Life Hurts and I WILL Crush It’s Head!

I realized early on that it’s usually the  little things that hurt the most. That the seemingly insignificant words can sometimes be the most lasting. That a tiny piece of mechanical pencil lead, not only hurts like hell- but will stay embedded in the palm of your hand for 22 years.

I’ve always been a little sensitive, and that’s something that I think that I have really made a conscious effort to improve on in recent years, and I think I’ve really come a long way.

I remember when I was young, I was never really bothered when I wasn’t invited to a sleepover, or that I wasn’t the most popular girl in school. The things that had the most effect on me were the words that I suspect that no one else would remember or that others would have brushed off as a joke.

When I was in Elementary school I sometimes had to wear an eye patch because I had a lazy eye. I only had to wear it a few hours every day, so my parents usually allowed me to do my time after school hours. I also fell off a slide onto concrete and shattered my right arm so I had to have it attached to my body for several months. For the most part, neither the eye patch or the cast that made me look like I only had one arm were really a big deal to me. For the most part.

Back in those days they used to line the kids up for lunch or recess alphabetically. I’m not sure if they still do that, but it always really blew if your last name started with a letter in the middle of the alphabet, because you never got to be the leader. I always wished that my last name was “Adams” or “Zookeeper,” so that I would get to be at the front of the line. Why that was such a big deal back then, I can’t remember… but it was.

One day, I believe it was a Tuesday, my mom had forgotten to force me to wear my eye patch the afternoon before, so instead I had to wear it to school like an asshole. On this particular day, since I was in fact wearing a flesh colored patch (not even a cool black one) and was half gimp and my teacher must have felt extremely sorry for me, because for the first time in the history of my life- she decided to line us up starting with the letter “Mc.” (That’s me!)

So there I was, standing at the very front of the line, smiling my little booty off- when all of a sudden I noticed that the line that had formed in the classroom across the hall were pointing and laughing. At first I didn’t think much about it, because surely they were just laughing because someone had tooted or something, but it still made me a little self conscious. It wasn’t until I hear “It’s a one armed pirate!!!” that I knew for sure that I was the topic of discussion.

It still hurts a little.

As life went on, there are several other instances that I remember being particularly hurtful that I would (hopefully) laugh off today.

Like when my teacher asked us “how do you figure out (insert silly little word problem here)? Andwhen I called upon to answer, I replied “Well first you take a calculator….” At that point,  the class erupted into laughter, and my teacher told me I should have been blonde. In present time, I think that was a perfectly smart reply, because duh I’m going to calculate that shiz on a calculator. But at the time I really felt stupid. I even went home and cried about it.

I also remember a time when I threw up because Curtis Mack had a bloody nose at the lunch table, and everyone accused me of spilling my chocolate milk. I don’t know why I was so much more embarrassed about spilling my dirnk than I was of throwing up, but I was.

And then there was also the time when I was inexplicably jealous that Steven, who I had a crush on, threw up on my friend Kelly instead of me. Yeahhhh…. that was just weird.

But even now, as much as I’ve built up my armor, it seems that it’s still the little things- whether physical or verbal- that hurt the most.

Like…A couple of years ago, LA and I decided to paint ourselves up like Indians with a cactus fruit that we found at my farm. Who would’ve thought that we would have little pricklys stuck in our faces for months to come?

And then just this weekend, I got into my car to drive to meet my friends to get a margarita- and just happened to sit on a penny. A tiny little penny… well that fucker had been sitting in the Texas sun for 8 hours and branded the hell outta me!

penny brand

This picture really doesn’t do it justice…

 

Happy Weekend people!! Let us all go out and create new wounds.

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  • http://www.nikkidz.blogspot.com Nikki

    Your story just made me feel awful. Thanks for picking at my scabs.

    Once in 3rd grade, a girl named Roxanne had her eyes dialated and when she came back to school couldn't see well (you know how it goes). At recess a bunch of us cornered her and chanted “blind as a bat”. It's one of those things that still haunts me. If I could redo anything in my life it would be that. I can't imagine what that has done to her.

    Plus I had a lazy eye myself so you'd think I'd know better. And I think its coming back. My coworker keeps pointing it out so I've named it Lazy Susan.

    Did you brand your ass with Lincoln's face? That is awesome!

  • Theninja

    Holy Shit. That's from a penny?? My most popular day in school was the day after my house burned down when I was in Third grade. My clothes smelled like smoke and it was the first and last time I was picked first for a team during PE. The best and worst of times.

  • http://www.thedemigoddess.com The Demigoddess

    I laughed at many of these moments you described. It reminded me of my own experiences when I was bullied in school for looking like a guy between the ages of 7 to 10. I heart your blog so much it hurts. But not as much as that penny must have hurt you.

  • ScoMan

    I agree with Nikki.. way to bring up all the bad shit kids do and make us feel bad.

    Kids are assholes and I hate them all so much!

  • Mwa

    The little things still hurt the most indeed.

  • badassgeek

    In my public school career, I puked in class once, and pissed myself three times. I feel your pain.

  • http://www.ftcs.wordpress.com/ Clevelandpoet

    and now I'm emo.

    side note I think that means you're the penny's bitch now. Cus in FrankenHooker the pimp zorro brands his bitches with a z.
    make that damn penny some money girl!

  • Hillbillyduhn

    My troubles started in junior high. It was a sort of shit runs down hill sort of thing…My brother was getting in all sorts of trouble and it was on the radio, and everybody knew and they started treating me as though I were just like him, and that is when I started getting attitude and telling them all I will kick all their asses…Yeah, I thought I was pretty tough. LOL

    P.S. I now want to grow an afro on my vajayjay and stick a pick in it! LOL! Loved your comment you left on my blog it literally made me laugh out loud.

  • Bev

    In 7th grade a kid named Dante told me I had a big ass. I still hate him. Is that wrong? Maybe, but whatever. It hurt!

    That penny brand is both painful-looking and a tiny bit funny. I'm sorry it hurts!

  • Ed Adams

    Aarrrrggh!

    Penny Branding sounds awesome, Matey!

    Seriously, I can't believe your teacher said you should have been blonde. That's hilarious!

  • Clover5green

    Awww! You tell such interesting stories;D

  • http://shadesogrey.wordpress.com/ OG

    I think it's because it's the little things that catch us off guard, and that's why we remember them the most. It's something that comes at you when you think everything is normal and so you don't see it coming that hurts the most. At least when somebody really bashes you, you can get pissed

    Imagine how much that would have hurt if that was a dime.

  • http://mommywantsvodka.com Aunt Becky

    Dude, I'll never forget having a HOLE in the crotch of my pants as a kid and having the shame of someone pointing that out during circle time. It was SO mortifying.

  • http://ambermurphy.blogspot.com Amber Tidd Murphy

    The Scarlett Cent. Who needs a letter?! I am henceforth calling you Hester!

  • Phidippides

    Wow, I'm sorry most of those stories do sound pretty crappy… Except for the cast/eyepatch combo, I'm sure they were just laughing due to how rediculously cool it made you. I mean seriously, what could be more cool than a one armed freakin' pirate!?

    (well maybe a blind ninja…)

  • http://twitter.com/laughstooeasily dani

    Damn, girl. That is one hell of a penny burn.

    I remember being in 4th grade and after a spelling test which I had not studied for (as was my habit with spelling tests) our teacher had us go around the room and read off the answers in order. The kid who had my paper had to define “depict” which I had written meant “to pick off” because, hello, that kinda makes sense if you hadn't studied the list. The entire class burst out laughing. Even now I blush when I correctly use the word.

  • http://twitter.com/laughstooeasily dani

    Damn, girl. That is one hell of a penny burn.

    I remember being in 4th grade and after a spelling test which I had not studied for (as was my habit with spelling tests) our teacher had us go around the room and read off the answers in order. The kid who had my paper had to define “depict” which I had written meant “to pick off” because, hello, that kinda makes sense if you hadn't studied the list. The entire class burst out laughing. Even now I blush when I correctly use the word.

  • http://greatescapist.wordpress.com/ Christinekelley

    Oh my god, I broke my wrist when I was pushed off a slide AND I had to wear and eye patch too! But until you explained that yours was for a lazy eye, I never knew why my parents made me wear it. I just figured I was some social experiment to them, because not only did I have the patch and the cast at the same time, but my mom constantly styled my hair into two high pigtail-braids AND I wore really thick, really huge blue-framed glasses.

    I definitely agree that it's the little things that hurt the most and that haunt you through your life.

  • http://www.replicawatchesuks.co.uk replica watches

    That penny brand is both painful-looking and a tiny bit funny. I’m sorry it hurts!