At least it wasn’t on a post it….


I’mmmm backkkk!!!!!

I know you’ve missed me. Or not.. but I’ve missed you. I can’t believe my week of stay-cating and watching movies has come to an end. But I guess as they say, all good things must come to an end.

Really though? Why? Why must good things end? The world would be a thousand times better if we simply kept the good things going.

Do you know what that would mean? Since good= John Cusack, we could watch John Cusack movies all the live long day. Since good= sunflower seeds, I could eat them for every meal. Since good=It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, they wouldn’t take really long breaks in between seasons causing me to watch stupid shows instead. Since good = ketchup, people wouldn’t look at me so weird when I use 27 packets with my lunch.

mmmketchup

“You can never have too much of a good thing.”

I like that one better…

Anyway, so yes. My good week of not having to go into an office has ended, but I’m actually quite excited to have something to occupy my brain, which has had quite a lot to deal with the past week.

I’ve had some family drama going on, which I’m not going to go into now… because quite frankly I’m tired of thinking about it.

I’ve had to get over seeing approximately¬†84 peni, which I’m guessing is the plural for “penis,” this week on chat roulette, which I guess is sort of my own fault. Actually though, LA and I found the perfect solution for these weirdos that think that everyone wants to watch them slap their salami. We go through the whole introduction and act like we’re into it… then I stand so that the camera focuses on my crotch, slowly unzip, and pull out a banana. It’s quite entertaining to get their reaction, but then again my entertainment level equates that of a 13 year old boy.

Oh and then last night I got broken up with via text message. By a guy I’m not even sure I was dating in the first place.

I usually don’t like to blog-bash people I know in real life who don’t have a blog that they can use to defend themselves… but I can’t let this one go by without saying anything. I mean a text message!? Really? You don’t even have the courtesy to tell me to my face? To give me just a little explanation?

Truth is, this one is probably my fault too. A few months ago we tried out this whole hanging out thing, and he blew me off without an explanation, so I really kind of expected this.. but still… A text message?

We had been hanging out again recently, and truth be told- I wasn’t really feeling it and it’s not like I thought we were going to get married or anything, but it was fun.. ya know? So I figured what the hell. Then I hadn’t heard from him in a few days and I’m sick of bullshit games so last night (after a full day of pub crawling and drinking) I decided to text and ask what was up.

I have since deleted him from my phone so I can’t say for sure what was said, but I’m thinking it was something along the lines of “Soooo I’m guesssingr itss ovverrr?

His reply? Something to the likes of “I didn’t really see it going anywhere, I’d like to still be friends .”

I think after that I sent him a string of drunken texts but I have no idea what I said so I think I’d like to get that response out there now, for closure and what not.

Dear  Douchecanoe,

Well, I guess I already knew the answer before I drunkenly texted you, so I can’t be too angry with you. At least you were honest. However, I did think that you need to know that telling someone via text that you’re not interested is unacceptable. Sure, it’s better than on a post-it note, or a billboard or something… but not by much. Were we even dating in the first place? ¬†I don’t really think sitting over at your place getting drunk and watching music videos before hooking up counts as a date.

Also, I know that by me writing this, it actually sounds like I might care. This is definitely not the case. More than anything I just wanted a little bit of an explanation. I’m all about constructive criticism and was curious to know what I did that made me not even worthy of a phone call. Unless the reason is because I did something weird like fart in my sleep. Then just leave it be…

In addition, I wanted to express my annoyance with the fact that you got to end it first. Maybe that says something about my maturity level, and usually I wouldn’t care… but a text????

That’s all I wanted to say… hope we can still be friends.

cjaded


Peeee Esssss…

I lied. I do think your hats are stupid.

:)

Also, today I joined match.com today even though part of me feels like I should bow out of this whole dating scene while I am clearly ahead.

I have missed you and hopefully tomorrow night I can catch up on reading some blogs… it’s been way too long but I just couldn’t sit in front of the computer any more than I had to!

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Related posts:

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  2. Post it note Tuesday and It’s my first post of the New Year!
  3. Post it notes and Good friends are hard to find.
  4. My Life In Numbers… And Yet Another “Breakup.”
  5. About Once Every Six Months, I Feel I’m Entitled To A Sappy, Serious Post: What I Want Out Of 28.
  • http://www.relivethe90s.com Jake

    Dear Carissa –

    I thought I would keep your weekend on par. Please take this as your official Gay Boyfriend BREAKUP. I feel totally disconnected from you. The only time we've hung out since we broke up as room mates, despite my numerous attempts, was at the St. Patrick's Day Parade…which neither of us remember. Sorry, I really just don't see us going anywhere. Hopefully we'll still talk occasionally.

    Pee Ess. I won't be offended if you start seeing other gays.

    Pee Pee Ess. Now taking applications for new hot mess girlfriends!

  • beckeye

    OMG, text breakups are soooooo lameeee. Like, idk wut this guy was thinkin!

  • http://www.depressionsandconfessions.com/ alexistlesa

    i should put this on a post-it note for you: don't date douchecanoes who wear stupid hats. chances are they might be assclowns masquerading as people you think you might like to watch tv with, then puss out via text by telling you they'd like to be friends. good luck with match, hopefully you'll see less virtual peni there than on chat roulette. or more, depending on what you're looking for.

  • adrienzgirl

    I really really really REALLY don't like ketchup. That picture? Um…I threw up in my mouth a little bit. Glad you're back chica!

  • ScoMan

    Welcome back.

    I think good things have to end because if they didn't they would become boring and we wouldn't appreciate them any more.

    I think breaking up by billboard is a great idea, and if I were rich enough and seeing someone I would break up with them just so I could do it by billboard.

  • badassgeek

    The term douchecanoe slightly scares me. I mean, what would that even look like if it existed?

  • http://livitluvit.com LivitLuvit

    DOUCHENOZZEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    Blah.

    Glad we got you back though :-)

  • http://shadesogrey.wordpress.com OG

    That's a lot of ketchup, but I did catch a Mayo packet in the mix. Was that purely by accident? It is so lame to break up by text message so: lame = that guy (to keep with your equal-sign theme). Good letter.

  • jeneypeney

    Douchecanoe? I'll have to remember to use that one…

    “Break up” via texting… lame. Lame, lame, lame. Like, woah.

  • hiphophippie

    Douchecanoe! YES!!! And text breaking up, uuuuuuuuugh, what a douchecanoe with stupid hats. Uuuugh.

    I'm sorry you're back at work now, but selfishly I'm glad cuz I missed you. :)

  • ProfessorJ

    HAHAHAHA…I seriously laughed out loud at “Douchecanoe”. I also liked the hat part…amusing.

    @OG – Good eye…what is going on with the Mayo packet?

  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    Guys enjoy text-message break-ups.

    They also enjoy porn that involves animals…so take that for what you will…

  • ktcotton

    Jake,

    Thought I know I am not as big of a hot mess as Carissa (love you CJ), I would like to apply to be your new hot mess girlfriend. I know it would be a long distance relationship but I am willing to the extra work into it :)

    Smooches!
    -Katie

  • ktcotton

    First of all that ketchup picture made me a little sick… I know you love ketchup but I DO NOT! I do like it's color, smell or taste so the pic was uber gross.

    Secondly, I LOVE this post! Breaking up via text from a non-relationship is EXTRA lame so I am proud of you for blog bashing. Carissa-Douchecanoe= an even more awesome Carissa!

    Lastly… Dear Douchecanoe,

    Please grow testes and call a girl to “breakup” with her. Or keep your mouth shut when there isn't a relationship in the first place. That is all…

  • http://lacochran.blogspot.com L A Cochran

    It always looks like you can get so much more out of those ketchup packets than you can. It gets clogged in the corners.

    I've been known to clamp down on them and draw the good stuff right into my mouth. (TWSS)

  • http://lacochran.blogspot.com L A Cochran

    It always looks like you can get so much more out of those ketchup packets than you can. It gets clogged in the corners.

    I've been known to clamp down on them and draw the good stuff right into my mouth. (TWSS)

  • http://lacochran.blogspot.com L A Cochran

    Have I mentioned how much I hate DISQUS? Sigh.

  • lifeonahanger

    1. I'M BACK! and I effing miss you! MANDATORY UPDATES SESH
    2. I love you and your ketchup, I'm the same way…amazingness
    3. Douchecanoe…I'm obsessed. It may replace my frequent use of “slore” that I've been using so much lately, although lately I like to call stupid boys gargoyles….
    4. WHAT.A.DOUCHE/GARGOYLE. ugh.

  • http://idothings.info JD at I Do Things

    I bet you farted. What other possible explanation could there be?

    So be glad he didn't break up with you via billboard. You don't want THAT plastered all over your city, do you?

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    Breaking up by text message is so 2009. Clearly, he's behind the times and just not good enough for you anyway. Stay on Match.com – if anything, it might provide for some excellent blog posts!

  • http://edsfunnypages.blogspot.com Ed Adams

    What a jerk. Cusack would have never done that.

  • Pollypoptart

    Ooooh, he is INDEED a douchecanoe! I HATE guys sometimes. :(

  • Tara

    Yay! So glad you're back. Missed you! And it sounds like “douchecanoe” was the perfect word to describe this loser.

  • http://twitter.com/drlulzington Dr L.O.L. Lulzington

    I am going to have to start using the word “douchecanoe” in casual conversation now.

  • CarissaJaded

    NONO I can't lose Jake too!! Katie, you can have Denny.

  • CarissaJaded

    haha YES!I need that on my fridge!

  • CarissaJaded

    I could draw it for you if you'd like!

  • CarissaJaded

    YAY! I need to really be back though.. It's hard taking a bit of a bloggy break and then starting a new job and what not. Life is a toughie.

  • CarissaJaded

    Hooowwww do you not like ketchup!? It's my savior!

  • CarissaJaded

    hmm yeah.. or at a baseball game?? Or a sign on the today show??

    Yeah…. I'm thinking I need to start breaking up with people more.

  • CarissaJaded

    hahaha yes! very good words from the wise!

  • CarissaJaded

    hehehe and ME TOO!

  • CarissaJaded

    I'm taking over slores and gargoyles… I love both of those. And you!! I missed you so much!

  • CarissaJaded

    Oh and second comment… Maybe the best combo word would be douchengoyle!?

  • CarissaJaded

    I know, I'm sticking with him for now on.. I should have known!

  • CarissaJaded

    YES I KNOW! I missed you too!

  • CarissaJaded

    Ummm. hehehe yes.. I kind of like Mayo too. Good eye indeed. and thanks for not being a douchecanoe! I won't kill off all of the men in the world afterall!

  • CarissaJaded

    I know… I'm worried that I did.. I did wake up a little gassy…

  • CarissaJaded

    Thats what I'm thinking.. Maybe some actual positive ones..

  • http://karisa-tells-all.blogspot.com/ Karisa Tells All

    This post is really funny! I'm sorry you got broken up with via text message, but at least it makes a good story. It reminds me of that youtube video “text message breakup.” That is literally the douchiest way to dump someone. Although it seems like you did get to end it first, since you texted him first.

    This comment box is telling me that texted isn't a word. And neither is douchiest. What's up with that?

  • http://karisa-tells-all.blogspot.com/ Karisa Tells All

    Oh, I forgot to tell you that you have an awesome name too. But I believe mine is spelled correctly…haha I'm subscribing to you too!

  • CarissaJaded

    NONO I can't lose Jake too!! Katie, you can have Denny.

  • CarissaJaded

    haha YES!I need that on my fridge!

  • CarissaJaded

    I could draw it for you if you'd like!

  • CarissaJaded

    YAY! I need to really be back though.. It's hard taking a bit of a bloggy break and then starting a new job and what not. Life is a toughie.

  • CarissaJaded

    Hooowwww do you not like ketchup!? It's my savior!

  • CarissaJaded

    hmm yeah.. or at a baseball game?? Or a sign on the today show??

    Yeah…. I'm thinking I need to start breaking up with people more.

  • CarissaJaded

    hahaha yes! very good words from the wise!

  • CarissaJaded

    hehehe and ME TOO!

  • CarissaJaded

    I'm taking over slores and gargoyles… I love both of those. And you!! I missed you so much!