Hi! How are you? How is your face? I miss you!!!
Me? I’m super busy this week.
I’ve been attempting to give this little thing called “Time Management” a try, and this week-between getting back involved in comedy, taking on a new social media consulting gig,
reading a very engaging apocalyptic fiction book on my kindle, and trying to organize a million files at the station-I have had very little time left over for managing anything.
I didn’t want to leave the tens of you readers hanging though, so I decided to repost an extremely disgusting post from 2009. If you are a listener of the show (Dudley and Bob), I brought this up today but due to the lovely rules of the FCC, couldn’t go into detail.
Please keep in mind this did happen 4 years ago, but it did happen. Enjoy.
Three weeks ago today was the last day of my “woman” cycle. (Frick, it’s already been 3 weeks?) You know how that last day goes. A tampon is more of a precaution than a necessity. So that Thursday night before I went to sleep, I went ahead and took that precaution.
The following evening I decided to make the 5 hour drive to visit some friends in Houston. Before I left, I ran through my mental checklist, making sure I wouldn’t get half-way there and realize I had done something traumatic, like forget my hair straightener. About 30 minutes into the drive, I came to a dreadful realization. I couldn’t remember taking it out from the night before.
Since I had gone to work a little hungover and dehydrated that day (as I do most Fridays,) I knew I had only used the restroom a couple of times in the last 24 hours- and neither of those times included tampon removal.
My first thought was “Oh my God, I have toxic shock.” I then briefly imagined myself into a headache and a bad case of the chills.
My second thought should have been “I need to find a gas station where I can pull over and take this out, pronto.”
Note: I have this thing when I’m on road trips where I absolutely will not pull over unless I’m 20 seconds away from pissing myself, or I see a sign that says “worlds best beef jerky”
And since there was no such sign in sight, my actual second thought was “I bet I can take this out while driving!”
Turns out it wasn’t so difficult, even when going 80 mph on the highway. Luckily, I was wearing a skirt, and by keeping one foot on the gas- I was able to half way stand up and… well all you need to know is that it is possible.
It wasn’t until it was removed that I realized I hadn’t thought about disposal. I panicked for a moment that I would have to break my “no littering of tampons” clause and was just about to throw it out the window, when I spotted a paper bag buried under the junk pile on the floor board of my car.
I put it in the bag, threw the bag back onto the floorboard of my car, and within in a few minutes I was so caught up in listening to an episode of “This American Life,” that I completely forgot about my predicament.
Until this Monday, when I was rummaging through my car trying to find my glasses. I spotted that brown paper bag and it all came flooding back to me.
I am a disgusting, despicable person. And this is just one more reason why you should never ride in my car.