Not Perfect: Admitting my Flaws

not perfect

I’m not perfect. I know that, and I’m beginning to be ok with that.

I will never be perfect. It’s not possible.  Even as I work every day to improve some aspects about myself, there are other traits that arise that could definitely use some work.

I know that if I ever thought I had reached a point of perfection, I would be a miserable person that would deserve to be bitch-slapped with a phone book. I would be boring. I would no longer be a character, I would just be a person.

I also know that it’s important to be as aware as possible of my shortcomings. It helps to keep me grounded. It makes me grow.

In an effort to make sure that I continue to be aware of my flaws-I’ve decided to make a list so that I can keep track of my progress. This is only a tiny segment of that list. If I put every flaw down on paper, I would probably end up depressed, which is not the point of this exercise.

*I can be a flake. Sometimes whenever people ask me to do something that I don’t particularly want to do, I make up something to get out of it. It comes from my need to “people please” and my inability to just say “no.”

I hate letting people down, but I’m learning that people appreciate honesty more than anything else, so this is top of the list of things that I’m working on. When commitments collide, I’m trying to tell the truth, and do what I feel I need to do the most. When I don’t feel like doing something, I am discovering that a simple “I’m sorry I can’t do that” works better than spewing out 20 excuses.

It’s ok to not do everything.

*I lie. This is the worst thing about me. I don’t know why I do it.

I don’t lie to  hurt people. I don’t lie to make myself sound better. I lie out of habit  to try to make situations better.

I don’t want to be a liar. It’s not something that I will ever be proud of, or that I will ever be good at doing. I know I’m a terrible liar, and half the time I come clean because I can’t stand the guilt. It’s usually about small, stupid things. Like “I took out the trash, or “I don’t know how that stain got on your shirt.”

Still, I don’t want to be a person who relies on as stupid as a crutch as lying. So here I am. As honest as I can be.

 *I am jealous. This is one of the things I often lie about.

I try to be happy with who I am, and where I am in life… as well as trust that the people who I care about are honest with their love for me. Sometimes though, I swell up with envy in the pit of my stomach-and I hate that about myself. I know that in the big picture- I am extremely lucky in so many ways. Still, sometimes I can’t help but feel that life isn’t fair.

Well you know what? It just isn’t. And that’s just the way it is. I want to be happy for others successes, and rather than feel jealous-use them as an inspiration for my own life.

As I stated before, I know things will never be perfect, so I might as well be happy with the lot I was given.

*I sometimes pre-judge people. This is something I’ve really been working on, mostly because through experience, I’ve learned that I’m often wrong about people.

For the longest time, I automatically thought that people with a lot of money and (especially men) extremely good looking people were automatically going into the category of “Too good to be my friend.”

I know now that if I were going to limit myself to people who are only like me, I would lose out on knowing some really interesting people, and possibly some awesome friends. Whenever the bitch in my brain starts to comment on people around me, I try my best to ignore her.

*I am self centered. I consider this to be my greatest fault. 

It’s not that I don’t care about others, or that I don’t empathize-(God knows I do that probably too much) but I sometimes find it difficult to see a situation from another’s point of view. My world revolves around me and sometimes I only care about the things that effect me.

It’s a horrible trait to have, but one that I can work on when I’m able to slow my brain down and really process a situation. I’m trying my best to think before I act or talk. I may not be able to quickly change my thinking, but I know I can change the way I act in certain situations-and I’m confident my brain will follow suite.

It feels good to get these truths off my chest, and I hope you won’t judge me too harshly. I’m just being honest. So while we’re being honest, what would you like to change about yourself?

 

 

 

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  • Jon C

    The best place you can begin to assess yourself is to be absolutely certain that when you use words like “flaws” and “shortcomings”, you understand that these are exclusive to your own personal perspective. You will never, ever succeed in satisfying others in your efforts. There is only one Carissa, and you own all the rights. Let the world try to figure YOU out. 😉

  • http://www.topsarge.com Dan Elder

    I only have met you once but I think many of us follow your exploits on the radio show where you sometimes play a character or a role. The other times are probably more closer to your true self, and often people forget you are a real person. It has got to be a difficult position working on a satire talk show led by mostly men where the order of the day is to make people laugh by using biting humor at other peoples expense. Meanwhile it great to “hear” you talk about your bouts of maturity and self-actualization. This blog post is another step, I and wish you the best. I suggest there is a bit of each of of the traits you mention in all of us, so don’t beat yourself up too badly.