Not even my own filth can break my stride, bitches.


Some days I feel bad for feeling so happy. Like if I get too lost in my happiness, someone’s going to pull the rug out. Regardless, life these last few weeks has been amazing.

The weather is cooling down. Doctor Who is back on, at least for a few episodes. I can wear pants again (not that I want to) without looking like I’ve peed in them because of sweat. It’s nearly movie season, the glorious time of year when studios start to release their best work to be considered for awards. Honey crisp apples are back in the grocery stores for my gluttonous consumption. Hell, I’ve even been enjoying watching football! Or at least the excuse to drink a cold beer during the day.

Also, you should get really excited because my sketch group Moosestache¬†has been filming LOTS of sketches for your enjoyment… In fact, starting next week, we’ll have a new sketch for you EVERY Tuesday for the next few months. I’m not giving anything away, but our upcoming sketches feature a lot of gore, some romance, and nipples.

If you are unfamiliar with Moosestache, check out one of our recent videos below.This particular one features my very first sex scene. Oh yeah.


I’m also quite excited for the upcoming debut of the web series “Bad Dates” that I worked on with Moth to Flame Films. In the mean time, you can watch this silly improvised infomercial about the true inventors of the Shake weight.


Also?

I’m still disgusting.

In many respects, I’ve become a much cleaner person over the last few years… even more so over the past few months. Much of that is due to the fact that I have an amazing boyfriend who I don’t want to run off due to disdain for my moldy cups or unwashed feet. It also doesn’t hurt that I have a job where I will be publicly humiliated whenever someone discovers anhas y of my horrible habits. Plus, I’m ready to be a grown up. Mostly.

I still have a long way to go, but I have definitely been a lot better at cleaning my room and shaving my legs. I’ve even managed to not completely trash the boat that I’m currently driving.

There are some things though, that I just can’t train myself to do. The prime example is bringing home food containers from work. It doesn’t matter if I stick it in my bag directly after using it, it will still somehow end up on the floor. On the rare occasion that I do make it out of the building, the tupperwear NEVER makes it out of my car. It just sits and bakes, until I have no choice but to open it and die, or throw it away.

I always opt for throwing it away, hence the fact that I currently have one lonely tupperware in my cupboard.

Yesterday, my amazing rapping intern, Los, picked up a soup thermos beside my work station in the jock lounge. It had been sitting there for weeks, and it’s bright yellow-so you would think at some point I would have noticed it… but no. I choose to see only what I want to see, and when it comes to my desk-that rarely includes wadded up tissues, crumbles of granola, chewed up pieces of plastic, or dirty dishes.

Los asked what was in it, thinking, I’m sure; that it held either some sort of delicious concoction that he could have a bite of, or knowing me, some sort of bug that I wanted to save from evil people.

I was fairly sure it was empty, seeing that I am a pig who will eat every bite of any food that’s in front of me 99% of the time; but I couldn’t remember for the life of me what it once held.

I tried to warn him not to open it, I did. But it was too late. I remembered why I always throw away dirty dishes the instant I next took a breath in. In the time span of about 4 seconds, the entire room filled with the scent of rotten carcass.

My poor intern was shocked. I apologized profusely that he had bared witness to my disgusting nature, but he just shrugged and put the lid back on. I told him just to leave it there and I would throw it in the dumpster later.

I quickly got distracted by twitter, and the next thing I knew my thermos appeared next to again, this time clean and smelling of soap.

And this is how I’ve come to find out I have the best interns in the world. Thank you Los! You went way beyond your duty.

 

Share

Related posts:

  1. Very exciting news, PLUS a new sketch just for you, featuring Nipples!
  2. I’ve Got to Break Free!!
  3. Distractions, Burning questions, and Some New Videos!
  4. Aaaaannnnnndddddd… we sing
  5. A break from the somberiety…
  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001953656828 Los Tex

    No problem Carissa! Thermos = Not cheap = All about saving some dough! Thanks for the shout out homie!!

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=100001953656828 Los Tex

    No problem Carissa! Thermos = Not cheap = All about saving some dough! Thanks for the shout out homie!!