Remember how a couple weeks ago I was spouting off about my new positive attitude?
I wasn’t bullshitting when I said that I thought it was working.
Turns out though, that all the positive thinking in the world can’t ward off misery… especially when something happens that completely blindsides you. Waking up in the morning and telling myself “today is going to be a good day,” isn’t so helpful when a major part of the reason you were planning on having a good day just disapears from your life without a warning.
Only now that I can look back on the last few months, maybe I should have seen it coming. Maybe super-gluing rose colored glasses to my face wasn’t the best idea. Maybe I was so drunk on happiness and rainbows and music (and let’s face it, alcohol) that I didn’t see what was really going on.
It doesn’t really matter at this point.
I can either continue to sit here with my bag of reeses peices and my glass of cheap pinot grigio with my arms in the air yelling “whhyyyyyy?!?” or I can end this pity party for one right now. I can recognize that I’m still the same independent woman who has never relied on a man for happiness. I can pick back up with where I was a few months ago, when I was growing as a person, on my own. I can recognize the positive that this relatonship has given me…and that when I’m ready again, I deserve to be with someone who respects me. I can admit that I am attractive and confident and that while I still have a lot of growing to do, I have come so far in the last year.
And that’s exactly what I intend to do.
I know that it’s not going to be easy, but I don’t think it will be that difficult either. I have so many people in my life who care about me, and I’m ready to embrace their support.
I even woke up this morning with Steve Winwood’s “Back in the High Life” stuck in my brain. I want to write again. More than that- I think I want to wash my hair for the first time since Wednesday. This could be a really good thing for me.
So yes. It’s a beautiful day outside and I’m ready to go out, put on some Lady Gaga… and live.
I just recieved a very humorous email from a future version of myself, telling me how much better things are about to get.
And that’s just one more reason that I love my friends.
Happy Labor Day!