The last sad day….

Posted by Carissa Jade in Angsty talk, Coulda been worse, dates, It's my life, Uncategorized on 09 6th, 2010 | 9 Comments

Remember how a couple weeks ago I was spouting off about my new positive attitude?

I wasn’t bullshitting when I said that I thought it was working.

Turns out though, that all the positive thinking in the world can’t ward off misery… especially when something happens that completely blindsides you. Waking up in the morning and telling myself  ”today is going to be a good day,” isn’t so helpful when a major part of the reason you were planning on having a good day just disapears from your life without a warning.

Only now that I can look back on the last few months, maybe I should have seen it coming. Maybe super-gluing rose colored glasses to my face wasn’t the best idea. Maybe I was so drunk on happiness and rainbows and music (and let’s face it, alcohol) that I didn’t see what was really going on.

It doesn’t really matter at this point.

 I can either continue to sit here with my bag of reeses peices and my glass of cheap pinot grigio with my arms in the air yelling “whhyyyyyy?!?” or I can end this pity party for one right now. I can recognize that I’m still the same independent woman who has never relied on a man for happiness. I can pick back up with where I was a few months ago, when I was growing as a person, on my own. I can recognize the positive that this relatonship has given me…and  that when I’m ready again, I deserve to be with someone who respects me. I can admit that I am attractive and confident and that while I still have a lot of growing to do, I have come so far in the last year.

And that’s exactly what I intend to do.

I know that it’s not going to be easy, but I don’t think it will be that difficult either.  I have so many people in my life who care about me, and I’m ready to embrace their support.

I even woke up this morning with Steve Winwood’s “Back in the High Life” stuck in my brain. I want to write again. More than that- I think I want to wash my hair for the first time since Wednesday. This could be a really good thing for me.


So yes. It’s a beautiful day outside and I’m ready to go out, put on some Lady Gaga… and live.

Peee essss:

I just recieved a very humorous email from a future version of myself, telling me how much better things are about to get.

And that’s just one more reason that I love my friends.

Happy Labor Day!

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  • Herding Cats

    Hey! I miss you and your blog too! I’m so sorry to hear about this. Sucks, and I’ve been there. But trust me, you are fabulous, and I think that the right person will recognize this 110%. Let me know if you can’t access my blog. I have you as a reader, but I have no idea if it’s working. If you can see it, there’s a post from last week as the last one added. Let me know! Hang in there!

  • Andigayle1980

    YOU GO GIRL!!!! Keep your head up, you are going to be just fine. Actually you are going to be better, because this situation will only strengthen your character. I love you! And I have tried to send you my itunes gift but it isn’t working. I will try again…

  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    Ew. Guys who don’t deserve us are SO yesterday. It’s never easy, but it sounds like you’re already halfway around the “forget YOU” bend. Which means, of course, you are fabulous.

    Also – Reeses Pieces will always be acceptable.

  • http://twitter.com/laughstooeasily dani

    It sucks that you have to deal with a dude that doesn’t deserve all your kickass-ness, but you are really taking great steps by choosing to take the lesson and go on focusing on you. Future you clearly knows where it’s at.

  • Anonymous

    Men. What bastards.

    But it’s good that you are able to take something away from the relationship.

    Onwards to happiness and good times!

  • Aggykryss

    Man, I hate relationship crashes.

    But it looks like you took the first step to regaining a positive attitude, and that is of course finding a song to pump yourself up. Even if it may be a rather random song :-D

  • Candicewalsh

    Apparently I have not been keeping up with your blog at all…but sending you virtual hugs! LOVE the attitude, KEEP IT THAT WAY!!!!

  • http://www.nikkidz.blogspot.com Nikki

    You know what? I wrote something really nice and then your blog kicked me out! Seriously?! WTF??? But you’re worth it so I’ll write it again…shit now I can’t remember. Something about how you’re awesome and positive. No for real.

  • http://www.theTsaritsasez.com/ Alexandra the Tsaritsa

    I feel for you, but things can only get better from here! Pinot Grigio and Reeses sound like an odd combination :)