TMI Thursday: Everything comes down to poo (not mine)

As Lilu always says: ***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Make sure you check out Lilu’s site, and check out her TMI Thursday archives for all sorts of hilarity!

I’m gonna try to keep this short today, mostly due to the fact that I’m busy packing for my move next weekend. Just kidding. I haven’t started packing yet silly face. I’m just extremely ADD and have been sitting here in front of my computer for the last 4 hours, checking facebook, twitter, and watching stupid tv shows… and now that it’s 11:15 and I’m already ambiened up,  I don’t think I have many coherent minutes left in me.

My senior year of college I took an extensive Spanish class, which basically meant 3 hours of non-stop Spanish, 3 days a week. It was miserable.

What could possibly make 3 hours of abburido espanol even more excruciating?

I’ll tell you.

It was one of the first weeks of class, before I had spent a million hours with my fellow classmates and didn’t know anyone very well yet. I sat down, and as usual- attempted to quickly copy the answers from the back of the workbook. Which is something that I don’t understand, but I won’t get into that today.

So I’m sitting there when I notice a peculiar scent. A very pungent scent. To be more exact, it was of the “came from the ass region” variety.

I looked around, not sure whether I should bring it up, as I didn’t know who, or what, it had come from. It was pretty clear from the fact that it wasn’t waning, that someone hadn’t just broke wind.

I examined all of my neighbors, trying to figure out which one of them would be most likely not to wipe very well.

As I looked around the room, I could tell that I wasn’t the only person who was offended by the poo smell. A few people around me were snickering and looking around for the culprit.

I finally decided to speak up, and I asked the boys next to me, jokingly, if they had shit their pants. After a few minutes, pretty much the entire class was talking about the awful smell.

The teacher eventually asked what all the chatter was about. Everyone started laughing, and leave it to my big mouth to speak up.

“Ummmm… something smells REALLY bad in here.”

It was about that time that the quiet boy sitting behind me finally decided to speak up.

“Uh.. well it’s probably because you have a whole load of poop on the bottom of your shoe…”

I looked down at the foot that I had crossed around my knee, and sure enough… that sumofabiznitch was correct. There was a big load of dog shit on the bottom of my shoe.

Awesome.

Which leads me to last night. poop-on-the-shoe

I’m sitting here, at my computer, one leg up on the seat with my knee hugged against my chest like I always do… typing up a post- just as I am now… when I smell something rancid. My two boy roommates were both in the room, so I go ahead and assume it was one of them.

After a few more minutes the smell did not dissipate. I came to the conclusion that it seemed to be coming from me!

I hadn’t passed gas that I was aware of, but I decided to sit for a few more moments just to make sure.

I keep my shit clean people. I mean that as much as one can mean that. I may not shower EVERY day, but I’m clean.

Even so, the scent was coming from somewhere so close to my, well my nether-region, that I was sure of. Eventually, I decided to suck it up and bend my head down to get a closer smell.

EWWWWWWW

Something wasn’t right. I went to the bathroom to check things out, as anyone would in my situation, and came out even more confused. I smelled just fine.

I came back to my desk and assumed my position and the smell was back. Suddenly, I remembered the Spanish class incident and checked my shoe.

All was right in the world once again.

My ass didn’t smell.

There was poo on my shoe.

WIN!!!



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  • http://dibblyfresh1.blogspot.com/ Sadako

    Heh, great story. 😀

  • thebacksofmyeyelids

    MWAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!! Excellent, Carissa!!!

  • princessofsarcasm

    “I don't have many coherent minutes left in me.” <—–you say that like you are normally coherent. 😉

    We have been dogless for a year. (RIP Auggie) The only thing I don't miss is poo on the boys shoes. Well, that and the trash not being all over the garage when I forget to put it up high….

  • http://livingmylife-gregoryj.blogspot.com/ GregoryJ

    You'll start checking your shoe first, now?
    And watching where you walk?
    Nice story.
    Thank you.

  • Pingback: TMI Thursday: It’s All Yours, Folks | Livit, Luvit()

  • thatkindofgirl

    Oh my god, I am so vicariously mortified for Spanish-class you!

  • http://shamrock-on.blogspot.com/ Jeney

    Haha! Priceless!

  • http://jmb1980.blogspot.com/ Just Another Momma

    ewwww poopy feet! LOL That's a great story. I can remember that happening to me but not in spanish class.

  • hiphophippie

    Hiiiiilarious!!! And I'm so happy that your ass didn't smell like ass. :)

  • theworldaccordingtomissh

    Ha ha. That's bad…how to you attract so much poo? :) I can't remember the last time I stood in any…

  • http://www.nikkidz.blogspot.com/ Nikki

    One day…it will be your ass. I left you award on my blog. Ya know, cause you're awesome. Even your poop shoes.

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    Please don't make fun of me: When I was little, I thought I could sing. I would stand in front of a full-length mirror, holding a hairbrush as a microphone, with a towel wrapped around my waist [somehow, I felt all singers needed to wear skirts] and I would make up songs. One of the songs [to which I still know all the words] was called “Poo On My Shoe” – I shit you not. It was an okay song, but not nearly as amazing as my super hit, “I Bumped My Head On The Bus” [still not joking]

    It's like I was singing about you, years before even crossing your Internet path! And so, this can only mean one thing: if you take any public transportation, please wear a helmet.

  • http://www.itsmymomenttoshine.com/ T

    I always get poo on my sneakers and it's so hard to get all the poo out of all the little crevices!

  • http://perfectlycursedlife.com/ Kimwithak

    Dog poo on the shoe….always a classic oops moment!

  • MoodyBelle

    buwahahaha…omg! How do you manage to have dog poo on your shoes by the way??? lol

  • http://www.lifeonahanger.blogspot.com lifeonahanger

    omg ew ew ew. my puppy has a really long tail and sometimes poo gets stuck…it’s NASTY

  • http://lucyslifeinsuburbworld.blogspot.com/ Lucy

    You need to start looking where you are walking!!!! Too funny!!

  • http://matthewjenks.blogspot.com/ Matt_J

    One time, while walking to the swimming hole at the Lake, I stepped in dog doo.

    Ever since then, I've been very careful as to where I place my feet upon the ground.

  • http://megsrantsandramblngs.blogspot.com/ meg

    ohhhh lord, that spanish class reminded me of a dog poo related incident…back in the day, my friend had stepped in dog poo during recess and she was SO embarrassed, and I was like, “try and get it off with a stick”, but then she was all paranoid about someone seeing her, so I was all, “i'll come up with a code phrase in case anybody starts coming our way.” and that code phrase was…the duck flys at midnight. haha, I was a nerd…thank you for randomly making that incident pop into my head!!

  • http://livitluvit.com/ LiLu

    If that's a win, I really don't want to hear the lose. 😉

  • Pollypoptart

    Ew! Poo shoe, poo shoe!!! Hahaha. :)

  • http://www.coffeewithkaydee.com/ kaydee

    That is funny and has happened to me more than once. We used to live in a cottage behind my mother-in-laws and she ran a puppy mill… erm… I mean a dog rescue and at any given time had 40+ dogs in the yard. I stepped in poo so frequently I started using a special pair of shoes used for just walking through the mine field. Ahhh… there's nothing like looking around assuming it”s someone else and then realizing you're the one who smells like you've shit yourself. Good times.

  • http://www.theinternalmakeover.com/ kathryn

    Okay. So, where is all this poop coming from? Are you like, some kind of poop-magnet??

    Can I respectfully suggest you start…I dunno….watching where you step??

    Just a thought…

  • http://www.ftcs.wordpress.com/ Clevelandpoet

    if ever we meet and there is a smell I will know just check your shoe right away.

  • ambermurphy

    Once I stepped in dog shit while I was barefoot. The feces belonged to my own dog, but that didn't make it any less awful. It was all squishy and between my toes.

  • kkostiha

    Too funny!

  • http://www.piratemeghan.com/ Meghan

    Ewwwwwwww.

  • CarissaJaded

    Point and laugh point and laugh! hahaha just kidding. How did I miss out on these amazing songs!? My mom seriously made me miss out on so much!

  • CarissaJaded

    Me. Too. It was terrifying really to think it could possibly be me!

  • http://batcrapcrazy.blogspot.com/ daffy

    Crotch rot is some serious bidnez…thank gawd it was just poo on the shoe…an easy remedy to be sure.

    Sorry I'm late to the partay….been one helluva week trying to catch up after having a failed cootie shot. I don't recommend it.

    PLUS stupid work won't load your blog. Don't know what they have against you but it will NEVER load at work. SO I don't have the pleasure of reading you while trying to snarf down my food….

    Alas, I am here now…albeit a little late

  • http://www.Tinalicious.com Tina

    I just stumbled across your blog and this post…and seriously, I laughed out loud. Thanks for the chuckle! It made my poo-free day. :o)

  • http://www.Tinalicious.com Tina

    I just stumbled across your blog and this post…and seriously, I laughed out loud. Thanks for the chuckle! It made my poo-free day. :o)