FML (but wear a condom): Quickie style

I wasn’t going to post today, but since it is Friday I decided to share a quickie FML.

If you’ve read my “About Me” page, otherwise known as “Who Dat,” you might now that I used to have to wear an eye patch.


When I was young I had a lazy eye of sorts. It wasn’t so much lazy, but one of them “went out” whenever I was tired or in bright lights or stressed out. Think the opposite of cross-eyed. I cannot remember the technical name, I think it is called Stratismus or Amblyopia¬† or something like that. I never can remember.

Anyways, when I was young I had an eye operation and wore the patch for several years which seemed to fix the problem.

It never really bothered me too much as a kid, I was either oblivious or didn’t care when people made fun of me. Except of course for the time I broke my arm and had to wear it attached to my body under my shirt. I suppose it was a little bothersome when people called me a one-armed pirate. But alas, I got over it… mostly.

The doctor said that my eye sight would never be perfect, and there would always be a chance of the eye becoming lazy again. This is something I am constantly worrying about. I examine every picture taken, looking for signs that I will have to wear an eye patch as an adult. I’m constantly asking my friends to examine pictures of me and tell me if they think my eye is going out!¬† I’m not sure if I’m paranoid or it was just this particular picture, but I’m pretty sure it’s back!!

closeuplazyeyeWhat do you think?

I’m thinking I need to go ahead and come to terms with the fact that this is the way I will look for the next few years…



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  • Sherri

    1. I'm so happy I follow you on Twitter because now I know right away when you've posted. I like to strike while the iron is hot. I also like to use the phrase, “Strike while the iron is hot” because I have no clue what it means. Who would ever strike someone with a hot iron?

    2. With each of your posts, I get so creeped out because of things that parallel my life. I never had to wear a patch, but I am totally fascinated with pirate patches and well, pirates in general. Also, I like capes. I honestly believe I could pull one off but my hubby won't let me wear one.

    3. Your eye doesn't look wonky to me in that picture at all. Maybe that means MY eye is wonky.

  • Elliott

    I'm no doctor, but your eye looks fine to me. Maybe if you post a current topless photo so we can make a more direct comparison, I'll have more insight.

    Just sayin.

  • lifeofmb

    LOL I love your sense of humor about the situation, at least when writing about it from the past. I think you'd make one badass pirate.

  • Joshua

    Could have been worse. At least you didn't have scurvy.

    Too soon?

  • Jessica

    Looks fine to me! Great post though, you have a great sense of humor about it.

  • Dani

    I don't see anything wrong either. And even if there was, pirates are chic nowadays aren't they. An eye patch would say ,”I participated in the pirate craze of a few years ago, not because they were the hot thing (as vampires are now) but because I really support the pirate minority!”

  • Josh

    I think your eye looks fine.

    It took me awhile to get the whole reason why you put “(Wear a Condom)” in front of FML, but I finally got it. I know I'm not naive (believe me…) but I guess there's still a huge gap in my brain from smoking all of that weed in college.

  • Josh

    Ninjas are 10x better. haha.

  • IDoThings

    What do I think?

    I think I am so jealous. I would LOVE to have a reason to wear an eye-patch. Note that I do not say, I would LOVE to wear an eye-patch. Because I wear one. I just don't have a good reason. YOU have a reason. Wear it with pride! (Instead of with shame, as I do.)

  • Bing

    Not to laugh at your childhood misfortune, but the one-armed pirate comment cracked me up. Even though as a child, that would have been devastating to have people call you.

    I think your eye looks fine. But just think, pirates are the new cool thing so if you do have to wear a patch, you'll be in style!

  • brian

    It's hard to tell with just one photo. If you are that concerned about it, I am sure it will come back just to spite you, so you should be prepared.

    The problem with your childhood eye patches is they were trying to blend in. Because they were trying so hard to not be noticed it does just the opposite.

    You should prepare and get or make a real eye patch. Either go classic pirate or get yourself a bright pink one. Double points of it glows under black lights so you will be the hit of your local rave.

  • JustMe

    I had to wear an eye patch too!!

    Mine was for operations…you can't tell anything is wrong with it…it's just the INSIDE that's all wacky.

    Pirate love.

  • Mwa

    I never had to wear an eye patch, but when I'm tired or sick, my right eye is much smaller than my left. A bit like in your picture. I just reckoned I'd been dropped on my head when I was small.

  • CandiceW

    My brother had the same condition!!! He played lots of video games and it eventually trained his eyes, hahahahaha. Seriously. And your eyes are perfefct.

  • kathryn

    Nah. I think you're justifiably paranoid. Your eyes look perfect to me!

    I like the naughty-pirate-girl patch, though. Could come in handy….

  • Aunt Becky

    You could SO bling that out! It would be sexy.

  • thebacksofmyeyelids

    My sister had the same lazy eye, same operation, same eye patch afterwards and glasses when she was little.

    You've got nothing to worry about. It's all in your head. Not only are your eyes fine, you're beautiful……nothing to complain about at all!

  • mylittlebecky

    yup. looks like a magic eye to me. <-i just wanted to say magic eye because that's what chuck calls a lazy eye and it makes me laugh… YOU on the other hand look amaaaaazing! and not lazy eye at all.

  • lralln9

    I just want to thank all of these people for reinforcing what I've been telling you for years… You eye is FINE, it's your head that's messed up!

  • Kirsten

    Your eye is totally fine! Will you still wear the eyepatch though? It is kind of awesome.

  • MoodyBelle

    Your eye looks fine to me! It's understandable you'll be worrying about it but there's nothing you should stress out about. I'm not trying to be nice, just being honest. :)

  • kimwithak

    At least you can keep a level head about it and laugh a little. But to be honest, I don't really notice anything in that picture.

  • Carissa Jade

    1. I wish I stayed on twitter long enough to know when you posted! I feel like I'm always late on that bandwagon and I hate it!!!
    2. While I am not entirely fond of pirates, maybe because I feel like I have been one… I really really really love capes. I haven't tried to wear one in years, but for three of my birthdays growing up I gave out home-made sparkly capes as party favors… hows that for cool?
    3. Thanks! I may not be convinced about the “wonkiness” but I do feel better…

  • Carissa Jade

    LOL I can see how that would help, but I don't have any recent ones… :)

  • Carissa Jade

    RRRR you sure? I'm not… but the more I think about it, the more fun I think it might be to pirate it up for a while!

  • Carissa Jade

    Ummm… true? nonono you're right!

  • Carissa Jade

    Thank you Jessica! You always make me feel better!

  • Carissa Jade

    hmmm… I really support zombies… I wonder if there is anyway I could combine the pirate/zombie thing. Then this might work for me…

  • Carissa Jade

    haha glad you got the “wear a condom” part…. and I can concur.

  • Carissa Jade

    Ok well thank you! I suppose I will have to embrace it if it happens! But if it does you so have to send me pictures of you in your eyepatch, then I won't feel so alone!

  • Carissa Jade

    Ha! Thank you! It really was a little upsetting at the time, but looking back at it it's pretty funny…

  • Carissa Jade

    I will definitely go classic pirate if it turns out I have to wear one again. Or maybe I will stick with flesh and actually take the time to paint a life-like eye on the outside. Or maybe I'll go with red-eye, or creepy cat eye. I always liked those contacts.

  • Carissa Jade

    I have a scar in my eye too! I hadn't thought there was anything wrong with it until recently, but I had to have operations too! I'm so glad there is someone else out there who knows what it was like!

  • Carissa Jade

    hahah I am sure you weren't dropped on your head you silly girl!

  • Carissa Jade

    So what you're saying is that I need to spend my free time playing rock band?? That's what I was hoping someone would say!

  • Carissa Jade

    Well at least my paranoia is justifiable… and I'm starting to like the idea of wearing an eyepatch! You people are just awesome!

  • Carissa Jade

    Oh and if I have to, I so will!

  • Carissa Jade

    Thank you!! Im sure it's in my head but I can't help but be paranoid. But all of yalls good words have helped me feel so much better!!

  • Carissa Jade

    hahaha I want a magic eye! Not a lazy eye! I hope I DO have a magic eye!

  • Carissa Jade

    I know, I know, I'm a crazy loon.. but I blame you partly for that, and thank you also for picking me up from those thoughts!

  • Carissa Jade

    The more I read, the more I kind of want to wear it. I think I may start breaking it our regardless…

  • Carissa Jade

    Thank you belle!! You're great!

  • Carissa Jade

    Thanks Kim! I hope you're right!

  • The Constant Complainer

    I need to connect with you on Twitter BTW. And I think your eye looks fine. Seriously.

  • The Constant Complainer

    I need to connect with you on Twitter BTW. And I think your eye looks fine. Seriously.

  • maillot de bain femme

    Awesome, I like your post.