TMI Thurday: A bloody confession.


As the queen of crass LiLu puts it:
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!

For countless more “Too much information”  hilarity, make sure you check out LiLu’s archives… You won’t be sorry!
If you are family, adult, or don’t want to know personal things about ahem.. “Cari.” please skip on to the next post.

Remember when I told you that little fairy tale about my… uh… friend…uh…” Cari,” and the time that she thought a peen was a piece of feces??

Well luckily for you, I have several more stories about Cari and her misfortunes up my sleeve.

I am not sure if I should actually be sharing this story, as the second leading character is a casual reader of this blog and is still a friend of Cari’s… and she has yet to confess this to him. If you are reading this (you know who you are) then I am going to go ahead and apologize on Cari’s behalf… and I really hope you’re not completely disgusted.

______________________________

Once upon a time there was a girl named Cari, who at one point in time was kinda-sorta-long-distance dating a friend of her’s named… let’s call him Sam.

Cari and Sam were still friends, and this particular weekend Cari was going down to H-town to visit her friends for a fun-times reunion.

The first night when Cari got in town began as every night with Sam began- with a vow not to get so drunk that they would be miserable for the rest of the weekend. A vow that was immediately sealed with a “cheers” and a shot of whiskey. And in their usual fashion, that shot was followed by a MANY more beers, several more shots, some conversation about politics, and a few rounds of shooting each other with a BB gun.

At some point in the night one of them got the bright idea to take half an ambien, stay up, and see what might happen.

The next few hours, as you can imagine, were a blur. Cari remembered watching some online comedy videos and…well, that’s about it.

____________________________

Oh yeah, so I guess I should probably tell you that, literally, the exact same thing that I wrote about in another TMI story happened to Cari on this particular trip down to Houston.

The short version: On the trip down to Houston, “Cari” remembered mid-drive that she had left the same tampon in for way over 12 hours. Fearing toxic shock, she then proceeded on taking it out whilst driving, putting it in a paper bag she found in her car, and promptly forgot about the said tampon, and completely forgetting it ever happened until several weeks later.

___________________________


The following morning Cari and Sam woke up feeling a little foggy headed, but all in all, they felt a lot better than they expected. They decided to continue with their weekend as planned, and head to Galveston for a relaxing day at the beach.  Somewhere along the drive Sam had to stop to fill up on gas and beer, and Cari took the opportunity to go to the restroom. She hadn’t thought about her period since the drive down, and was surprised to see that she had started back up a little. Luckily she had a tampon in her purse, so she quickly fixed the problem, no biggie.

It was a perfect day at the beach and everything went smoothly. After the beach, Sam and Cari checked into a hotel room and got ready to go have a nice dinner. Cari put on a dress and Sam put on a pair of khakis… the same khakis that he had been wearing the night before.

It wasn’t until they were in the car, well on their way to dinner that Cari noticed a peculiar stain above the knee on Sam’s pants.

Cari: Dude, you look really nice… but what’s all over your pants?

Sam: What? Ewww I have no idea!!! What is that??

Cari: I dunno, but it looks disgusting!

And it did. It basically looked like a few smears of  nastiness up down his thigh. Imagine eating cheetos, then wiping your fingers down your legs… only instead of orange, this shiz was brown.

Sam: Did I get into a wrestling match with someone in the front yard or somethin? It kinda looks like blood.

Cari: I have no idea… I don’t remember a single thing after taking the ambien! Maybe you spilled dip on it or something…

At that moment Cari had a random brief flash from the night before… in his bed.. kissing…  maybe?

That really wasn’t the type of relationship that they had…  Cari didn’t want to ask what happened as to create an awkward situation, so she decided to brush those thoughts away and change the subject.

Neither the oogey stain or anything that may have happened the night before was brought up again… until they got back to his house the following day and started to unload their  stuff in his room.

As they were unloading their things, Cari noticed Sam stooped over the bed examining the sheet.

Sam: Look! There it is! The same shit that is all over my pants!

Cari went to see what he was looking at, and sure enough… there were a few brownish splotches on the sheet around the foot of his bed.

It was at that point that Cari had a second flashback from her first night in town.

Yes… there was definitely kissing… And maybe a tiny bit more.

A feeling of dread washed over Cari’s body for the million and tenth time in her life.

For that’s when she knew exactly what those spots on his bed and on his pants were.

And she wasn’t about to admit that to Sam.

Cari: Oh yeah… I’m sure that’s dip. Or you know what? I think we may have spilled a cup that had cigarette butts in it!

Cari then changed the subject, and didn’t bring up the stains for the rest of the trip… or ever.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Until now.

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  4. TMI Thursday: My P-phone and how I lost it
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  • thatkindofgirl

    Oh nooooooo! Girl, I so feel you. Oh man. The only thing more awkward than accidentally bleedin' on a guy's bed is bleedin' on his clothes. Ugh. So feeling your pain, from many, many TMI experiences of my own. (Well, not so many, but more than enough for this girl!)

  • RASMUTANT

    Holy crap! i had a friend, let's call him Bryan, that came home one day and found aborted cat fetuses on his bed from a stray cat that wondered into his house from earlier that day. I imagine it looked pretty similar!

  • http://matthewjenks.blogspot.com/ Matt_J

    Wow. I thought you were going to say that the tampon in the paper bag leaked through the paper and got on his pants.

    Imagine my relief when it was something else!

  • http://jmb1980.blogspot.com/ Jessica

    oh no, that's bad. At least he didn't know what it was!

  • Pingback: TMI Thursday: The “Post Secret” Edition, Vol. IV | Livit, Luvit()

  • CarissaJaded

    yeah… i didn't so much bleed on his clothes, as he wiped it on his clothes.. i dunno if that makes it worse of better…

  • CarissaJaded

    Umm.. “rasmutant” I slept on that cat fetus mattress for about 2 years you know. I think you know it was no where near as disgusting…

  • CarissaJaded

    haha right? No that paper bag stayed in my car for quite a while, so that wasn't an endangerment.

  • CarissaJaded

    At the time! Now, well yeah…

  • http://www.onesteptorecovery.com starzskymoon

    HEHEHEHE!!!! Oh girl, that happened to me with someone, too, only I'm not too ashamed to admin to it because I'm the girl that finds that shit HILARIOUS!!!!

    Actually, I think it's happened about 3 times. You know those moments where you think you're finished with your period and your not? Oh yeah, totally happened between me and my bf just last time actually. And bad thing, he went down on me. The other thing? He rinsed his mouth out about 5 times with mouthwash after this happened, because like I said, I'm not ashamed. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

  • CarissaJaded

    I LOVE IT! You are awesome… I dunno why I didn't say anything.. i've had similar situations occur, where i had no choice in telling them… but this particular time i figured i could get away with not.. plus it was just a little awkward all in all since i didn't remember what happened…

  • http://laughstooeasily.blogspot.com/ Dani

    Dude, that's what you get for not checking out re-worn pants…especially if you have zero clue what went down the first time you wore them. Let that be a lesson to never take for granted the fact that nothing weird happened to your laundry, Sam.

  • http://www.mylittlebecky.com mylittlebecky

    GOO! i hate periods that get on things. super rude and uncool at the same time. periods, pfft.

  • http://www.worstdamnblog.com Josh

    I totally agree with this comment.

    He didn't fucking check his pants before he put them on? Geez. I'm a guy and the rule is that you can only wear pants a 2nd or 3rd time if they have no stains! duh. That is a laundry FAIL.

    And sheets can be changed. Don't feel so bad. haha.

  • shineoutloud

    So, um…no. Nothing like that has EVER happened to me. Ever. No way.

    (And he does, in fact, put the seat down. Like every time.)

  • http://bellyshirts.wordpress.com Kirsten

    hahaha yess

    I love that he read this.

    I've totally done the taking out a tampon in the car trick. Except I just wrapped it in like kleenex or something and shoved it in the back pocket of my seat. Not too classy.

  • Pollypoptart

    Oh yucky yuck!!! That is soooo embarrassing!!!!

    Funny though!

  • http://livitluvit.com/ LiLu

    OH MY GAW. He read this?!? Hahahahaha!!!!!!!

  • CarissaJaded

    For reals… rude! I wanna cut that shiz!

  • CarissaJaded

    You lucky ass bitch! And well… its not as bad months later, but it was pretty embarrassing at the time.

  • CarissaJaded

    sighhhhhh….. yeah… now it's funny!

  • CarissaJaded

    and commented. awesome.

  • http://twitter.com/IDoThings IDoThings

    EWWWWWwwwww! But it happens to all of us, at one time or another.

    Dip? That's a new one.

  • http://www.theinternalmakeover.com/ kathryn

    Um. Ew.

    I'm a girl and I still think that is gross…with a capital “G”. Did “he” ever find out what it really was? Or is he just learning this now???

    Huh.

    Barbecue sauce….? Salsa? A really *old* gravy stain? ANYTHING but THAT.

  • http://whoa-mumma.blogspot.com.au/ Alex

    Oh wow…way to keep a secret. And boys are stoopid. Yeah, its dip ha ha.

  • http://thebacksofmyeyelids.blogspot.com/ PJ

    I'm so very sorry, Cari, but I thought this was pretty darn funny! And, I'm a grown-up too! Clarissa- I have to admit, I'm attracted to your Thursday TMI's like passers-by are attracted to car accidents. Can't. Keep. From. Reading.

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    You know, older women bitch so much about menopause, but I have to say – I'd gladly take hot flashes for a few months in exchange for bleeding out my vagina every month for YEARS. Let's boycott periods.

  • CandiceW

    Bahahahaha. I have a lot of friends who enjoy sex on their period. Better lube or some shiz.

  • http://belleandnel.blogspot.com/ Belle

    Well… at least he is classy?? After all, he wore dirty pants, and didn't even look at them.

  • http://www.evilsfury.blogspot.com/ Sorcerer

    comin across your blog for the first time.
    loved the post.
    going through rest of your blog

  • kimwithak

    I gave you a Thanksgiving award at my blog…http://perfectlycursedlife.com/?p=1143

  • CarissaJaded

    I don't think it really bothered him too much, he's real laid back- I think that is a good thing though!

  • CarissaJaded

    I think its good for us to be able to pick up talents like this. Next I wanna try to pee in my car whilst driving!

  • CarissaJaded

    haha… well he believed it until he read this!

  • CarissaJaded

    Oh no, just found out when he read this. awesome I know…

  • CarissaJaded

    I have friends that say the same thing! Not sure how I feel about that…

  • CarissaJaded

    Thanks for coming by! and thanks! And gonna go visit yours as well!

  • CarissaJaded

    Thanks so much!!

  • http://perfectlycursedlife.com/ Kimwithak

    I gave you a Thanksgiving award at my blog…http://perfectlycursedlife.com/?p=1143

  • CarissaJaded

    I don't think it really bothered him too much, he's real laid back- I think that is a good thing though!

  • CarissaJaded

    I think its good for us to be able to pick up talents like this. Next I wanna try to pee in my car whilst driving!

  • CarissaJaded

    haha… well he believed it until he read this!

  • CarissaJaded

    Oh no, just found out when he read this. awesome I know…

  • CarissaJaded

    I have friends that say the same thing! Not sure how I feel about that…

  • CarissaJaded

    Thanks for coming by! and thanks! And gonna go visit yours as well!

  • CarissaJaded

    Thanks so much!!

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