I’ve been a bad bad girl…

Santa Clause (plus sized)
Image by Sherlock77 (James) via Flickr

First, off- I highly implore you to head over to That Kind Of Girl’s site and check out her giveaway. If you’re not currently following her blog, you need to do that as well!! I can’t say enough good things about this girl!

Every year on Christmas Eve,  I used to wait up and try and catch a glimpse of Santa Clause…

In fact, I still try sometimes.

I have never  seen Santa Clause. I did see my dad putting my presents on the couch a couple times though. I think he felt bad that Santa didn’t come for me, so he decided to pretend he was  Santa to make me feel better, since as far as he was concerned- I was a well-behaved kid.

I’m pretty sure I was ex-ed off the “Nice” list many years ago, and though I’ve tried to be a good person, he must have decided to keep me on the “naughty” list.

The last few days I’ve been racking my brain about all the bad things I may have done throughout my life that may have gotten me exiled off of Santa’s good kid list.

I figure if I finally come clean, he’ll put be back on.

Here’s the short list:


*I have been mean to people behind there backs. As a rule, I really really try hard not to talk shit. I don’t want shit talked about me behind my back, so I don’t do so to others. But I do remember one time, back when everyone used 3-way calling (in Jr. High) when I said some really mean things about a boy who liked me. Unbeknown to be, he was on the phone listening in. I may have said something along the lines of  “Ewwww I don’t like him… he has pimples and is fat!” But if it makes things any better, I felt reallllly bad about it, and still do.

*That may have not been the only time I talked bad about someone or gossiped…

*In Jr. High I even helped coordinate a slam-book, and when I got called into the principal’s office- I denied, denied, denied.

*I think I may have been responsible for the death of a hamster. I threw it in the air and it got caught behind my bed where it was squished to death.

* My car has also been responsible for the deaths of other animals. Oh that’s not all. Does it still count if it wasn’t on purpose??

*I’ve accidentally “stolen” things from my friends and family. This weekend when I was at my friend LA’s house, she couldn’t find her navy sweater. I admitted that I accidentally took it home, but I told her that I hadn’t worn it, although I did wear it just the day before. I also took my mom’s glow-in-the-dark bug necklace last weekend. And her zombie skeleton necklace. But with the full intention of giving them back.

* I have been mean to people for no reason at all. One time in particular that I remember. When I was young, my mother put me in a few “beauty pageants.” I hated those things. I still can’t stand the scent of hairspray. Anyways, I never actually won anything for my “beauty,” but I did win a few awards- they were mostly for things such as “Best Personality.” I remember once I had a family friend over to play. She wanted to wear one of my crowns, and I told her she wasn’t pretty enough. I was only about 7 years old, but I still remember it. Even back then I knew that was one reason Santa didn’t come for me. That, and I didn’t have a chimney.

*I sneak things into the movie theater, and sometimes sneak into movies. I am a cheap-ass. I figure if I’m paying $9.00 for a movie, they should owe me the courtesy of letting me bring in my own snacks.  My roommates and I have even gone so far as to do extensive research to find out what kind of wine and plastic cups the Angelika uses, so that we can bring in our own booze. Sometimes I even go to up to three movies, when I only pay for one ticket. I’m basically a criminal.

*I’ve also been guilty of watching streaming movies on line before they were released on video. But I’ll probably get arrested for mentioning this so I won’t.

* I used to be mean to my little sister. I used to tell my little sister that there was a ghost who came out in a certain room at my grandparent’s house every day at 1:00. I would wait until I heard the clock strike one, then I would push her in there and hold the door closed while she went into panic mode.

*I skipped many classes in college. I probably could have graduated a year earlier if I really tried. I probably wasted a lot of mine (and my parent’s) money.

*I used to use my dad’s Texaco card for things other than gas. My dad probably paid for a good thirty-five cases of Keystone Light and about 100 bags of beef jerky back in my college days.

*I peed in the water cooler. I’ve already admitted to on Lilu’s post secret TMI Thursday post secret addition, but I figure since I’m trying to get gifts to come clean for my own consciousness’s sake, I might as well admit it here too. To be fair, it was empty, I wasn’t the only one, and it was on a dare.

*I may have been slightly naughty this past weekend, but I don’t want to go into details about that…

*I may have been naughty two weeks before that too… also not gonna talk about it.

*Ok. There have been lots and lots of times I have been “naughty” in my life that I am not going to talk about on my blog, unless it’s a TMI post or something.

*Fuck!!!! If I really  think about it, I’ve been a bad, bad girl.

*Who has overdrawn bank accounts.

*Who presses ignore on her phone out of laziness.

*Who has promised to see movies with people, then went with someone else, and then went again pretending it was the first time.

*Who has pretended to be a “flake” on occasion, when really I just didn’t want to go somewhere.

*Who has called in sick to work when she was hungover.

*Who has a fucking potty mouth every now and then.


Dear Santa,

If you’re out there reading, please forgive all my wrong doings. I know I’ve been real bad and I’m quite sorry. If you would be so kind to take me off the naughty list, I promise I will try to be a better girl next year. I don’t even want anything for Christmas this y ear. Unless of course you’d be so kind as to spare me some cash so I can go skiing with my friends. And maybe a new pair of running shoes because my current ones nearly have holes in the toes. And perhaps a new bed, as I am moving in a few months and don’t own my own. And if you could pay off my tv that would be great. I could also use a new hair straightener, a Chi to be precise… if of course that’s not too much to ask. If you don’t mind, I’ve also really been wanting the last two seasons of Scrubs and the entire series of It’s Always Sunny, since someone stole mine. I also would LOVE not to have to buy my own digital camcorder and editing equiptment. You know what? Go ahead and throw in health insurance; a new car; an iphone… or at least a Blackberry; a new laptop (Apple;) and heck, while we’re at it, a really nice, funny,  smart, and good looking boyfriend.

You know, since you’ve missed out on all these years of giving me things.

Thanks bunches of oats,

Carissajaded

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  • http://booshy.com/ Jessica

    You're probably going to have to slave away in the workshop for about……7.5 years to pay your penance. Then, maybe, he'll add you again.

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    Haha, this made me laugh. And then squirm with “eww” about the whole peeing in the water cooler. But my sweet I-net friend, you're not alone. I once saw the same movie THREE times within 2 days and lied about not seeing each time.

  • lifeofmb

    So YOU'RE the water cooler bandit?! Hahahaha.

    I really love this. Total honesty. Even Santa is laughing.

  • thatkindofgirl

    Oh man, I love this post. I can relate to so many of these bad-girl things. Especially seeing a movie with someone, then pretending to see it for the first time with the person you promised to see it with! I thought I was the only person who did that on a regular basis! I do it probably two or three times a year, and the worst is when you have to see it two OR MORE times within 24 hours and you didn't even like the dang movie the first time, which totes happened to me with Revolutionary Road last year.

    Also, not letting the little girl wear your crown? Heart-breaking, dude. Glad you could finally atone. (oh, and thanks for the blog slash giveaway love!)

  • leethehotflashqueen

    I am mean all the time. I blame it on hormones, but really it's just because I am mean.

  • lralln9

    “I’ve accidentally “stolen” things from my friends and family. This weekend when I was at my friend LA’s house, she couldn’t find her navy sweater. I admitted that I accidentally took it home, but I told her that I hadn’t worn it, although I did wear it just the day before.”

    I KNEW IT! BTW…I am one of the few people in this world that knows when you're lying about shit! If we're admitting to things, then I'll admit to knowing when you're lying/flaking/ignoring a phone call, etc. but waiting until later to somehow manipulate you with that ammo.
    Booyah!

  • http://livitluvit.com/ LiLu

    Oh man. Having a slam book written about me was my GREATEST FEAR in school! Good for you for owning up. 😉

  • http://matthewjenks.blogspot.com/ Matt_J

    Wow. Someone needs a spankin…

  • http://matthewjenks.blogspot.com/ Matt_J

    Oh, and seriously, when you said that about me on the three-way calling…I cried. A lot. I'm still crying now. Happy?

  • http://jmb1980.blogspot.com/ Jessica

    What a fun post. Now we know who the water cooler bandit was!

  • MoodyBelle

    Hahahaha…sorry I couldn't stop laughing…you meanie…you pushed your sister in the ghost room!! That got me the most I think…and the poor hamster; as sad as it sounds I chuckled while reading that bit… 😉

    I have to try the sneak-into-movies-thingy! I've always chickened out before..tsk tsk tsk…

    Anyway, as long as you haven't killed someone…Santa should give you a gift methinks! :)

  • austincarnivore

    Your link to That kind of girl isn't working.

    You have been bad.

  • thebacksofmyeyelids

    It is now confirmed that somehow, somewhere our genealogical lines intersect.

    This post is yet further evidence that times don't change; only faces.

    PS Santa says you're screwed.

  • http://www.candicedoestheworld.com/ Candice

    DAMMIT, my comment was deleted. I said something to the effect of “HAMSTER KILLER” and “I'm a bad person too, don't feel bad”

  • http://www.ftcs.wordress.com/ Clevelandpoet

    I bring a flask full of whiskey into movies all the time…..and as for the slam book bravo because whenever caught you should always deny deny deny!

  • http://thingsicantsay-shell.blogspot.com/ Shell

    Those are hilarious. I probably shouldn't start my own list like this or I'll never get a single thing for Christmas. But, it's made life interesting!

    Thanks for stopping by my blog- no, my Hubs doesn't know I blog. Well, he knows about my boring “family life” blog, but none of my family or friends knows about my other one- it lets me say whatever I want without having to ever censor myself. It's very freeing!

  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    I'm bad because I laughed out loud at the description of how you killed your hamster.

  • kristenkouk

    none of us are perfect 😉 but this post was! will probably steal, i mean borrow!

  • http://bellyshirts.wordpress.com Kirsten

    Omg the hamster thing. Once my hamster got stuck in the washing machine..he crawled in so it was totally his fault. Luckily he didnt die though.

    Santa should totally bring you all that. I'll give him a call.

  • http://www.theinternalmakeover.com/ kathryn

    Aw….I think you deserve to be put back on the “nice” list. We ALL have crap from our past that we'd rather (ahem) take back….

    EXCEPT for that thing you did to your sister at your grandparent's house…

    THAT was just downright MEAN!!!

  • http://www.mylittlebecky.com mylittlebecky

    you killed that hamster and you know it. i'll see you in hell. i think we're at the point in our relationship where i can tell say, “i'll see you in hell.” i hope you agree.

  • http://www.complicatedv.blogspot.com/ *uncorked

    I can't stop laughing about the hamster, because I had a guinea pig when I was younger and accidentally broke its leg and blamed it on my little brother. And I was also a mean little girl. I was a “cool” girl growing up and my best friend and I used to treat the girls who wanted to be our friends like crap. One time I told this girl she could be friends with us if she ate a potato ship. Then I proceeded to smash said potato chip on the ground with my foot and she still ate it. Sadly, not the worst thing I've done in my life. But I think Santa is forgiving. Let me know how it works out for you this Christmas and I'll try a big mea culpa next year if need be.

  • http://www.worstdamnblog.com Josh

    I'm a terrible person. But I don't really care right now. haha.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    ahhhh… Well I guess I'll do what I have to do. I kinda wanted to meet Buddy the elf's adoptive family…

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    The peeing in the watercooler thing was a dare… and though one of my roomies was quite upset about it… I cleaned it afterward? does that help?

    hahaha i promised three different people I would see Benjamen Button last year. Not my favorite movie ever, but my the third time I sounded like I had some great reflections after a first viewing.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Guilty!!!

    Laughing or crying, either way, I feel better!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Oh I do it all the time. I make plans for the movies on my one free day of the week with like 4 people. Sometimes I can work around it, but usually I am the one so pumped about a single movie that I talk every one into wanting to see only that movie. Which screws me in the end. By the 4th viewing I'm starting to hate is but have to pretend that I'm still up in the air! Yup had the same thing happen with benjamen button! I just realized my link might not be working.. going to look into that now!!! Love your contest!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Well, I don't think you come across as rude! but if thats the way ya wanna be then more power to ya! I'm often intentionally mean to my friends, Other groups of friends just don't get it, but its how we role!!'

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    I knew you knew!! But didn't want to turn it into an ordeal…But sometimes I really am a flake and ignore shiz on accident.. to be truthful… but usually with the guys its all bs.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    LOL why does that nor surprise me

  • http://www.facebook.com/zandria.winn Zandria Winn

    Me, too!

  • http://www.facebook.com/zandria.winn Zandria Winn

    Ha! You're not the only one who's been a bad, bad, BAD girl this (every) year! Maybe that explains why I haven't gotten a Christmas gift since I was 18…and all this time I thought it was because I was old enough to buy one for my damn self… *hangs head in shame*

    Oh, and I recently went on a 3-movie crawl…I do it often.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    It was my greatest fear too… I think that's why I decided to make my own. It was definitely the lamest one ever written…

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    3 way calling was the easiest way to get in trouble. I'm still paranoid about it!!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    GUILTY!!!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Yeah, I was an evil sister… She told me she still hasn't gotten over it!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    I knew it! Both that our genealogical lines intersect and that I'm screwed…

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    You should feel so lucky your hamster survived… they are easily broken little buggers!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Thanks girl, and feel free!!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    hahahaha I guess it means we have hearts though if we actually remember the bad things we've done…

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    I guess it may be time for me to resolve that I have to buy my own gifts… sad day. 3 movie crawls are the best, especially when you don't pay!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Nope it's totally cool. I'll see you there. I'll be the one who was smooshed to death by something very large.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Thanks Kathryn… don't worry, my sister is still working on payback for that one!

  • http://midulcevida.wordpress.com/ Carolina

    This is seriously fucking hilarious! Like I'm still laughing! Soo…glad you found me…cuz now, I get to read this hilariousness. And girrlll….I love to laugh!!
    I think I need one of these lists for me!!!
    :)

  • http://lifeintheleftlane.wordpress.com/ Bing

    Haha, I loved your bad kid list. It's way more fun being bad than behaving all of the time!

  • http://lifeintheleftlane.wordpress.com/ Bing

    Haha, I loved your bad kid list. It's way more fun being bad than behaving all of the time!