TMI Thursday: No I will NOT Dirty-Pop THAT cherry.

As the queen of crass LiLu puts it:

***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

For countless more “Too much information”  hilarity, make sure you check out LiLu’s archives… You won’t be sorry!If you are family, adult, or don’t want to know gross personal things about yours truly, please skip on to the next post.

A couple weeks ago you may recall me telling you a story about my, ahem, ” friend “that I shall call “Cari.” It seems that Cari has a way of putting her way into interesting situations with guys. Today I will be sharing another one of Cari’s “hook -up” stories. This one is actually a little lamer than some, but still quite funny.


Once upon a time, there was a girl named Cari.

There was about a 5 year period when Cari had a humongous, nearly embarrassing obsession with the popular boy band *NSYNC. If you asked her about it these days, she would probably deny it at first, but then she would spend 15 minutes telling you the details of how she got to meet them, and even got a kiss from Joey.

But I digress, that is a whole nother story.

One thing you should know about Cari, is that she, at least at the time, tended to fall for boys hard.  She doesn’t have a single “type,” per se, but she does seem to always fall for boys who are passionate. Whether they have passion for riding horses, Nascar, comedy, politics, sports, or music, it doesn’t really matter… as  long as it is  something. I guess you could say she falls with a passion, for boys who have passion. She falls even harder for those who love the same things she does.

Back in her sophomore year in college, Cari met a boy, who we will call Jack, with whom she shared a very special something. Something that should have sent off crazy alarms in Cari’s brain, but you know- sometimes she choose to ignore those blaring signs for the sake of a little attention.

Like many of the boys that Cari met, she met Jack at a local bar. She knew of Jack and his reputation of a ladies man, but didn’t know him personally, and certainly didn’t think he would give her the time of day.

This particular night was Cari’s lucky night. The bar started playing several *NSYNC songs, to which Cari had taken the time to memorize all of the dance moves to. She wasted no time jumping on the dance floor and showing off her moves, and her ability to perform them in a way that would give her favorite boys the justice they deserved. After only a few short beats, Cari was surprised to see that Jack had joined her on the floor, and he too knew all the moves perfectly.


At the time, none of this struck Cari as in the least bit odd.

After they successfully pleased the crowd with several performances, Jack offered to buy Cari a drink and they were quickly engaged in a deep conversation about their favorite boy band. Cari casually mentioned that she had several tapes that she had compiled and edited of every single *NSYNC video and performance that they had ever made. Jack seemed very interested in Cari, and she was all too quick to invite him back to her place after the bar.

When they got to Cari’s bedroom, (where there was a wall size poster of the boys that she had stolen from outside McDonalds)  they quickly began kissing. After a while, Jack asked Cari if he could see the tapes, he said he wanted to see her fantastic editing job. She blushed and quickly jumped to get the tape. Afterall, this guy did seem very interested, and what would set the mood better than a little “God Must Have Spent a Little More Time on You?”

She popped the tape in and the kissing and petting commenced. After a few minutes he grabbed her hand and placed it on his buttocks.

Ooohhh Naugh-ty, she thought, and rubbed his cheek awkwardly for a few seconds before she pulled her hand away…

They continued kissing and after a few more minutes he grabbed her hand and put it back  on his butt cheek, this time a little closer to the crevice. This time after a few quick rubs, as she attempted to pull her hand away, he grabbed it and placed it back on his cheek.

Cari was a little confused as to what he wanted her to do, so she tried her best to shut it out and just concentrate on “No Strings Attached” playing in the background, when suddenly he put his mouth to her ear and whispered loudly with his beer scented breath, “PLAYYY WITTHHH MY BUTTTHOLLE…”

Cari was quite taken aback, as no one had ever asked her to compete such a task before. She wasn’t quite sure if she had heard correctly.


PLAYYYY WITH MY BUTTHOLE,” he said, unmistakenly this time.

It was at this point that Cari  noticed that during all of this fondling, Jack had shifted so that he could keep a steady eye on the television.

It wasn’t so much the asking to play with his butthole that bothered her, but more so the realization that Jack was way more interested in the boys of *NSYNC, than he would ever be in her.

At that point, Cari  quickly made up an excuse as to why she needed to get up early.. and Jack didn’t seem to be too bothered.

Just as he was about to walk out the door he got a sheepish look on his face.

“Do you think I could borrow that video for a few days?”

Cari obliged to get him to leave, and he promised to return it in a few days, and also that he would be calling her to go out soon.

Cari never saw that tape again.

Cari lived happily after after, and hopefully Jack finally came out of the closet so he could too.

Note: To Cari and all of her friends, Jack is, and will forever be known as simply “play with my butthole.”

The End.

Reblog this post [with Zemanta]

Related posts:

  1. TMI Thursday: Email roast style. In which people hump weird shiz.
  2. TMI Thurday: A bloody confession.
  3. TMI Thursday: Squat Got Copped
  4. TMI Thursday: Everything comes down to poo (not mine)
  5. TMI Thursday: A Fairy Tail ending
  • moooooog35

    You know, you say 'play with my butthole' to a chick while watching 'Nsync videos once, and you're forever stereotyped.


  • Sherri

    I have a feeling Jack's current profession is performing in a theater troupe aboard a cruise ship. Ha!

  • Pingback: TMI Thursday: The “Post Secret” Edition, Vol. VI | Livit, Luvit()

  • badassgeek

    Awk. Ward.

  • lifeofmb

    Dying. Sooo sooo funny. I was notorious in college for getting crushies on gay dudes. My roommate always had to break the news to me, “Sorry, Mb. That one likes the boys.”

  • Jessica

    LMAO, although really weird in a very creepy kinda way!

  • beckeye

    And Jack's real name was Lance Bass.

  • MoodyBelle

    Oh my! *gasps*

    Did you ever try to find out if he really came out of the closet?

  • nikki

    I totally saw that one coming…I don't know why she didn't. I think I know that guy by the way…

  • Joshua

    I knew it was Moog as soon as you said the line. Unmistakable.

    And to quote Cleveland Brown, “Oh that's just nasty.”

  • mylittlebecky

    that's hilarious. the huskily whispered “playyy with my butthole” is a classic casanova move. high five jack! that cari, she gets her man! :)

  • Travis

    At least he didn't finish the sentence with JT.

    That would have been weird.

    Maybe I know from experience.

  • Dani

    I'm going to guess Cari probably didn't want that tape back anyway. Perhaps something had gummed up the reels.

    Either way, Jack sure as shit ain't fooling anyone…ladies man, my right foot.

  • LiLu

    Ahahahahaha! Yup, DEFINITELY a red flag…

  • Kirsten

    oh my. so amazing. I cant believe that hahaha

  • justmakingmyway

    It's the “beer scented breath” that really makes me crack up. I can just picture it. High-larious.

  • starzskymoon

    Wow, girl, wow. I can't say I've ever had that experience. I have, however, made out with my fair share of gay men, only for kissing critiques. HA!!!

    I have so many fun stories. But since my mom found my blog, it's hard to write about them now. Bigger HA!!


  • Josh

    Holy shit. I think I just threw up in my mouth a little bit…

    I didn't see that coming.

  • Matt_J



    Maybe you should have stuck with NASCAR guys.

  • CandiceW

    LOLL!!!!! I What a charming fellow.

  • Pollypoptart

    Is there any chance he WASN'T gay, but just a boyband fan with a butthole fetish????

    Hmmm . . . perhaps not.

  • thebareessentialstoday

    That is all sorts of ewww and creepy!

  • Andhari Sidharta

    Ohhh shiz I would've kicked him out of my bed that instant! 😀

  • Carissa Jade

    Ohh no! I'm not that judgmental! I didn't stereotype until the second time he said it!

  • Carissa Jade

    Either that or Justin Timberlake groupie!

  • Carissa Jade

    Hells yeah!

  • Carissa Jade

    Ugh me too!!! I have finally learned my lesson about guys that love show tunes… It took about 4 big crushes!

  • Carissa Jade

    If his name was Lance Bass, I probably would have let him stay!?? Is that wrong?

  • Carissa Jade

    Extremely creepy!

  • Carissa Jade

    No.. I even looked for him on Facebook, couldn't find him! Maybe he is hiding from the world!

  • Carissa Jade

    haha I think she was a dumbass. still is a little bit. Always falls for the emotionally unavailables and the gays.

  • Carissa Jade

    hahaha… ohhhh yes, nasty is the word I would use, precisely!

  • Carissa Jade

    I've unfortunately hear that same line since then.. but at least we weren't watching Nsync!

  • Carissa Jade

    ewww, yeah…. I think I can feel really good about this situation now.

  • Carissa Jade

    Yeah.. I never really did feel the same about NSYNC after that… sad!

  • Carissa Jade

    Or at least a rainbow one.

  • Carissa Jade

    eh. I wish I couldn't!

  • Carissa Jade

    I feel like I can still smell that shiz!

  • Carissa Jade

    I made out with several gay boys, but sadly I didn't know they were gay at the time. I think my gaydar has really picked up over the years, though i think some of my friends would disagree…

    Anytime you want to guest over here to stay secret, just let me know! For reals!

  • Carissa Jade

    Me. Neither.

  • Carissa Jade

    I'm trying to make that my “type” these days.. just to be sure.

  • Carissa Jade

    righhht? ha!

  • leethehotflashqueen

    LMBHO! Yes, that would be a dead giveaway, and I don't know how you didn't start laughing at him….I would have!! Come by sunday because I have a little something for you on my blog!

  • Zan

    LMAOOOOO! And you just reminded me of something that happened to me a while back…stay tuned! :-)

  • thebacksofmyeyelids

    So, did Cari ever call the repair people to have her gaydar fine-tuned?

  • Peny55

    Your dog has an extremly ugly butt hole.

  • Bing

    Haha, that is so hilarious and so awkward. Also, guys who know (and like) NYSNC lyrics and dance moves are more than likely not straight. How could she not have know? Poor Cari!

  • Carissa Jade

    mmmm…. No… I think not. But I suppose there could be a teeny chance!

  • Carissa Jade

    I think i was too shocked to laugh.. very inexperienced at the time. Thanks I def will!! You're awesome!

  • Carissa Jade

    YAY… can't wait!