I am a sloth.


I woke up at 7am this morning feeling more anxious than usual.

To clarify, I originally woke up at 4:50 am thinking I had missed my alarm for work.

After I jumped out of bed with my heart pounding and shook my boyfriend to let him know he forgot to wake me up I realized it was only Saturday.

I attempted to go back to sleep, but it never really came to fruition. I have no idea if I am using the phrase  “came to fruition” correctly but I am too lazy to look it up and it sounds right to me so shutyourface.

I spent those two hours thinking about all the things I wanted to do this week,  a few of my regrets about what I didn’t do last week, and worrying about things that I can’t change. Here are just a few of the things I came up with.

You should really start a book club. You could be the president and make a website and get to choose all the best books to read with your friends.

You HAVE to redesign your blog this week. It needs to be wider and there has to be a section where you post all the best pictures of llamas that you find on the internet.

I wonder what’s going on with that LARPer group and that bully group on the internet that wants to flashmob them on Sunday with paintball guns and weapons.

I should get together a THIRD GROUP of people to come and play on the LARPers team or maybe even dress up in Super Hero outfits and help them fight. 

You’ve had ten days of yoga paid for since before Christmas and you still haven’t used it. You are more sloth than you are human being.

I wonder what a half human/half sloth would even look like? Maybe Dirk Nowitzki from the Dallas Mavs? Am I even thinking of the right animal?

Oh my God. I have to morph my face with a sloth’s face when I wake up. I bet it’s super cute. 

Oddly, this is what my poison ivy face looks like morphed with a sloth’s face.

What ever happened to that kid from Free Willy? He was the reason you wanted to be an actress.. Now, what? He inspires some kid in Waco, Texas to start acting and then just gives up on his dream? 

Must write Jason James Richter an ex- fan letter letting him know he let me down.

I hope we have grits. I want grits right now. I’m going to sneeze so I can wake Matt up and hope that he wants grits too.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! We’re off to take a hike.

By the way, when people want other people to go away, why do they tell them to do things like “take a hike!” or “Go fly a kite” or “Get a life!”?

Aren’t those all good things to do? I would much rather go fly a kite or get a life than spend time with someone who doesn’t want me around.

Life- I’ll never understand it.

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  • Julie Moulton

    So this is really weird. I woke up early than needed this morning and failed to fall back asleep because I was too busy thinking about what I needed to accomplish this weekend that I didn’t do during the work week. Further, I have 8 unused hot yoga classes…since April. Oops. Enjoy the weekend, and the Llamas! 

  • Danielle Pagani

    In his (sort of) defense. The kid from Free Willy kinda let you know he wasn’t going to be the awesomeness by being in The Neverending Story 3, which was so, so, so, so awful and brought shame on that beauteous franchise. Hope your weekend went fabulously!

  • CarissaJaded

    I hope you slept better last night! And we both need to get our asses in yoga. I bet we’d sleep better!

  • CarissaJaded

    As much as I hate to admit it, I suppose you’re right. He ruined my life way before he disappeared from it.