Don’t Sleep With Me

Don't Sleep With Me

Don't Sleep With Me
I used to think I couldn’t sleep. In fact, for the longest time, that was my excuse for drinking  a bottle of wine every night. So that I could fall asleep.

For a few years I took ambien. That proved to be a huge mistake as I also continued drinking wine during that time. I’m not proud of my irresponsibility, but I am impressed at my ability to rationalize my irresponsibility.

During that time, I was definitely getting plenty of sleep, but my hours awake were plagued with a perpetual hangover and deep fog. I also woke up a few times completely soak and wet by the pool.

Like I said, not my proudest moments. But I learned from my mistakes. At least that’s what I tell myself to make myself feel better about that foggy time in my life.

Later, I experimented with a variety of sleep aids and methods.

I tried benadryl, meletonin and every over the counter sleep aid ever invented. I tried hypnosis, acupuncture and meditations. I still couldn’t sleep.

When I decided to quit drinking, I was sure that I was never going to get a full night’s sleep again.

I immediately proved myself wrong.

For the first time in my adult life, I was able to fall asleep easily and stay asleep all night. I didn’t have the anxiety-filled thoughts that I was used to after drinking 3 glasses of wine. I even dreamed pleasant dreams and woke up feeling refreshed.

It was a miracle!

But now something weird has started happening. I wouldn’t even know about it if it weren’t for my boyfriend’s frustration, but I honestly don’t know what to do about it.

Apparently I have become a night dancer. Or a night runner. Or something.

Matt and rarely have arguments, and when we do I try my best to get it resolved before we fall asleep. But lately, my sleep has been the main form of any discontent in our relationship.

He’s used to the fact that I  take all of the covers and twist them into knots. He’s even accepted the fact that between Stevie and I, he only has a quarter of our queen size bed to spread out.

Now he has to deal with my thrashing and knee bouncing and crossing and uncrossing my legs all night long.

He’s woken me up a few times and asked me to try to stop, but once I fall asleep it starts again.

I’m at a loss at what to do about it. No matter of planning my positions or reciting mantras seems to help my new sleep habit. I’m thinking I’m going to have to resort to tying my legs together if I want to continue to sleep in the same bed as my boyfriend.

I hate to be the reason he doesn’t get a good night of sleep.

Do you have any advice? Do you have any weird sleep habits? What do you do to control them?




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  • MilitaryWifeandPugLife

    I have never been a sleeper! I tried the wine thing too or I was just an alcoholic and that was an excuse; you pick. I’ve heard crazy shit about Ambien though! I hope things improve for you soon. I still can’t sleep well!

  • Kathy@RealTalk

    1) a king size bed is the best thing you’ll ever spend $$ on, i swear.

    2) sleep with separate blankets. my husband is a blanket hogger and i used to wake up with either a corner on my body or no blanket at all, freezing my ass off. ain’t nobody got time fo’ dat

    3) seems like you’re a little anxious before bed? have you tried meditating or reading before going to sleep? these days when i have any screen time before bed, my sleep is very disturbed so i’m tossing and turning, talking or even waking up a lot. i try to read more before bed and when i was on a reading frenzy, i slept like a log. i just figured i’m old and the tv affects me more.

  • Diana

    Ugh, I’m sorry you are having such issues. This isn’t quite the same, but my husband snores…loudly. It was awful and got worse the longer I was with him. Last year I forced him to go to a sleep clinic and have a study done. They found out that he had sleep apnea (which I suspected) and he got a Cpap. We both sleep so much better now. I would suggest you do a sleep study. I’ve know a few different people who have done ones and were glad they did. Maybe there really is an issue that makes it hard for you to sleep. Good luck, two tired people don’t make for a pleasant household.

  • Mwa

    That sounds bad. I agree with Kathy – definitely get a bigger bed. We have a super king size (bigger than king) and I don’t like sleeping in even a queen any more. I move about all night because I’m always awake and trying to get comfortable, and my husband hardly notices because he’s three feet away, and we have one of those mattresses that don’t wobble on the other side if you move on yours. Worth the investment!
    What helped me with my sleeping was mindfulness. I’m still not a sleeper, but I don’t mind any more.

  • Emelia @ Dream Big & Buy the S

    We have a king size bed and are never near each other at night, haha…it works great for me. I’m sorry you’re having trouble and sadly don’t have any advice to offer up. Maybe you could see a sleep therapist, I’ve known a few people to have good experiences with them.


    i do that too–but mostly when i’m stressed!

  • Stacie

    Oh that must be so tough! I wish I had some great advice or wisdom to impart, but my cats never complain about my sleeping habits, so I got nothing! haha. Maybe a bigger bed so you can both have more space?

  • Audrey

    I agree with those telling you to upgrade to a king size bed! We have two dogs that sleep with us and the king size bed is the best! I’m a kicker, too, and it’s never bothered my hubby. My biggest issue is talking in my sleep. I wake up and try to talk to Kyle and make absolutely no sense. And then never remember doing it the next day! Oops!

  • SMD @ lifeaccordingtosteph

    Do you have restless leg syndrome? MFD does and it was awful until we got a king bed. Now I can barely feel him move.

  • Gretchen Braun

    I’m a sleep walker, talker and “dancer” like you! Dan and I actually sleep in different rooms because of this and both of us get great nights of sleep. We used to argue a lot about it too (probably doesn’t help that we were both exhausted from not sleeping) and our relationship improved so much after we just stopped sleeping in the same bed. Might seem backwards, but it works for us :)

  • Lora

    I honestly have no idea at all…I really hope you can figure it out soon. Have you tried talking to a doctor about it to see if they have any suggestions?

  • SuzLyfe

    I have had sleep problems in the past as well. Quick question: do you fall asleep and are dead to the world aside from the crazy body things? Because what often happens for me is that I have to move to the couch halfway through the night (either due to sweats or because I’m having trouble staying asleep). I agree with Kathy that you seem to be anxious going into the situation, and that is contributing to the restlessness. Good luck my dear!

  • Kersten

    That’s amazing what giving up alcohol can do to sleep better. I too used to have two to three glasses of wine before the bed, due to my sleeping problems and other miserable life issued I dealed with back then. The result was that I fell asleep but woke up several times at night.
    My ex boyfriend used to do be very restless sleeper too.. and it was annoying. We never solved the problem though. I thought he could talk to his doctor about it but he never did. Maybe there is some muscle stress? Magnesium might help as it improves the sleep quality and also reduces muscle cramps and stress.

  • Amber

    I know I shift around a lot. One day I’d love a King sized bed. Oh, the space! My husband doesn’t sleep well some nights. He usually just gets out of bed and goes downstairs.

  • Ash @ The Nashvillian

    Wow, I’m sorry you’re going through these sleep issues. I used to kick a lot in my sleep as an adolescent, but it seems to have resolved itself with time. I’ve no idea….maybe it’s something a doctor can help with? Whether there is an underlying cause from anxiety or bad dreams, maybe? I’m not sure. I hope you are able to get it resolved, though!

  • asplenia

    Did you used to not do this? If not, maybe see a doc and make sure there isn’t an underlying medical reason (this can be a side effect or result of some medicines or conditions). You seem young & healthy so I don’t think it’s anything serious but good to check out:

    Hope it stops soon, nighttime issues are horrid!

  • Krysten @ Why Girls Are Weird

    I’m an awful sleeper. A lot of nights I need Tylenol PM to help me sleep because I have back pain. And I tend to thrash, toss and turn, and wake up multiple times a night. I am no help!

    P.S. My friends and I are giving away $170 in CASH! Have you entered yet? If not, come check it out here!

  • Connie

    I don’t think I ever have weird sleeping habits, but my husband says I do. I usually take a melatonin to help me sleep, but I know I can sleep without it. Since getting a bigger bed, my husband has been able to sleep so much better, especially with me doing kung fu in my sleep.

    Connie | Sponsored by Coffee | Bloglovin’

  • Amanda aka Semi-Health Nut

    I honestly don’t understand why couples are supposed to sleep together in the same bed. I mean sure it’s easier for hanky panky, but I kind of hate trying to get actual sleep with someone that close to me. Especially when there is snoring and a light sleeper involved! I would honestly rather have my own double size bed in my own room so I don’t have to worry about being woken up or visa versa. Sleep is so freaking important!

    I’ve also heard that drinking can help you fall asleep, but the sleep will be more restless and I definitely notice it even after one glass of wine!!

  • Brooke Jones

    Oh man, that sucks! I have absolutely zero advice to give you, but can offer my sympathies to both of you. I think the King size bed is a good idea. We downgraded when we moved and went back to school, but I really think we both slept better in the king. I definitely agree about the wine thing though. The quality of my sleep improves so much when I don’t have that glass or two before bed.