First, off- I highly implore you to head over to That Kind Of Girl’s site and check out her giveaway. If you’re not currently following her blog, you need to do that as well!! I can’t say enough good things about this girl!
Every year on Christmas Eve, I used to wait up and try and catch a glimpse of Santa Clause…
In fact, I still try sometimes.
I have never seen Santa Clause. I did see my dad putting my presents on the couch a couple times though. I think he felt bad that Santa didn’t come for me, so he decided to pretend he was Santa to make me feel better, since as far as he was concerned- I was a well-behaved kid.
I’m pretty sure I was ex-ed off the “Nice” list many years ago, and though I’ve tried to be a good person, he must have decided to keep me on the “naughty” list.
The last few days I’ve been racking my brain about all the bad things I may have done throughout my life that may have gotten me exiled off of Santa’s good kid list.
I figure if I finally come clean, he’ll put be back on.
Here’s the short list:
*I have been mean to people behind there backs. As a rule, I really really try hard not to talk shit. I don’t want shit talked about me behind my back, so I don’t do so to others. But I do remember one time, back when everyone used 3-way calling (in Jr. High) when I said some really mean things about a boy who liked me. Unbeknown to be, he was on the phone listening in. I may have said something along the lines of “Ewwww I don’t like him… he has pimples and is fat!” But if it makes things any better, I felt reallllly bad about it, and still do.
*That may have not been the only time I talked bad about someone or gossiped…
*In Jr. High I even helped coordinate a slam-book, and when I got called into the principal’s office- I denied, denied, denied.
*I think I may have been responsible for the death of a hamster. I threw it in the air and it got caught behind my bed where it was squished to death.
*I’ve accidentally “stolen” things from my friends and family. This weekend when I was at my friend LA’s house, she couldn’t find her navy sweater. I admitted that I accidentally took it home, but I told her that I hadn’t worn it, although I did wear it just the day before. I also took my mom’s glow-in-the-dark bug necklace last weekend. And her zombie skeleton necklace. But with the full intention of giving them back.
* I have been mean to people for no reason at all. One time in particular that I remember. When I was young, my mother put me in a few “beauty pageants.” I hated those things. I still can’t stand the scent of hairspray. Anyways, I never actually won anything for my “beauty,” but I did win a few awards- they were mostly for things such as “Best Personality.” I remember once I had a family friend over to play. She wanted to wear one of my crowns, and I told her she wasn’t pretty enough. I was only about 7 years old, but I still remember it. Even back then I knew that was one reason Santa didn’t come for me. That, and I didn’t have a chimney.
*I sneak things into the movie theater, and sometimes sneak into movies. I am a cheap-ass. I figure if I’m paying $9.00 for a movie, they should owe me the courtesy of letting me bring in my own snacks. My roommates and I have even gone so far as to do extensive research to find out what kind of wine and plastic cups the Angelika uses, so that we can bring in our own booze. Sometimes I even go to up to three movies, when I only pay for one ticket. I’m basically a criminal.
*I’ve also been guilty of watching streaming movies on line before they were released on video. But I’ll probably get arrested for mentioning this so I won’t.
* I used to be mean to my little sister. I used to tell my little sister that there was a ghost who came out in a certain room at my grandparent’s house every day at 1:00. I would wait until I heard the clock strike one, then I would push her in there and hold the door closed while she went into panic mode.
*I skipped many classes in college. I probably could have graduated a year earlier if I really tried. I probably wasted a lot of mine (and my parent’s) money.
*I used to use my dad’s Texaco card for things other than gas. My dad probably paid for a good thirty-five cases of Keystone Light and about 100 bags of beef jerky back in my college days.
*I peed in the water cooler. I’ve already admitted to on Lilu’s post secret TMI Thursday post secret addition, but I figure since I’m trying to get gifts to come clean for my own consciousness’s sake, I might as well admit it here too. To be fair, it was empty, I wasn’t the only one, and it was on a dare.
*I may have been slightly naughty this past weekend, but I don’t want to go into details about that…
*I may have been naughty two weeks before that too… also not gonna talk about it.
*Ok. There have been lots and lots of times I have been “naughty” in my life that I am not going to talk about on my blog, unless it’s a TMI post or something.
*Fuck!!!! If I really think about it, I’ve been a bad, bad girl.
*Who has overdrawn bank accounts.
*Who presses ignore on her phone out of laziness.
*Who has promised to see movies with people, then went with someone else, and then went again pretending it was the first time.
*Who has pretended to be a “flake” on occasion, when really I just didn’t want to go somewhere.
*Who has called in sick to work when she was hungover.
*Who has a fucking potty mouth every now and then.
If you’re out there reading, please forgive all my wrong doings. I know I’ve been real bad and I’m quite sorry. If you would be so kind to take me off the naughty list, I promise I will try to be a better girl next year. I don’t even want anything for Christmas this y ear. Unless of course you’d be so kind as to spare me some cash so I can go skiing with my friends. And maybe a new pair of running shoes because my current ones nearly have holes in the toes. And perhaps a new bed, as I am moving in a few months and don’t own my own. And if you could pay off my tv that would be great. I could also use a new hair straightener, a Chi to be precise… if of course that’s not too much to ask. If you don’t mind, I’ve also really been wanting the last two seasons of Scrubs and the entire series of It’s Always Sunny, since someone stole mine. I also would LOVE not to have to buy my own digital camcorder and editing equiptment. You know what? Go ahead and throw in health insurance; a new car; an iphone… or at least a Blackberry; a new laptop (Apple;) and heck, while we’re at it, a really nice, funny, smart, and good looking boyfriend.
You know, since you’ve missed out on all these years of giving me things.
Thanks bunches of oats,