The scariest moment of my life (for once not an exaggeration) and why I am the worst person to be around when shiz goes down


Guns don’t always scare me. I’ve shot them from time to time, and I’ve actually enjoyed it. I am from Texas  after all.

I do however, have an extremely deep seated fear of being shot with one, despite the fact that  (Mom, Auntie Linda, and P.J.) please skip over the next sentence) I once played a game of indoor Human Duck Hunt- a game where my friends and I shot each other in the backs with a BB gun.

I can actually pin point the exact moment when my fear came along, and as jokey as I might be whilst telling this story, you have to realize that this was, quite literally, scariest moment of my life.

A few years ago on St. Patrick’s day, a few friends and I went to a bar in Ft Worth that was in walking distance from LA’s apartment. There was a patio out back, and we spent the night drinking green beer and having a blast. A few of our guy friends decided to take off a little early, but LA, Moops, Sally and I all decided to stay back and have one more drink.

By the time we left, we were all quite tipsy… or if I’m really honest, we were down right drunk. We stumbled out the door and proceeded to make our way across a dark parking lot towards the apartment complex. When we were about half way there, LA and I, in our usual fashion, started hitting each other with our purses. Every once in a while, when the moon is right, we are struck with the desire to wrestle, (don’t get happy boys) for entertainment purposes only. Out of the corner of my eye, I saw 2 people walking toward us, but I didn’t think much anything of it at the time.

By the time they approached us, we were so caught up in seeing who could de-foot the other first, that we didn’t get any weird vibes from the two. In any right state of mind, one of the four of us would have thought it strange that the two young people who were not wearing green were standing uncomfortably close to our circle. But no, we kept right on laughing and swinging our purses like drunken asshats.


When one of them tapped me on the shoulder, I assumed it was someone who Lauren knew. I laughed and casually slapped  their shoulder, thinking they were just enjoying the show. After a few more seconds I finally realized that Moops and Sally were laying on the ground, belly down, and one of strangers were standing above them.

I was about 2 sticks away from being this naive.
I was about 2 sticks away from being this naive.

It wasn’t until saw the gun that I truly realized what was happening. From that point, everything started moving in slow motion. I saw then that they were both holding large, silver guns, and that they didn’t look happy. There was a boy and a girl, both in their twenties. The girl was wearing a large sweatshirt with the hoodie pulled over her face, and the boy was wearing a beanie low on his forehead. Just as I started taking it all in, the girl put a gun up to LA’s head and demanded that she hand over her purse. I watched dumbly as she quickly followed her directions without a protest.

I was then the only one left standing. I can’t remember who, but one of my friends grabbed at my ankle and angrily whispered to “get down.”

“Gimme your purse and get on the ground,” the guy demanded.

Even though I knew what I was supposed to do, I couldn’t make myself move. When I finally remembered how to make my arms work, I struggled with getting my new Beatle’s purse, which had been tightly wound around my wrist for the fight, loose.  When I got it free, I had the thought that I should retrieve my credit card before handing it over. Making what could have been the dumbest decision of my life, I slid my hand into the purse, grabbed the card with my cupped hand, and swiftly put the card in my pocket before thrusting the clutch in their direction.

The guy robber asked me angrily if I had taken something out, and I shook my head to say no before I got on the ground. Luckily they believed me. As we all lay on the ground, the robbers stood over us for what felt like an eternity. Even though my eyes were tightly closed and I couldn’t hear anything except for my own heavy breathing, I could feel the burning of the gun on my back. I was sure that every second would be my last.

After what felt like an eternity, LA shouted  “RUN!” and took off. She was halfway to the gate before the rest of us had even gotten off the ground, but we all followed quickly behind her. I was roughly 250 lbs at the time, but I ran faster than I had ever ran in my life.

Once we were in the apartment, we all got quite emotional. One of my friends who had left the bar early was quick to call one of our stolen phones. The mugger answered and some words (that I won’t repeat) were spoken. The police came and our cards and phones were cancelled.

Looking back, it was quite funny that in the short time it took us to cancel our phones, rap song ring tones had already been purchased and downloaded.

You can bet your sweet ass that none of us slept that night, or slept easy for many nights to come.

So you can probably understand why I got so freaked out when I heard a loud bang out my window the other night. Within seconds LA had rushed out of bed and met me at the office door.

“That was a gun shot, I’m sure of it,” she said.

I screamed something like “OHHOLYFUCKINGSHIT” and ran to the hallway where I slid butt first to the ground. “GET DOWN AND DUCK!!!!”

LA stood above me and calmly told me to get up. “It’s not a drive by, it was just a gun shot. I’m calling the cops.”

So I got up off the ground and dramatically tweeted that gun shots were being shot in my neighborhood. LA went back to bed and I sat up for hours fantasizing about the dramatic shit that went down just across the street. When I drove home for lunch the following day and a moving man and about 4 men mowing the lawn and moving stuff out, I’m pretty sure I was right in my conclusion.

I don’t know the details, but if my imagination serves me correctly, the scenario involved a midget, some drugs, the CIA, and an underground sex tape. I hope I’m wrong.

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  • herding cats

    I got held up at gunpoint a few years ago. It terrified me beyond belief. I spent most of the next day in bed sobbing and unable to move (yes, I am a little melodramatic). It's scary, but you sure do learn to be more aware of your surroundings afterwards.

  • ScoMan

    You were brave to slip your credit card out. Brave or stupid. Maybe both.
    I can't even think of how I would handle that situation. I'd probably lay there with my eyes closed for a week to make sure they were gone.

  • Mwa

    That is too scary by far. Holy shit.

  • ambermurphy

    THAT IS SO SCARY! Oh, my god. Seriously. Terrifying! I can not believe that you were mugged at gunpoint. (And that you got away with grabbing your credit card before handing over your purse.)

    I have a fear of guns and robberies, since I work at a bank and all. I usually bury it pretty deep — as if I have a better chance of avoiding it if I don't say mention the fear out loud.

    I'm so glad you didn't get hurt. Whose blog could I love and adore as much as yours? If you weren't around to write it, MY life just wouldn't be the same.

  • PQ

    That is one of my BIGGEST fears, which is why I get a little paranoid walking around sometimes.

    In the neighborhood that I live, it's not unlikely to hear a gunshot from a few blocks away. NE DC is safe on a block by block basis but strange enough, I've never had a problem walking home from the metro by myself after midnight.

    So so glad you're OK!

  • beckeye

    Holy shit, that's crazy. But I can't believe the idiot muggers downloaded ringtones and actually thought they would keep the phones. Aren't all cellphones trackable? Can't the cops do some sort of fancy cell phone tower triangulation something-or-other? Or am I thinking of something completely made up from The Dark Knight?

  • JustMe

    I cannot IMAGINE that. That was a big fear living in NYC … luckily, the only thing that ever came close was a scary bum screaming at me for money.

    Not that I gave him any.

  • Steff Spina

    holy hell. that is fucking terrifying. thank god nobody was hurt. i'm not a huge fan of guns which probably has a lot to do with my first and only experience i had with one when i was young. like toddler young. my cousin and i were playing around in my uncle's bedroom and he showed me where he kept his gun. to us, it was a toy. we didn't know any better. so we started pointing it at each other and shooting. it wasn't until we brought it downstairs to show our parents our awesome find that my mother let out a bloodcurdling scream which, to this day, i have never forgotten. she ripped that thing out of my hands faster than i had the time to process what was happening. thank god for the safety. without that, one of us might not be here today.

  • OG

    I can't believe you took your credit card out of your purse – that's one of the easiest things to cancel…definitely not worth the risk for next time, but seriously ballsy. I actually hope that your scenario is correct – that sounds like an awesome story and definitley cause for firing a weapon.

  • BobbiJanay@Kid to a Grown Up

    Holy shit, that is crazy.

  • JustMe

    And FINALLY…I've blog-rolled yoouuuu

  • 12ontheinside

    Holy COW, how scary.

  • Lucy

    I would have freaked and definitely would have peed my pants.

  • badassgeek

    Holy shit, dude. Nothing like that has ever happened to me, but if it did, I'm pretty sure I'd piss myself.

  • Tara

    OMG! I'm so glad you got out of it safely! Did they ever catch the people?

  • Mrs. K

    that is incredibly scary! Is that something you even move past? I'm so sorry that happened to you.

  • floreta

    wow i hope that never happens to me!! liked the comic relief of the last sentence but man.. tough stuff! also liked the detail of you tweeting.. haha!

  • Candice

    Ok, I would have behaved the exact same way as you, that's absolutely TERRIFYING. Omg. I'm so glad you all made it out ok. :-/

  • Clevelandpoet

    Yeah the only time I ever had a gun pointed at me was by some douche bag cop that kept slapping it into my chest.

  • LiLu

    Ohmyholyhell. Girl, you are amazing. If that ever happened to me I would immediately move to Gary, Indiana and never look back. Oye.

    So glad you're okay, then and now!!

  • meg

    holy crap that is so scary!!! I have no idea how I would react if that ever happened to me. Probably cry. So glad everybody was okay!!
    and ummm human duck hunt? haha, who comes up with these things??

  • Sadako

    So scary! Agree on the credit card–that can be easily cancelled.

    Loved the pic of Ronald McDonald, though.

  • Hip Hop Hippie

    Fuckin A!! That is horrifying! I'm so sorry!!! Soooo relieved that you weren't injured! Experiences like that scar the shit outta your psyche. Sending love…

  • meg

    holy crap that is so scary!!! I have no idea how I would react if that ever happened to me. Probably cry. So glad everybody was okay!!
    and ummm human duck hunt? haha, who comes up with these things??

  • Sadako

    So scary! Agree on the credit card–that can be easily cancelled.

    Loved the pic of Ronald McDonald, though.

  • Hip Hop Hippie

    Fuckin A!! That is horrifying! I'm so sorry!!! Soooo relieved that you weren't injured! Experiences like that scar the shit outta your psyche. Sending love…