30 Days of Truth: Day 3- Something I have to forgive myself for.


These are tough. I’ve been thinking about this one for a while now, and I’m not sure I’m at a place in my life where I’m comfortable discussing some of these prompts in public. There are many actions I’ve taken in my life that I would love to take back. There are also several instances where I ultimately made the best decision, but I still cannot say that I will ever fully accept the choices that I have made.

This has actually been a big thing for me in the last few weeks… “self forgiveness.” I was recently forced to make the toughest decision of my life and sometimes I feel like hitting myself over the head with a stapler, because I’m not sure I did the right thing.

Lately, I feel like I’ve really been struggling with the concept of “let it be.” I curse myself for my lack of self confidence and my inability to be content. I carry on a facade of being “happy go lucky,” which is usually true in the moment. It’s later on, once my brain takes some time to process things that I go on this irrational rollercoaster of emotions.

It’s not only my mind that I have to forgive myself for, my relationship with my physical self has always been a bit rocky.

I don’t think I’ve been particularly kind to my body in the past.

I have starved it and overfed it. I’ve allowed myself to drown in alcoholic binges. There have been times in my past where I’ve gone on blind food binges.
I haven’t always respected myself when it comes to men. I’ve consciously let myself be taken advantage of.

I know that I have some issues, but I think I do a pretty good job at facing them. At least I have self awareness, but I’m not always sure that’s a good thing. There’s quite a bit of truth to that old saying “Ignorance is Bliss.” Oh Plato, you genius you.

I doubt there will ever be a time in my life when I’m not struggling with myself… when I’m not punishing myself or pushing myself to be better at life, but I do hope to get a little bit closer to being content.

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  • http://twitter.com/RedHeadedWriter J

    You just described my struggles to a tee.

    Only I’ve FINALLY put an end to letting myself be mistreated by douchebag, emotionally inept idiots. I’m DONE. I really am. No matter what my sex drive tries to talk me into…I’m done.

    Still a slave to donuts, though.

  • Nikki

    You’re right, you’ll never forget. But you did it to take care of yourself, so don’t let it run you down and rob you of the reason you made these decisions in the first place. Nurture your heart and your body now, don’t beat on it.

    And quit playing The Beatles “let it be” on repeat 😉

  • http://jeneypeney.wordpress.com/ Jeney

    “I don’t think I’ve been particularly kind to my body in the past.”

    Amen, sista. (Have you read the book I sent you yet??)

    I have a feeling I’m going to struggle with answering this question in public as well…

  • Ed Adams

    I’m awesome.