A little bit of love (and hate) in my heart


I”m gonna try to keep this short because I still feel like I’ve been hit by 2 trains and a steel boot, and also because my roommates rented The Hangover and I would really like to watch it for the fourth time because I am that cool.

** at this point I ended up taking taking a break from the blog, and  have now already watched the hangover, drank two glasses of wine, and taken half an ambien, so bare with me.

I know I have mentioned a few of my recent frustrations as of late with the holidays and a lot of bullshit that is going on in my life, but I have to thank you guys once again  for helping me get through these oh so tough times with your moral support and by bringing the funny for me to read. I have realized in the last few months that my new blog friends have really become people that I have come to lean on and vent to (ohhhh you Tricia are seriously the blogdiggity) (yes I said that again.)

Especially when you sign on to your reader and find out that people like ya back.

Like Monday? I was having the worst day ever. I could barely move, my head was aching, and I really didn’t know if I was going to live to see Tuesday morning. Then I signed on to the old home desk top since I had called in hungover, and found that one of my favorite bloggers ever- Hillbilly Duhn from Hillbilly Duhn’s Times and Tribulations has chosen me as follower of the week. She wrote such a nice post about my blog, and I can’t say enough good things about her… and since the ambien is slowly taking away my thinking skills I’m not even going to try. Just check her out if you haven’t already, follow her, and you wil love her too!

In addition, a while back Lee from Headaches, Hotflashes and Hormones gave me the over the top Blogger Award. She literally has one of the funniest blogs on the internets, and has recently been experimenting with Vlogging, which I just think is as badass as spicy hot cheeto fries. Mannnn those things are good, but if you eat an entire bag, be prepared to sit on a iced washrag for a few hours.

over the top award

On top of all this awesomeness, last week Ryan from 365 Days of People gave a shout out to me the other day. If you don’t read the awesomeness that is his blog, you probably don’t realize what an honor this is. He basically picks a group of people to hate on every day for a year, and when he hates, I mean that in the best way possible. I nearly almost ALWAYS find myself agreeing as well as laughing my ass off.   One day last week- out of the non-hating part of his heart- he decided to pick eleven blogs that he doesn’t hate, and one of them was your truly’s. If that just didn’t make my heart sing, I dunno what would.

So for Ryan and all the others out there who are fond of drinking the haterade, I’ve decided to post today about certain groups of people, and persons themselves who drive me off the wall, completely nut-sack batty.

*I ended up falling asleep on my desk last night (thank you ambien) and am now writing this from the confines of my cubicle.

The ladies in my building: I’ve said it before to a greater extent, but for goodness sakes, learn some freaking manners. I understand that you sometimes don’t get to choose when you have to “go,” but you could at least learn some manners.

Andy Williams: I have no idea how I had gone 27 years without knowing who this man was, but I wish on all the Christmas cookies at my grandmother’s house that I could go back to that ignoranto-blissfull state. I’m sure the guy is nice, and I have nothing against him personally, but ever since one of my co-workers decided we would listen to nothing but holiday music (back in November) “The  Holiday Season” has been eating away at my brain cells. I’m afraid that the next time I hear it I am liable to spontaneously combust. The song literally makes my blood boil, and unfortunately Andy Williams is getting the hate by default. Just talking about it is making my blood boil. Ok I’m done.

****deeeeeep breath

People who try to talk to me in places where I don’t feel like talking: Specifically when I’m at the movie by myself or at the gym. I’m the type of person that can talk for hours with just about anyone, but there are just some places where talking to strangers is just unacceptable. If I’ve got earphones on or am firmly planted in a chair watching a movie (or even just the previews) Leave me alone!

*My roommate also wanted me to add that you should never, ever, talk to strangers in a porn store.

Exception: you can talk to me anytime if you are a funny boy  with shaggy hair and dark rimmed glasses… Just sayin.

My roommate Jake: I told him he was going on this list and I actually think it makes him happy since he has made it his goal in life to drive me nutso.  He really is one of my bestest friends, and I don’t know what I’m going to do when I move out and I don’t have him walking behind me and cleaning up pieces of my life and making sure I don’t blow up the house… Regardless, he has figured out how to get to me in the worst way. Like when I’m at my computer in full concentration mode and he comes up behind me and pokes my back… or when he uses that high pitched voice and says “don’t you love it when I’m talking like this”… or like when I’m sitting there watching tv and all of a sudden his bare ass is in my face.

Workers at toll booths: Why must you be so grumpy as you take my dollar twenty-five every day? I smile at everyone of these people, and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten a nice word back. Yes I understand that it is frustrating to have to wait for me gather up nickles, but that’s just the way it is. Maybe those thirty seconds would go by a little more quickly if they would lighten up a bit. It’s not like I like holding up the line. BLEEERRRG.

People who soft touch for no reason: I’m all about cuddling and squeeze hugs, but ohhhhh I cannot explain what “soft touching” does to me… but it’s not good. If you are unaware, an example of a  “soft touch” is when someone gently rests their hand upon your leg or shoulder. Or when they let their knees rest against yours in the back seat. When this happens, I can’t think about anything else, it consumes me.

David Duchovny
MMMMMMM He's mine.

Tea Leoni: I feel kind of bad for putting this one on the list, as she hasn’t done anything to me personally, I like most of her movies, and I feel kinda bad for the whole world knowing that her hubby is a sex addict, but I can’t help how I feel. Maybe part of my annoyance for her comes from the fact that she gets to be with David Duchovny, as he is one of the most gorgeous people on earth… but I am more apt to think my annoyance for her stems from the fact that my intuition tells me that she is a raging bitch. But that’s probably just because she played one in Spanglish.


People who run kiosks in the mall: Now these people are just tricky bastards. You’re walking by, quickly trying to get your shopping done without too many distractions, and you accidentally catch eyes with one of those attractive men. They smile, and you smile back. They compliment you on your smile. You blush. As they lean in for a closer look at your necklace, you let them because, after all they are attractive. Then they feign a look of surprise as your hand catches their eye. “Can I see your hand for just a second?”

Fuuuuddggggge.

You’ve been tricked once again by a lotion or nail kit salesmen. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve fallen for it and I’m putting my foot down. Also watch out for people selling flat irons. I once almost paid $150 for one that wasn’t even a Chi. But at least I got someone to play with my hair for a good hour.

Children at restaurants and grocery stores: (Not yours) But seriously. Not everyone thinks it’s cute when a kid goes up to a complete stranger and slaps them. Or pokes them when they are trying to eat sushi and visit with their friends. Or put their grimy hands all over their leg when they are waiting in line. I’m sure this makes me sound completely insensitive, and I usually love children- but not when they are being ignored and let to run free.

People who can eat anything: I’m not only talking about the type of people who never work out and can eat anything without gaining a pound, (though I’ve always heard it would eventually catch up with you and apparently that was just a lie) but I’m also talking about those who can put anything in their body without ill effect. I have a very sensitive stomach and I’m constantly having to try to forsee what each meal will do to me, where I will be when it happens, and if it is worth it. It never is.

*** I’m not even proofing this before I post, I apologize for its complete unreadability (I am pretty sure that’s not even a word.)

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  • http://hillbillyduhn.blogspot.com/ hillbillyduhn

    I have a child or two, and you know, I've always found it annoying when other people let theirs roam free to touch, browse or wonder away. Wtf is wrong with them? What if you were a kidnapper and this kid looked like your cup of tea, and oh how easy it would be to swoop in and take it…ugh! Mine never leave my sight, nor do they touch people, I've taught them that strangers are not to be spoken to or touched or looked at for that matter!! YIKES!!!

    Okay, so I used to be one of those people who could eat anything and not work out and not gain a pound. Sadly to say in the last year, I have gained some weight. Mom says it's caused I'm in my thirties now and to just deal with it or shut up. (I always drove her nuts eating and not gaining when all she had to do was look at food and gain…) It does catch up to you, no lie!

  • badassgeek

    The mall kiosk people are so aggravating. I always glare at them with icy-death in my eyes.

    They back off.

  • http://jmb1980.blogspot.com/ Just Another Momma

    I have a huge problem with kids running free in stores, racing, touching pushing and no parents to be found. Mine aren't allowed to do it, it's surely not cute. Great post, congrats on the awards!

  • http://matthewjenks.blogspot.com/ Matt_J

    In response to Tea Leoni…they call it typecasting for a reason. She's always rubbed me the wrong way.

    Once, at the mall, someone tried to get me to buy their lotion or whatever, and I walked by and they were like “can we put this on your hands” and I responded with “But, I don't have any hands” (hands are clearly visible) “Uh, what are those?” he asked. “Holograms” I responded, saluted him, and went on my merry way.

  • http://www.onesteptorecovery.com starzskymoon

    No, no. YOU, yes, YOU, my dear, are the blogdiggity :)

  • princessofsarcasm

    The workers at toll booths in SC are friendly. No lie. They are usually retired people….like greeters at WalMart….have good manners and all. :)

  • SeanRamblings

    I'll give Andy Williams a pass for the sole reason of being mentioned on The Simpsons in the episode where Bart gets a fake ID and he and his friends take a road trip. They stop in Branson (I think) to see Andy Williams because Nelson is a big fan. Funny episode!

  • http://www.lifeofanewlywife.blogspot.com/ Tara

    I agree with you on a lot of things. I HATE mall kiosks. Leave me alone people- stop pressuring me! The other day I was at the mall and this chick walked by a cell phone kiosk. The salesguy was trying to get her attention and she was playing on her phone ignoring him (smart move I thought.) Salesguy proceeds to start yelling at her “That text message must be really interesting!” They are just so rude.

    I also hate it when people try to talk to me when I don't want to talk. I work with a girl that does this when I'm busy and she gets all.up.in.your.personal.space. The other day, I had to ask her if she was cuddling with me. Too close for comfort.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    I know I just don't understand it! I think it happens when parents get so annoyed they cant handle their kids anymore. Usually right before they poke at me, I see them pulling on the pant leg of their parent, while said parent is conversing with someone else without even looking down.

    I'm sure you still look great! Maybe the opposite will happen to me? hahahha I wish.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    I tried the glare, but I think they mistook it for my bedroom eyes, (many people do) so now I just run!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Thanks!! I know I don't understand why parents aren't worried about their children!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    She is uber bitch.

    And I am so using that next time!!

  • http://rdingcats2.blogspot.com/ Herding Cats

    A few things:

    1. I love that you wrote this at various stages (and while on drugs/alcohol) You are amazing.

    2. I hate when people talk to me when I'm busy or in an inappropriate place. The gym is the worst. I need to be in my ZONE people!

    3. Your toll is only 1.25? Mine is 4 bucks. Five days a week. So mad!

  • http://batcrapcrazy.blogspot.com/ Daffy

    I'm with you 100% on the kids at the grocery store thing… just don't get that. I have one of my own and I would never let her behave this way with strangers (or family either…unless of course its her father who is a neat freak and then its totall hilarious when she flings applesauce at him)

    I'd like to add to your People Who Can Eat Anything…people who claim they just forget to eat. Like they are so busy they just 'oopss…my dear. It's 10p and I haven't eat a morsel today. I'm just not hungry'. WTF? Forget your keys? Yes….forget to pay a bill…check….forget a birthday/holiday/anniversary…sure we've all been there or even forgetting to brush your teeth. BUT FOOD? Forget to eat? again I say WTF?

  • http://lifeintheleftlane.wordpress.com/ Bing

    Your favorite Christmas crooner was on TV tonight. Unfortunately I didn't watch it. I'm slightly scared of this Andy person from the creepiness you have described!

    I feel you on being aware of what you eat because of stomach drama. I'm just glad I don't have to date…blowing up a bathroom for 20 minutes on a first date would be super awkward!

  • chelseatalkssmack

    I was nodding my head at this post so many times. loved.

  • adrienzgirl

    I hate other people's children. There. I said it. I don't like Tea Leone either. 😀

  • http://mommywantsvodka.com/ Aunt Becky

    Wait, you DON'T think it's cute if my kid comes and smacks you? WTF?

    hahahaha.

    I kid, I kid.

  • kimwithak

    Mmmm…David Duchovony. Good taste, my friend. Good taste.

  • http://twitter.com/NikkiM1976 Nicole Miodus

    1) as I was reading your blog (which I love) that Andy Williams song was on. I, too, felt boiling rage.
    2) hate the lotion/nail people. Especially hate it when you say “no thank you” and they say “Can I ask you one question?” My response ” you just did”
    3) Children running free/screaming/generally terriorizing innocent passers by is also intolerable. I usually like kiddos too, but not when their parents suck at life.

    Love your blog!

  • http://www.nikkidz.blogspot.com/ nikki

    But I love Tea Leoni… I don't even know what to say from here. Hope you have a better week. I'll sing some xmas carols for ya 😉

  • http://www.theinternalmakeover.com/ kathryn

    Great post! I agree with many of your rants….right down to loving the ambien. (Altho, how do you get by with just a half?)

    Ahem. I believe the “soft touch” is called flirting…?

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Reallly? Well maybe I should move there. They ruuddddeee here. I really try to brighten their day too.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    I haven't seen that episode.. maybe if I had I would give him a pass too.. but as of now? no way.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    YOUR kid is fine. I'm talking about all the others.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    I had to quit taking a whole after I took a naked night swim by myself and woke up next to the pool on a work night. But I ironically just popped a whole for the first time in a few months. We'll see how it goes.

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    wait 4 bucks a toll? Mine is 1.25 twice on the way to work and twice on the way home, so ahh 6 bucks a week!!

  • http://twitter.com/Carissajaded Carissa Jade

    Ohhh those people really piss me off. I can't go thirty minutes after my last meal without thinking about the next one. Those people are the ones that keep bags pretzels and protein bars in their car. Though I have done that too.

  • http://www.theinternalmakeover.com/ kathryn

    Great post! I agree with many of your rants….right down to loving the ambien. (Altho, how do you get by with just a half?)

    Ahem. I believe the “soft touch” is called flirting…?

  • CarissaJaded

    Reallly? Well maybe I should move there. They ruuddddeee here. I really try to brighten their day too.

  • CarissaJaded

    I haven't seen that episode.. maybe if I had I would give him a pass too.. but as of now? no way.

  • CarissaJaded

    YOUR kid is fine. I'm talking about all the others.

  • CarissaJaded

    I had to quit taking a whole after I took a naked night swim by myself and woke up next to the pool on a work night. But I ironically just popped a whole for the first time in a few months. We'll see how it goes.

  • CarissaJaded

    wait 4 bucks a toll? Mine is 1.25 twice on the way to work and twice on the way home, so ahh 6 bucks a week!!

  • CarissaJaded

    Ohhh those people really piss me off. I can't go thirty minutes after my last meal without thinking about the next one. Those people are the ones that keep bags pretzels and protein bars in their car. Though I have done that too.