A letter to an old friend after 10 years/A little something for everyone

Hi old friend!(Austin), AND also blog friends, new readers (thank you 20sb), random people who got here by googling “John Cusack’s girlfriend” or “Shit your pants” or “douchengoyle”!!!!

It’s so good to hear from you and I truly hope you don’t mind that I’m sharing my response to your email with the world. And by world, of course,  I mean the few people who are still reading after my recent blog- hiatus. You mentioned you enjoyed the blog, and though I know you may have just been being nice, I figured I would use this opportunity to update anyone who wants to hear a summary happening the last 10 years of my life. I really enjoyed your email and I’m  glad to hear you’re doing well. I hope you don’t think it’s rude that I’m not responding much to your own life adventures, but I’ll do that in another correspondence.

TEN YEARS. It’s crazy that it’s been that long, by the way. Let’s see, when we last talked I was deep in the throws of sorority life in college. Although I remained active in my sorority most of my college years, I would definitely say that, for the most part- I wasn’t very “active.” I enjoyed making friends who were very different from myself, and I feel that the people I met in college have allowed me to grow and change in ways that I never imagined.  I was still a dance/theater major back when we last spoke, and that didn’t last very long either-which is one of my major regrets in life thus far. At the time though, it was right to quit. I switched to journalism, then advertising, then Radio/TV/Film, all along picking up a ridiculous amount of English electives, mostly because the professors were the cutest. There was one named Dr. Cox who taught several creative writing classes who I was especially smitten with. I blame my eventual English Composition major on him.

I probably look quite similar to the way I looked in high school, but what you may or may not know is that the majority of the time that we have not spoken I’ve gone through many physical changes. For one, I went through a stage where I was constantly dying my hair. The worst was a Ozzie-Osbourne-esgue bright red tip stage, which I still have an odd affection for. Mostly though, after I quit dancing, I continued on with a diet of primarily cheese, Taco Bueno, Keystone Light and stuffed Tortellini which eventually caused me to gain a few pounds. And by a few pounds, I mean I eventually tipped the scale at 240 lbs. After a few years of being completely content with my status as “the funny girl” and becoming very close to being a contestant on “The Biggest Loser,” I eventually decided it was time to change my ways. I’m not sure I’ll ever be comfortable with my body, but I’m damn sure intent on trying to be as happy with myself as possible.

Along with an ever changing interest in school subjects and a variety body sizes, I gained quite an array of passions and went through many stages over the years. Some have been  fleeting and some have managed to remain (sometimes begrudgingly) as a staple in my life even now. Just to name a few, over the years I’ve been able to describe myself as: A Crossword junkie; an NSYNC fan-gal; A reader of every horror novel ever written; an adderol addict; a raging drunk; a wino; a girl who decopauges every wooden surface in site; a film junkie; a really bad poet; an obsessive journal writer, a scrapbooker; a collector of quotes; a host small comedy radio show; an insomniac; a 6 month obsessionator of writing a tv pilot only to lose the zip drive that it was saved on; a rat owner; a person who will complete any dare;  a person who quickly lost interest in writing a tv pilot once all her hard work was lost; a person who got high and made up ridiculous games; web site developer in the least technical sense possible; a music lover; a person obsessed with watching every comedy show ever made; a dance teacher; a loan officer; an insurance broker; a dreamer; a comedian;  John Cusack’s girlfriend (unbeknownst to him); and of course, a blogger. I could go on forever, but it seems I’ve already accomplished half of that so I’ll stop now.

There are, of course some things that haven’t changed. I still seem to find a way to get myself into the most ridiculous situations, which is an affliction that I have a love/hate relationship with. I’m still loud,yet shy. I still love to be the center of attention yet am extremely private about certain aspects of my life. I still love to meet new people and am a constant student of socialogy. I still don’t know what I want to be when I grow up, and I’m ok with that.

More than anything, like you- I still have an incredible passion for performance and writing. After I quit dancing and theater, I took up improv comedy, partially because my heroes in life have always been Steve Martin and Robin Williams, and partially because I missed performing and comedy seemed to be the most practical venue for a girl of a bigger size. Although I recently haven’t been overly active in performing, it’s something that I think that I’ll always do in some venue or another. I’m very interested in eventually getting back into theater, giving stand-up a go, and attempting writing for every venue possible. Really I want to try anything once, and you my friend – are a great inspiration in that respect, so thank you for that!

When it comes to romance and all that jazz, I think we’re on the same page, or at least the same chapter. I’ve never really given settling down much of a thought -mostly because I am an incredibly selfish person and want to do so many things in my life, none which (at least at this point of time) remotely involve children, staying in one place for long, or require a “career” that holds any sort of financial stability. That, and  I hold a tragic combination of romantic ideals. I’ve always been a hopeless romantic, but over the years I’ve gained just enough realism watched enough movies to fear that if I ever find that perfect romance, it will somehow end in tragedy. But I guess that’s the cynic in me talking… Or maybe just my imagination. Either way, I’ve found myself in a long pattern of falling for boys whom I have absolutely no connection with, but who I find are “interesting,” in one way or another. But now though? Who knows.  I guess I’m still hopeful. Maybe they aren’t all douchengoyles afterall.

Which brings me back here to this little neglected place on the interwebs, where for nearly a year now I have been sharing with the world intimate details of my uninteresting life. I’ve recently been taking a much needed blog-break and have been spending a little time living life, catching up with old friends,  and taking chances. I won’t be giving the blog up anytime soon, or ever probably, because more than anything else over the last ten years, this blog has given me a venue to write openly, meet new people, reflect upon my life, and learn more about myself.

I’m really sorry that we lost touch and that my evil roommate never gave me the message about housesitting, but lets (NONE OF YOU) be strangers now!

Thanks for sticking with me through this incredibly long-winded update, and I’ll be talking with all of you soon!

Carissa (slightly less than when I started this blog) Jaded


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  • brittneymclain

    Oh wow besides the whole movie/writing thing this sounds a lot like myself… I have never met anyone else that was once (or still are i dont know if you clarified that) is addicted to adderall.. I went a very long time NEEDING it!! but im not adhd..lol!!

    anyhoo was this a metaphorical long lost friend? if not that was quite the update lol!! I enjoyed reading it though!!

  • Vegetable Assassin

    Dude, I would love to have seen you do live comedy. :) I had a friend/coworker who used to do stand up and I always envied her giant girl-balls. I went to see her live once when we were both living in NYC. That has to be a terrifying thing to do. Comedy I mean, not living in NYC. She was six foot tall, blonde and beautiful as well, all the men in the audience loved her yet couldn't tell you a word she'd said. You're a brave mofo, lady. :)

  • badassgeek

    A synopsis of the last ten years of my life would not be nearly as interesting. It's all about the journey to the present that makes us who we are.

    So I guess that makes me… uninteresting.

  • Meg

    yay, glad you're back! i also recently took a blog hiatus..and really, it's just necessary sometimes. i also used to be oddly obsessed with decopauging pretty much anything..although I admit it led to some pretty great furniture. anyways…excellent update! :)

  • http://www.ftcs.wordpress.com/ Clevelandpoet

    you almost made me all weepy over here.
    one of these days we'll somehow write something together.
    I want to put my occupation as wino.
    also your new nickname is slightly less.

  • Clover5green

    Love reading your thoughts!

  • http://bluntdelivery.com Bluntdelivery

    you=stealing my life.

    decoupage = can't stop.

    horror films = where i draw the line.-

  • http://www.facebook.com/standoffebb Steff Spina

    the more i read about you the more similarities i find with myself. for instance i was a dancer from the ages of 3-13 and i regret almost everyday of my life that i ever stopped. ah well…
    and although i didn't lose my draft of a TV pilot, me and the bee were like TOTALLY OBSESSED with creating a pilot (a'la it's always sunny) for like 3 months of our lives…
    until we weren't anymore.
    i blame him.

  • Hip Hop Hippie

    Wow, this was badass. And I can't wait to someday see you perform live!!! It's going to be amazical!

    You're forever awesome.

  • ScoMan

    “because I am an incredibly selfish person and want to do so many things in my life,” Amen to that!

    I too took a hiatus from Blogging. Not because I wanted to or because I had anything better to do with my time.. but because I was forced to.

  • http://www.kidtogrownup.com/ BobbiJanay@Kid to a Grown Up

    Girl maybe I should try a post like this to find my words again. I have been trouble writing as of recently too.

  • http://thisyoungmum.blogspot.com lindsay

    this is the first time ive read your blog. you're fuckin hilarious. MWAH!

  • http://karisa-tells-all.blogspot.com/ Karisa Tells All

    Whew I'm glad you're not leaving the blogosphere! I love reading your posts :)

    P.S. That's not the cynic in you talking, it's the Nicholas Sparks in you.

  • http://dibblyfresh1.blogspot.com Sadako

    Great letter. It's interesting to reflect on how we've changed in the years that go by, isn't it? You sound really awesome, too–full of lots of interesting passions.

  • http://www.solitarypanda.com Janet

    i love how you wrote this as a blog post. always keeping your readers in mind 😀
    congrats on the 20sb mention too.. thinking back on the last 10 years would be an interesting blog post..

  • http://www.solitarypanda.com Janet

    i love how you wrote this as a blog post. always keeping your readers in mind 😀
    congrats on the 20sb mention too.. thinking back on the last 10 years would be an interesting blog post..

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  • Sharma21

    TEN YEARS. It’s crazy that it’s been that long, by the way. Let’s see, when we last talked I was deep in the throws of sorority life in college.”

    Is it “throws” or “throes” of sorority… ??