TMI Thursday: Barf-o-rama


I’m gonna be completely honest with you. This post was written while I was righteously tipsy. I just got home from seeing Timbaland, and although I wasn’t sure what to expect, we had a freaking blast and danced our asses off all night and had a blast. Sooooo…. I’ll have to tell you more about that latah! On to the TMI!

As Lilu always says: ***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

Make sure you check out Lilu’s site, and check out her TMI Thursday archives for all sorts of hilarity!

Last week I gave you a video blog of all the things in the world that make me want to vomit.

This past weekend I was reminded of one that I left out… a very important one.

A  little back story.

Sometimes I can’t believe my friend A, is my friend. While she is one of the most fun and awesome people that I know, she is definitely more of a lady than some of my other friends. I could probably think of a ton of TMI stories about most of my friends, but not many about her.

Of course there was that time on her wedding day that I literally had to perform my Maid of Honor doodies and wipe her ass because her dress was too poofy to do it herself.

But that’s a different story for another day.

So last Saturday, my friend A and went out and got a little crazy. We met up with a bunch of our friends for a Birthday shenanigan… eventually I passed out, she woke me up and peeled my head off of the coffee table that I had passed out on (like she always does,) and we went back to her house where I slept on a little couch (while there was a big bed 40 feet away) with my legs propped up.

The next morning I woke up feeling surprisingly chipper. I was ready for a bloody mary and to start the whole adventure again.

She didn’t feel so great.

I could tell from the queezy look on her face, and because I kept finding her sprawled out on the cold tile floor, that she really wasn’t feeling it.

But like I said, she’s a trooper, and decided to join me for day two of drinktivities.

I think I’ve told you this before, but I rarely drive. I’m not very good at it, my car is a disaster… and frankly I get even 10 times more nervous when other people are in my car. Sunday morning, I had no choice in the matter. A’s car was at the bar that we were returning to, and we had no other way of getting there besides my car.

Before A got in my car, I tried my best to brush all the wrappers, empty McDonalds coffee cups, and loose change out of the passenger seat. I turned the ipod onto the calmest music I could find, and I told myself over and over “don’t be jerky, drive smooth,” as I could see that the girl was capable of tossing her cookies at any moment.

After a few seconds of being on the road- she switlyy put her foot up on the dashboard. She said it was because Dashboard Jesus was vibrating all over the place and it was making her nauseous.

Understandable.

After a few more seconds I could see that A was taking very deep breaths. She unrolled the window to get some fresh, freezing air.

I stiffened my shoulders and didn’t say a word.

The rest of the drive continued in this matter.

Just as our destination was in site, the mood shifted. A’s breaths grew quicker and more desperate. As I was pulling up, I could see A digging around through all the empty water bottles and papers and she came up with a plastic bag. At first I thought it was for her to breathe into, but then I remembered you’re supposed to do that with paper bags.

And then it started.

“Blerrrrrrghgggjgjjggjgj”

Oh no. She vommed.

I turned my head out the drivers side window and tried to imagine John Cusack riding toward me on a white horse. Wasn’t working.

With every lurch I could feel my body tighten. My senses were working on overload. The “blaerrethhrrrsaasrrsschhh” sound of wretched vomiting hit my ears like a tornado siren. The sound of the vom hitting the plastic baggy reminded me of a really fat person jumping slow-mo on a jumbo-tron. And in the split second that I looked over to make sure it was landing in the bag, the chunks that flew out of her mouth reminded me of the time that I ran into a glass door while carrying 2 gallons of curdled milk/old beer mixture) and it exploded all over my face. (Also another story)

I could feel my mouth starting to water and my arms start to shake. I tried to put it all out of my brain but the sounds, the smell…. it just wasn’t working!!

Queue in the dry heaves. “Blerrrrrrccchhhh”

I giggled thinking it was just a sympathy heave.

“blerrrrrrcccchhh” Ok maybe not so much.

I opened my door, and for the next ten minutes, A barfed into that plastic bag, while I heaved out the drivers side door. When I was finally able to compose myself, I looked at A and we both had tears in our eyes. Not a word was said. She wiped her hands on her pants, gathered that walmart bag that luckily didn’t have any holes in it, and took it to the dumpster. I wiped my lips and took a couple more deep breaths.

I suppose it could have been worse…

barforama

A said she would meet me at the next bar… and she did. The Drinktivities continued on for another 5 hours without another glitch. We didn’t speak of our barf-o-rama at the time… and we probably won’t mention it again until I get married and she pays me back for the vomit story that I told in my maid of honor speech at her wedding.

But it happened. And it was Legend- wait for it- dary.

Love you A!!!

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  3. TMI Thursday: Everything comes down to poo (not mine)
  4. TMI Thursday: Squat Got Copped
  5. TMI Thursday: Skid Lake
  • http://bellyshirts.wordpress.com Kirsten

    hahah I would have done the exact same thing. I can't stand other people throwing up.

    And also, nice HIMYM referral at the end there

  • thebacksofmyeyelids

    I used to be a sympathetic dry heaver….until I had kids. Good thing too because, if you puked every time they did, there'd be room for nothing else in life.

  • Pingback: TMI Thursday: The Plum Gets Peeled | Livit, Luvit()

  • http://microcows.blogspot.com Elliott

    I'm over the sympathy barf, but I imagine that if already predisposed, it wouldn't take much. I am an over-the-top puker extraordinaire.

    And I now feel as though I must have a dashboard Jesus.

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    Are you sure she wasn't vomiting from the pure nastiness of your car? I've seen the picture. It's definitely vomit-worthy! [no offense!]

  • http://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=1620191204 facebook-1620191204

    Reading it made me want to…oh lord…ok.

  • http://edsfunnypages.blogspot.com/ Ed Adams

    *vomit*

    Thanks for the st…
    *vomit*

    …ory.

    *vomits*

  • http://rdingcats2.blogspot.com/ Herding Cats

    Hahhahaha I think that's hilarious. You know you've had a good night when….

  • lifeonahanger

    oh dear lord, you just recounted my nightmare. i feel so nosh now. damnit.

  • http://www.fisherofstories.blogspot.com/ Travis

    And yet you continued to drink.

    Classy.

  • http://www.nikkidz.blogspot.com/ Nikki

    Awww, sympathy vomit. Vibrating Jesus would be proud. I need to remember not to come visit your space when I'm eating breakfast on Thursdays.

  • http://laughstooeasily.blogspot.com/ Dani

    I can't really see what else you could be expected to do. I'm not usually a sympathetic barfer, but in such a small space, with the smell and the proximity…i'd probably have done the same thing.

    At least the car survived relatively unscathed…though that would have certainly motivated a clean out of those McDonald's cups.

  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    I almost wanted to barf just reading that.

    Barfing makes me barf. Always.

  • http://www.ftcs.wordpress.com/ Clevelandpoet

    see now you can tell people “my car isn't filled with trash these are in case you need to barf cups and walmart bags”

  • Pollypoptart

    I take it you haven't been vomit free since '93 then? Hahaha. :)

  • http://littleinsomniaclolita.blogspot.com Andhari

    Why did you upload that picture???LOL.

    Anyhoo, you watched Timbaland? I'm so jealous!:P

  • ambermurphy

    eww. i hate when other people vomit near me. it's so disgusting. but, when i have had to much to drink i usually love to vomit, especially out of moving vehicles. it's tradition. a new tradition, but tradition nonetheless!

  • http://30isthenew13.blogspot.com/ Sada

    So. Let me get this straight. You've WIPED HER ASS, but you and your friend won't discuss simultaneous vommage? W. T. F.

  • http://www.TheConstantComplainer.com/ The Constant Complainer

    Seeing others barf always turns my stomach. And that picture… From “Stand by Me” right.

    Sorry that I was MIA for a while. I'm sooooo behind with blogging, but am trying to get caught up as we speak.

    Happy New Year!

  • http://www.facebook.com/people/Andria-Mullins/1010924336 Andria Mullins

    Haha Carissa this made me laugh! I have at least two memories of you barfing. The first was when we were about 4 or 5 at McDonalds and I smeared ketchup all over my lips and told you it was blood or something. You puked all over the table and everyone got mad at you, not me! The second was when we were about 7 or 8 and I was sleeping over. We had chili dogs for dinner and you woke up not feeling well and woke me up just in time to puke directly in my face and hair. I can't believe I didn't throw up after that! HAHA! Unfortunately I remember that so clearly.

  • http://techparent42.blogspot.com The Technical Parent

    Wait for it…
    Here it comes…
    And….I just threw up.

    You owe me one laptop please.

  • http://www.stirfryawesomeness.blogspot.com/ Tracie

    Ugh. When someone pukes, I puke too.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Ahh I love me some HIMYM!!!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Now that's not very nice of you.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    I do put the ass in class…. Or so they say.

  • lifeonahanger

    ummm i emailed you yesterday from my personal gmail acct (be honored) and i JUST emailed you from lifeonahanger@gmail.com

    i'll re-send the first one bc it's a flippin novel

  • Daffy

    “John Cusack riding toward me on a white horse”….only you dear Carissa

    Man those sympathy barfs are killer. The upside? You totally purged a ton of calories!

  • latenightdramaqueen

    At least she had the bag!! My friend didn't… You've given me inspiration for next week's TMI post. :)

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com/ Candice

    Ohhhhhh man! EPIC!

  • http://www.facebook.com/zandria.winn Zandria Winn

    This reminds me of that scene from Family Guy where they take the syrup of Ipecac to see if it really does induce vomiting and…you know the rest.

  • http://lifeintheleftlane.wordpress.com/ Bing

    Oh God, that is awful! I've had people barf in bags in my car, but luckily I didn't toss my cookies with them. You two must have been quite the site!

  • http://lifeintheleftlane.wordpress.com/ Bing

    D'oh, I meant sight…

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