T.G.I.F. (Truth, Gratitude, “I am”, and “Fuck it”)

Whew, I feel like I’ve been using my brain a lot this week. Don’t get me wrong, it’s been a pretty good week and I feel proud of myself this week-but I’m ready for a brain-break.

I haven’t gotten the chance to get out to any of the SXSW events, and I think I’m ready to finally venture out and see what this city has to offer. It feels overwhelming, but I am feeling the need to connect with people and just have some fun.

Truth:

*I’m going to be honest with you. I did something earlier this week that is still sitting really heavy in my gut. I’m trying my best to not be too hard on myself, but in this case, I’m really really bummed.

You know how I’m kinda obsessed with John Cusack? Well I had the opportunity to interview him last weekend and I completely slept through it. I set my alarm. I had my clothes set out and had done everything I could to prepare so I wouldn’t look like an idiot. And then I slept through it.

I’m rationalizing it by telling myself that it’s probably for the best. Maybe he would have been a jerk to me and I wouldn’t have him to idolize anymore.

Regardless, it doesn’t matter. It’s done. It’s happened. I can’t do anything about it now. But the truth is, I still feel like I let myself down.

Gratitude:

*Time– The radio show has been on reruns all week. Even though I’ve had to run the board every morning and have had to wake up at my normal 4:30 am wake up time, I feel like I got a little vacation time myself. I love my team and I love my job, but it has been nice to have completely stress-free mornings. I usually go crazy with free time, but I’ve really been trying to take advantage of it and use it constructively. I’ve been running during lunch and reading and writing and it feels really good.

*Friends- It’s become so clear to me how much I had been holding back and isolating when it came to my friends. I got so used to living in my head, that I completely forgot how wonderful it is to have people to share with, to laugh with, and to completely be myself with.

I’ve been really trying to say “yes” more when it comes to social activities, even when my first inclination is that it will make me uncomfortable. The results have been amazing. I no longer feel like I am going through this thing alone.

This week I met a new friend for a coffee date, celebrated a close friend’s birthday, and reached out to a few old friends I hadn’t talked to in a while. I’m so grateful for all of these experiences, and not once did I regret connecting.

*My animals- I’ll put this on my gratitude list every day, because every day I’m grateful for my little furry messes. As I’ve been really working on mindfulness, I’ve learned that my doggies will always bring me back to the present. They’re just so happy.  And that makes me happy.

I am:

Reading: The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin

Watching: The Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt

Loving: That Spring has arrived in Austin.

Eating: Dreyer’s Outshine Real Fruit Popsicles (OMG YUM)

This week I am strong. I am happy. I’m growing. I’m setting goals, and keeping most them. I’m vulnerable. I’m sensitive. I’m hard on myself. I’m human.

Fuck it:

*I’m old and uncool. I finally got around to looking at the SXSW schedule and only recognized two names on it. Then I looked closer and realized it was actually “Wave Chapelle,” and not Dave Chapelle. So I’m uncool and old and that’s ok. Fuck it.

*My mess of a room.  Last weekend I decided it was time to switch out my winter clothes for my summer clothes. I worked on that just enough to pull out all of my summer clothes and spread them out over every surface in my room, and then I got distracted. It’s been eating at me all week. I know I should get on that today, but as I’m weighing my priorities (therapy, yoga, time with Matt) it’s just not high on my list. It will still be there for me to clean and organize tomorrow. Or maybe even Sunday. Fuck it.

*That John Cusack interview. I still have to let that one go. So I didn’t get to meet the man of my dreams. Maybe I’ll have another chance. Maybe not. Fuck it.

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