this, it actually sounds like I might care. This is definitely not the case. More than anything I just wanted a little bit of an explanation. I’m all about constructive criticism and was curious to know what I did that made me not even worthy of a phone call. Unless the reason is because I did something weird like fart in my sleep. Then just leave it be…

In addition, I wanted to express my annoyance with the fact that you got to end it first. Maybe that says something about my maturity level, and usually I wouldn’t care… but a text????

That’s all I wanted to say… hope we can still be friends.

cjaded

Peeee Esssss…

I lied. I do think your hats are stupid.

Also, today I joined match.com today even though part of me feels like I should bow out of this whole dating scene while I am clearly ahead.

I have missed you and hopefully tomorrow night I can catch up on reading some blogs… it’s been way too long but I just couldn’t sit in front of the computer any more than I had to!

I know… I’m so white I don’t even need a night light… (I don’t even know what that means)

I’m so white, I make Queen look like Queen Latifa…

I’m so white, I make Casper shit his pants…

Ok I’ll quit.

So here I am quickly approaching day two of my Stay-cation. Did I mention that I’m off this week? Cause, yeah- I most definitely am. Friday was my last day of work at my old job, and next Monday I start a new postition that is much, much closer to home.That being said, for the majority of this week my web-presence is most likely going to be non-existant. I’ll try my best to read as many blogs from my phone, but I probably won’t be able to comment much. I’ve got quite a few things to take care of, plus- I’m spending the majority of my time watching movies and writing up some reviews over at Red Carpet Crash. So check it people!

Lets dive right into these stickies, shall we? For more awesome sticky note greatness, make sure you check out Supah Mommy’s page!

While I’m so super pumped about my week off, one of these days I would truly like a week off, where I have absolutely no obligatgions. More than that, I cannot express to you just how great this Rocky Mountain jalapeno popcorn is. I wish I was famous and could get some sort of endorsement or like 8 years of free popcorn or something, but I’m not. But still.. it’s the shitsizzle.

A few weeks ago, my roommate LA discovered this stuff, and I can’t decide if it is my heaven or my hell. Either way, I’ve been eating an average of 300000000 kernels a day, and so far, I think it’s worth it.

Isn’t it weird how you won’t smell something for years, and then all of a sudden you get a whiff of something that brings a whole life-time of memories back to you? Usually this only happens when I get a whiff of cafeteria food, and I’m brought back to the days when we used to have competitions in my elementary school (and then later college) cafeterias, seeing how many foods we could mix together and then eat. The winner got the best item from someone’s lunch at the table. Today though, I found an old perfume oil at the bottom of one of my old purses. I put it on, and immediately was brought back to my life 3 years ago. It wasn’t the most happy time of my life, but I vividally recalled a few moments that I wouldn’t had otherwise. I’m not sure of what my point in sharing this was, other than- be careful what you smell.

I’ve gotten the opportunity of the lifetime the last few days at the Dallas International Film Festival. I’ve seen quite a few films, and none have managed to disapoint, which doesn’t make for the best fare when you’re out to write reviews. My favorite moment so far? Meeting Clint Howard. I know most of you probably think he’s an ugly sonofabitch… but you know, I’ve always had this weird unexplainable fascination with the dude. So meeting him was pretty much euphorical…

OH GAWD I LOVE ME SOME CHEST HAIR!

I can’t eve start to explain to you how excited I am to be a member of BRTWOA (Bike Riders to Work Of America). I just made it up, but really I’m pumped. How awesome not to have to waste precious money on asshole gas.  YAY!

I also can’t tell you how excited I am about my newest purchase. I have many projects on the way, some of which include my roommate LA, and others which have to do with my dare project. Speaking of, you should really submit a dare, even if you have already. I’m planning on getting many of these dare up and going in the near future, and I CAN”T WAIT. All you have to do is dare me, bitch. I dare you.

I know you probably thought my absence from the web had something to do with the ants eating at my brain, and if you did- you were partially right.YAY for you. But seriously, thanks for all your suggestions on how to do away with my pesky little problem, I’m on them all. Tonight, I try cucumbers. We’ll see how that goes. Keep your suggestions coming, because obviously my traps aren’t doing a damn thing…

I really do. All I want to do right now is have 1 million hours to read everyone’s posts. I feel so out of the loop. I heart you and I hope you remember me in my absense. And maybe I’ll get a chance to get around. Yeah, not like that…

(Turn and face the strain)

Ah yes… David Bowie. I love that man.

I really do love David Bowie. I have so many memories as a  child dancing around to “Rebel Rebel.” I was a little scared of him when I realized that he was the same baddie from The Labrynth, but really, that “What Babe, the Babe with the Power” song really makes it hard to see him as a bad guy anyway. Then of course there is my all time favorite Bowie classic “Space Oddity.” It’s one of my top 10 favorite songs to do impression style, and I do have to say I’m quite good. (If you don’t have ears.) (That comment makes me feel a little guilty after yesterday’s video post.)

Anyway, the real reason I bring him up is because David Bowie is solely responsible for the fact that I cannot say the word “Change” without getting “Changes” stuck in my brain. I don’t mind really, except for it leads to sudden outbursts in the middle of serious conversation. I guess it could be worse. At least it’s a good song.

So change… There’s been a lot of it in my life lately. I moved. I have a new roommate, LA, who is actually an old roommate and it seems to working out fabulously so far. I’ve met a lot of cool new people lately, which is always refreshing. I’ve had to adapt to ants all over my house and in my cereal, which is not so awesome.

But most recently? I got offered a new job. And I took it!

I’m really excited about it. I’m really gonna miss the peeps I currently work with, and it’s not that I’m unhappy or anything… but change seems to be a good thing right now. Plus the new gig is about a mile from my new house (vs. thirty) and my crazy hyperchondriac ass is finally going to be able to rock some health insurance. This is a really really good thing when you consider that I do things like get  recreationally tasered or stair surf on a regular basis.

Then again there are some things that never change.

For instance.

*This weekend I saw Hot Tub Time Machine. Amazing. I’m still in love with my boyfriend John Cusack, even more than ever… Plus I got to see his ass for a split second which made my life pretty much complete. Also, if you’re on the fence about seeing this one, it really is hilarious. All things Cusack aside, even if he wasn’t in it- I would recommend it to you. I would probably even reccomend it to you if Greg Kinnear (who I think is the bee’s elbows, or whatever the opposite of bee’s knees is) played JC’s role.

*I may have told you this before, but I’ve been disappointed on every single birthday of my life. I always think that this will be the year that my mom tells me I am actually a witch and that I have powers. It hasn’t happened yet. But I have taught myself tarot, (half assedly) and I have tried to tune up my psychic abilties… but thus far I think I’m a failure. This past weekend I went to a Medieval Fair (in Sucklahoma) and even though it was cold and rainy, I got so excited when I saw all the fortune tellers. I didn’t actually get my fortune told, but it did remind me that my REAL goal in life is to have witch powers. So if there are 3 ladies out there who want to join my coven, I’m game. We can be those weirdos and go “Craft” on all of our enemies. Or at least give them a bad case of ringworm.

Ever since I’ve moved I have been a major-la-dee-slacker when it comes to working out. My drive home from work  is nearly 45 minutes, and by the time I get home I’m so tired, irritated with traffic, and hungry that all I want to do is eat a few chips and salsa, or what ever I can find in the pantry that’s not covered with ants (I miss my gay roommate’s cooking!!!!!) and veg out.  It seems to be a little bit easier to be lazy now that I’m living back with LA.

Back in college LA and I were constantly fighting for the chance to out-laze each other. We always did that thing where one of us (usually LA) would act like she was dying and needed help. I would sit in my room pretending that I couldn’t hear it for a good twenty minutes, until the yelling finally made me a little worried, so I would run to her room just to find out that she wanted me to turn off her light or hand her something that wasn’t in arms reach. Over the years, I ‘ve learned how to play this game as well. You might say that the grasshopper has become the master… or however that saying goes.

Tonight’s events were the perfect example. After 90 minutes of not being lazy in Bikram Yoga, we decided to celebrate our recent activity by watching “Brothers.” I actually prefer to say we were watching “Jake Gyllenhall,” because that is frankly all I cared about.  We were both already settled on the couches when we realized that the remote wasn’t working. Of couese neither of us had the energy and were too stubborn to get off our asses to push the play button on the dvd player. So we sat listening to the most depressing menu song in the world for a good 40 minutes. We didn’t even talk about it out loud. We did so via facebook status updates.

Eventually my need for a snack broke me and I said something to the likes of “FUCKSHITDAMNIT YOU LAZY FOOL I”LL MAKE SOME POPCORN.” LA said she would get up too since she had to pee. So after a dramatic count of three we both got our asses off the couch, made some popcorn and then got settled again, only to realize the damn “play” button STILL NEEDED TO BE PUSHED!

So yeah.

That’s how my night played out.

Next time I’ll win. It’ll be epic.

For more stickies, be sure to check out Supah Mommy’s page!!!

Also if you haven’t yet entered my awesome giveaway, you should really do so now!

Dearest Ketchup,

Is Ketchup OK? Or do you prefer Catsup? For now we’ll stick with Ketchup…

I’m not trying to come across like a creepy fan here, but I feel like it’s time I came clean with you about a few things.

I heart cuddling.

 I have been a huge, HUGE fan of yours for a  very very VERY long time, and I think it’s time you understood the extent of my love for you.

Just so you know, I’ve only written a few fan letters in my life. One was to Jonathon Taylor Thomas, one was to Keith Coogan (yes this Keith Coogan) (and it may have been like last year on Myspace) (Because I LOVE him and ”the dishes are done, man”) and one was to Seth Green. I was really fucked up watching Robot Chicken when I wrote the Seth Green one, so I’m not even sure it should count. I haven’t EVEN written John Cusack a fan note yet. Oh I’ve sent him a few ambien induced tweets, but still. What I’m trying to say is, Ketchup, is that you are one of the elite.

We could pick out yummy recipes together.

I’ll be honest with you, it started out as an innocent crush. Growing up, I would casually put you on fish sticks and chicken nuggets. Even now, when the idea of fish sticks pretty much makes me want to hurl, I would probably eat them if there was enough of you smothered on them. I would probably eat anything with enough of you smothered on it. Maybe not snails or poop though. I have to draw the line somewhere.

I could teach you how to dance...

I know part of the appeal may come from the fact that my grandparents never really approved. On Thanksgiving, my cousins and I would have to hide you under the dinner table because they thought it was innapropriate to eat you at the table. I still have to do the same whenever I go out to eat steak dinners, apparantly its even rude to ask for you. But I do every time.

NOM NOM NOM

I’m pretty poor, Ketchup, but  no matter how poor I get- I cannot go without you. I always buy the big bottle, though I’ll take you whatever way I can get you. I especially love the Whataburger **fancy ketchup. If it ever came down to it, I might be willing to hold up a Whataburger to get a hold of you.

ODE TO KETCHUP

I put you on chicken, I put you on beans.

I put you on eggs, I put you on greens.

 I put you on potatoes-fried, mashed and baked,

I put you on sandwiches and on  yummy crab cakes.

 I put you on carrots, I put you on rice-

I bet if I put you on cookies it would even taste nice.

Whether it’s Heinz 57,  Hunts or store-brand

I’ll always put you first, ahead of any man.

Or on my man? That might be fun too…

But even if I did, I’d only be thinking of you.

I could probably go on here forever, but there are some things I want to save for the bedroom kitchen.  I kid. Although, you have may heard that on a recent trip to Uncle Julio’s I told my tamale that I would have sex with it if it had ketchup on it, but I want to take this slow. That’s how much I like you.

That being said, I really hope you’ll get back to me so we can “catch up.”

hahaha

I’m sure you get that all the time. I really do hope you know I’m being genuine and  I’m not sort of tomatHOE.

Ok I’ll stop.

I love you,

CarissaJaded (your biggest fan)

P.S.

I know this might be a little weird for you, but I also love cheese and tabasco sauce so I was thinking  that maybe one of these days… nevermind.

**If you do not know about Whataburger fancy ketchup please send me your address and I will send you one. I’m serious. In fact I’ll do a giveaway. Yeah…. comment here and one of you will get a fancy ketchup in the mail.

**I’m serious about the ketchup, but there will be an ACTUAL giveaway later this week. It’s supercool and I’m really excited about it so stay tuned.

Me??? Oh I’ve been good. Just you know, keepin busy… I got in a little trouble at work so that’s why I haven’t been able to talk with you as often. I’m still here, I just am gonna have to spread my love out a little more. HAHAHA Enough with the whore jokes, you know I didn’t mean it like that. I meant my blog love, but you knew that.

What else have I been up to? Well you know, the usual. This weekend was the St. Patties Day Festival in Dallas so I got all dressed up in green and and celebrated like a happy leprechaun. I say happy, because I was scarred by the movie Leprechaun as a child, and I have to keep reminding myself that most leprechauns aren’t evil. Most also don’t go around squealing “I’m a little Leprechaun” in a horrible Irish accent, which is something that I started doing in the 8th grade and still tend to do in moments of uncomfortable silence.

The Dares you ask? No I haven’t forgotten. I was going to try to do the Julie’s awesome go “out in public and drink in a fake preggers suit” dare but I was too busy acting like a jolly leprechaun that I forgot.

I’m still looking for a cookie monster suit to scare the children in, so let me know if you where I can get one of those. I’m also all about dancing to Nsync in a crowded parking lot, and I think that may be done at some point this week… But I WILL get eventually get around to all of them. Except, I’m not sure about putting mustard in milk. It’s not that I wouldn’t try it, I’m just a little “milk sensitive” and I prefer not poo-ing my pants. So if it’s cool with yall  I’ll stick with the vanilla soy milk that I love so much.  I am thinking about making a separate little tab so I can keep track of these better. So keep em comin’ fools!

I DARE YOU! And you have the easy part.

Oh why yes. There is something different about me, thanks for noticing. It took you long enough. Well… it’s not so much different it’s just that it’s been 6 months since these legs have seen the sun, that’s all. Oh… well yeah.. I’ve sort of let them go a little bit too. A caveman you say!??? Do they really look that bad!? Well fair enough… I wouldn’t say caveman. Can’t we just say they look like a man’s legs?

I agree that it’s time I do something about the hair on my legs, after all- they will never get tan through all this hair. In fact, I’m even thinking of going out on a limb here and actually springing to get them waxed, which I’ve never done before. Do yall know anything about this? How often do you have to get it done? And what do you do in between waxings, just let it grow? I have a lot to learn about being a woman apparently. LA basically had to give me a birds and the bees speech yesterday, but I won’t go into that on here.

And now for a few Post -It’s. Just. For. You. For more amazing and hilarious post-it’s check out Supah Mommy’s blog!

All righty then, that’s all I have for today. Keep those dares coming! HEART!

Time out… Let’s take another look at my car and make sure you’re not in there.

No? Well we really can’t be sure, can we? You haven’t even seen the back seat yet. And I’m not going to bother with that because quite frankly it disgusts me to look at.

Anydisgustingness, I keep hearing about how this Craigslist world is such a magical place. I spent a million hours on it a day when I was looking for a jobby-job. As a result I never got a job, but I did go on many interesting interviews. However, it seems like everyone else that I know in the whole-wide-world has had magnificent success on Craigslist. I have friends who have sold cars in an hour, found great deals on iphones, and it seems some people have great success finding hookups. I’ll admit, I’ve spent quite a bit of time perusing the Men seeking men section. It’s quite amusing.

I know I’ve mentioned that I’m moving in a couple of weeks, and I have no idea where. Actually, there are quite a few things I need to work out in the next few weeks… I have  things to get rid of, I need a bed, and I’m not sure how I’m going to survive outside of my current living situation.

It’s very bitter sweet. I currently have 2 roommates, two of them being my two favorite gay boys in the world. Now they are moving off to live on their own, and while I’m super pumped about living with my BFF LA, who is going to blow dry my hair when I’m too lazy to do so? Who is going to make high-pitched pig oinks to deter me from eating a brownie? Who the hell is going to stop me from leaving the house looking like a homeless person?????  And once again… where am I going to live???????

In an act of desperation, I’ve decided to turn to Craigslist for answers. I know what I’m looking for may not exist, but if everything I’ve heard about Craigslist is true- I figure it’s worth a try!!!

Housing wanted: Looking for house/condo/castle/bungalow/log cabin/mansion

Location: DFW

We are 2 girls looking for housng for rent in the DFW area. We would like to be close to Fort Worth, but I work in Butt-Effing-North Dallas, so preferably something in the middle of the two. We could probably afford anything up to $1,300- but would really like to stay in the $600-$900 price range so that we have more money left over for booze and DVDs. We need a minimum of three bedrooms, a large back yard, a pool and hot tub (with a hot pool boy included,) a wet bar, 2 master bathrooms, jacuzzi tubs, a fountain, a statue somewhere in the yard, a two car garage, 2 living areas, an office, an exercise room, a wet bar, and a bidet.

Neither of us are very clean, but we promise to stuff everything in our closets if the land-lord ever needs to stop by. Actually we would prefer a land-lord that lives out of the country. Must be pet friendly as my roommate will be bringing her poop-eating Basset hound, and I will be buying a new rat in the near future. Or maybe a ferrett, I haven’t decided yet. I would reallllly like a monkey, but I’m not sure that is legal.

We are friendly neighbors, and expect the same out of anyone who lives near us!! To be more specific we would really like to live next to hot single boys. They must like to drink beer and know how to fix things and it would really help if they know how to cook.

On the other side, we would like to live next door to an old lady who likes to make ice tea and bring us left-overs.

We aren’t very loud but do like to sing and hold dance parties in our living room. We may not pay rent on time every month, but if we don’t, we promise to have super good excuses.

Can’t wait to live in your home!!

Roommate wanted: Looking for gay roommate to fill some  big shoes!!

Location: DFW

Heeeeeyyyyyyyy Lovahs!!!!!

Do you need a place to live? Do you like to clean and lot drink wine? Do you know every word to the Rent soundtrack?? We may be the roommates for you!!!

I am losing my gay best roommate, and I need a replacement ASAP.

Must love singing, watching Glee, and indulging my taste for cheezy romance movies. I sometimes forget to unplug things like hair rollers or flat-irons, so I need someone who will leave for work after me, and who will check for these things. Must be computer savvy, and know how to fix my phone when it freezes up. It is imperative that you like cheese… a lot. You must like/and know how to break in a pair of high heels in short amount of time. Must lovvvveeee to do dishes, or at least hate the way that I do them- so that you will do them yourself. It would be a great plus if you enjoy organizing things on shelves and know how to clean up an exploded toilet.

In addition your duties will also include: making sure I pay my bills, cooking all of my meals, blowing out my candles that I leave burning, figuring out how to put the tv on DVD mode, making the internet work on my computer, cleaning up glass when I drop my wine, ironing my hair with the clothes- iron when I want it really shiny, telling me when I’m being a bitch, reminding me to take back my movies, and telling me that you have all the symptoms as I do when I think I’m dying so that I don’t think I’m going to die alone.

I can deal with the bugs that need squishing, but I will need someone who will not tell anyone if I drunkenly decide to pee in an empty water cooler in the garage. I’ll keep your secrets for you too!!

Can’t wait play board games and sneak wine into art house movies with you!!!!

Jobs/Volunteer/Intern: Life Coach/decision maker needed

Location: DFW

I am a single, indecisive girl looking for a companion to help me through life!! You can be male or female, but I am (mostly) looking for a platonic relationship- so if you’re male it would be best if you’re asexual.

Job Description: Make every decision for me.

Details: Your job will be to make sure that I make no more silly mistakes in life, though if I do- you will be responsible for them.

Must be able to make quick, smart, decisions. These will range anywhere from big-life changing decisions (should I text, or should I not text) to small decisions that may or may not have an impact on my life (what should I eat for dinner.)

Skills: Nutrition, fashion, boys, social networking, facebook updating, dealing with drunk people.

Compensation: None.

___

Wish me luck!!

My brain isn’t on “write” mode just yet, but I will attempt to put at least a little information out there. “Attempt” being the key word here. I know, I know… it’s Tuesday… what the hell is wrong with me? I don’t know!!! I usually have the hardest time sleeping, but last night it was like someone, finally after 3 weeks, shut my brain off and tied my eyelids closed with steel. It was the first night in a long time that I’ve slept without either ambien or alcohol, which was great! Except for the fact that I am still exhausted today. I don’t feel like I’m coming down with anything, so I’m just gonna go with- the last month (or 3) have finally caught up with me, and that’s ok.

Bear with me, but first of all -I feel I need to play a little catchup on the goings on of my life, for those of you who are interested.

First off, I know I briefly mentioned it a while back, but last weekend I went down to Houston to see a dance show that my friend had written. This is a girl who I have known since I was about 9 through the community theater program in my hometown, but I hadn’t seen her in nearly 10 years. Craziness! She was always a great friend, but she really caught me off guard when she got in touch with me a while back and told me that she was now teaching dance and performing in Houston, and that she had written a dance show inspired by me! ME?

I wouldn’t have missed it for the world, and I’m glad I Jupiter or some other planet didn’t get in the way either. The story was based on a dancer named Carissa who along with her “soul,” (also named Carissa) takes a journey to a dark side and then in the end it appears she dies at a rave. I was a little sad that I died, but in the end she does appear to be brought back to life. My friend said there are several ways that you could look at it, but I’m choosing to go with she was just so tired after that crazy rave, that she decided to take a nap,  and her soul awakens her so that she doesn’t miss the new episode of Chuck. THAT I could relate to today.

The best part of the weekend was getting to catch up with my friend after all of these years, and also getting to spend some time with some of my other old friends who I don’t get to see very often.

Then this last weekend I got to spend some quality time doing nothing but laugh and watch movies with another group of friends that I don’t see often, even though they live fairly close.  I have realized that I have at least 10 people who I would fit into the BFF category, but it is sad how little most of these have to do with my everyday life These last two weeks have kind of made me nostalgic. It’s weird how much time goes by, and even though I’m conscious of the importance that these people have in my life, I rarely get the chance to tell them. I’ve also been thinking about how strange it is that people weave in and out of our lives, touching us in ways that they never have before with each appearance.

Anyways, I’m not trying to get all sentimental on your asses, I think I did enough of that last week.

So let’s move on to some post-it’s, shall we? For more great post-it’s check out Supah Mommy’s blog! It is the bomdiggity! or as it is more cooly said these days, the diggity!

Cocktimus prime

A limp Cocktus

Hard to believe that is the same fellah! Such a sad sad day.

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(I know that not all of you can watch videos at work, but I swear on all that is great on this earth, this video is worth your time. )

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Oh and both you Bill’s still have nothing on my boyfriend John Cusack. Though I do think Google is catching on to my evil plan to make this news known to the world. I keep dropping in Google searches, but I’m determined to make this happen. I will not give up. Suckas!

And this is a little unrelated, but that’s how I role. Lately whenever I’m feeling down, The Weepies have been my turn to music. I am not a fan of the puppets in this video, but I love love this song. And pretty much all of their music… Check it, fools.

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I have gotten quite excited by many people’s posts these last few weeks that chronicled their favorite music of the last decade. I thought long and hard about what my list would be, and I simply couldn’t narrow it down.

But if I had to pick just ONE song from the last 10 years that warms my heart with every listen, it would definitely be The Postal Service’s “Such Great Heights.” I think I may have said it before, but there are no greater opening lines to a song in SONG HISTORY. Or at least that I can think of right now. Plus I love love love love Ben Gibbard and anything that he touches.

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And a very close second would be Wilco’s “Jesus Etc.” This song always makes me smile and the lyrics are undeniably beautiful.

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OK so I was just gonna post the one, but since I’m at it I should go ahead and make it my top 5 favorite songs of the decade… And since I clearly can’t do anything right, I will have to just put every single Joshua Radin song ever recorded in the third place spot. He truly does have the voice of an angel, and as simple as his lyrics may be– they are simply soothing to the soul.  Since none of his official videos are embeddable, here is one of my faves for you to listen to. And as a bonus, if  you don’t know who Joshua Radin is, he can be seen in this video (clips from Garden State) at .55-.56 taking a pill at the party.

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And just so you know, it has been over two weeks since I started this post. Picking out my five favorite songs of a decade might be the hardest task I have ever given myself to do. I have decided that it is pretty much impossible, but since I’ve been staring at this draft on my WordPress Dashboard for so many days, I’m gonna truck on. I noticed that I keep coming back to this post whenever I’m feeling slightly melancholy. I’m pretty sure on a different day these might actually be up-beat songs.

So next up would have to be Bright Eyes “First Day of My Life.” Bright Eyes is one of my favorite bands  EVER I’m not even sure this is my favorite song… but it is undeniably one of my favorite vids of all time. It never fails to bring a tear to my eye.

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This little list wouldn’t be complete without a little sump’m sump’m by one of my all time favorite musicians of all time, Mr Jack White. He makes me wanna slap my momma.

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And some Other Favorites: Because like I said, I can’t do anything right!!! And since this post has been sitting here for so long I kept thinking of more that couldn’t be left out. I’m sure I’ll kick myself in the face in about five minutes when I think of about 20 more.

The Polyphonic Spree-Light and Day. This song probably goes in the top 5. It makes me so happy, downright giddy even. LOVE LOVE LOVE.

LCD Soundsystem – Disco Infiltrator. I dare you not to move!!!!

Ingrid Michaelson-The Way I am. So sweet.

Ben Folds- You Don’t Know me. Ahh Ben Folds. One of the best nights of my life was seeing his show last year. We had a perfect view of him playing the piano, and it was just beautiful.

Bloc Party- Banquet. Just. Love. it.

JayMay-Gray or Blue. I love this woman. And I also kinda love whoever set this song to the last scene of Serendipity (so you can see boyfriend John Cusack at his finest!!!)

Regina Spektor-Fidelity. Sighhhhhhhhhhhh. That is all.

The Decemberists- Both Go Down Together. Everything they’ve done is just golden.

Kings of Convenience-I’d Rather Dance With You. This song makes me smile so much it’s silly.

The Flaming Lips – Yeah Yeah Yeah Song. YEAH YEAH YEAH!

Dashboard Confessional-Hands Down. Bittersweet memories, but I still love the song.

Band of Horses-Noones gonna love you. Another one that warms my soul.

Peter, Bjorn and John – Young Folks. Because it is made of awesome.

Okkervill River- Our life is Not a Movie but Maybe. One of my newer favorite bands, and just glorious.

What Made Milwaukee Famous- Sultan. If you are unfamiliar with this band you really must check them out. They are a daily experience for me, and this is one of their best!

Hedwig and the Angry Inch- Origin of love. This is kind of a weird one, from the movie “Hedwig and the Angry Inch. It is one of the oddest, yet most enjoyable movies I have seen, and this song just moves me.

She and Him – Why do you Let me Stay Here? I have a major girl crush on Zoey Deschanel. And this song. And this band. I’ll quit now.

Weezer- Island in the Sun. Such a lovely song. And a great video by Spike Jonze to boot. Is that how the saying even goes?

Tenacious D – Tribute. Melts my face off daily.

Say Anything- Alive with the Glory of Love. Ah hells yeah. Fucking love this band.

Ok I’m done for now… this post feels eternal. Thanks for sticking with me.

Alllright, allllright, allllright….

That was supposed to be in Matthew Mcconaughey-hey’s “Dazed and Confused” voice, just in case you didn’t catch that.

It’s Tuesday, and once again I’m posting for the first time this week. I don’t know what has gotten into me and Sunday nights, but I just haven’t been able to get any Monday posts done in a while. Oh wait, yes I do know what has happened. Sunday Fundays were invented by some friends of mine as a way to extend our weekend, and let me tell you-we really do have fun.

So I apologize for being a slacker on both blogging and commenting the last few days… but don’t blame me, blame my friends. And me too a little, I guess.

Before I get started on the oh so fabulous post-its, I have to touch on a couple of  things.

#1. Who in the hell designed Central Market and how were they able to make a grocery store into a freaking Bermuda Triangle? They put this fabulous little “healthy” grocery store right next to my gym that is determined to bust both my gut and my wallet.

I stopped in today just to get a loaf of rice bread, and an hour later I exited carrying 4 giant paper bags full of wine, a variety of smelly cheese, blood oranges (I have been dying to try one ever since I saw one at the beginning of Dexter,) pita bread, 2 types of hummus, home-made corn tortillas, luna bars, and of course a $10.oo pre-made salad. I literally cannot just walk into that place without spending $70.00.

GRRRRRRR

#2.  I saw “Day Breakers” this weekend and I cannot tell you how much I enjoyed it. I walked in not knowing much about it except that it was about vampires and that it had Ethan Hawke in it, and I left feeling completely satisfied. It was quite scary, had a few laughs and a whole shit-ton of gore.

If you haven’t seen the trailer, you may do so now. I grant you permission.

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Some may argue that William Defoe’s character “Elvis” may have stolen the movie, and I do have to say he did an excellent job.

But more importantly, Day Breakers also stars Ethan Hawke. As a vampire. This man was simply made to play a vampire. I don’t think he’s the most attractive man in the world (that would be my **boyfriend, John Cusack,) but this man is just chock-full of sex appeal. He’s the perfect mix of grunge, baby face, and sexiness… and the way he talks? I dunno why it gets to me so much, but I guess if I really wanted to get down to the source, it would be Reality Bites.

I could probably write a thesis on my obsession with Reality Bites and the effect that I’ve let it have on my life, but alas… I won’t go there. Not today at least. But really people. I can’t be the only one who is totally obsessed with the fictional character of Troy Dyer. The older I get, I have started to see the flaws in Troy, but I can’t help but still love him. I’m pretty sure his character uttered the greatest line ever recorded in film history…

“This is all we need… a couple of smokes , a cup of coffee, and a little bit of conversation . You and me and five bucks.”

Every time I hear him say this (which is NOT at least once every two weeks) and Lainie DOESN’T kiss him back, I want to smack her in the face. Hard.

But at least  she makes up for it later on. Sighhhhhhhhhhhh.

OK please excuse me while I change my panties. Just kidding. Kinda.

And now for some post it’s! For MANNNNY more awesome post its check out the host of this lovely blog carnival, Supah Mommy.