I am a conundrum.


I’ve seen a few blogs lately where people  have been writing on the theme of “Truths.” At first I thought it was just a coincidence that about a third of the blogs that I read were talking about similar subjects, but then I put on my “No Shit, Sherlock” costume and I realized that it was a MEME.  I believe, “Ohhhhhh….. A MMMMMMMEEEEEEMMMMMME!!!” were the words that I exclaimed as the Broadway lights went off in my brain.

I know, if your an internet person you’ve probably known about this thing for months, bust since I’ve been the worst blog reader in the history of blog readers (and that’s like 13 years people), I’m only just finding out about it.

At first I thought it was interesting, but since I typically prefer not to participate in MEMEs, I decided against doing it.I figured that I would never really be able to write truthfully about myself. Hell, I’m not sure if I even know the truth about myself.

Whenever I have tried to figure myself out in the past, all I’ve ever been able to come up with are conundrums.

I love potatoes… a lot. French fries, baked potaters, sweet potaters, mashed tators, tots, hash browns… you name it. I love potatoes, but you couldn’t pay me to eat any of those items if I didn’t smother them in ketchup.

I love John Cusack. I mean hell, I pretend he’s my boyfriend in my head sometimes. But I wouldn’t want to meet him. I would find out that he’s not really Lloyd Dobler and then I’d be really sad.

I believe in God and I believe that I am ultimately a Christian, but I don’t necessarily believe that Jesus was literally God’s son, or that the  Bible is much more than a book on moral guidance.

I am a huge fan of Michael Jackson, and I have so much respect for that man and what he did for music- but listening to him sometimes hurts my earballs.

I could go on with these for days, but basically what I’m trying to say is that I’m one, bit, fat, conundrum. I have a hard time nailing down what I truly believe to be fact about myself.

Which is exactly why I’ve decided to participate in this MEME, that started- who knows where. I’ve been on a bit of a mission of self-discovery lately, and I figure this is as good as a way as any to make some progress on me.

So. I’m not sure how I plan to go about this, whether or not I’ll go in order, or if  I’ll stick to the MEME daily for the rest of NaBloPoMo, but I’m going to attempt to finish all thirty in a timely matter.  I’m not sure how interesting any of it’s going to be, so even if you’ve stuck around this long – I won’t blame you if you bow out now.

In case you have been under the same rock as me, here is the list:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 → Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 → Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 → A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

Feel free to join in, and please let me know if you do. Happy Truthing!

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  • Just A GIrl

    Oh god, this would be really hard for me on some of these. And not even all the self-searchy ones. A playlist? I so couldn’t do that.

  • http://stresstoimpress.wordpress.com Chris

    I know this is not yours specifically, but you have wonderful ideas. I may do this when I’m not so busy.

  • http://mrskandcaptainj.com Mrs. K

    I think I’m not brave enough to do these. Hmm…maybe one day I’ll blog/vlog them.

  • http://matthewjenks.blogspot.com/ Matt_J

    Why are religion and politics in the same question, but an entire question is dedicated to gay marriage itself?

    Sorry, reading these questions are just…I couldn’t allow myself to NOT be sarcastic in the responses. Maybe I should do this after all.

    Oh, Carissa…the Bible is SO MUCH more than just a book on moral guidance! It’s a written history of the Jewish people, replete with their mythologies, poetry and epics. And the New Testament contains the Christian mythologies, as well as some seriously long op-ed pieces. You definitely should be considering it more than just a book on morality.

  • Ella

    Okay so I attempted the 30 Days of Truth once and was going really strong.
    Then I gave up on it.

    i hope you succeed and look forward to your truths!!

    okay.. that was cheesy.
    i apologize for being a cornball.

    -Ella

  • http://meandthebee.wordpress.com/ steff

    i think it’s awesome that you’re planning on doing NaBloPoMo. i can’t get my act together enough to participate though i’ve been wanting to for at least 2 years. i’m blaming the honeymoon for this year.
    anyway… can’t wait to catch up on all your posts when we get back. i think it will be a great exercise, like a massive fall cleaning of your brain and emotions. lord knows i could use one.
    i also read your most recent posts before this one and i started crying reading about BB. i lost a dog a few years ago who i had had since i was 10 and one of the hardest things i ever had to do was watch him deteriorate throughout the years. it was heartbreaking. i wasn’t there when he passed either and i’m kind of glad i wasn’t. i don’t think i could have taken it. our pets are more than that. they really are like our family. it’s so unfair that they have to be taken from us after such a short time.

  • Pingback: Day 1: I hate you, me. | Carissa Jaded()

  • Amber Tidd Murphy

    Can you imagine having Joan Cusack as a sister-in-law, though? *Shudder.* I mean, if things worked out between you and John. I think Joan seems like she wouldn’t be very nice in real life. She IS a great actress. No offense to Joan. Maybe she’s like, super nice, and I’m wrong. I don’t know. Maybe I’m a conundrum, too.