I can’t tell you how much I appreciate all of your support in response to my post yesterday. I’ve been struggling a lot lately in regards to how much I should share with the fear that people will look at me as a failure, but I really do feel better now that that’s off my chest.
I kind of fear that admitting I am still struggling with an eating disorder completely negates all the hard work I did to lose 130 lbs. My instinct is to yell to the world that “I DO KNOW HOW TO EAT HEALTHY” and “I LOST WEIGHT THE HEALTHY WAY,” but the truth is- I don’t know anymore.
I think my eating disorder has manifested itself in so many ways over the years, I didn’t always recognize when it guiding or controlling my actions. It’s a cunning little bitch like that.
It makes it hard to know when I’m simply being healthy, or whether I’m obsessing. What I want to feel now is normal. I want to be able to eat without obsessing about the way the food feels in my body. I want to be able to eat when I’m hungry, and not just when I can’t “not eat” anymore.
I’ll get there.
I am doing my best not to ONLY talk about my struggles, but it really does help me to get it out there, so I might be doing that a little more from now on.
In other news, I’m super duper proud of my boyfriend Matt. He’s spent the last few months training hard and conditioning to ride in the MS 150.
He will be riding his bike for ONE HUNDRED AND FIFTY MILES from Houston to Austin.
That sounds insane, right?
I tried to run for four miles the other day and thought my legs were going to fall off. I don’t even like to drive my car to Houston because it takes too long and I get tired.
Anyway, I’m really proud of him for all his hard work and for really committing to something. I can see the physical changes he’s endured, and more than that I’m excited to see how much he’s really growing passionate about riding.
It’s also for a really cool cause.
Multiple sclerosis is an unpredictable, often disabling, disease of the central nervous system that interrupts the flow of information within the brain, and between the brain and body. Millions of people are affected by MS and the challenges of living with its unpredictable symptoms, which range from numbness and tingling to blindness and paralysis. The progress, severity and specific symptoms of MS in any one person cannot yet be predicted, but advances in research and treatment are moving us closer to a world free of MS.
In order to ride in the MS 150, he does need to raise a little money.
Since Matt hates asking people for help more than I hate rotoscope animation, I want to try to help him out. If you have a few dollars that you can spare, please visit his page and support him in his goal to raise $500!
I know he’ll appreciate it, and I will to!
Regardless of whether or not you can help, I really appreciate your support in reading this and for being you!