I’m still not a twi-hard… Poo can suck it… and your mom.

Yes, it’s true. I’m writing again. That’s twice in the span of like 4 days and kind of like a miracle… only nothing like a miracle. I think miracles have to really benefit someone.. and since I’m 3 brain cells short of being put in a special home, this rambling nonsense surely won’t benefit anyone. Except for maybe your mom.

Ziinnnnnng.

Why does that feel so good? It’s got to be one of the world’s greatest mysteries. How can the 2 words – “Your Mom” be so amazing? Honestly, My mood is up like 14 notches.

But seriously. I’m fairly certain my liver is on it’s last limb, and I’m not entirely sure that I know the kidney’s actual function function but I’m pretty certain that it wants out too. I don’t know why I continue to do this to myself.

In truth, I really have cut down on “partying” the last few months. At least during the week. But every weekend there seems to be some  enormous event and I have no choice but to drink. Or I guess I have a choice, but that wouldn’t be much fun now would it?

Side note: The phrase “partying” when being used to describe drinking really really gets on my nerves. I have no idea why I used it, but I will leave it just to illustrate my annoyance.

Anybooze, yeah.. the last few weekends have been rough. Amazingly fun, and the best weekends ever to exist, but they have started to take a toll on my body. It’s kind of scary actually. There have been a few times lately where I seriously thought that I was going to die. Or maybe not completely die, but every time I have the urge to pick a scab I fear that I will start to crave human flesh. And I don’t want to be a zombie. Not yet anyway.

So yeah… My bodies a hurtin. But I’m sure I’ll be fine. It’s no biggie that it’s 6pm and I haven’t peed yet today, right?

I might as well warn you, I’m going to stay on the topic of bodily functions for just a bit, so if that bothers you- skidaddle, mkay?

Well I mentioned that I’ve been dating someone, which is something that- to be honest ,I don’t have a whole lot of experience with. It’s nice though. Except for the fact that I feel like I need to really up my hygiene and femininity – which is not something that I really excel at. He says that he doesn’t mind either way, and I think I believe him… but  it has been nice to have smooth-ish, hairless legs for the first time in my life. On top of that, I have consistently washed my face at least every 3 days, and I’ve really been conscious about the fact that my facial hair should be less visible than his.

So basically- damn, I feel like a woman. The only part that I’ve really been uncomfortable with is when I’ve had to… yanno “go-go.” Since I haven’t exactly been treating my body like a temple lately it has been acting out in retaliation. It’s never fun to have to tell someone that they need to leave their apartment so you can spend a couple hours in their bathroom. It makes me cry.

Then again I have to tell myself it’s ok, because the night we met I mentioned I had a blog, and my friend Moops only wasted about .23 seconds before blurting out “she once shit her pants and wrote about it!!”

So yeah.. my friends are awesome.

In other shocking news, LA and I went to see Eclipse tonight.

****crickets***

I know. I thought I’d never see the day where I paid money to see sparkly vampires and Kristen Stewart. While that girl still seriously wears me out, I have to admit it wasn’t half as bad as at least 3 other movies I’ve seen in my life. I’m really not a hater by nature, and I tried to stay positive about the whole experience- and I actually did have quite a good time loudly guffawing at the cheezyness of it all.

Plus, LA and I decided to sport “Twilight” t-shirts and act like major fans a full month after the movie started. We thought about getting there a couple of hours early and camping out with sleeping bags, but I wanted to keep a least a little dignity.

My favorite part was the campout scene. There were a few lines where it was quite obvious that the real chemistry is happening between Edward and Jacob. I halfway expected a full on Brokeback Mountain type of camping scene, but alas I was let down. The one thing I don’t understand about the movie, and I’m no expert by any means- but isn’t Stephanie Meyers supposed to be all uber religious and Morman? I mean, she won’t let Edward and Bella do it until they get married, yet she writes Bella to be a whore and a half. I mean make up your mind already! And smile for goodness sakes!

And there goes anyone who was still reading.

Alright. Goodnight people. I’m off to dream of Jacob’s chest, I suppose. At least that will be better than the dream I had last night about two mini M&Ms getting stuck in my bellybutton. Or even better, maybe I’ll dream about John Cusack bringing me cheese.

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