Your Words, My words, and IT’S MY BLOG BIRTHDAY! ONE YEAR! (that’s annoying)


Blog Birthday that is. What the what!? I sat down to write my first post in 2 weeks and I realized that somehow the fact that today marks one year of blogging was about to fly by my face without me even noticing it. I know it’s been a while- but holy mother of my soul, this is literally the longest I’ve ever stayed committed to ANYTHING! Oh sure, I posted a while back about my Cameraversary, where I celebrated an entire year without losing a camera, but this is different. I’m a quitter. I quit everything, except for the few vices that I really should quit. I get tired of things. And though it may seem like I’ve grown tired of this… I really haven’t- and this is just the fire under my bootie that I need to get things flowing again.

But since I have been majorly sucking at blogging as of late, I’ve decided to wait and celebrate until my real birthday- in about 2 weeks or so. Soooo… In two weeks expect a fantabulous giveaway. I’ll be talking about that more in the weeks to come, but for now- I MUST POST ON.

I promised myself that when I finally got around to updating the old blog, I wouldn’t get all schmoozy and apologize for my lack of presence on the internet. But then every time I sit down to write, I end up opening my reader, read a few posts, then start feeling simultaneously guilty and overwhelmed for not being a better blogger/blog friend. So I’m just going to say it this once. I’M SORRY! I SUCK AT LIFE! DRAGON EELS SHOULD EAT MY FACE!

That being said, I haven’t written for lack of topic. Everyday I write a million ideas down on pieces of scrap paper- but those seem to get lost in the clusterfuck that is my purse. Other times I write things down on my hand- but somehow- even though I rarely shower (Hey! I’m just doing my part to be green) it  smudges off and all I’m left with is a scraggly “mdio ___ asdji” and I don’t even know Japanese, so that does me no good.

More than anything, I feel that I should catch you up on the happenings of my life as of late, but I don’t know where to start. So much has happened, yet so little. In order to get started in blogging again in an orderly fashion, I decided to ask the ye ole faithful people of twitter and facebook for a few words of inspiration. And by inspiration I didn’t mean encouraging words, because that would have done crap. I just asked for random words, which I will now try  to justify by relating them to the events of my life the last few weeks. Which is sort of like an improv game, and I love that.

Here.We.Go….. Or. Something. Like. That.

From @technicalparent —Diffident: I’m not gonna lie, I had to look this one up. It means something like “hesitant to speak because of lack of self confidence.” Hmmmmmmmm….. HMMMMMMMMM. This may be a stretch, but there have been a few times these last few weeks where I’ve had to test my comfortability-ness. (I believe that if you add “ness” to any word, it makes it correct. Your face.) Not so much in the realms of speaking, but more when it comes to my body. Like the other day, I wore a pair of pants that were way to big. I couldn’t even walk without my pants falling down and that wasn’t cool. I’m pretty sure tens of people saw my panties. And then just this Monday I made the mistake of wearing a shirt that was too big without a tanktop. I had to tuck the sleeves around my bra straps. In my office. Because I’m classy like that. But none of those compare to the fact that the entire nation of campers saw me in all my glory when I decided to sleep in a tent, in the nude, with the flap open, on 4th of July weekend. Just trying to serve my country, Yanno.

From @KidtoGrownUp— Swizzle Stick: I’m not sure what that means but I’m assuming you mean that stick that makes my car go. Right? Actually I have had some issues with that lately. For the last three years or so I’ve had to have a screw driver in the hole just to get my car to get out of park. The other day I couldn’t get it in the hole. It just… wouldn’t go in. Turns out there was a bobby pin stuck in there.

BAHAHAHA. This is actually a true story.

From @SamtheMailman (AKA my white trash twitter hub) Noodles: I can’t eat them. I don’t do well with bread at all. I’m pretty sure I’m allergic. But I absolutely love them. So last week I decided to go ahead and splurge on some spicy korean ramen dish at Pei Wei. It wasn’t great so I added about 2 cups of Rooster sauce. I still can’t sit right.

From @MrCondescendingNocturnal: That is precisely what I’ve been for the last few months. Only, unfortunately, I’ve also had to be Dayturnal- which doesn’t make day- life very fun. I’ve always been a little bit nocturnal but I’m usually at least a little productive in the wee hours of the night. It doesn’t really affect me until I’m driving though, so no biggie- unless your one of the million people driving in Dallas during rush hour.

From @Leowuzhere Spatchula— hmmm Well I basically eat eggs everyday so I use a “spatula.” But Spatchula.. That sounds like something spanish. I think that is what I shall call the corn that I have on my right toe. I suppose I can make that relevant to my last few weeks because that thing is UGGGLEEEE.

From @KarisaTellsAll Anesthesize: Just last night I took some Benadryl at about 1AM. I was definitely anesthesized. And felt like I drank a 12 pack this morning. In reality, I only had like 4 beers. Not cool Benadryl, not cool.

From @TechnicalparentSpelunking: While I did find a few alternative meanings for this word in the Urban dictionary, I’m gonna go with the actual meaning. Cave diving. Right? I cleaned out my car a couple weeks ago. I found about 30 dollars in quarters, 14 french fries, my glasses with one arm broken off, and about 3 pairs of panties. I have no idea why they are in my car.

From @hellofrancy Attraction: I only mention boys on my site for 3 reasons. A. They are douchenozzles from the present and need to be outed B. They are douchenozzles from the past and I can laugh about my time with them. Or C. I’m kinda smitten, but I don’t like to do that much. But I can always erase this so yes, I’m a but of a smitten pussycat, as the foreign might say. Besides that, I’ve also realized I have an attraction to brussell sprouts, which is quite surprising since I’ve spent my entire life making vomiting noises anytime I hear the word. I have also realized that cops still have an attraction to me. The other day I got a warning, because it seems that walking on a street is now illegal in Texas.

From @NickSilly Sailboat: I had a discussion about sailboats the other day. They seem like the worst kind of boating ever. Too much work.

From @Tequila_K –(1st choice) Karaoke: I have had a seriously lack of karaoke in my life the last few weeks.. but I’ve been thinking seriously about all the songs I want to sing in the near future.  If I don’t find someone to sing “Paradise By the Dashboard Light” with me in the next two weeks then I will eat raw chicken.

From @Tequila_K –(Second Choice) Tequila: My roommate LA introduced me to my new favorite drink evah! It’s called a Paloma. It’s grapefruit juice, tequila, soda, salt and lime… and it is the most refreshing thing that has ever hit my lips. Do it.

From @Tequila_K— (Put em’ Together) TequilaKaraoke: I hope this doesn’t offend you, but I know just what happens to me when I combine the two. You see, once I get a little bit of tequila in me, I will use absolutely anything as a microphone. And if I happen to be gettin it on? ….. crickets….. get it? Yeah, that’s what I call tequila karaoke. In the last few weeks though? No comment.

From @JeneyPeney (via facebook) Snorkel: Come on! Let’s refer to spelunkering. I could do so much with this, but I’m not gonna go there. And also I’m tired.

From @jpryan06 Persnickity: While urban dictionary tells me that “persnickity” can mean making out, I also happen to have looked up know that it can mean being nit picky, which I rarely am. You may be aware that I am one of the least nit picky people in the world. In fact, I probably won’t even spell check this mother before I hit publish. I have realized, that dating someone- makes me a little more conscious of the details when it comes to my body. I still haven’t mastered being lady like,and I most likely never will, but I have seriously put a major effort into shaving my legs, plucking my eyebrows, and cupping my hand over my chin when I notice I have a hair growing out of it. Being a “lady” is a lot of work.

From Eric via Facebook: Grease: I may have put a minor effort into being more lady like, but I still have a lot of that shiz in my hair. Nothing baby powder can’t fix though. Also, it’s the word.

From my HS Dance Teacher–Booger: Still hate them.

From JRoberts via facebook– Ointment: I haven’t used any. I have, started using under eyecream, which is sort of an ointment.

From @NickSilly Providential: I had to look this one up too. I’ve always been one to spout out my “beliefs” of fate, and how the universe works in mysterious ways, because I’ve always wanted to believe in those things, but really haven’t… I’ve even been known to bust out some Tarot cards in your face. Though I admit now that I completely bullshit my way through reading (kind of like I did here,) but I dunno. I keep finding myself thinking that things work out for a reason. I’ve been having all these weird dreams that I’m not going to go into, but it all seems to mean something. Bah. I’m tipsy. And probably going to erase this entire post. Mostly I’m hoping that Providential will work it’s ways on me and my neighbor will knock on my door with a giant bowl of hummus.

A girl can dream right?

I’ll see you sooner than later! Have a great weekend!

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  1. A few words. Word.
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  3. Fuck your stupid face, blog.
  4. Doctor Who Stole my blog but I’m Stealing It Back.
  5. I am no longer Carissa… I shall now and forever be known as Salmon Croquette. (Happy Birthday Meat Loaf)
  • Ed Adams

    Happy Blogoversary!!!

    Glad you made it!

    Now eat that fucking moth already!

  • CarissaJaded

    It's on my list of things to do never, because i don't want to touch one. If you send me one in the mail- i swear upon everything that I will do it on video. That day. I will. EEEK I will.

  • Nikki

    I was just thinking of emailing you today to make sure you were ALIVE! Happy blogoversary. Your blog is like the neglected youngest child. You better get it something good to make up for your parentling style.

    Let's have some palomas to celebrate. That's right blog, just sit tight while Mommy and Daddy get drunk for your birthday. I mean, Mommy and Mommy. Wait does that make us lesbians? I don't know if I'm ready for a relationship with a child, let alone a blog.

    No I'm not drinking right now. I missed you!

  • JP Ryan

    First… “Fantabulous” has always been one of my favorite words… Van Morrison FTW!

    Second… I first read that as “You see, once I get a little bit of tequila in me, I will use a microphone as absolutely anything.” and thought “well THAT would certainly make Karaoke a lot more entertaining…

    Finally… I like a lady who SHOWS that she's making an effort… whether or not she actually isn't the point. So long as she looks like she is.

  • badassgeek

    Benadryl and I are good friends.

    Happy Blog Birthday!

  • Matt_J

    You're a very cute girl. It would be a shame if dragon eels ate your face off.

    Happy Blogoversary. Or Blogiversary. Or Blogaverse…I put the brain in the robot.

  • Mwa

    Happy blog birthday! I thought you passed that mark a while ago…

  • JustMe

    I read tarot too! It's the shit. I make money off of it. Waaayyy better than working retail.

    I'll read your cards someday!! :)

  • Herding Cats

    Your blog and myself must be meant to be – birthday twins!

  • BobbiJanay@Kid to a Grown Up

    Silly, Swizzle Stick is what goes in a drink. More over I once had a car that also had to have a screw driver in the tape deck in the radio to make it work.

  • Joanna England

    Happy Effing Blog Birthday!

  • Clevelandpoet

    I enjoy that my attempt to help was tatas.

    yay tatas!

    oh and glad you haven't quit. You better not!

  • Hip Hop Hippie

    Happy Bloggy Bday!!! Hoooooray! Sending you interwebz cake and margaritas!!! (and stoneos:)

  • ScoMan

    Happy bloggoversary.

    I think Dragon Eels is way too harsh of a punishment for your crimes. Maybe Hermit Crab Eels to serve as a warning. Or maybe Hamster Eels, and strike two is the Hermit Crabs, and then strike three is the Dragons.

    I'm pretty sure walking on a street is not a good thing, especially if you're holding up traffic. You should stay on the footpath and the officer was right to warn you. You could get run over.

  • Citygirlblogs

    Woo hoo!!! Happy Blogiversary!!!

  • Pollypoptart

    Oh dear, I laughed aloud at much of that. Especially tequila karaoke.

    Happy 1st birthday, Carissa's blog! (I know I'm a day late, but better late than never, right?)

  • JD at I Do Things

    Mmm . . . rooster sauce. I dearly love hot and spicy, but more and more, I find myself unable to sit right. It's a conundrum.

  • Pollypoptart

    Oh dear, I laughed aloud at much of that. Especially tequila karaoke.

    Happy 1st birthday, Carissa's blog! (I know I'm a day late, but better late than never, right?)

  • JD at I Do Things

    Mmm . . . rooster sauce. I dearly love hot and spicy, but more and more, I find myself unable to sit right. It's a conundrum.

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