Freak Flag-What?

I’ve read quite a few posts lately about the decision of whether or not to go public with your blogs. In fact, just yesterday, I read a very thought provoking post about blog anonymity from You’ll grow to love me (which I did after the the first post I read, btw.)

Anyway, it really got me to start thinking once again about my own blog, and whether or not I really feel comfortable sharing my thoughts with everyone that I know in “real life.”

Although there are some days that I really wish I had a private blog that I could spill all of my secrets to, I think that I am pretty happy being able to share my most of my secrets to anyone who cares to read.  In fact, it does feel pretty damn good to just put most of that shit out there. I’ve said it before, but sometimes it sucks that I have no idea who knows what about me, but for the most part… you’re eventually gonna find these things out, so I might as well tell you off the bat, right? I have a constant case of word-vom anyway, and within five minutes of being in my company I’m likely to share everything I write here anyways. I can sometimes be a freak, and if you’re gonna judge me- you might as well do it soon.

In fact, sometimes I wish that everyone I knew kept a blog.

It got me thinking about all the people that I have met, that I wished that I could have instantly known everything about them…

For example.

Nearly a year ago,  a friend and I were out for a night of karaoke when I spotted an attractive gentlemen at a booth across the way.

I sat talking to my friend about nonsense, all the while, making crazy eye contact and “bedroom eyes” with said gentleman as he held his own conversation with his own friends (a boy and a girl) at his own booth, that just happened to be in perfect view from my own.

After a while, the “gentleman” (lets call him Corey, because that was his name) came over to my booth and asked if he could sit down.

“Of course,” I said.

We got to talking, and I immediately started really liking this fellow. He was extremely personable and we had a lot in common. (meaning that he too, knew all the words to Meatloaf’s Paradise by the Dashboard Light.)

Eventually, the girl from his booth came over and introduced herself as Jenny. Corey explained that they had been best friends since high school. She seemed nice enough, though a little on the edge- and said that they were about to leave but that my friend and I should accompany them to another karaoke bar nearby. My friend and I didn’t really have anything better to do, (and I practically got on my knees and begged her) so we agreed to go.

We do, and the night starts to turn into a damn romantic comedy. Corey and I sing several songs together, and share  a few kisses at our table not caring that his friends are watching. Eventually, the bar is closing and we reluctantly said our goodbyes.

After we left, Corey and I continue a heated text conversation, and I was down right smitten.

The next morning I woke my friend up and made her listen to all of the details of my late night conversation with Corey, prompting my questions…

“Do you think he’ll call??” “What do you think he meant when he said he doesn’t always know when his free time will come about.” “Did you think that girl was a bit creepy?”

I swear, if I had known his last name, I would have googled that shit.

Corey did call. We talked for a few days, and I thought he seemed like a genuinely nice guy.

Eventually, the conversation came around to my living situation…

Me: “Yeah, I basically live with a bunch of people. Some of them are gay… It’s like a constant party…”

Corey: “Well… my living situation is way more unique than yours…”

Really? Ohholyshitthisisfuckingsarcasticallyawesome.

I prepared myself for him to tell me that he lived with his parents, both sets of grandparents and his 12 cats.


Corey: “Yeah… I live with my wife and our child…”


Corey: “Soooo… I probably should have told you earlier… you actually met my wife. She was the girl…. at the bar with me… I guess we’re in what you would call…  an open relationship .. BUT I reallllly like you. And she did to… and I wanna hang out!!!”

Me:  “You’re wife… being the girl who pulled you away from me as we were leaving the bar???”

Fucking swingers.

If that’s you’re style, more power to you…  I’m not one to judge. But I quickly came to the conclusion that I don’t want to date a guy whose wife witnessed our first kiss.

I never saw him again, but I totally talked to the dude a few more times. Not because I still wanted something to happen, but because I had a million questions about their life style and how it worked. I’m curious! What can I say? (I eventually told this story on the radio while he was listening which swiftly ended our interview-like relationship.)

If he would have had an open blog, I’m sure I could have found out all the answers by myself without wasting several weeks of his (and my own) time, and could have simply read about all the details on my own.

And this is why I have come to the conclusion that keeping an open blog is a good thing, and everyone else should too.

So if you have a freak-flag, wear it proudly… some people may be into that shiz.

And also, if you are a swinger/have more than 1 spouse/have 18 children/are a midget/have decided to change you skin color (I’m talking to you Sammy Sosa)/have appeared on the reality show “Obsessed” or in one of the more interesting episodes of “Intervention”/are in a cult/ have 2 sets of genitals/have an addiction to something outlandish… you should definitely start a blog and send me the link, pronto. I want to read all about your sordid lives.

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  • Josh

    FIRST!!!1111!!!1 LULZ!!!11

    OK. I got that out.

    Yeah, I agree with you there. Being a former Pastor, I think my blog at this point would be considered scandalous. Not much for the things happening in my life, but how I write them. Swingers? With kids?! WTF. I've known Swingers w/o kids, but with kids is just a little too creepy. There comes a time in your life where you have other respons….OK I'm not going to go off on a rant. If you want to fuck other people, do you really have to do it with your spouse watching? I guess I have a lot to learn. Some people are turned on by that, – I think it's gross. LOL.

    Glad you're back to the “grind” and I'm trying to figure out what to write – being that I haven't post since Saturday. You've got me beaten.

  • Jakerz

    LIES, you did see him again at Denny's b-day party…at the SAME bar you mugged down with him in front of his creepy wife! Speaking of creepy wife, I believe another one of our friends made out with her!!!

    In FACT, they came to our house and in which I very drunkenly put on a dress and high heels and told them to leave! FML!

  • badassgeek

    My wife has some friends that are swingers. We visited their home once before we knew this, and I thought it was strange that this chick was being really, REALLY overly friendly to me, being really subservient.

    Now I know.

  • Matt_J

    Damn, that was some cold, hard, kickin' right in Sammy's balls there.

    Anyway, yeah, that's creepy. I admit that sometimes, my eye wanders and takes my fantasies along for a ride, but I don't think I'd be all hitting on someone like that with my wife sitting next to me!!!


    Some people in my life, I've tried to show them the blog, and they just kind of shrug. However, my wife has said that, if I change the URL of the blog to NOT have my name in it, I can tell any story I want. And, I'm SO effing tempted to do it.

  • brad

    the swinger talk must happen before making out. rule.

    but yeah: freak-flags were made to be flown. it only gets creepier if someone pretends like they don't have one when they so obviously do.

  • thatkindofgirl

    I definitely agree that having an open blog can be useful — although there is, of course, the question of whether you're okay with your employers (or prospective employers) reading about yo' crazy bar nights and married-dude hook-ups.

    My ex and I actually met through my blog. We lived in the same freshman dorm in college and had a mutual friend; he was facebook hopping and found my blog link, read it, and quoted it on his own blog. I found it while googling myself and read his archives. So when we first actually met, we had this whole awkward situation of already having reading several years' worth of each other's thoughts before we even said hello.

    It was interesting. And obviously it worked out pretty well (four very happy years! we're still great friends!) but it might not be for everyone.

    Now that I'm dating again, I'm very nervous about guys reading my blog, only because I don't want them to think they know everything about me before we've gotten a chance to get to know each other organically. Although I'd be more okay with blogging openly if the guy also had a blog for me to stalk. As long as we're stalking equally, no big deal — I just don't want to be trussed up on a platter for a guy while he remains a man of mystery!

    Also, as though this comment weren't already like seventeen pages long, can I bitch for just a second about the fundamental UNFAIRNESS of one's exes being less google stalkable than oneself? I met up with my GREAT LOST LOVE a few weeks ago, and after five years of silence I knew basically nothing about his life; meanwhile when he was talking to me, he was all “on the twelfth page of your google results” this and “in re: your panic attack of eight months ago” that. So unfair!

  • Dani

    I very much agree about the benefits of having an open blog. Not only for having other people be able to learn about my weirdness (and there's tons of it) off the bat, but also for social confidence. If I'm nervous about how someone might take what I'm about to say, I can just remind myself that I told the entire internet that the devil was my childhood hero (well, sorta…i mean, you kinda have to read the whole thing). How can whatever I'm about to say be that awful?

  • clevelandpoet

    I like to point and yell “freak flag” at my friends when they admit something or do something strange. It is quite fun. Be proud of all the freakiness that is you!

  • Jay

    Blogs, much like your boy toy's marriage, should always be open in my opinion.

  • kirsten53

    oh my gosh that is so freaking weird. I totally thought he was going to live with his grandma or something (my friend is dating a lawyer like that) but wtf swingers? so weird.

    Yeah I have an open blog too and think its a good thing. I figure the people who think I'm lame and not funny I probably shouldnt be friends with anyway and all that. I wish everyone had a blog though (especially potential people to date) it would make things so much easier.

  • bing

    Wow, that is so awkward and random. Some people are just strange, and they were totally trying to rope you into their weirdness!

  • Sherri

    This post was so true. Everyone should have blogs. In fact, it should be made into a game show where you guess which dysfunctional, weird, crazy person matches which blog. But, what was the most interesting thing about this post is that you are obsessed [or at least, very curious] by many of the same things I am! But, I'd add to your list: Polygamists, serial killers and the Amish.

    I honestly feel we're related. At least, mentally.

  • facebook-1620191204

    Wow! I try to keep my blog open…but you gave me a good topic now.

  • IDoThings

    Wow! Swinging still goes on? That's cool. For some.

    I just close my eyes and try not to think about my aunt or my mom's friends reading my blog. I will pretty much share anything I'd talk to a casual friend about; anything too personal to talk about will not appear on my blog.

    But then I've never made out with a married man . . . that I know of!

  • CandiceW

    That's the second time I heard the word “freak flag” this week, and I love it.

    Hahaha, crappy story though. I recently read an interesting blog post about a swinging couple, and while I admire their openness and respect for each other, there's no way I could ever, ever deal with that sort of relationship.

  • Eric Peterson

    What up!!!!! Shuler told me about your blog page… and I said wtf is a blog page. Well now I know! I hope your doing well… Haven't seen you in forever. Molly's having our baby within a week or so… I'm pretty sure it's mine but the test results remain inconclusive. JK. See ya around.

  • Carissa Jade

    Yeah.. that was on point that I made sure to ask him about. He said that since the kid was so young, they really hadn't had to address it yet, but they would probably be honest about it. I dunno, but that is def. not a talk I want to have with my parents.

  • Carissa Jade

    Oh yeah. For some reason I completely blanked that out. This whole thing was just so weird. So your saying that you might have been the one to make him go away? (with your dress) HIGH FIVE!

  • Carissa Jade

    Yeahhhhh… that's always a little creepy…

  • Jakerz

    Well…umm…actually it was YOUR dress and our other roomies ohh so grandma-ish not so high heels!

  • Carissa Jade

    DO IT! I can't imagine your blog being any more uncensored than it already is, and I really want to!

  • Carissa Jade

    Yeah.. I'm running the next time I hear “I probably should have told you this earlier…”

  • Carissa Jade

    I definitely see the downfall of the chance that I am found by an employer… I just try not to think about that…

    I've had people whom I haven't met tell me that they have read my blog through a recommendation of a mutual friend. I agree that's awkward. There are some stories that I tell so much better in person.

    I sometimes think though that blogging is not so much worse than all of the other social networking we have going on these days. Sometimes people will tell me things, and I'm like “oh yeah you already told me that..” or you emailed me? maybe i saw it on twitter? Or facebook? do you have a blog that I read?

    I'm assuming that this ex is “the ex.” That is really cool that you met someone through a blog. I was wandering if you had blogged much before NTKOG…But yeah I think Im finding out that dating can be a little frustrating with everything out there… I think it should def have to go both ways…

    That is unfair!! I'm scared of what people can find out about me on google. I used to do it to see if you could get here… but I'm too scared now!

  • Carissa Jade

    I'm right with you about the personal confidence thing. Sometimes i use this place as a test to see what I should or shouldn't tell people. I'm not sure this is a good idea.

  • Carissa Jade

    I wear mine proudly!

  • Carissa Jade

    haha love it. I really should have made that conclusion myself.An unrealized metaphor…

  • Carissa Jade

    A lawyer who lives with his grandma? I hope he's still in school or takes care of her or something…

    I like it some days… some days I don't…
    mostly I like it.

    But I totally agree with you about people liking my blog=liking me…

  • Carissa Jade

    yeahhh…. so not cool, not cool…

  • Carissa Jade

    Sherri, I'm pretty sure if we dug around in our family trees we'd find a link somewhere.

    I love your game show idea. I'm pretty sure I could guess the types of blogs my friends would keep.

    And nope.. we are even still even more a like… I have read way too many serial killer related books, (and watched poorly made movies), I love big love?, and ummm I used to want to be amish. really bad. Then I did some research.

  • Carissa Jade

    I'm glad you wrote that! made me feel a little better about this particular experience for sure!

  • Carissa Jade

    That you know of… are the key words here…

  • Carissa Jade

    a blog post or an entire blog about swingers? Link please :)

    And neither could I. I think there has got to be some underlying issues… but who knows I could be wrong!

  • Carissa Jade

    Hey man! Well thanks for stopping by and come back and visit anytime… I know we all need to happy hour it one of these days…

    Congrats on the baby! I think he told me that! I must see pictures!!

  • Josh

    Dad: Billy, yes, uh…we have to talk.
    Billy: Yes, Dad? What do we have to talk about?
    Dad: Well, your mother and I…well….we love each other very much, but…we also like other people too.
    Billy: Huh? Mom?
    Mom: What your father is trying to say, Billy, is that, your father and I, are swingers?
    Billy: Cool! I like Swings!
    Dad: No, son – not those kind of swings…
    Mom: Your father and I like to fuck other people.
    Billy: ……
    Dad: Yes, I know it's hard to swallow.
    Mom: I think you should re-think your last statement there…
    Dad: Well, this is the first time we've had to do this, and it can be a little painful…
    Mom: Seriously…
    Dad: What?
    Mom: /facepalm
    Billy: ….

  • Josh


    Your blog is awesome. I salute you.

  • Belle

    Wow! Ballsy. Gotta admire that, anyway. His blog would be sooooo interesting though.
    Oh and by the way, I'm in a midget who has changed my skin color and have 23 children with 7 husbands. Oh and I like to do crack. My blog is

  • kathryn

    Oh. My. God.


    I TOTALLY did NOT see that coming. I'd guessed he was bi…and he couldn't have TOLD you who the chick was from the start? He totally knew it would be a bit of a downer on the first date.

    “Best friend since high school” my ass.

  • Walter

    I'm not going the judge the gentleman you've chanced upon but I'm very curious about this “open relationship” principle. I wonder how it came to be?

    This world is full of mystery. You have an interesting experience. :-)

  • CarissaJaded

    I want him to write a blog… right now. and hahahhahaha to you. but seriously. If someone is reading this and hasn't read Belle and Nel's blog. DOOOO ITTTT!!!!

  • CarissaJaded

    Yeah… I'm a little worried that he is reading this… but he did it to himself?? Is that fair? I already blew his cover on the radio… this should be nothing.

  • CarissaJaded

    I think it had to come to be from being unhappy in a relationship. Like I said before, I could be completely wrong… but I just can't imagine another scenario. He said that they were happy and content and were fine with seeing other people… but I can't fathom that!

  • Andhari Sidharta

    OMG that's crazy.

    I would have definitely been shocked. Big time. To each its own, but I'm really not into swingers.

  • PJ

    This is the most uniquely entertaining blog post I've read all week! I'm learning that you are dependable!!!

  • Mwa

    I have tried to out myself to a few people but I'm so clumsy about it, I've only managed once.

  • Mwa

    I have tried to out myself to a few people but I'm so clumsy about it, I've only managed once.