How did I get here?


Happy Friday people! I, for one, thought it would never get here. This weekend I am headed to Houston to visit some friends and see a my friend’s dance show that she wrote… inspired by yours truly- and I couldn’t be more pumped. I know I have still been a little MIA from the on-line world this week, but next week I promise I’m gonna try to get with da program!!

In the mean time though, I figured it was time to check out my google search terms. Every so once in a while, I like to check and see how people are ending up on my blog. I have a huge heart, as you know, and I really hate for people to end up on my page and leave empty-handed. Therefore, I will make yet another attempt of satisfying people’s search terms, just in case they end up back here with the same problems/questions. I have to say, some of you people are extremely fucked up. Even more so than I am!

But here goes!

Make him suck it: I’m not exactly sure what “it” you are speaking of, but girl (or boy) if all else fails, try peanut butter. There is a girl in every high school who would give you the same advice, I’m sure.


I’m in a great mood all day cause I’ve been slapping my troubles away: I do hear it helps!! I’m not sure what you’re looking for, since your already in a good mood… but as far as advice goes, use lube to avoid chaffing!!

Dreaming of poo: MEEEE TOOOO!!!!! I have a recurring “shit myself at work” dream!!  I’ve done a little research on this matter myself, as it has been quite disturbing. I’ve found out that dreaming of poo usually means that there is something in your life that you need to discard of. Or you might see yourself as dirty or negative, which I don’t… so I’m not sure why I have this. According to Freud, “feces is related to possession, pride, shame, money/financial matters, or aggressive acts. So to dream that you are playing with feces, symbolizes your anxiety over money matters and financial security. ” That, I can see.

Stalk Carissa Plano blog: Not cool… not cool at all dude. I dunno who you are, but if you are reading this you are not welcome. The same goes for those who got here searching Carissa Plano blog, Carissa Jade from Waco website, and Hot big boob Carissa Plano….

Scare cockatoos using electricity: I reallllllllly wish I could be more helpful on this one, because I would like to know myself!!! My mom has one of these horribly annoying creatures, and as far as I can tell, your best bet would be to actually stick it’s foot in a socket. I’ll let you know how it goes next time I visit my mom.

Sexy eye patch: Well since you most likely weren’t looking for a picture of me as a child, you were clearly looking for this picture that my mom photo-shopped and sent to me last week. Righhhtt? She thought it was clever because I used to wear an eye patch and all…. hmmph.

carissaweirdmom


Show me a photo of what a condom looks like: Glad to be at your service. DONE.

condom2


I am totally jaded after my last relationships and have decided to be alone forever: Hmmm… I feel ya there. But you know what? Chin up young person, (unless your old, mean and dirty) chances are you are just in a very bad mood and things will look better in a day or two. I say, get all dressed up, go to a bar, and find yourself a quick fix. Who am I kidding? That never works. Eat a gallon of ice cream, drink a big bottle of wine, take a hot bath, and listen to some Death Cab… I don’t know if it will help anything, but that’s what I do when I’m feeling that way, and if nothing else- I get a good therepeutic cry out of it!


Why do i like pissing on myself?: Probably because you are either very weird or very cold.


Santa i want the list of all bad girls: Well I don’t have a list of all of them, but you are off to a good start here! I suggest try some porn sites or ask some of those crazy bitches from Jersey Shore.

Making carissa s boobs feel good: Well somebody sure is considerate!!! Lets start with a comfy bra, or if we’re really trying to make them feel good then no bra. Warmth is always good, so if you’ve got cold hands, then stay away! And as far as anything else goes, I’ll tell you if it doesn’t feel nice. Thankyouverymuch.


Ambien writing: I don’t recommend it, or you might end up with something as awful as this post.


What does it mean when some one says and so is your face? It doesn’t matter WHAT it means, all you need to know is that it WORKS EVERY TIME!!

Good hard things to hump maybe a couch: Yes a couch is a good place to start. Also you might want to try the side of a chair, the console of your car, a picnic table bench, a balance beam, a traffic cone, a bar stool, a piano bench, a  microphone,  a teddy ruxpin… Ok I’ve said to much. Good Luck!

Chad kroeger is the face of all the things wrong with this planet: I suppose you are looking for affirmation, and if this is the case then HELL YES, you are correct.

Smell dirty nasty jock butthole –For serious yall, SIX people got here by this search term in December. I would say that you are looking to smell a nasty jock buttholes, the first place you should look is a locker room….

After college she has an enema movie: I’m working on it!! Gimme a few months!

Why does my peepee stick up: I think you might have a Boner. If you don’t know what that is, ask your mommy.

John Cusack’s girlfriend/John Cusack’s girlfriend 2009/ who dates John Cusack: You found her bitches!!!!

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  • Pollypoptart

    I SERIOUSLY wonder about people sometimes that they have nothing better to look up than this stuff.

    Okay, so I'm off now to google who has the hairiest ass in the world. If I end up back here, I'll be seriously worried, dude… ;P

  • http://www.ftcs.wordpress.com/ Clevelandpoet

    Teddy Ruxpin????

    damn you be sexy!

    bozo (like always)
    ass to mouth (like always)
    “girlfriend”
    gummy jobs
    chicken pox comes in pairs

    are my current ones

  • thatkindofgirl

    I'm not sure whether I'd rather believe that six people found your blog with the phrase “smell dirty nasty jock butthole,” or that the same person came here six times.

  • http://www.nikkidz.blogspot.com/ Nikki

    Wow, some very messed up folks out there. So glad you could help them all.

    Wait…am I one of them?

  • beckeye

    Wow, I thought I had some weird search terms, but yours take the cake. I wish I got visitors looking for the Slap Chop script.

  • blueviolet

    When you see stuff like that, it makes you glad you're home with locked doors!

  • edadams

    You do have some sick friends.

    It's good to know I'm not alone.

  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    “After college she has an enema movie” …what.the.hell is people's problem???

  • princessofsarcasm

    Someone got to mine by searching big black booty. Look at my picture. Fits, right?

  • http://www.iliveindallas.com/fun-things-to-do-in-dallas Neil

    This is greatness coming from someone who has an appreciation for keyword search engine referrals.

  • http://megsrantsandramblings.blogspot.com/ meg

    haha, these are great. the search terms people use to get to my blog are not this funny/disturbing at all!
    have fun in Houston!

  • thebacksofmyeyelids

    I got nuthin'.

  • badassgeek

    Too much slapping makes one go blind.

  • http://www.thatstangly.com/ Candice

    LOL! I'm laughing so hard at this one. Awesome. “Why do I like pissing on myself?” is amazing.

  • hiphophippie

    Omg, this is totally hilarious!!! Seriously, BRILL. Thanks for making me laugh on a hangover day!! :)

  • http://www.stirfryawesomeness.blogspot.com kys

    Ok. I'm disturbed. 6 people on the nasty jock butthole???? Good thing I haven't eaten yet. *shivers, gags*

  • http://belleandnel.blogspot.com/ Belle

    Why does my peepee stick up!??! Poor pitiful 10 year old that found your blog!

  • http://30isthenew13.blogspot.com/ Sada

    This was, quite frankly, amazing. People just find my blog by Googling “cute bare assed preteens.” Clearly I need to be blogging more about your boobs. And maybe couch humping. And definitely dirty nasty jock buttholes. I've got my work cut out for me.

  • http://30isthenew13.blogspot.com/ Sada

    This was, quite frankly, amazing. People just find my blog by Googling “cute bare assed preteens.” Clearly I need to be blogging more about your boobs. And maybe couch humping. And definitely dirty nasty jock buttholes. I've got my work cut out for me.

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