I truly doubt that my title made it clear, but I’m home alone this week.

Home. All by my lonesome. For eight entire days.


With the exception of course of the seemingly semi-friendly ghost and my roommate’s Basset Hound, I will have the entire house at my disposal, and I’m not sure that is a good thing.

I actually kind of feel like the young Kevin McAllister. My feelings of being alone lie somewhere in between being really excited about having some much needed “me” time, and being completely frightened about what might happen.

Growing up, my grandparent’s lived across the street from me so I was rarely left alone. I had a friend who’s mom frequently left us alone until our peanut butter and popcorn cooking experiment nearly left their house in ashes. She eventually trusted us to stay there alone again, but then we literally tried to reenact the Home Alone movie, so her trust was short lived. Then there was the one time in high school that my parent’s let me stay home overnight unattended. Of course that was the night I decided to watch Event Horizon and ended up sprinting across the street to my grandparent’s house at 3 in the morning, head down, pants nearly soiled, and had to ask if I could sleep in their spare room.

It’s not that I don’t like being alone, I actually quite enjoy it. It’s just been forever and a day since I’ve had more than a couple of nights without at least one roommate around, and I’m not sure what to do with myself. LA works from home so she usually takes care of most of the cooking, which means that I’ll be living off of a diet of beans and chips and salsa this week… which is exactly what I lived off of last week out of poordom, so it’s really nothing different.

I plan on spending my nights taking long leisurely baths, reading, watching movies, painting and writing a bit… so that’s really nothing new either. The one major difference is that I won’t have someone calling to get me to watch all the good parts of shows and I won’t have the background noise of LA crying during Grey’s Anatomy or Gossip Girl. But I do have the freedom of playing my music as loud as I want, as late as I want (and I’m totally NOT listening to the Bieb-meister)… which is pretty cool. Maybe it will drown out the sound of gunshots in my neighborhood, which I haven’t heard since last week and I’m keeping my fingers crossed that the gangsters don’t know that I’m on to them.

I actually lived alone for an entire year before I moved in to my last house with my four roommates, a house which I now affectionately refer to as the “rainbow house.” Aside from being the most miserable and lonely year of my life, living alone wasn’t so bad. I typically stumbled home from happy hour, ate a huge bowl of ramen noodles, and drank wine whilst mowing my way through the entire Netflix library.

Oh and I almost burned down the apartment complex, twice.

The first time could have happened to anyone. Anyone with a gigantic gray cloud following them around, that is. Ever since the time I caught fire to the Thanksgiving table by half hazardly throwing a table napkin down on a candle, my grandmother has warned me that I’m not the sort of person who should keep candles around in the house. Of course candles are pretty much my favorite thing in the universe besides John Cusack movies and ketchup, so I never thought to heed her advice. The night in question was a particularly stormy night, so I naturally wanted to light every single one of my one-hundred candles to set the mood. I then opened the porch door so that I could hear the storm, and settled into a bubble bath with a glass of wine. I had no idea the storm was such a windy one, but luckily my head was above water to hear a ginormous gust knock over about ten of the candles. Luckily I was able to grab a towel and nakedly whip the fire out before they caused too much damage.

The second fire I almost caused also happened when I was in the bathtub. I cooked something that I can’t remember but I’m sure was of the pasta variety, and once again got into the bathtub, only to be rudely interrupted about ten minutes later when the building’s fire alarm started sounding. I knew the fire was coming from my kitchen before I even grabbed a towel. There was smoke everywhere and I went into full panic attack mode. When I got into the kitchen I found that I had left a stove burner on, and had accidentally thrown a dishtowel on top of it, which had caught on fire. Luckily, I’m a quick thinker and threw a pitcher of iced tea over it, and batted out the rest of the flames with my towel. I’ve occasionally wondered why I don’t have any towels, but I’m now realizing that I’ve used the majority of them to put out fires. After putting out the fire, I grabbed a blanket from my futon to cover myself with and ran into the hallway shouting that the fire was out and not to panic, which I was clearly still doing.

I also wondered why none of the neighbors wanted to be my friend, but thinking back it was probably because they knew me as the type of person who started fires ran around in nothing but a leopard print blanket.

And there was also the time I woke up in a fever with no power and knocked on every door on my hallway claiming the world had come to an end, but that’s an entirely different story.

Tonight I will be lighting no candles, and I’ve already checked 8 times to make sure the burners are off so I should be OK. But send me some good juju just in case.

Oh and also, I’d like to go ahead and let you know that I wrote this entire post while naked. Because I can.

(LA if you’re reading this… I am in your chair, but don’t worry…I’m sitting on a towel.)

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  • brittneymclain

    omg that is too funny! Enjoy you're alone time and maybe invest in some flameless candles haha!
    Wanna know the funniest part? I wrote my post for tomorrow naked too! hahahaha~~

  • JustMe

    Do you really have a Ghost in your house?? BECAUSE WHAT THE HELL HOW CAN YOU BE CALM ABOUT THAT?

  • MJenks

    Okay, LA knows you're lying because you don't own any towels; you've either burnt them all or batted out other fires with them. Naughty naughty.

    Second…I lived in the wrong damned apartment complexes. I've never had the pleasure of naked girls in blankets running around in the hallway or naked girls batting out fires with a towel or…well…naked girls at all. Except the ones that I brought home, which would be…*shifty-eyed*…two…*whistles innocently* Oh, and the naked baby, but that's because I was bathing her.

    Anyway, don't burn yourself up or anything. I quite like my Carissa's slightly jaded and definitely unburnt.

  • Nikki

    Interrupted by the smoke alarm. In the words of Stephanie Tanner “how rude!” I hope you survive the night. I'm starting my eulogy just in case. I keed, I keed.

  • CarissaJaded

    So far the ghost has just been annoying and not malicious, so I've been able to deal. Though it is quite scary being here alone!

  • Matt_J

    And by “Carissa's” I totally meant “Carissas”.

    Or “Carissae”, which would be the Latin plural. 😛

  • JD at I Do Things

    I have fond memories of living alone. I would come home from work and eat Pepperidge Farm croissant pizzas and drink watermelon wine coolers. I had no furniture other than a chair and TV in the living room. My TV was set on a packing box. I was too scared to sleep with the lights off, but otherwise? Fond memories.

  • Mrs. K

    sending good vibes your way for a safe, fire-free household…

    by the way…Have you been to Alaska lately? As of this morning, there are 95 active fires in the state? 😉

  • Sadako

    AAAH! I love basset hounds. That's good company.

    I also totally posted a Home Alone blogpost today. (So not copying you–I've been planning this a week now, swear.) Macauley Culkin may be older and less of an adorable little boy but in my heart he'll always be Kevin “AAAAAAAAAAH” McCallister.

  • Aunt Becky

    I pretty much suck at being alone since I'm alone so rarely. Perhaps you should each ketchup sandwiches and recheck the burners.

  • Karisa Tells All

    “Aside from being the most miserable and lonely year of my life, living alone wasn’t so bad.” HAHAHAH
    That's how I would be if I had to live alone too. Not for me! I think I'd be more scared of the ghost than the gunshots. Good luck with that, and hopefully you avoid pyromania for the rest of the week.

  • ambermurphy

    Enjoy the naked alone time. Ahh… to be young and single again. 😉 When I lived alone, (in the days before one night stands and falling asleep in a drunken haze) I spent far too much time not sleeping because I was scared of the dark. Well, things in the dark. Like robbers or rapists.

    But, you know. Once I started drinking regularly, it was fine.

  • Clevelandpoet

    well those are two reasons I'd be your friend for sure: fire starting and leopard blanket wearing.

    hubba hubba

    haha and does this mean a certain giant Moth will answer questions soon?

  • BobbiJanay@Kid to a Grown Up

    Your week is almost over at this point good, I hope it has gone well.

  • The Constant Complainer

    Some time to yourself is never a bad thing. Heck, even as a family man, it's nice once in a while to get some “me” time. It's good for your mental health. It really is.

  • The Constant Complainer

    Some time to yourself is never a bad thing. Heck, even as a family man, it's nice once in a while to get some “me” time. It's good for your mental health. It really is.