Because I can, and also because I haven’t been able to properly update you on my life lately, I have decided to update you via completely random bullets.
*If you’re gonna get your nails done, you might as well go to a good salon. And I had to learn this the hard way. I rarely spring for an actual manicure. As much as I prefer having nails that glisten and shine, I usually walk around looking like I ate half of my nails for lunch. Which is why I was particularly upset when I blew 40 bucks on a really shitty nail job last week. I went to one of those walk in places where you don’t need an appointment and got one of those new kinds of manicures, the ones that are supposed to last up to three weeks without chipping. Well I have no idea if they would have lasted, because the whole experience was just ricockulated. To begin with, the lady put the wrong color on, and when I asked if it would change when it dried, she tried to sneakily cover it up with the RIGHT color which ended up looking like poop on top of pink. One day later, I ran my poop colored nails through my hair, and one of my nails got caught and peeled right off. TOTAL SUCKAGE.
*I have been working at my new job for roughly six weeks, drink coffee daily, and haven’t cleaned out my coffee mug once.I’m pretty sure I’m a disgusting human being.
*I also haven’t gotten sick which makes me think I may have more in common with my roommate’s Basset Hound than I originally thought. Have I mentioned that a few weeks ago I accidentally left my groceries on the counter when I went for a walk? The dog ate 4 pounds of raw chicken, 2 raw tillapia fillets, a bag of salad and a bunch of uncooked oatmeal. This is reason number 5000 why I am afraid to be home alone this week.
*I’m about 2 honks away from running over a child in my neighborhood. I don’t know for sure, but I’m guessing school got out this week because kids are running rampant on my street. One house even has a basketball goal that is set up ON THE FUZMUCKING street, and it’s not cool at all folks. I usually keep a pretty even temper when it comes to kids acting out, but not when I see a sitter or mom or SOMETHING sitting mere yards away doing her nails. I literally had to dodge a remote control car today and have come close to hitting about 3 kids so far this week. I would really hate to rack up that many points in one day.
*I realized something this week. I don’t have many rules that I live by, as I am pretty open minded- but I have followed one for my entire life. Never imagine a scenario that you honestly want to happen. Once it has played out in your mind, it will never come true. The same works vice versa. If you really don’t want something to happen, imagine it in every detail possible. I’m no expert on the matter- but so far it’s worked for me!
*I finally brought my bike up from Waco. My plan was to ride it to work this week, as I figure it will be cooler than driving my un-air conditioned car. Unfortunately, I somehow messed up the alignment whilst trying to get it in my car, and to ride it would mean turning my entire body sideways. And since I’m not even used to regularly riding a bike (unless it’s stationary) this would be a fail of epic porportions.
*My 10 year high school reunion is next week, and though I did decide to go, I have nothing to wear. Nothing that fits that is. And no money… so I’m now taking donations. Let me know if you have something.
*Chiggers and Ants have currently declared war against each other on my ankles. I know not who will win at this point. I only know that I lose either way. HELP!