It’s been a while since I’ve updated. Life got crazy for a few months, then I let hypochondria get the best of me and I couldn’t focus enough to even write a tweet, much less a blog.
After 4 doctors visits in a span of 2 weeks, numerous tests, a lot of therapy, and a few meltdowns, I’m finally feeling at peace in my body. I no longer think I have cancer or AIDS or anything life threatening at the moment. I still think I might have a touch of a toenail fungus, but I have wait for my toenails to grow back in before I know for sure.
At least I’m self aware enough to recognize how ridiculous I am after the fact. It’s even a little funny now that it’s been a few weeks. It always is.
For instance. My dad will never let me forget the Christmas that I spent convinced I had the scabies. For those of you who are unaware, scabies is a highly contagious skin condition in which tiny mites crawl under your skin and make you want to peel your skin of with a potato peeler. I know because I had it once as a child. It’s often categorized as a STD but I caught it from a well-meaning girl at the skating rink. This is why you don’t let your kids hold hands with strangers.
Anyway, on this fateful Christmas 3 years ago, I went to the doctor twice, got two courses of medicine (even though the doctor said I did not, in fact, have the scabies) but I still couldn’t shake the feeling that I had hundreds of tiny bugs crawling under my skin. It got to the point that I was physically digging and burning holes in my body. I didn’t participate in any of my family’s Christmas activities because I was sure I was contagious. After a few more doctor’s visits I finally relaxed and realized that my only problems were a few infected abrasions that I had inflicted upon myself.
My mom recently called me and apologized because she feels that she may be part of the reason that I am the way I am (crazy.) She apologized for constantly thinking that I had diseases when I was a child. While I definitely don’t place the blame on her, checking my head for lice 5 times a week and my bum for worms nightly, probably did have a bit of an influence on my current health anxiety.
Regardless, I’ve decided that after my latest bout of disease, and finally being reassured that I’m healthy (at least physically) I will no longer obsess about the “what-ifs” of my body. I know that eventually I will probably come down with an unknown skin disease that will eat me from the inside out, but for now, I’m healthier than I have been, possibly ever. Instead, I’m going to put all of my mental energy into becoming even more healthy.
Now, it’s only a few days until Christmas, and per usual-I’m feeling all sentimental and nostalgic, and want nothing more than to crawl in bed between my parents for a good snuggle and a horror movie.
Luckily, this year get 2 whole days off for Christmas and am planning on spending it doing just that.
Speaking of my parents, today marks the 36th anniversary of my old (er) folks marriage. I know they’ve had some tough times, but I so much admire their commitment to each other and our family, and it’s been so amazing to see them really blossom over the last few years.
I also know that having me as a child probably didn’t make their lives a piece of cake, but I’m so glad that they stuck with me and didn’t give me up for adoption.
Mommy and daddy, I love you both more than words can say. Thanks for being such role models in my life and for serving as an inspiration of what a loving couple looks like. I’m so happy to have been spawn from you both. I’m looking forward to watching you grow old together and I promise, I will visit you very often if you end up nursing homes. I’d promise you a spot in my basement, but I don’t think they have basements in Texas….