Confessions of a (former) film-buff
Before I started a life of public humiliation both on the radio and here on my blog, I spent the majority of my free time on IMDB message boards.
I know. I was one of those.
I wrote reviews for a local film website. I threatened to shave my head if I didn’t see every single film nominated for an Oscar. For years, I even dressed up in full-on evening garb to watch the award show on my couch.
I listened with salivating ears to every film related podcast. I subscribed to Creative Screenwriting and Empire magazines. I took pride in knowing the work of every minor and major film director that I admired. I spent my weekend afternoons seeing three, sometimes four, movies in a row. I chose my apartments based on how accessible they would be to my favorite art-house theater.
On occasion, I may have even cut certain people out of my life for their inability to play the game FILM.
I know for sure that certain friends of mine would roll their eyes as I put to use my ability to change any conversation to one that would better suit my wide-range of film facts.
My heart still aches for the days of obsessing over trailers and reading every article updating the status of an upcoming film. I miss entering a theater by myself early in the day, and leaving after midnight; my eyes puffy from crying and my sides aching from laughing.
I’ll never forget the day I spontaneously saw Big Fish, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind and Closer, all on the same afternoon. It was glorious. I entered the theater eager for popcorn and Jim Carrey; I left the theater an aspiring film writer.
I was the sort of film geek who whole-heartedly related to Cinema Paradiso‘s Salvatore. There was no greater joy than getting lost in another world. I yearned to be a part of that world. I wanted to create it. I wanted my life to somehow mirror the lives of my favorite characters. I stretched events in my mind to make them do so.
But that was me of the past.
Somewhere in the last 4 years real life started happening. I lost loved ones. I felt real depression. I got so caught up in my head, I destroyed my ability to get completely lost somewhere else.
I had always glorified the Garden State -Andrew Largemen type of depression. I imagined that if I ever found myself in such a state of despair, Deus ex Machina – or at least some form of a hero-would be my savior.
Unfortunately, I’ve learned that life doesn’t work that way. Rather than being saved by love, passion, or some other clever plot device-I had to fight my own way out. There are no easy resolutions… sometimes there are no resolutions at all. There are no happy endings tied up with a kiss and a booming score. Sometimes life just seems to stand still.
I haven’t lost my love for the art; it’s just lost a little of the magic for me. That, and I have been busy living my own life- attempting to continue to move forward and create my own stories.
Believe me, I still get a tingle in my stomach at the sound of the MGM’s lion roar, and I will always feel nostalgic for all the time I spent in movie theaters.
And I’m extremely ashamed to admit that I’ve currently only seen one of the nine Oscar nominated films this year.
The me from 4 years ago is wringing her head in sadness.
Even for a non film-buff, that seems pathetic.
Alas; live moves on, but only when I allow it to.
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Tags: 1 million, andrew largemen, cinema paradiso, closer, creative screenwriting, deus ex machina, favorite art, film director, film facts, film fan, film geek, film score, film website, film writer, free time, game film, garden state, i called in sick twice a year for movie days, i now only watch lifetime moves, i once dated a guy who worked at blockbuster just because he recommended good movies, i used to own over 600 dvds, i was a movie sneaker inner, Jim Carrey, life is not a movie or is it, movie nerd, movie plot, obsessing, oscar nominee, oscars, popcorn, public humiliation, salvatore, upcoming film, weekend afternoons, zach braff
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Cactus5red
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CarissaJaded
