Well blog, it’s been a while.
I haven’t written- both because nothing has happened and because so much as happened.
Regardless; over the last few weeks I’ve had the nagging feeling that only comes from the neglect of spilling word vomit all over the internet.
I know you probably think that I blog to get some validation from you, which is not entirely untrue. Mostly though, I sometimes just feel that sometimes my mind needs a therapy session. A few minutes to focus on the now… to think about the spelling of a word or the formation of a sentence. Sometimes it makes hard things not so hard. Other times I just need to make myself laugh.
My point is, I may disappear from time to time, but the urge to share my thoughts via poor grammatical sentences that may or may not form a complete thoughts will probably never go away.
So here I am now- with weeks and weeks of topics built up in my brain; countless scribbles in notebooks; and an evernote list that has gotten north of ridiculous- filled with subjects that I want to expound upon yet I have no idea where to begin.
And so I’ll begin with an update and take some inventory on what’s going on RIGHT NOW with little old me.
*MOVING IS FOR THE BIRDS: After two wonderful years of living with my sister, my boyfriend and I have decided to merge our stuff into one house. It’s both exciting and bittersweet. My sister is about to start on a whole new chapter of her life, and I’m super excited for her… but I recognize that it’s also a new chapter for me.
Living with my sister has been amazing. We fight sometimes, but I know that no matter what she will always still be my best friend and sister. She’s my biggest cheerleader and the person that I know I can always count on to pick me up out of a slump.
I’ve come a long way over the past two years, and my current apartment has been a welcome place of comfort. It’s the first time since I lived with my parents that really feels like home, and that’s partly because most of my furniture once belonged to my parents.
So now Matt and I are a month away from cohabiting and we have been searching for the perfect place to call home. Which for us, means a cozy 2-3 bedroom house that is semi-centrally-located and will allow 2 dogs for a reasonable price. Which is not an easy find, it turns out.
As sad as I am that my sister is moving away, I’m excited about the change. I’m ready to take the next step in our relationship, and I’m definitely ready to have a place where both of our stuff can live in harmony.
*I’m Seeing the Light: The last few months have been difficult, but I finally feel like I’m coming out of my slump.
I think it’s normal for a newly sober person to have a few down-months. For me, I’ve had a bit of a hard time rediscovering who I really am. I’ve attempted to spend the last year figuring out the things I really like to do.
And in some ways, I think I’ve really succeeded in that.
Two years ago I would have thrown a baby-tantrum if I thought that I would be forced to go camping without alcohol. I’d probably fake a broken leg, just so I could sit at home on my couch with a bottle of red wine in peace without ever having to consider pooping in the woods.
And now look at me! A full-fledged backpackerist. I was even able to control my packing enough to be able to carry my own pack.
And- I was able to save enough money to buy my own nice gear. That would have never been able to happen back when the guy at the corner store knew my name and my favorite choice of wine (anything that came in the big-bottle).
I’ve also been dabbling in stand-up; got back to dancing; have been a hosting trivia; am loving my new afternoon job; became a runner; am a doggie-momma; and learned that I don’t have to be really wasted to have a fun time doing karaoke.
Still- after 15 years of people pleasing and trying to be the most fun girl at the party-I still sometimes struggle with the idea that it’s ALWAYS ok to just be me. But I think I’m getting there.
*I’m now totally addicted to thrift shopping. I know. It’s not the best hobby to pick up right when I have to pay thousands of dollars in moving expenses. But it’s still cheaper than REGULAR shopping.
Plus, I’ve realized that spending an hour searching for the perfect gently-used $7.00 blouse is worth every penny for the relief it gives my anxiety.
The problem is- that I have absolutely no fashion sense, so I just pick out things that are pleasing to my eye-balls. It feels nice though. I think it goes hand-in-hand with the whole “discovering myself” mission…
Yesterday the guys on the show (Dudley and Bob with Matt) gave me a hard time about one of my new dresses (below). I posted it on facebook, and while I am usually prone to being overly sensitive-I found that I really enjoyed the feedback and the tips that you guys provided. I didn’t even mind the criticism because I KNOW that I don’t know fashion, but it was fun to hear your thoughts.
I plan on picking up a red belt to go with this one, taking in the sides a bit, and taking off the straps!
Anyway, I feel better now that I spent five minutes here. I might have to do it more often. We shall see.