Something completely unexpected has hit me this holiday…
It feels like something is brewing in the pit of my stomach. I feel tingles all along my arms and legs. I have the uncontrollable urge to belt out in song and do cartwheels.
I think this feeling is one that some might call joy.
I didn’t sense it coming, I didn’t even ask for it. But it has definitely arrived.
Last year Thanksgiving blew. I mean… it sucked so bad, Charlie Sheen would have never even let it out of the closet.
My parents had just decided to split up and my sister and I were forced to choose who to spend our precious time with. My grandfather, the rock that holds my extended family together, was sick in the E.R., which meant that most of our time was spent waiting and praying… None of us could really make sense of all that was happening.
Last year, I couldn’t get out of there fast enough. I welcomed going back to work and keeping my mind occupied on things that didn’t have to do with family and being thankful. Then, I spent the entire month of December “ Bah-Humbumming” myself around the house. Not even the NSYNC Christmas album had the power to cheer me up, and that usually works all year long.
Once the holidays were over, my grandfather started healing, and my parents started using rational thought- I was able to gain a little bit of perspective over my rotten holiday. The moments that stood out to me the most… crying with my sister and my dog in the car over the thought of spending our holidays a little “differently,” crying in a Denny’s Diner on Thanksgiving night with my dad, sitting in the ER with every single one of my cousins and aunts and uncles—those instances did kind of suck.
But you know what? (Prepare yourself for some cheese)
I wouldn’t take any of those moments back. At least I have a wonderful support system with whom I can rely on during hardship. At least I have family that cares whether or not I show up at dinner. At least I know that even in the hardest of times, we all pull together. I realize now that sitting in that E.R. room on Thanksgiving Day, sharing stories and jokes about our grandfather- THAT is what Thanksgiving is truly about.
Several times over the last year, when I’ve found myself down depressed, my thoughts carried me back to the Emergency room. There was something amazing about that sad little room with the ugly paintings of superficial boats- that reminds me how much I really have to be thankful for.. of how much, love, acceptance and support I have in my life.
This holiday season, I’ve decided not to let anything bring me down. No more cursing Andy Williams songs or threatening to knock over Christmas trees in the midst of holiday parties. I care not that I’m single and poor and that I’ll probably gain 24 lbs due to the vast amount of butter cookies I plan on ingesting.
Nope, I will be the epitome of holiday if it kills me (and annoys everyone I encounter). If you need me, just listen for the sound of Christmas bells and look for the girl farting out tinsel.That will be me.
P.S. HAPPY THANKSGIVING DEAR INTERNET! I can’t tell you how thankful I am for each and every one of you. Thanks so much for being a HUGE source of support and friendship over the last year. I’ve met so many wonderful people- and I honestly don’t know what I do without you!
P.P.S. HAPPY THANKSGIVING Friends and family! I hope I don’t even have to tell you how much you mean to me!! I want to squeeze all of your faces off!
P.P.P.S. HAPPY THANKSGIVING FACEBOOK FRIENDS AND LURKERS! I know you’re there, I see it in my stats. I don’t know who you are- but thanks for reading. It warms my cold heart and feeds my gluttonous ego to know you’re there. I LOVE YOU ALL!