My Girl Crush and other thoughts. (May contain mild mermaid nudity)


 

 Holy mother of my soul, have you heard of Grace Potter?

If you haven’t then you definitely need to google that shit right now. Or here, check out a video. Prepare to have your face and panties melted off.

 

The other day I asked twitter (as I so often do,) for some reccomendations on some new tunes. 3 or 4 people suggested this amazing woman. Her name sounded familiar, and I knew that she was playing at Austin City Limits in a few weeks, but I had never actually taken the time to listen to her. So I paid 9.99 for her cd on itunes, along with $89 worth of other music, and I had my mind blown.

A few days later I won 2 pairs of tickets to her show here in Dallas. I fell in love.

I mean really.

I’ve never had a lesbian thought in my life, unless you count my crush on Robin Williams as Mrs Doubtfire, but I found myself looking over at my friend Moops and agreeing when he said she was the hottest woman on the planet. She wore a sexy little sequined number that made me want to shake my booty.

I wasn’t actually being serious about having sexual thoughts for this woman, but that night I did happen to have my first lesbian dream, so there must have been something going on.

Granted, my dream was about an encounter with Meryl Streep- which was just oogie. Don’t get me wrong. I would probably get it on with Meryl Streep if she asked, because after all she is Meryl Streep, and who knows!? Maybe some of her awesomeness and talent would literally rub off on me, but she’s not exactly my first choice.

Moving on.

Besides seeing Grace Potter and having lesbian dreams, not much has been happening in the “”World o’ Carissa.” I kind of like it that way.

I realized that for the last 4 months or so, I’ve been going completley non-stop. Every weekend, I’ve either had a wedding or a birthday or an extreme depression due to heartbreak to deal with, and while most of that was fun, it has also been quite exhausting. I’ve tried to take the last few weeks to get back to the important stuff… you know… Me.

I went home this last weekend to visit my family, and didn’t do a damn thing other than eat, watch movies, eat, stare at a blank computer screen, eat, take a walk, and read old journal entries. Oh, and eat.

I did do a little bit of pondering while I was eating. I tried to stay away from any thoughts that would really disturb my good eating vibes, so I focused on things that have been bothering me for a while.

Specifically.

Mermaids.

OK. So we all know that mermaids are these beautiful beings that want nothing more than to be able to walk on land.  We also know that they often fall in love with human men, and presumably want to have sex with them.

Fine, I get it. You always want what you can’t have.

So we can presume that when a mermaid turns into a human she gets all the normal human body parts needed for reproduction and what not. Right?

But what I don’t get, what “they” never tell us, is how mermaids procreate when they are still mermaids. They are more than willing to let us know that mermaids have breasts, sometimes breasts that are only covered up long locks of hair. But they never even attempt to explain how mermaids make babies…. or even how they pee, for that matter.

I’ve come to the conclusion that it’s all a conspiracy. They want us to believe that mermaids are pure and beautiful, and that they don’t have anything akin to my roommate’s dog’s set of vag-tags.

Well I’m here to tell you now, IT”S ALL LIES!!!

I’m not sure what they have in place of human-lady bits; but I am positive that they have something. “They” just don’t want us to know about it for fear that mermaids will lose part of their magic, that and their marketing ability.

Like I said, I’m no expert…  but I do have plans to get to the bottom of this. For now, all I have is a hypothesis, and it looks a little something like this…

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  • Ed Adams

    Never heard that grace chic before, but she’s badass.

    And I’ve totally had a thing for mermaids since I saw Splash as a kid.

  • Anonymous

    I think now that you’ve put that Mermaid nudity there we can take all the rest of the porn off the Internet. That should be enough for everybody, and it will never get old.

    I mean, I’ve heard there’s porn on the Internet. I don’t know anything about it personally of course. But our government wants to put in some sort of filter, so they must be filtering out something, so I’ve assumed it’s porn.

    I know, and Internet filter. You didn’t even know I was living in North Korea did you?

    PS That sound is pretty cool. I didn’t watch the video, I just hit “play” and read your post bopping away.

  • Anonymous

    I didn’t get any credit for the Grace Potter encouragment…hello?

  • http://www.jaime2pointoh.com SillyJaime

    Since this great mystery is… well, so great… I’m sure we will all be awaiting your findings. Let’s call it the Mermaid Deliberation.

  • http://meandthebee.wordpress.com/ steff

    Grace Potter is super cool! may i ALSO suggest Jenny Lewis if you haven’t been drooling over her already? she’s my total lady-music crush. aside from Winehouse. but that’s kind of like comparing apples to *rotten* apples, so… nevermind.

  • http://30isthenew13.blogspot.com Sada

    Please, please, please… do not let me have a lesbian mermaid dream about Meryl Streep tonight.

  • Leigha

    Hey, this is Leigha from the Crazy Single Life. I am in the process of exporting my blog to another web address. I’ll be taking The Crazy Single Life offline soon. If you would like to continue following me pop by my new blog http://othersideofbeautiful.blogspot.com

  • http://untidy.ca Carli

    That is an amazingly glorious depiction of a mermaid and her secret “blow-hole”!

  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    That is a hilarious drawing.

  • http://thepopeye.blogspot.com BeckEye

    Yeah, she’s totally hot, right?? And an amazing singer/musician.

  • Candicewalsh

    Definitely checking out Grace.

    Can’t believe you just posted mermaid porn, NSFW!!!!

  • http://www.nikkidz.blogspot.com Nikki

    Now was the mermaid shot? Or is she banging herself with a cigarette? You’re right…the magic was gone the moment I saw your drawing.

    Meryl Streep will most definitely rub something on you 😉

  • Anonymous

    The sentence “I’ve never had a lesbian thought in my life, unless you count my crush on Robin Williams as Mrs Doubtfire” now surpasses the complete works of Shakespeare as THE CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT OF THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE.

    Also, I love that when you first started speculating on mermaid pee, I was instantly like, “duh, they have a cloaca.” …why in god’s name do I know the name of the hole that fish and amphibians do their bidness out of?!

  • Buffy Charlet

    Holy mother of god, this is so funny!! You are so awesome! I can’t even decide what my favorite part is because it’s ALL my favorite!

    I felt the same way you felt after I saw Anoushka Shankar live for the first time. Know her? She’s one of India’s most famous musicians and Norah Jones’s sister. I crushed out haaaaaaard when I saw her. So did my boyfriend, but it was totally understandable.

  • Sweffling

    Please do not publish this comment as we wish to keep this a surprise for The Idiot.
    A small group of fans of The Idiot Speaketh hailing from all over the globe and inspired by recent events in Peru, have decided to form a coalition of Idiot fans – namely IDIOT WORSHIPPERS! If you are anything like us, you too have been suffering from debilitating withdrawal symptoms since The Idiot left the U.S. ostensibly on some “mission” to “train people.” He is due to return to the U.S. on October 5th and we would like to throw him a HUGE welcome home party!
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    We want to shower him with gifts, douse him with adulation, spray him with the mighty force of our gratitude (…wait…that sounded a little kinky…) In short, we want to show him a HUGE, ENORMOUS, GARGANTUAN welcome home….
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    OK folks, Tuesday is PARTY TIME!!! :-)

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    I’ve returned to the blogging world [kind of] and have SO much catching up to do. I wanted to read more of your blogs [I’ve missed reading them, just so you know, but life kind of took over] but got so stuck on the whole Meryl Streep thing. I hate her. Like, this weird kind of hate that doesn’t make any sense considering I don’t know her and as far as I know, she never did anything to me. So now, I’ll have to come back and read more after I’ve de-Meryl-ized.

  • http://thetallredhead.wordpress.com/ Toni

    I think I wet my pants. (in a sexual way, not a weak bladder way) She is hot. I am so getting her on iTunes. And I agree with the mermaid thing. Total bullshit. What goes in, must come out. (I mean food there) Unless, male mermaids are like seahorses and they have the babies…there isnt much known about male mermaids….

  • brass casting

    The mermaid how good-looking than the picture

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