Too Far? Perhaps.

I realize that sometimes, I take things a little too far.

I obsess, that’s just my nature.

Like my love for John Cusack… I’m sure you, internet, are even sick of hearing about it at this point. But still I trudge on and I will announce my love for all the world to hear once again…


There I feel better. But not amazing.


Now I’m rocking.

I take things too far in other ways too.

Despite the fact that I love performing comedy, I’ve never been particularly good at telling jokes, especially ones that other people wrote. However, I had  a a favorite joke when I was young, and I told it all the time.

There was once a young boy, and when he turned 3- his dad asked what he wanted for his birthday.

He told his dad he wanted 2 ping pong balls. One red and one blue.

The next year on his 4th birthday, his dad asked what he wanted for his birthday…

He told his dad he wanted 4 ping pong balls, 2 purple and 2 blue.

On his fourth birthday he told his dad he wanted 8 ping pong balls. 1 pink, 2 red, 2 orange, and 3 turquoise.

ect, ect, ect..

Then his dad dies..

Then he has a son of his own, and his son says “Dad what do you want for your Birthday?”

And he says, “Son, one day I will explain this all to you, but for my 30th Birthday – I want 37 ping pong balls. 30 magenta, 2 brown, and 5 neon green.

ect, ect, ect…

4 hours later..

The dad is on his death bed and his son asks for his final request, he says “onnnneeeee whittteee ping pong balllllll.”

The son asks his dad what was up with all the ping pong balls all these years… “Well son, it was because… becccaauussseeee……”

And then he dies.

You don’t have to tell me… I know! That was the worst joke ever. And if I told it the way I used to, it would take about 3 hours to read…. but still it made me laugh to see other’s go through so much suffering at my expense.

I love taking a joke too far, that’s all there is to it. A few years ago, my best friend almost befriended me because I made up a pointing game. I would think of any hand movement that inadvertently pointed to her, and she just about lost it. It went on for months. It was HILARIOUS to me. Not so much to her.

Well, it seems the world is finally getting back at me.

Every night for the last few weeks my roommate has filled up the Brita with water.

Every night I semi-watch her do so, yet I don’t take it in.

Every night within 15 seconds of her filling the Brita up with water, I pour myself a glass of water.

And every night the lid falls off and water spills all over the floor.

I suspect she thinks I’m doing it on purpose at this point. So not the case.

I’m not sure if my life has become a mockery of one of my passions, or what… but I do feel like it has become a mockery of one of my most favorite sketches EVER. (Mr. Show)


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  • Anonymous

    I love that joke and will start telling it. Because it’s not so much the listener that enjoys themselves, but the teller.. and if I tell the joke, then I am the teller, and if I am enjoying myself, what else matters?

  • Matt_J

    I, too, am one who takes jokes way too far.

    This is why my wife’s name isn’t Larissa, or Julie or Angie or…there has to be another one who has dumped me because of my obsession with seeing a joke out to what I deem is its natural ending!

  • Nikki

    You can love on Cusack all you want. And tell awful jokes. Should we ever meet, I will tell you a myriad of offense jokes and we will be bffs.

  • steff

    i love mr. show! but i don’t remember that particular sketch. i DO have the full-series box set so methinks i need to do a little research so you and i can be on the same page here…

  • Anonymous

    Ah yes! I love it.. I believe it’s in the 4th season. The same episode where the do that parody about the 2 grocery stores. I think.

  • Bluntdelivery

    hahaha! oh man, i never tire of hearing of your love for john cusack, it is completely justified like my hate for neil diamond

  • Ed Adams

    He was planning ahead for that big multicultural Beer-Pong game in the sky.

  • JustMe

    I just watched Joan Cusack on SVU. She was pretty freaky.

  • Carli

    One of these days John Cusack is going to read this, and he’s gonna be all DAYUM GIRL, let’s get this shit started.

  • Sada

    Cusack doesn’t know what he’s missing. Or maybe he does now that you mentioned the arm tickles.

  • kathryn

    Oh. So you’re one of *those* joke-tellers….duly noted. I’ll just go to my happy place if you start with one.