I’m still not a twi-hard… Poo can suck it… and your mom.

Yes, it’s true. I’m writing again. That’s twice in the span of like 4 days and kind of like a miracle… only nothing like a miracle. I think miracles have to really benefit someone.. and since I’m 3 brain cells short of being put in a special home, this rambling nonsense surely won’t benefit anyone. Except for maybe your mom.


Why does that feel so good? It’s got to be one of the world’s greatest mysteries. How can the 2 words – “Your Mom” be so amazing? Honestly, My mood is up like 14 notches.

But seriously. I’m fairly certain my liver is on it’s last limb, and I’m not entirely sure that I know the kidney’s actual function function but I’m pretty certain that it wants out too. I don’t know why I continue to do this to myself.

In truth, I really have cut down on “partying” the last few months. At least during the week. But every weekend there seems to be some  enormous event and I have no choice but to drink. Or I guess I have a choice, but that wouldn’t be much fun now would it?

Side note: The phrase “partying” when being used to describe drinking really really gets on my nerves. I have no idea why I used it, but I will leave it just to illustrate my annoyance.

Anybooze, yeah.. the last few weekends have been rough. Amazingly fun, and the best weekends ever to exist, but they have started to take a toll on my body. It’s kind of scary actually. There have been a few times lately where I seriously thought that I was going to die. Or maybe not completely die, but every time I have the urge to pick a scab I fear that I will start to crave human flesh. And I don’t want to be a zombie. Not yet anyway.

So yeah… My bodies a hurtin. But I’m sure I’ll be fine. It’s no biggie that it’s 6pm and I haven’t peed yet today, right?

I might as well warn you, I’m going to stay on the topic of bodily functions for just a bit, so if that bothers you- skidaddle, mkay?

Well I mentioned that I’ve been dating someone, which is something that- to be honest ,I don’t have a whole lot of experience with. It’s nice though. Except for the fact that I feel like I need to really up my hygiene and femininity – which is not something that I really excel at. He says that he doesn’t mind either way, and I think I believe him… but  it has been nice to have smooth-ish, hairless legs for the first time in my life. On top of that, I have consistently washed my face at least every 3 days, and I’ve really been conscious about the fact that my facial hair should be less visible than his.

So basically- damn, I feel like a woman. The only part that I’ve really been uncomfortable with is when I’ve had to… yanno “go-go.” Since I haven’t exactly been treating my body like a temple lately it has been acting out in retaliation. It’s never fun to have to tell someone that they need to leave their apartment so you can spend a couple hours in their bathroom. It makes me cry.

Then again I have to tell myself it’s ok, because the night we met I mentioned I had a blog, and my friend Moops only wasted about .23 seconds before blurting out “she once shit her pants and wrote about it!!”

So yeah.. my friends are awesome.

In other shocking news, LA and I went to see Eclipse tonight.


I know. I thought I’d never see the day where I paid money to see sparkly vampires and Kristen Stewart. While that girl still seriously wears me out, I have to admit it wasn’t half as bad as at least 3 other movies I’ve seen in my life. I’m really not a hater by nature, and I tried to stay positive about the whole experience- and I actually did have quite a good time loudly guffawing at the cheezyness of it all.

Plus, LA and I decided to sport “Twilight” t-shirts and act like major fans a full month after the movie started. We thought about getting there a couple of hours early and camping out with sleeping bags, but I wanted to keep a least a little dignity.


My favorite part was the campout scene. There were a few lines where it was quite obvious that the real chemistry is happening between Edward and Jacob. I halfway expected a full on Brokeback Mountain type of camping scene, but alas I was let down. The one thing I don’t understand about the movie, and I’m no expert by any means- but isn’t Stephanie Meyers supposed to be all uber religious and Morman? I mean, she won’t let Edward and Bella do it until they get married, yet she writes Bella to be a whore and a half. I mean make up your mind already! And smile for goodness sakes!

And there goes anyone who was still reading.

Alright. Goodnight people. I’m off to dream of Jacob’s chest, I suppose. At least that will be better than the dream I had last night about two mini M&Ms getting stuck in my bellybutton. Or even better, maybe I’ll dream about John Cusack bringing me cheese.

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  1. SUCK IT, Chad Kroeger.
  • ScoMan

    Ha… I was listening to a song about zombies at the point I was reading about you turning into a zombie. How much of a coincidence is that?

    Okay, not that huge of a coincidence. No you're right, there are no big coincidences and small coincidences.. there are just coincidences. Anyway, the point is, I am often listening to songs about zombies, so if you write about zombies chances are I'll read it while listening to a song about zombies.

    PS. Zombies are better than sparkly vampires and Kristen Stewart.

  • badassgeek

    Gotta love it when relationships make you improve your habits with hygiene. I did the same thing when I started dating my wife.

  • Ed Adams

    Haven't seen the latest one yet, but I did watch the first two online.

    I still think Interview With A Vampire is better. As is True Blood. And Blade. And about every other vampire movie or show not starring Kristin Stewart.

  • http://www.ftcs.wordpress.com/ Clevelandpoet

    look it you all romantical and shit.

    you totally went to see eclipse to get some romance pointers from it. admit it.

    no camping out early=slacker.

  • Jeney Anderson

    Yea… I started shaving my legs on a normal basis when I met The Actual, too.

    Kinda nice not getting rug burns from rubbing your legs against each other 😛

    The only thing I truly liked about Eclipse was Bella's dad. That guys cracks me up!

  • thedemigoddess

    It will be interesting to find out who will be the pitcher or the catcher in Edward and Jacob's case.
    I know. I am disgusting.

  • Nikki

    Ugh I hate that I've been run over by a car feeling your body takes on after “partying”. Where you wonder where those bruises came from and what the best way to expel whatever it is you put in it the night before. My head hurts for you.

    I am seriously impressed you saw Eclipse. I didn't know you had it in you. Well I guess you don't, but at least you appreciate Jacobs chest.

    Want me to have your liver and kidneys over for a sleepover?

  • Mwa

    Yay on the dating! And personal hygiene is only necessary for the first six months, so after that you can slack off. 😉

  • Theninja

    My body is dying along with yours. But, at least I'm having fun going out!

  • http://www.ambermurphy.blogspot.com Amber Tidd Murphy

    if a boy who likes you is turned off by the fact that you've written about your shadoobies, then he just isn't the “one.” Right?! Oh, who am I kidding. My hubs STILL doesn't know about my blog! Missed you… glad you're back… and regularly washing your face. People were starting to talk… :)

  • dc

    I love your line of “I’m off to dream of Jacob’s chest, I suppose.” I use to dream about Jacob's Chest too.

  • Pollypoptart

    Woohoo, I'm glad this new dude is making you happy! :)

  • http://mrskandcaptainj.com Mrs. K

    Bella is quite selfish and slightly whorish in behavior!

    Anyway, I'm glad to hear you can be so open with your b/f about your bodily functions. Ha! My sister has been married for years now and she still won't allow her husband to hear her using the bathroom…even just to pee! She turns on the sink to drown out whatever noise may arise. LOL So weird. I bet their water bill could be cut in half if she could just embrace your mindset.

  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    Hey – congrats about the dating thing!! I've been out of the loop.

    I will say that facial hair removal is probably the worst thing a lady has to do. Besides waxing off her vajayjay curlies.

  • http://meandthebee.wordpress.com/ steff

    if the twilight series decided to support some “brokeback” action even I'D camp-out for that.
    i am a very shy shitter which is god-awful bc i've caused myself a considerable amount of pain and unnecessary bloat-gut by holding it in for an inordinate period of time.
    now i just talk about poop frequently enough so when i actually HAVE to poop it doesn't seem like as big of a deal. i'm not sure if that makes me a genius or incredibly immature…

    anyway, congrats on the 1st year of blogging! strangely (or not so) i'm celebrating my year one as well. yay for us!!!

  • http://bluntdelivery.com Bluntdelivery

    i luuurve twilight. i can't help myself. but man, i don't know how much more drama i can handle. i seriously, didn't see one smile in that whole movie. these people are pretty intense for high schoolers.

    john cusack = amazing.

    cheese = double amazing.

    bella isn't really a whore, she only kissed jacob to save their lives. i mean, i would have just cus he's hot.

  • http://twitter.com/mushroomprint Mushroom Printing

    Ah dating. How I miss thee.

  • http://twitter.com/mushroomprint Mushroom Printing

    Ah dating. How I miss thee.

  • CarissaJaded

    Will you please tell me some of these songs about Zombies? I must know. I only know one, besides the ones I make up!

  • CarissaJaded

    Yeah! Woohoo for some incentive!

  • CarissaJaded

    I agree. But you totally left out From Dusk til Dawn!

  • CarissaJaded

    haha you're right. I forgot out to gay-ly into some eyes while stupid music plays. Mostly I wanted to learn how to pout.

  • CarissaJaded

    I love Bella's dad too! I was thinking about him the other day … he's actually kinda good looking too!

  • CarissaJaded

    Jacob is def. the bottom.

  • CarissaJaded

    I do appreciate his chest. And his arms. And Yanno? The more I think about it- the lower part of his face.

  • CarissaJaded

    Only four months to go!!! I figure around October I can start slacking a little bit since it's cold outside.. right!?

  • CarissaJaded

    I think that's all that matters!

  • CarissaJaded

    I can't believe he STILL doesnt know! Props to you!

  • CarissaJaded

    Well I do have to turn on the sink in his house. His bathroom doesn't have a full wall, and that the sounds could potentially be down right embarrassing.

  • CarissaJaded

    BHAHAHA vajayjay curlies barrrrf. But yeah, they are a pain in the vaj.

  • CarissaJaded

    Congrats to you too!! I do the same thing. I'm crude as hell as a cover up. Also because I'm just crude!