Nom Nom Numb

Posted by Carissa Jade in TMI, Things that make me go hmmm, Thursday, Uncategorized, ewwww, food and diet on 11 5th, 2009 | Comments
***Alright, folks, you know the rules. Join us all in humiliating the crap out of yourself every Thursday by sharing some completely tasteless, wholly unclassy, “how many readers can I estrange THIS week??” TMI story about your life. Or hell, about someone else’s!
tmi-thursday

Carissajaded here. It saddens me to say that Lilu is on vacation for the next few weeks (that bish.) Luckily, she has planned to continue posting her very special post secret editions of TMI. Check it out! Hint: One of them is mine!! Can you guess which one? Also be sure to check out her TMI archives for hours of TMI enjoyment!

Today is a special guest post  TMIT. As I am still completely mortified by last week’s TMI (in which I allowed my best friend to completely shit on me, or actually in which I shit on her car) another one of my BFFs  (who would like to remain anonymous) has offered to tell a story of her own. She’s a new blogger, and not yet ready to pop her TMI cherry on her own blog, so I invited her to share her story over here today.

I now pass the mic to my friend Megr….


This happened to yours truly yesterday AT LUNCH…..

This cold weather has really been getting me down, and I’ve got to work super late tonight so I thought I would take a nice long, relaxing lunch at my boyfriends house.  This little special break from work happens every month or so and involves me going to his house, cooking us both some food, and then we hop into bed for a bit.  Pretty nice lunch!
I made vegetable tacos, which were quite delish, but I know why you all are still reading so let’s get to the good part, shall we?

After lunch, we got into bed and snuggled under the covers.  A little kissing started, and then things really got moving.  My boyfriend started kissing me down there, and WOW!  It was hot.
I mean really hot….OOOUCH!!!   What is going on?? Why does this feel so….painful??!!

Then I have a sudden and HORRIBLE flashback of cutting up a fresh jalapeno and sprinkling it on my boyfriend’s meal before serving it about 30 minutes prior.  He loves jalapenos.  Vaginas do not.
I start yelling “OOUUUCCCHHH it burns!!! It buurrrns!!!” My boyfriend alarmingly asks, “What’s wrong, what’s wrong?”

To which I respond “My vag is eating a jalapeno!!!!”

We immediately cease all lovey action and take action to calm my en fuego girl parts.  In his attempts to make me laugh and keep the mood light he suggested a milk bath or perhaps sprinkling some bread on it.  The end result involved a cold wash cloth and some  pitiful tears and back rubbing.

Needless to say, I’ll never look at jalapenos the same way again.
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  • LMAO! I've had jalapenos juice in my eye, but never the va jay jay. Omg! How hilarious!

    Now, gosh, I'm trying to guess which one is the secret thinger was yours. From your blog and what I've read, I don't think you're the clown... I'm gonna make a wild stab and say you are the one who wishes your best friend was a lesbian...

    If not, you said guess, so you can't hold it against me if I'm wrong! lol =) My best friend is bi and I'm bi and well, what our hubs don't know don't hurt em none....whoops, I totally just typed that out loud!
  • haha just don't ever mix up your icy hot with your vagisil and you should be fine!!

    Not my secret! But I do have hot friends!
  • Hilarious. As was the beef jerky post you linked to here.

    I can't say this has ever happened to me. But perhaps . . . I would like to try it.
  • haha I don't wish the beef jerky experience on anyone!
  • Capsaicin's a bitch.
  • I don't even know what that is!
  • It's the "active ingredient" in peppers. It's the molecule that gives you the hot, spicy flavoring. And the burning in your vagoo if you have an unfortunate slip of the tongue.
  • CarissaJaded
    ahhhhh I thought it was something like that. I can always count on you to learn me something!
  • Aww, girl I feel your pain (literally). That happened to me once except it was middle eastern hot sauce not jalepenos. Sad thing was, it had been so long I just gritted my teeth and went with it.
  • mmm hot sauce yum.. now what ?

    well I would have probably gone with it too...
  • My vag just retreated up into my stomach in sympathy. Ouch!
  • hahah right!? ive accidentally burned my own with my hand before and it is not fun!
  • "My vag is eating a jalapeno!!!!” HAHAHAH

    I know a woman who cut some peppers and then really had to pee but forgot to wash her hands first.
  • CarissaJaded
    oh yes. That can be really painful. Like the same feeling you have when you get pepper in your eye... only wayyyy worse.
  • Ouuuch... poor vag of yours.
  • CarissaJaded
    haha luckily it wasn't mine... this time.
  • f.B
    I learn something new everyday. Jalapenos = bad for vajayjays. I'm guessing cayenne pepper would be bad, too?
  • CarissaJaded
    Oh i think pretty much anything with spice could be painful. Not an experiment in which I'd be willing to play play guinea pig.
  • Oh my goodness I had never even thought about that! I'm horrified.
  • hahah. The same thing happened to my friend.. he was hooking up with a girl that he had just made a spicy dinner for, for their first date. Of course he didnt wash his hands and began fingering her.. and well she experienced the same sort of feeling and immediately made him stop and then she left. I'm so scared of this happening to me because I think I'd probably die from an angry vagina.
  • PJ
    This is funny in the telling, but I know from a friend of mine (male) who used the restroom after chopping jalepeno that it's not at all funny to experience. You poor baby!
  • Oh, GOD. And now, I'LL never look at jalapenos the same way, either!

    Who knew?!?
  • CarissaJaded
    @jenniferalaine theres a good lesson here. Remember eating one way can effect eating another!

    @Kirsten ooohh that sounds awful. I bet she has since implemented a hand-washing rule!

    @PJ haha I've heard of a few males who have encountered this as well... I bet it only takes one time to learn the lesson!

    @kathryn Jalepenos are the enemy to eyes, stomach, tongue and vajayjay!
  • Glad I'm not alone...that's all I'm sayin
  • ooowww! reminds me of my icy hot sexytime experience... good times :)
  • CandiceW
    OMGGGG. Well, at least you're getting some.
  • Zan
    Aw, you poor thing! I've heard of this happening before, and my golly-gee...I will make sure to have the boy brush his teeth and wash his hands thoroughly after eating anything spicy!
  • Pollypoptart
    Oh good god, this sounds absolutely HORRENDOUS!!!!
  • tobra
    Penises don't like them either. There is an Unspoken rule that if you've ever touched a pepper in the last 24 hours it goes no where downstairs. Ever see that scene in Me, Myself & Irene when Jim Carey is in the bathroom of the hotel "freshening up"? Yeah that's what I had to do and it didn't work!
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