My Girl Crush and other thoughts. (May contain mild mermaid nudity)
Holy mother of my soul, have you heard of Grace Potter?
If you haven’t then you definitely need to google that shit right now. Or here, check out a video. Prepare to have your face and panties melted off.
The other day I asked twitter (as I so often do,) for some reccomendations on some new tunes. 3 or 4 people suggested this amazing woman. Her name sounded familiar, and I knew that she was playing at Austin City Limits in a few weeks, but I had never actually taken the time to listen to her. So I paid 9.99 for her cd on itunes, along with $89 worth of other music, and I had my mind blown.
A few days later I won 2 pairs of tickets to her show here in Dallas. I fell in love.
I mean really.
I’ve never had a lesbian thought in my life, unless you count my crush on Robin Williams as Mrs Doubtfire, but I found myself looking over at my friend Moops and agreeing when he said she was the hottest woman on the planet. She wore a sexy little sequined number that made me want to shake my booty.
I wasn’t actually being serious about having sexual thoughts for this woman, but that night I did happen to have my first lesbian dream, so there must have been something going on.
Granted, my dream was about an encounter with Meryl Streep- which was just oogie. Don’t get me wrong. I would probably get it on with Meryl Streep if she asked, because after all she is Meryl Streep, and who knows!? Maybe some of her awesomeness and talent would literally rub off on me, but she’s not exactly my first choice.
Moving on.
Besides seeing Grace Potter and having lesbian dreams, not much has been happening in the “”World o’ Carissa.” I kind of like it that way.
I realized that for the last 4 months or so, I’ve been going completley non-stop. Every weekend, I’ve either had a wedding or a birthday or an extreme depression due to heartbreak to deal with, and while most of that was fun, it has also been quite exhausting. I’ve tried to take the last few weeks to get back to the important stuff… you know… Me.
I went home this last weekend to visit my family, and didn’t do a damn thing other than eat, watch movies, eat, stare at a blank computer screen, eat, take a walk, and read old journal entries. Oh, and eat.
I did do a little bit of pondering while I was eating. I tried to stay away from any thoughts that would really disturb my good eating vibes, so I focused on things that have been bothering me for a while.
Specifically.
Mermaids.
OK. So we all know that mermaids are these beautiful beings that want nothing more than to be able to walk on land. We also know that they often fall in love with human men, and presumably want to have sex with them.
Fine, I get it. You always want what you can’t have.
So we can presume that when a mermaid turns into a human she gets all the normal human body parts needed for reproduction and what not. Right?
But what I don’t get, what “they” never tell us, is how mermaids procreate when they are still mermaids. They are more than willing to let us know that mermaids have breasts, sometimes breasts that are only covered up long locks of hair. But they never even attempt to explain how mermaids make babies…. or even how they pee, for that matter.
I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all a conspiracy. They want us to believe that mermaids are pure and beautiful, and that they don’t have anything akin to my roommate’s dog’s set of vag-tags.
Well I’m here to tell you now, IT”S ALL LIES!!!
I’m not sure what they have in place of human-lady bits; but I am positive that they have something. “They” just don’t want us to know about it for fear that mermaids will lose part of their magic, that and their marketing ability.
Like I said, I’m no expert… but I do have plans to get to the bottom of this. For now, all I have is a hypothesis, and it looks a little something like this…
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