A little bit of this, in 1D

I haven’t been around much these last few days, and I’m gonna go ahead and offer up an upfront apology for the fact that I am not likely to be around as much as I would like until after the Thanksgiving holiday. Like a lot of you, I have a whirlwind of a week ahead of me, full of  family, parties and house guests…  and in my usual fashion I’m sure to have at least a few unseen adventures coming my way.

I’m afraid my attitude today is a little somber. I’ve had a really tough week, but I’m really trying to stay cheerful so bear with me if I’m not my usual chipper yet resentful self!

I’d like to start on a positive note though. Last Thursday night I went with my friend Moops to go see Pete Yorn which was a blast,  at least from what I can remember. I love Pete Yorn. I love his music, but mostly I really love his hair. I literally had to talk my self out of jumping on stage and running my fingers through it.


We started out at the Monk, where we drank quite a few cocktails as quickly as possible  to avoid the 15 dollar cocktails at the venue, which we ended up drinking anyway. Things got a little fuzzy about half way through the concert, and I remember even less after the show… so I’m going to go ahead and offer yet another “I’m sorry” (this post is chock-full of them) to anyone who was forced to witness my behavior… though I hear I was quite entertaining. I drink for a reason people… and it’s not to make myself laugh. Or maybe it is just a little.

The next morning I had to get up early and head to Waco to see my grandaddy in the ICU, which is probably my least favorite excuse I’ve ever had to truthfully use to get out of work. My grandad is my hero, and has more heart than anyone I have met in my lifetime. I could go on forever but I’ll save that for another post.

I was in a pretty shitty mood, as you can imagine… and I shouldn’t have been shocked when I woke to find out that it was pouring rain. There is nothing that I despise more than having to drive on the highway during the pouring rain. I don’t even like driving on the highway when it’s not raining. I went my first three years of college without ever getting onto a highway. I literally drove on access roads everywhere I went, which is reason #2146 that my friends refuse to get in the car with me.

As soon as I got on the road I noticed that something wasn’t right. Something other than the fact that my car dies anytime I’m in idle for more than 30 seconds. Even the most daft people are aware that roads “May Be Slippery When Wet,” but I’m telling you people, my car was out of control. I spent the first hour going 30 mph on I35, which is never a great idea. I had to keep both hands on the wheel and every time I hit the slightest bump on the road, my car started hydroplaning. I couldn’t decide whether I was just being paranoid that something was wrong with my tires, or if there actually was a problem for once, but I finally decided to pull over. Luckily, the first shop on the exit that I pulled off on was a tiny little tire shop. Of course no one there spoke English.  Luckily, I’ve taken about 10 years of Spanish and was able to eventually convey that I had a problem by using phrases such as “Mi coche es no bueno!! Mi muerte diez tiempos en la calle de la tires esta slippingo everywhereo!! AYUDARME!!!!!!!!!”

Turns out I had 3 completely bald tires, and was forced to purchase 3 new/used ones for twenty bucks a piece. I’m not sure of their quality, but they eventually got me home!

The rest of my trip was pretty uneventful and mostly consisted of sitting in an ICU waiting room, but since I’m already on a role here with a boring-ass post, I’ll share a little of the more exciting details.

*I spent about 30 minutes walking around the hospital looking for a water fountain. I’m really glad now that I didn’t find one. I realized after seeing about 20 people who were surely victims of the aporkalypse, that there are no water fountains in the hospital for a reason. Yeah I’m that bright.

halloween 099
Satan on two sticks

*My mom got a cockatoo. I have decided that the cockatoo is spawn from the devil himself. I have never met such a needy animal. If you don’t stand in front of it and pet it’s stomach it makes a sound that can only be designed to make people shoot themselves in the face. The only thing I can compare that sound to is that of my roommate Jake when he is trying to “break” me. Unfortunately flashing my lady bits at the bird is not near as effective as a weapon on the bird as it is on my gay roommate. I debated whether to spend the entire duration at my house playing “shadow” with the bird (which consists of me saying “Hello,” the bird saying “Hello,” Me saying “hello,” The bird saying “hello,” ) or hiring an avian hit-man.

*I learned there are certain movies that you definitely shouldn’t watch with your father, no matter how cool they may be. Specifically, I learned that I will never again watch the movie “Bruno” with my father, as it is extremely uncomfortable to sit on the couch next to your father while watching a penis dance and then speak.

*Finally saw the “Where the Wild Things Are”… Not my favorite movie of all time, but ya gotta love Spike Jonez for the effort. It was entertaining and I loved the message. The score was amazing. I found myself smiling throughout the entire film, but I doubt I would have liked it much as a child. The “Wild Things” kind of reminded me of those creatures at Chucky Cheese, and those things really used to freak me out.

*My dog Princess Stella Rosita Devito Tootsie Bertha Brown Jr. has been staying with my dad out at the family farm. She has found a new favorite pastime of rolling around in Cow manure. Even after I gave her a bath she smelled like, well shit, but I cuddled on her anyway because she’s just so freaking cute.

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Stella is not very photogenic, but yes, she is in direct relation to Danny Devito.

*I also watched Food Inc. I guess I’m going to have to stop eating food now.

*I came home last night to find my roommates giving our house a Griswold family makeover. I’m a little nervous about the electricity bill, but I frickin love it. Why decorate your house if you’re not going to be obnoxious about it? Pictures to come.

*My grandad is doing much better and finally got out of the ICU. He’s still a little weak so please keep him in your thoughts!

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  • beckeye

    Sorry to hear about your shitty week, but…Pete Yorn! I loves me some Pete Yorn. I've never seen him live. :(

  • http://jmb1980.blogspot.com/ Jessica

    I hope this coming week goes a little better for you. I agree with you on the bird, it's a little freaky!

  • http://www.blogsareforlosers.com Sherri

    *I love your dogger.
    *I am petrified of birds. One that squawks and talks would do me in.
    *A million good vibes to your g-pa.
    *Love Pete Yorn and his hair.
    *When my nephew was potty training, he would scream “Ayudame!” (help me) which he picked up from watching Dora The Explorer. I am the only relative that took Spanish and new what it meant. You and my nephew should hang out.

  • http://megsrantsandramblings.blogspot.com/ meg

    -sorry to hear about your grandfather, but I'm glad he is getting better
    -pet birds scare the crap out of me. My grandma used to have a budgie that she would let fly around, and it would eat off your dinner plate. So much of my childhood was spent diving under tables avoiding that bird.
    -that is the best dog name ever, and she is adorable!!

  • thatkindofgirl

    I learned the “certain movies aren't to be watched with dad” lesson once when he and I both had insomnia and he decided to put on some strange European art film that turned out to be about a dude raping the corpse of his ex-girlfriend after encouraging her to commit suicide. The weirdest part? He had seen the movie before and yet still recommended it. Weeeeeird.

    So sorry to hear that your week hasn't been the greatest, but I'm sending you my best, brightest good energy vibes, and sending some over to your grandfather as well.

  • http://www.onesteptorecovery.com starzskymoon

    I hope this week is better for you my dear!!!!!

  • http://www.onesteptorecovery.com starzskymoon

    My parents were weird sometimes. They wouldn't allow me to watch Ace Ventura with them when I was 12 because it had a sex scene in it. What? Like my mom and I hadn't already had that talk! And honestly, I knew all about sex by the time I was 9. I mean, I got an in-school suspension for telling some boy he wanted to screw a high school girl (I went to a cheesy strict Christian school!). STTUUUUPPPIDDDDD!!

  • http://watchoutworldimatwentysomething.blogspot.com/ JustMe

    I can't watch anything with my parents.

  • http://bellyshirts.wordpress.com Kirsten

    -I'm glad to hear your Granddad is doing better! I'm definitely keeping him in my thoughts.
    -Your dog is so freaking cute.
    -You watched Bruno with your dad?? The penis stuff was so creepy/funny. But I think I'd die if I had to watch it with my dad
    -And yes please put xmas decoration pictures up.

    That is all!

  • http://mwaonline.blogspot.com/ Mwa

    I hope you feel better soon!

  • CarissaJaded

    You need to see him! It was a great show!

  • CarissaJaded

    Thank you!! Yeah… birds kinda scare the shiz out of me… I've always had them growing up, but nothing this big and nothing with this much potential to bite my ear off.

  • CarissaJaded

    Stella is the bombdiggity!Thanks for the good vibes! Maybe your nephew could teach me a few things. The sad thing is that I actually did have years of Spanish, but I just don't remember anything. Oh, also? My mom is a Spanish teacher. Oops.

  • CarissaJaded

    Thank you for the nice thoughts!! I'm glad I'm not the only one terrified of birds! I couldn't decide on one name, so I just stuck em' all on there!

  • CarissaJaded

    hahaha that sounds like a pretty uncomfortable movie watching experience!! Bruno probably wasn't as bad as watching “Teeth” with my dad.. the movie where this girl's vagina starts killing people…

    Thanks so much!

  • CarissaJaded

    Your parents didn't let you watch Ace Ventura? Mine probably let me watch wayyyyy too much. She does kind of look like Chloe!! (I saw on your fb page!) What kind of dog is chloe?

  • CarissaJaded

    I would RATHER not watch anything with my parents…

  • CarissaJaded

    Thanks so much!!
    I know!!
    Um yeah… When the peen started dancing I almost died…
    They arent finished decorating yet… but I def. will as soon as it is finished!

  • CarissaJaded

    thanks you!

  • http://www.theinternalmakeover.com/ kathryn

    Wow…you've had quite a hectic couple of days! I hope Grand dad continues to improve…that Cockatoo sounds like hell (glad you don't have to live with it) and
    glad you changed those bald tires!

    bald tires=BAD!

  • http://belleandnel.blogspot.com/ Belle

    A) I totally understood “slippingo everywhero”… does this mean I'm fluent in Spanish?! B) No one should ever watch Food Inc. because ignorance is bliss. and C) Good luck to gramps! Sorry it's been a tough week.

  • CandiceW

    Damn, here's to a better week for sure. Hope everything looks up, and enjoy your time with the family. Also, the dog caption? I LOLed

  • http://www.laurenpiper.com/blog Lauren

    I am glad your granddad is doing better, last holiday both my grandparents were in the ICU, not a fun experience. Oh and just to let you know all birds are of the devil, so your moms isn't just a rare coincidence they are all like that!

  • CarissaJaded

    Thanks! The cockatoo is hell!! I COULDN”T live with it…. I couldn't believe I let those tires go so long! I'm an idiot!

  • CarissaJaded

    1.Yeah! You are definitely at least at my level in de espaniol. 2. I wish someone would have told me that before. 3. thanks so much!

  • CarissaJaded

    It is not, and I'm sorry you had a bad holiday last year!

    I was thinking they were all pretty evil….

  • http://thebacksofmyeyelids.blogspot.com/ PJ

    Carissa, Pete Yorn looks like he has nice everything…that being the case, were I not happily married, I would aim to run my fingers through, well, all of it!

    A prayer went up for your Granddad this morning. I know, first hand, what treasures the fabulous older men are. I'm very glad he's doing better.

    You left me with a lingering question, “If not to make yourself laugh, then why?”

  • http://www.onesteptorecovery.com starzskymoon

    They let me watch it, I just had to leave the room when the sex scene came on. Hahahaha. And my Chloe is a mutt-a Plott hound mix!

  • http://mommywantsvodka.com/ Aunt Becky

    I am totally watching Bruno with my SUPER conservative in-laws. Doesn't that sound like a plan? Like maybe on Christmas or something.

  • http://mommywantsvodka.com/ Aunt Becky

    I am totally watching Bruno with my SUPER conservative in-laws. Doesn't that sound like a plan? Like maybe on Christmas or something.