I Made it fools! I survived! And other realllllly interesting things.


Looking good internets.

At least from what I’ve been able to tell from the 8 minutes I’ve been able to be online the last 7 days.

I know, I know… You were all very worried about me. You probably didn’t think I survived my week by my lonesome. I mean the chances were exponentially high that I would blow myself up, or catch the house on fire, or go do something incredibly stupid like try to nair my entire body. Which um. I totally didn’t do. And even if I did try, it certainly didn’t work. Either that, or it all grew back in the course of 3 days.

Oh you didn’t even notice I was gone? You didn’t miss my snarky facebook updates or notice the fact that I sent out nary a tweet complaining about body hair? (And not just because it was gone) WHAT!?

Well screw you then. And so is your face. And your mom goes to college.

Gosh I suck at this today.

The truth is, having a life presence on the internet is extremely hard when your roommate is the one with the laptop, and being on the net means sitting in a lonely quiet office and is incredibly boring and really far from the kitchen.

That, and every time I thought I had a few minutes of spare time, something incredibly important would come along.

Like… my office is getting audited. It’s purgatory for most people, but for me- it’s like the furthest depth of hell. I so suck at numbers. I know everyone says they suck at numbers but I blow hard. Ever notice how suck and blow mean exactly the opposite yet also mean the exact same thing? Have I pondered this before? Perhaps I’m losing my mind.

Anyway, I am really, really bad at math, and I have been having to do quite a bit of that lately. Granted it’s mostly just simple arithmetic that my calculator or excel sheet can do for me, but still… It scares me. It makes me miss my 9th grade algebra teacher. He would notice my heavy breathing, sweat, and audible sobs during math exams and would write little notes on my test that said things like “breathe!” accompanied with a smiley face, and that for some reason made me feel better. It probably would have been especially helpful in college when I failed algebra four times and ended up having to beg my counselor to allow me to take junior college statistics instead. I made an A in statistics, mostly because I could draw little pictures to figure out all the problems.

Apart from the audit, other important things happened too.

For one, So You Think You Can Dance, is back on and I am back to being extremely addicted. It is literally the best show ever to hit the airwaves. Aside from Seinfield, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, Scrubs, Party of Five, and Kids in the Hall that is.

I also realized lately that Star Trek New Generation episodes are on all the time on one channel or another, and I really like to watch them. I know I’m a loser.

Also, I spent at least 2 hours freaking out the other night after I stepped on a live slug and had a staring contest with a demon possum. The two events happened within 5 minutes of each other, and I swear my soul almost spontaneously combusted.

Ok so this was the lamest post ever, but I now have precisely 8 minutes to make my house look like it hasn’t been hit by a hurricane before LA returns. I also have to gather up the courage to pick up the dead roach that has been lying on the carpet for the last 5 days. That, or I’ll tell LA that it just died. I can’t decide.

I’m not sure when I will return in full throttle, but I will be back. Soon. Tonight I have to go prepare for another Story telling performance, so I’m sure I’ll make you another lame video of me practicing.

If you’re in the Dallas area, be sure to check out Story Stage You on Thursday night. Deets can be found on the link.

Hugs.

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  • http://laughstooeasily.blogspot.com Dani

    Eww, a slug AND a demon possum. That is a bad 5 minutes, lady. Glad you are alive and back with us friendly internet folks though. And good luck with your performance!

  • http://www.nikkidz.blogspot.com Nikki

    So when I've used Nair in the past, it has left this shiny coating on my legs. I imagine you have that all over your body?

    Okay between me imagining that and the body responses your algebra teacher gave you, I sound like a perve huh? YEP! Glad you're alive.

  • http://vegetableassassin.blogspot.com Vegetable Assassin

    So…wait…you DIDN'T Nair your entire body? I thought for a minute I had a bosom buddy to share stories with. Uh..not that I'd ever Nair my whole body. No. Not me. I'm hairy baby. Hairy. Really. Shit, it grows back really fast though, no?

  • ScoMan

    I don't suck at Math. I ROCK at math. Math is my friend. I do Algebra for fun (and you thought you were a loser for watching Star Trek.. which I totally would never watch.. loser..)

    I once left a dead spider on my floor for a good few weeks. I don't get many visitors and I wanted to see if it would decompose. Plus I didn't want to touch it. Also, I thought it would serve as a good warning to the other spiders.

  • thebacksofmyeyelids

    Not lame, CJ! A snapshot of real life! And funny. :)

  • http://www.ishineoutloud.com/shine shine

    Star Trek NEW Generation? This either hurts my head or I've never heard of it before.

    I LOVE SYTYCD, but I haven't gotten to watch any of the auditions. Which is good, because I'd probably just get mad that they cut all my favorite people anyway.

  • http://idothings.info JD at I Do Things

    I don't know how you pick up the pieces and go on after stepping on a slug — live or dead. I think I'd need to scrape off the skin on the sole of my foot.

  • http://www.ftcs.wordpress.com/ Clevelandpoet

    why are animals and insects acttacking you? I have missed you an uber uber amount because you are my entertainment and well appear to be one of the few entertained by me.

  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    I can't do math either. Like, at ALL. I can't even make simple change when someone is staring at me…hence a lack of retail jobs in my life.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com Candice

    Ewwwww, the slug thing. Life is rough.

  • http://www.TheConstantComplainer.com The Constant Complainer

    Welcome back! And if it makes you feel any better, I caught a possum in my chipmunk trap most recently. That thing was going crazy in there and I wanted to set him free, but was afraid of getting bitten. When he tired himself out, I was finally able to. LOL.

  • http://www.facebook.com/standoffebb Steff Spina

    math = my complete and total enemy
    as for nair-ing and hairiness, i stay away from that stuff for the most part simply bc my skin is like SUPER sensitive and doesn't fare well with depilitories. i rid my sasquatch body of hair by alternately bleaching and plucking. its a total pain in the ass but the plucking gives me a strange sense of satisfaction which likely only FUTHER proves what a lunatic i am…

  • http://bluntdelivery.com Bluntdelivery

    i didn't miss you at all.

    SIKE

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    I suck and blow at numbers also. Especially since I was hypnotized to skip the number 3. I recount so many times, it's ridiculous. I, for one, will be happy when you return full throttle.

  • Hip Hop Hippie

    Ewww, stepping on a live slug! The worst! I have caterpillars swarming my veggie garden so I've been conducting caterpillar genocide for the past week and I swear, if I see another caterpillar/slug/wormlike creature I'll scream. I'm even dreaming about legless creatures falling from the sky. Gross!

  • http://www.mylittlebecky.com mylittlebecky

    i am tooootally remembering that whole, “oh? there's a dead bug in there? i must have *just* died….” thing because i don't touch bugs. and chuck was giving me flack about it the other day. what. ever.

  • http://perfectlycursedlife.com/ Kimwithak

    Possums scare the shit out of me. I'd be flipping out if I started something with a demon possum. Though, I think all possums are demon possums.

  • Ashleigh

    Cool Page/blog. What 9th grade algebra teacher was that? Sounds like your life is busy and numerical.. I agree SO you think you can dance is awesome.

  • http://dibblyfresh1.blogspot.com Sadako

    Star Trek eps make no one a loser! Esp. if they are Next Gen.

  • http://www.lucysreality.com Lucy

    Glad you survived!!! No fires??? None at all?

  • Peppers

    Haha, you are one funny gal! I'm glad 20sb recommended your blog. Now I know where to go when I need a good wholesome laugh. :)

  • http://twitter.com/melodyjoywelton Melody Welton

    I came because 20SB told me too, and I will be back because you are hilarious. Hope you get your very own computer soon.

  • http://greenorange-singer7.blogsot.com/ Singer7

    I LOVE math!!! I have noticed, while growing up, that most people don't like math!! I LOVE So You Think You can Dance as well!!! I think Billy and Kent r REALLY cute!!! And ur just like me!!! I hate picking up roaches….in fact, I hate roaches all together!!! They're gross and scary-looking!!

  • http://greenorange-singer7.blogsot.com/ Singer7

    I LOVE math!!! I have noticed, while growing up, that most people don't like math!! I LOVE So You Think You can Dance as well!!! I think Billy and Kent r REALLY cute!!! And ur just like me!!! I hate picking up roaches….in fact, I hate roaches all together!!! They're gross and scary-looking!!